To our precious Kim Jong Hyun:

I remember it so vividly. Life had been rough for a moment, but at that moment, I was able to breathe just a little. Laying in bed, watching something that was supposed to make me smile and being able to smile during a moment in which I should have been sleeping, it was slightly pleasant to not have to worry about exams the coming days. It was 6:00 AM and I had just gotten done with an episode when I refreshed my Facebook page. There was breaking news, and I couldn't grasp onto what the title said. I was in shock, my heart was shattering, but my brain didn't want to accept it. I kept telling myself it wasn't true. My heart went numb, and I shut down my laptop. I just needed so, I thought. I fell asleep with tears b my eyes. 

I woke up, such a restless sleep. It hit me, what I saw yesterday. I reached for my phone, and I opened up what I didn't want to. I saw it again, this time, it wasn't just the news, it was people mourning the news as well. Tears came rolling, but all I could tell myself was that it wasn't true. My heart was in so much pain. The news title didn't look right. "Dead", "Passed Away", "Committed Suicide", none of them looked right next to your name, and so it was even hard to grasp onto. I didn't want to believe it. I cried, but I couldn't cry well. I couldn't cry till I couldn't breathe, but seeing that you were sent off with the people you love, with the people that loves you by your side, I could finally believe it. I could finally admit that it's true. You're gone now. I could finally cry then, and I cried as if there wasn't a tomorrow. Maybe it was because you knew that if we knew you left, we would be hurting. Maybe it was hard to cry because I knew you wouldn't want us to be hurt and shed tears, but finally sending you off, it was hard. It was hard to hold back the tears.

It must've been so hard on you. Life must've been so rough, so hard, so tough, and yet, you were able to hold on until now. You worked so hard, our precious. We're all hurt and in pain because we lost someone beautiful, the beautiful you, but our pain doesn't amount to how much you were hurting. Our heartaches don't amount to your tears and the pain that you felt. We're selfish human beings, and that's why we continuously wish we could all turn back time and save you. We wish we could all turn back time and see your smile and hear your beautiful laugh. It's because we're selfish that we didn't see your hurting and your pain. We don't blame you. We just love you so much, and we just miss you so much. We just wish you were still here with us. We're sorry that we lost you like this. It's something we regret so much. We regret sending you off this way, but we just wish that where ever you are now, you find peace. Where ever you belong now, we hope you can rest happily and rest well. You only deserved the best, but in this cruel world, you weren't able to see the best. This cruel world was too much for you, it was too cruel. I hope that where you are now, you can finally achieve what you wanted. I hope that you now rest without worries. It is extremely regretful that we couldn't do anything to help you when you were sufferring so much. You worked so hard, and you did so well. I just wanted you to know that, if anything. There are so many people who loves you, so many people who misses you, so many people who wishes you were still by our sides. This is a fact. This is the proof, he evidence, that in this life time, you've succeeded, that in this life time, you worked hard and did well. These people who loves you so much are the existing proof that you, our beloved Jong Hyun, worked so hard and did so darn well. We will always love you, and we will always miss you. You will forever be engraved in our hearts and forever in our minds. Please rest without worries now. You worked hard. You did so well, our precious Kim Jong Hyun.

From your fan