I'm just thinking about this logically. Last year I started to cut, and now half my thigh are fulll af with brown and red streaks. Just at the end of 2017 I was being suicidal. Well, still is, but not now... it's a weird thing. So, i predicted, one year from now, i might have lose it.

Before i snap, i might've been you-know-what, I'm not using the d word, das too... i dunno, angsty? lol. Cuz I've been really weird lately, i saw myself in the mirror and didn't recognize the face staring back at me, and i talk to myself too. One day the me inside the mirror made me promise to kill myself before everyone gets to hate me, before my image falls apart, you know... that kinds of ....

I got things ready, like THE PLAN™ (issa suicide plan) and the gooodbye letters, which surpringly I was trying to be funny in it, lol. Honestly, I know I'll go crazy. Have been predicting it from a few years ago, that one day I'll lose it, it was all as a price for the better me. Lesson learned kids, forcing yourself down for other people cost you your mental health lol, and i know that, though i have many friends, I'm falling apart. Can't pretend things all right anymore, I'm 'leaking', and I refuse to live where my image is ruined beyond repair. 

Never thought I'll end up in a suicide but, hey I'm living and trying to be the best person for everyone before I could go.

This been a nice life, been in a good position in a human society, been liked by lotsa people, been cared by so many too. Have been crushing and be someone's crush. Been livin that live, up and down, been watching good movies, eatin good food, been to good places.

AND NO YALL THIS AINT A GOOD BYE LETTER LOL. Guess I just wanna put out there about my condition, since i know there are people that will try to find me and do care, even tho i have a hard time believing that, but one of my friends told me to remember that. Gotta say sorry ahead of time tho, that yall might get a spray of my negativity along the way to next year lol sorry :"D

SO the point is, Just want yall to knoww, if I'm gone one year from now, yall know what might have happened. But until that day, I'm allllll hereeee readyyy to have a GOOD FUKKEN TIME, write angsty thirsty ficss and hoe over my stans and hot daddies.