Being kind and nice. 

That is my specialty. I can hardly be bad and it's hard for me to do so. People around me keep telling me stop being too nice. Even my sister is really disapprove of me being too nice. 

"You are too nice. You are the only person I know that would give everything, all of you to help all you can and not asking anything back. The people that you help are the very same people who had said bad things about you, me and our family. How are you still so kind and not see all that as a way to get revenge and not helping them? I am not like you and can never be like you. You live your life way too positive. I do like it but I really hate it at the same time. They treat you like that. You offer to help without asking anything and yet, they treat you, us, like that. Please hunny bunny. Stop being too nice. At the end of the day, no one is that nice except you. Hunny bunny, I love you, pity you and wanted only the best for you." 

That is what my sister said once. Because I decide to help someone who had said bad things to me and my family. I still help. My older sister called me hunny bunny at times like this. Most people would smile and shy with the nickname, but I wanted to cry whenever she called me that. Because I know, that means she really care about me and love me so much. She didn't want anyone to hurt me. 

I always said that she is my other half. Without her, I feel lost. She always encourage me to stop being too nice because she said I was hurting because of it. 

It's not only my sister who said that. Most people around me. My friends, my parents, my uncles, my aunts and simply everyone that I have a link with. Even my past co-worker said the same thing. I never acknowledge it and said that they're just praising me. And I would say things like I just wanted to do a lot of good thing and being nice is one of them. Seems like everyone didn't like it. Because those people took advantage of my kindness they said. I see it. I knew it but I still decide to help because I don't have the heart to reject them. 

I told these to my doctors, and they keep silent for a really long time. 

"If that makes you happy, you can keep doing it. But you're hurting from it, right? You see, happiness is a choice but the happiness isn't only one. Look around you, child. You've a lot more happiness going around and being kind is one of them. It's just that you chose that as the one. If it's hurting you, don't pick it, don't look at it and don't come close to it. It will only hurt you." 

Am I really too nice? When I am not even a good person? I just wanted to do good things before I die.