The most HATEFUL time of the year.

Really fukking hate this date in particular of my life man, the only time when this date doesn't is when my head is poppin out of my mom's .

 

I'm 21 today and it felt like a night-ing-mare.

 

I KNOOOW birthdays are supposed to be about celebrating your birth to the world and your life LALALALALLALA omg yeah you're born once you can only be born once let's move ing on. It's downhill from there. The presents must've been nice and all but I really don't get why ya have to tho, but well whatever as long as I get free stuff, doesn't make me less hate the day.

 

The terror of a year passed, I muthafukken survived another year, to wait for another repeat. Yo, life's fukken meta. Don't yall feel that time goes by so quickly? How the it's already 2018 when 2017 only felt like yesterday.

 

Time is precious yall, time is like legit priceless, like it's forced on you and you spend that mothafukken time and we all wastin it like running water. We all quickly dyin, at the same time it felt kinda slow. Like YO, my life has been getting a bit disrupted when i was in mid teen ish it already felt like ages ago. We all be ded approximately at 80-ish years old, and tho in 20's means we already a quarter way into life and it didn't feel that long right? hooooo gurl u wrong.

I didn't even feel or REMEMBER my life before 10, even until mid teens, and I already borderline exhausted and horrified at how much of the days I've gone through where I actually LIVED them. BUT NOW from here on out as an adult, no more those vague childhood memories, we all fully awake now with out mature-ish brain and I got a fullllll on 20 more years ahead, and it's horrifying.

meaning when i thought my life goes by fast, it's actually gonna feel alot longer. The harsh 15 to my 20's is gonna be felt again for a long long long long long time... but hey, we all will never know how long we live right? Time felt like it passed by in a speed of light, and i look back to the things i've done and felt and just all the wreck i've gon through and most i already forgot. I look down to my scars and they reminds me the things i've been through. I have another year waiting for me, and it looms like a menace, suddenly time felt slow when i think like that. "Another year of that." We all slowly dyin.

 

I survive a year, and like everyday I'm gonna survive another fukken year. 365 days in the future, today is going to feel like yesterday. My goldfish fukkken memory will vaguely remember the horrifying days to come, but i'll pull through, until I can't I'll pull through. cuz i can't do any other than that.

 

 

(I dunno what I just write, don't take too much at heart about this, I'm saying all those things to myself lol)

 

 

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