...write.

ironically though...i'm writing blogposts continuously...haaa.

blogposts are driven by feels, fanfic writing require so much more coherency, structures, organization, thinking, blabla...those are the things i can't write when i'm overwhelmed by feels.

i've been browsing around...and sometimes i find extremely well written fics...with barely any comments...

just thinking of such situation, and comparing to how lucky i am to receive comments continuously even with having just 2-3 readers...and even with my extremely lacking lousy writing...i feel guilty to not update...n let feels led me astray...

but i'm just driven by feels....i've always been...even my writings...even my completed fics...they reached such stage bcuz the feels carried them to the end of the journey. the problem is...my feels are often too strong, wild and shortlived. which is why i have more incompleted fics...haha...n which is why...i should've just stayed to writing oneshots/drabbles. 

sometimes...the feels fizzle out too fast after going on too strong for a couple seconds/days...

take kard for instance...

omg my otp!!!

seeing my otp in same screen for most time is too much for my poor heart to handle...xD (and i love how i always find j.seph fans who seem to love jiwoo n my ship too yay)

btw...the new song trailer is out...

and from the little part...it sounded kard hasn't lost it rite....? i could already feel the addictive level kicked up a notch....just hoping the full song would be just as awezome... and they're still at predebut stage....yet the crazy hot response they're generating...dsp really hit it big this time...even the big3 didn't manage to do this...well, dsp used to be the big2 anyway...i need more jiwoo and more otp moments...that's all i'm askin'...is that too much? look at my lil badass jiwoo being so pretty n sounding so badass...my poor fangirly heart...

ok but speaking of fanfic...maybe my love for kard is just fad/infatuation level...not the deep everlasting kind...so when i got bored of the overplaying song, the overhype, the overannoying bwoo shippers that would rudely shove their ship everywhere ugh lol....even though i already started a fic for my ship...i lost confidence to keep the passion alive to write it that i took down the fic to draft mode n just stop watching their stuffs...who knows...maybe with new song, new rekindled passion n excitement, new addiction, new moments...maybe i'll go back to write the fic...? even if it won't last too long...

i already have this trailer on repeat cuz of that catchy addiction factor...

but yeah...it reminds me that i'm worried of my voice fics now...what kind of love do i have for them? the kind i always go back to...the kind that is able to remain strong n withstand the test of time n other new shiny things...like my love for oppars and my fav groups like Battle....or the kind that i have with 5478465865865686 other things i fell hard for...and just forgot/ignore after awhile?

feelings are evil.

what is loyalty?

don't confuse between feelings and loyalty.

loyalty isn't the same as feeling or genuineness...it's more about...guilt...conscience...doing the right thing.

loyalty is nice in showing your determination, strong mentality n uhm....endurance?...but when it's done for the sake of it...it becomes dull, meaningless, pretentious, stagnant...nothing great at all...

loyalty for me, is at its best...when it's a result of feelings, not a choice/decision.

idk how this relate to what i was talking bout but...just roll with it...

gosh...what is wrong with u dsp...why is that snippet so addictive? in less than a couple seconds...i lost coherence n idk what the hell i'm blabbering now....

anyway...i'm having much feels for oppars lately(ok not just lately but yeah)...even without anything new from them...i can't stop watching any n every videos of them...this has to be true love right? haha...love that doesn't need shiny new thing to bring me back to them bcuz even without it...i could watch back their old stuffs from time to time...feeling same excitement as when i first watch those vids...n missing them...it's the same with idols...there was a time i thought i love battle n ze:a the same...but after awhile...and long hiatus....the feeling was different....waiting for ze:a n the silence annoyed me even with some members growing in popularity...but with battle...even with less songs, longer hiatus, more unknown...i feel like my feels for them were stronger... remain as strong, or became stronger...the littlest thing/update abt them get me super excited...i think...if they ever come back..or collaborate to release sth...i'd go crazy...or cry...boohoo...or faint after spazzing too much.

so...out of my excitement over nothing new...i went back trying to find any news abt trot x to know who's the winner....and unfortunately...hardly any news n i was lazy to check out korean search engine......but i found this... http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/culture/2014/06/201_158520.html (reading about other contestants...i guess ladies might not have win afterall...that's some strong sounding competition though i didn't watch 'em)

Ladies was not a trot duo btw...they're acoustic duo...-_-...they said it themselves in their first appearance in the show...

^ this was the perf where the judges/producers seem to be underestimating them at first...and then got floored at the unveiling of crazy awesomeness and all went crazy and ended with all choosing them(i love park myung soo's inexplainable reaction lmao...hong jin young total awestruck amused reactions too)...ladies has that effect...didn't that happen in their shinee cover too?...where many ppl comment like they found the guy weird or funny at first with the sounds he made but got shocked when he started singing...

when will the day come when they release full length album and do concerts? i need a legit reason to go South Korea.

and of course...i can't leave out JMG oppar...

lol at hiding his face. cmon...his voice is sooo obvious...i guess he's treated more exclusively than Ladies with all the trying to hide his identity...bcuz this is mnet show n he already earned some fame from mnet superstar k...compared to ladies who didn't have mainstream exposure yet...but seem super at ease in their perf...anyway, only two team of the judges/producers chose him even though at first they all seem tempted to push that button...but again, i love how hong jin young's the first one to confidently choose him even while he's hidden...and he chose her back as his mentor/producer when he had to choose between the judges that chose him...(now i'm curious who Ladies chose in that ep since they all chose them...even though in the finale they're with yoo seyoon) well, like i said before...i always find hong jin young likable...even though i barely watch her stuffs...that likable vibe is just there...shining bright. n i love it whenever she shows love/appreciation for my oppars...haha. and i love how JMG introduce himself as JMG Band even though they all already acknowledge him individually...

ahh...i love my oppars...lol.

if you're annoyed at how i always use this word oppar....it's a kind of mockery term, not bcuz idk how to spell oppa or bcuz i don't find it cringe......yes, i can mock myself too...haa. i find myself a bundle of immature cringiness too....

gosh...i just want to fangirl oppar....

no...i just want to find that desire to continue write from where i stop...n have some consistency n discipline n stop being so controlled by feels...

no...i just want to keep repeating this addict kard snippet until they release the whole damn song, ugh...(i was supposed to post this blogpost this morning but now...the wait isn't that long i guess...xD...wait...no...still almost 12 more hours...T^T...)

here, 2nd round...

you're welcome.

looks like kard is back to further make it hard for me to continue write...as if oppars aren't distracting enough...

don't think of new fanfic idea don't think of new fanfic don't think....

goodness...i need to stop embarrassing myself with all these spazzy blogposts n make more intellectual, wholesome, meaningful, mature ones like...song shuffle. yeah... really though...i always feel so silly to be the only one posting lousy spazzing on daily basis when the rest of my friendlist are as quiet as cucumber....uhm...but cucumbers are really quiet so i'm not wrong. and whenever i see attitudes that awaken my annoyance/criticizing irrational ppl tendency...spazzing really help me to forget those toxic people instead of addressing it to no avail...if i don't spazz i'll keep thinking about it n feel the need to let the annoyance out...so thank goodness for spazzing...

also...i find it hilarious when i see ppl asking to be credited for things they don't even put effort to make on their own...i'm observant you know but since i'm in such a good nonconfrontational mood i'll just sit here and laugh it off to myself.......;)

closing song: (since we don't have opening song today lol)

nothing to say...just that...the past few days i keep finding myself listening to this(whenever i'm taking small breaks from oppars songs). nice n catchy but i guess once kard song comes out....