Like the title, I'm experiencing PTSD. 

Today, I was at work from 7AM till 10PM. It usually 7-11 but I decide to get off work early tonight. It had always been like that, everyday. I talked before in one of my blog that I'm experiencing PTSD caused by what I experienced when I was a kid. 

And tonight, something happen and it trigger me. With the amount of stress I'm having lately, surprisingly I hold on to it well. Tonight, I explode. I was just arrived from work, and I was triggered by something. I stayed in the bathroom, sitting under the shower for half an hour. Almost an hour. 

I uncontrolably cried. Sobbing and weeping. 

And my mom heard that. For the first time ever, I told her I am stressed and nothing ever goes well since I was a kid. I punched the tiled floor, leaving my pinky with a bruise. Slapped myself few times and I got a little scar on my cheeks, after I scratched them with my nail. 

I stayed under the water, sobbing. I don't care anymore. I just wanna let out everything. I want to pity myself. I want to comfort myself because I know, no one does that for me. 

I want to hurt myself, real bad so I can't feel the pain I'm feeling inside. 

I wanted to at least let few people knows about my condition. At least here, no one would judge me.🌻