I'm having mixed emotions and the feeling increases more and more as my summer break comes to an end. I have about 2 weeks until I move into my dorm. I have about 2 and a half weeks until I start classes. I feel nervous. I feel relieved. I feel confused.

All summer I basically worked. I work about 40 hours a week, Monday through Friday. I usually only have weekends off. I work so much that I feel like I haven't enjoyed my summer. Sure, I took a trip to Tampa, Florida last month and it was fun. But it wasn't a trip I planned and I didn't get to do everything I wanted. I also didn't get to hang around my best friend all that much aside from the trip (because she has a boyfriend). And I didn't get to spend that much time with my college friend because I barely have time and she lives an hour away from me. I commute to work twice a week to my college for one of my jobs. I love my job but the drive is so irritating. My other job is 5 minutes away from my house, but it's so hot in the office on some days with no air condition.  So I usually come home sweaty and tired. So basically through the week I'm tired and don't feel like doing anything fun. 

I feel like my summer is gone and I haven't done much to enjoy it. It's been pretty boring. Yes, having money is hella nice but it disappears like water. I'm planning to study abroad next school year, but my scholarship won't cover a lot of things. So my plan was to save up $1,500 by the end of the summer. So far I have $600 in my savings. With paying family bills, buying groceries, buying stuff for school and of course treating myself a little, I'm usually left with very little extra money. I feel like I am working everyday busting my and nothing to show for it. It's frustrating and I barely want to go to work anymore. (Next week is my last day at my local job. I have 3 days left!)

I'm also nervous about school. I'll be starting a whole new major, Marketing. I'll be taking mostly business classes in a building I'm not that familiar with. And I have to catch a campus bus 10 minutes off campus to get to the building. All my business classes I have to take this year will count towards my major so I need to get at least a C+ grade for it to count. I'm also going to be working 15 hours a week at my job doing event planning and marketing for campus events. And then I have the thought, what if I don't like the major I picked? I have no idea what else I would go into... All of this hasn't even started yet and I am already feeling stressed out. 

There's also the mixed emotions I feel about home. I love my family. I love my mom. She means the world to me and I want to spend time with her. But I haven't been able to do that much because I work. And if I'm not working I'm sleeping or having my time alone, and occasionally hanging out with friends.  We do talk, everyday. But I'm feeling sad to leave home. Last year, I was excited to be on my own. But this year, I feel anxious to leave. 

But I also want to leave SO bad. There are 5 of us in our little 3 bedroom house. It gets crowded. I clean and my niece and nephew destroy it. My sister doesn't clean up, cook, or pay that many bills. I can barely use the bathroom without someone knocking on the door. People eat my food, use my things, misplace my things. I'm confined to a small room full of stuff from college because my sister took my room when she moved back in. I am in no way complaining. I am grateful to have a place to call home, but I was much more at ease at my college dorm. I feel like I am constantly holding my breath now. At college, I can do whatever the I want. I don't have to ask for permission. I can do what I like when I want. I can have peace and quiet when I want it. When I come back to my dorm everything is where I left it. I don't have that at home.

So no, I'm not ready to go back to school for the endless homework and sleep deprived nights, but I am ready to go back to having my own space and my own freedom. And I also won't work 40 hours a week because school will be my first priority. 

I really think I'm getting overwhelmed for no reason. I think I just need to take my tired, over-thinking to sleep.