Bonjour Mademoiselle...?

Written by Teuklicious

Reviewed by TheUnicorn

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Title: 1/5

Unfortunately, I gave you a low score because of two things.

#1 - It's in French. After reading the first few chapters of the story, I was waiting for something related to France to pop up and saw nothing. 

#2 - Wrong punctuation. You don't need the elipse in there. (...)

The only reason why I gave you a 1, was because 'Bonjour Mademoiselle' translated into English means 'Hello Miss' and it fits in with your story slightly well.

Description: 5/10

I gave you points for explaining Kyuhyun's life rather well. However, the story seemed to revolve around Leeteuk at first and how Kyuhyun really wanted to win her *erhem his* heart. I don't know why you didn't put a bit more information about Leeteuk, as he plays a rather important role in the story. Also, I marked you down for a few missing words. Lastly, the main problem was that it just didn't pull you in. I asked my sister about it and she agreed. Maybe, instead of writing about Kyuhyun's work life, try give little hints about the drama of the story, because readers love drama!

Oh, good work with the character bios. Written well.

Plot: 20/30

I have seen quite a few fanfics that have written about boys dressing up as girls or vice versa. But then again, there are thousands of fanfics on AFF so having originality is going to be quite difficult, so I'll just mark you on how you wrote it. 

The way how you wrote it was rather amusing and humorous. I laughed in the first few chapters at the relationship between Kyuhyun and his Noona. Great work. But you seemed to drag it out quite a bit at times, so work on giving your sentences life and LOVE. Lots of LOVE! 

Okay, these are the reasons why I marked you down. First of all, it was because it wasn't original (but don't beat yourself up about it, because it's hard trying to be original on a website that has thousands of fics), also because it seemed to be slightly rushed at the beginning and also because the characters seemed a bit too rushed. 

Flow: 8/10

The beginning was a bit rushed and all with how the characters just seemed to barge into Kyuhyun's life, but from there, it goes at a reasonable pace and it helps the readers keep in track. 

Characterization: 12/15

Their personalities seemed rather straightforwards at first. Kyuhyun - arrogant, yet rather desperate and easily angered. Sungmin - cute and childish, yet manipulative. Leeteuk - shy. Well, those were my first impressions. As the story progresses, Leeteuk gets more bolder and Kyuhyun starts to warm up to Sungmin, so that's great! 

The only reason why I marked you down in because in the 3rd chapter, Kyuhyun remembers his past with Sungmin and how he bullied him. Then at the end, Kyuhyun feels immediately guilty. You imposed in that chapter that Changmin and Sungmin seemed to bully people quite a lot. A bully wouldn't be guilty about bullying people after doing it numerous times. Also, the way how they teased Sungmin was not how bullies would bully in high school. It seemed like something more suited for elementary.

Grammer and Spelling: 10/20

You spelt rather well and you stayed in tense! Yay! But you needed punctuation at some times, missed out words and didn't use capitals for some of the character's names. 

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

At times I enjoyed it to the core and at other times, I felt it was being dragged out.

Overall Score: 61/100

Reviewer Comment: I really liked reading the beginning of the story, despite it being rushed. It was really funny. So keep up the humor. I also read a bit at the latest chapter and was surprised. Leeteuk seems to have a more important role in Kyuhyun's life than I thought.