TRAITS
 
King of self-deception , rather self-centered, has problems in taking responsibilities,
suffers a lot from self-doubt, lazy yet hardworking - it works, just wait for it.
He actually is a good guy if you ignore him being an indecisive idiot. 
 

YOU CAN'T HAVE A RAINBOW WITHOUT THE RAIN.

With Youngbae you pretty much get what you see. At first. He's cheerful, he's playful, he's that childhood friend your mom always wanted you to get with. Youngbae's not the most attentive one but what he lacks in further empathy, he makes up with some good jokes, light-heartedness and his sunny disposition. But once you dig a little deeper and peel off the outer layers of what is an onion of personality he calls his own you'll soon find the fragile self he hides. Indecisive as one can be Youngbae struggles a lot in making decisions on his own or taking responsibility for anything. He's that kind of person that chooses the easiest way and also prefers others making the decisions for him. The reason is simple: He doesn't want to be the one who makes bad decisions, who is responsible for bad outcomes. He just wants to live peacefully, enjoying only the fun sides of life. But that's not how life is. And he knows. But he's stuck in denial. From all his abilities, the skill of self-deception is what he could proudly call his strongest. Talking himself into believing something is child's play to him. Instead of facing the harsh reality, he rather tells himself he's still living in Barbie's Wonderland where unicorns fart rainbows and clouds consist of candy floss. Self-manipulation can be such a great thing. Yet, being that easy to manipulate is a trait that throws Youngbae easily from a high to a down. Truth be told, he cares a lot about what others say and think of him. After all there's no better way than that to get confirmation of how well or bad you do. Tell him he's the King and he'll actually believe he's an allstar. Tell him he's a pathetic being that can't even hit a single tone and he'll spend the next few hours whining over it until either someone tells him he's great or he managed to convince himself of being a decent human being by coming up with another explanation for why he just . Maybe it wasn't just a good day for him. Tomorrow he'll be great again.


I'M PETER PAN. BUT EVEN PETER PAN HAS TO WORK. 

With the fears of growing into being a real adult, Youngbae has a lot of emotional issues he has to deal with. One existential crisis after another follows whenever it's constantly going downhill for him or he's directly exposed to the chaos he just caused. Self-doubts are his steady companions, he'll always look out for those who are better and younger than him, compare himself to them and feel completely useless. But rather than being envious, he tries to tell himself how great he is himself. Envy is an ugly emotion that stresses you and if he gets too deep into the stage of envy where there's no turning back, running into another crisis is way too close. Hence the reason Youngbae can often be found pep-talking to himself with the most beautiful lies ever. He's pretty good at pep talks, something that would make at least one good leader skill... if he wasn't too self-centered. Encouraging and motivating could be so easy to him... if that stupid decision making wasn't a thing. Loving his comfort zone way too much, the chances of getting him to really do something about his problems aren't that high - except for if you hit the right spot. He's overly lazy when it comes to things he'd rather avoid. Procrastinating and avoiding are actually two of Youngbae's favorite activities but sweet talk something into his mind long enough and he'll be on fire to really get done. Yes, it's when he in fact can be a hard-working person. Alas, this is were things get dangerous. No matter how stupid the idea... once Youngbae seriously decides on doing something you won't be able to stop him anymore. You can talk down on him how much you want, if he already started, he'd continue until he sees the finishing line. And let it better be a positive one... If he has to stop because there is no sense in pursuing his decision anymore, beware, the existential crisis is coming!


SORRY, NO HABLO BOY.

Superficially seen bubbly and dorky are the main traits of Youngbae and to many females those can be very attracting. He's a child at heart but his body speaks a little different language. With a body that screams a mixture of protective teddybear and born boy it's not that big of a surprise that among the AEON members he's the one who gets to walk around with bare arms or even completely shirtless the majority of time during concerts or fansigns. Ripping your shirt or flashing abs as your special fanservice of course results in people calling you the group's boy. And it works at least for some people. In fact this manchild is far away from being a tough boy. A romantic at heart, he can be a fluffy cheeseball and the reputition of being a boy haunting him indeed will bother him at some point. It's his own fault following the suggestions of some Helix staffs and forming his image like this but as he grows into being more mature, the conflict between who he is and who he pretends to be on-stage will strain him as so many other things will do. You just don't turn an idiotic weenie into a tough stripper and expect him to be happy like this forever.

BORN SINGER? RATHER NOT.  

The reason why Youngbae decided to become an idol lies not in the deep urge to be a musician or performer, no. Growing up very average and always struggling in really achieving something, Youngbae had been the kind of person to take things the easiest way possible. Scared of having to finally take responsibilities in life and do something out of it, he never even was creative or motivated enough to really think about what he wanted his life to be like, what he would do after graduation or when he'd do his military service. By mere chance someone handed him a business card and asked him to audition because he wasn't all that bad looking during a class field trip to Seoul. Once infected by the idea of becoming an idol, the sudden wish to really perform on stage emerged and Youngbae at some point started telling himself that this was exactly what he had always wanted to do. He was suddenly telling stories about that his childhood dream had always been to be a singer, that he loved performing in front of others when in fact he was just seeing the positive aspects of not having to worry about university entrance tests, harsh military service (since idols get special treatment and are allowed to enter the military later during their career) and that if things would go super well, he'd even end up famous and rich. That was how Youngbae started trying to become an idol.


LIFE AIN'T THAT EASY. 

Auditioning was much harder than he had expected, of course. Already being at age 17 most entertainments just greeted his attempts of getting into them with a smile. Bang Youngbae, age 17, no experience in either singing, dancing or rapping. Only decent looks he could offer and this fool didn't even consider auditioning for the entertainment he got a business card from because he preferred signing under one of the bigger companies - which all rejected him. Also, Youngbae didn't reckon with his family and how his parents would react to him trying to become an idol. Neither his mother, nor his father approved of his plans and didn't allow him to spend more money on travelling to Seoul to go to another audition which meant he had to stop trying for at least a year until he graduated and finally turned 18. Knowing that he'd have to wait for the next opportunity, instead of focusing on learning, Youngbae rather tried teaching himself dancing, rapping and singing basics, joining some of his High school's clubs to get at least a bit of training. As a result of that his final exams were a complete catastrophe and his chances to enter any decent university after graduating from High school hit rock bottom. His parents started to get more and more frustrated with their son, but to him fighting with them and pursuing this weird dream and the passion he talked himself into believing were much easier than worrying about all the real life troubles waiting for him at the end of the day.
In 2006 Youngbae moved to Seoul together with his best friend, lying to his parents that he passed the entrance test to one of the universities when in fact he only went there to audition again, being rejected over and over again by most companies. Too old. Not skilled enough. Not handsome enough. It was frustrating. But he found the business card again that he was handed around a year ago... and against all expectations after he called them he was invited to come over and audition  despite leaving them waiting for a year. How he got in at the end of the day? Begging. Begging, promising, everything he could do. And probably a ton of luck as well.


I PAY THE PRICE FOR EVERYTHING.

Instead of attending university, after getting signed under Helix Ent. Youngbae decided to completely focus on becoming an idol. He was willing to do anything to succeed and therefore lied to his parents about the whole university issue, using the tuition fee money that his parents gave him to study management or business on extra classes outside of the usual training schedule or plastic surgery. During his time as a trainee Youngbae learned a lot. Especially a lot about himself and the limitation of his skills or better said what others think he was limited at. While he thought he'd make a decent singer and dancer the other kids just seemed to be better and Helix very soon made him focus on rapping instead of singing. At first he was disappointed and as so often started questioning himself. His self-deception skills always were one of a kind, though and he soon found a way to accept the change to being a rapper and was able to tell himself that this was exactly what he was made for. He basically believed in the company making the right decisions for him, resting on the thought that they knew better and that it was easier not to think about it for too long. Instead he just used said money he basically stole from his parents to get better in anything he could offer to the company. Looks, skills, just whatever they expected of him.

I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD TURN OUT JUST GREAT.

Whereas Youngbae was willing to do a lot to become an idol there was always one thing he never even thought of giving up on. His best friend, later girlfriend, Jinah. Knowing each other ever since primary school their way never parted until the idea to become an idol struck Youngbae. Jinah yet was willing to support him as much as possible and as they've always been very attached to each other it was no surprise when they started dating even before he signed under Helix after they went to Seoul together. Youngbae never told anyone he started dating Jinah and instead they kept on playing the best friend game as this was a way to make things actually work. In fact Youngbae was yet again just a lucky dog finding someone like Jinah who was patient enough with him and who could accept him not calling her for one or two weeks because he was too busy or just because he couldn't get caught with a girlfriend. The tragic way of turning a normal relationship into a long-distance one... just without the distance. Things between them got more difficult the moment Youngbae was allowed to debut with AEON and when AEON started gaining a little fame in the beginning, Jinah and Youngbae had to put their relationship on hiatus. Youngbae at this point thought that things were alright. Things for AEON went okay in the beginning with lots of air to get better but also it wasn't bad. The relationship between him and his parents completely broke down as the moment he debuted and his family got to know about it, WW3 started and he was banished from his family for lying to them and using all their money for his dream which none of them approved of. Even when Jinah started seeing other guys, Youngbae pretended that things would get better once AEON would make the cut, he'd get famous and his family and Jinah would finally come back to him.


A LEADER IS ONE WHO KNOWS THE WAY, SHOWS THE WAY AND GOES THE WAY. BUT I KNOW NOTHING. 

Youngbae's internal AEON dilemma started as soon as he was told to be the leader of the group. As someone who wasn't even able to make the right decisions for himself, he didn't even know how to start leadering or adulting around the other members. He just didn't see himself fit in a leader position but had no choice but to accept it. Yet, instead of making own decisions, he always kept asking the other members or the manager for their opinion, not even once making a decision on his own. Not seldomly Youngbae panicked because he didn't know what to do, when fights within the group occured he was at a giant loss and when the manager told him to do certain things he most of the time failed. Of course the self-doubt reappeared just too often, stressing him to the extent that he didn't know what he was getting himself into and if it really was worth it. At times like that he was just sitting in a corner, regretting everything he ever did and imagining what life would look like if he had chosen another way. Still... thinking about this the worries about jobs, military service and failure torutred him enough to suffer an existential crisis that even his skills of lying to himself didn't manage to save him from. Good thing that in dark times like this Youngbae had someone to catch and encourage him to not give up and instead fight his way up to the top. The maknae, optimist of the group, made sure that he never gave up. It wasn't much but enough to get Youngbae up on his feet and try to become a better leader and overall person.


IT'S A TRAP. DON'T THINK THINGS GET BETTER THAT QUICKLY.

In 2011 Helix abandoned AEON and only those who managed to pay on their own were allowed to stay at the dormitory. Youngbae, lacking in decent education, had big troubles in finding a job to come up with the expenses. With no parents to ask for money, he was left with the choice asking one of the members to lend him some or ask his ex Jinah for it. Seeing the other members also struggle, Youngbae decided not to ask them, feeling as if a leader wasn't in the position for such a low act, and instead went to Jinah who at that time was in a relationship with someone else. She still agreed on supporting Youngbae which led to tensions in her relationship, especially when Youngbae started to get jealous. Even the relationship between her and her own family suffered because of Youngbae as she needed to ask them for money, too to afford supporting him. 2012 turned out to be tougher than expected and after Jinah broke up with her boyfriend and got back together with Youngbae she started to ask him to drop out of the idol industry. She kept being very persistent but with the AEON maknae still being on his side, Youngbae went further into the deep slump of AEON and spent all the money he got on the group's activities, Jinah getting less and less patient with him. However, Youngbae endured long enough and when in the beginning of 2013 with the rise of the actor's popularity Helix got back to AEON and decided to try again putting them on a stage, Youngbae was on board instantly. Life seemed to get better... but every coin has two sides.


OUR PROBLEM CHILD.

The moment Youngbae told Jinah about the upcoming comeback with hope in his eyes, she couldn't share his happiness at all. Just as Youngbae told her about the comeback, she finally dropped the bomb at him that she was 4 months pregnant. She asked him to reject the offer and help her raise the kid which once again led to an existential crisis for the failed idol. He was torn between the decision to give up on what he was investing his life on for the past couple of years and leaving the other members who were counting on him hanging or "to succeed and save the day, making everyone happy" (the lie he told himself to justify his decision in the end). Yes, Youngbae chose being an idol, telling himself that in the world outside of idoldom he wouldn't stand a chance, always failing and not being able to be a good dad at all. He started encouraging himself and his doings by coming up with the idea that once he'd make it big his chances of being a great dad and maybe husband would be more realistic than the chances of him living happily ever after if he dropped out of Helix. Of course Jinah got angry. Angry enough to break things off with him and tell him that she'd raise the child on her own.


WE MADE IT. BUT I SOMEHOW FEEL RESTLESS.

Luckily the comeback was a success. For the first time things started to go really well and Youngbae couldn't have been happier. After going through so much with his group, he had started to feel more connected to the other members and he also felt as if they'd finally managed to achieve something together, that his life finally made sense, that he had managed to become a better leader and that from now on things would get better. Charting in the Top 10, Youngbae felt so proud that he tried to call Jinah but her number was disconnected. He was devastated at that point but dragged himself so much into work that he was able to ignore his temporary heartbreak. Preparations for the first full album were running, the comeback with 12:30 in the making when Youngbae suddenly got a photo sent to him by an unknown number. At the sight of the little newborn and the short message 'Meet your son, Han Mideum.' Youngbae had his very first serious breakdown. Jinah still denied him seeing his child, her motives simply being choosing the safety for her child over the connection that Youngbae might have had with it as much as her own relationship with him. She knew that at the point of his career the popularity he had gained would cause herself and the child nothing else than stress and they would only affect his career in a bad way. Out of protection for all of them she decided that any contect between father and son should be averted.


PRIORITIES.

After the successful streak of AEON started Youngbae fully turned into a working machine, trying to avoid any thoughts of his child by working himself almost to death. Whenever he sensed some spare time he asked the company for extra work, spent more time on working on either his skills or helping the other members in whatever they were up to. 2013 until the end of 2014 became a real struggle for Youngbae as with the fame also other idols approached him. In particular women. Youngbae, stuck with the thought of his kid and Jinah, was unable to ever connect with someone else even though he tried, again telling himself that Jinah probably found another man, someone to replace him as a father ... but those thoughts didn't work that long for him  as in october 1004 was up as a comeback and it hit him right in the feels. Despite the stress he was confronted with 24/7 he tried to find Jinah and the child... and it wasn't all that difficult as he figured.Jjinah, however, was shocked when he suddenly showed up and for the first time met his son who Youngbae immediately fell in love with. He instantly regretted most of his decisions as his "Lil' bean" made him feel so proud and also sad at the same time. Youngbae missed the first year of his own child's life and he couldn't even do anything about it (again, he pretended he couldn't have done anything to make himself feel better). Unfortunately Youngbae was (of course) caught looking for his child and rumours spread just too soon. As nobody ever heard of neither the child nor Jinah Helix was able to cover the incident by making an official statement about Jinah being Youngbae's cousin and him only meeting her child due to familiar reasons. The couple publicly became cousins at the end of 2014, the uproar didn't go by that easily for the young mother though and she decided to move somewhere else without telling Youngbae, making it more difficult to him to find her another time. 2015 therefore was blank torture as Youngbae against any attempts to find Jinah was left with nothing than his job as an idol and like in the years before he threw himself into work to forget... just that it wasn't all that easy after meeting his child anymore. Bothered by the thoughts of him making bad decisions that led to him being a bad father even though he had successfully made himself believe that he was doing all of this for the sake of everyone and that life would be great, he struggled the most during 2015, loosing the special glimmer in his eyes that kept him working happily as an idol. Fans interpreted his sudden weariness as being overworked which regarding the stressfull circumstances of AEON was a more than legit explanation but yet Helix had to reprimand him multiple times to try harder and keep a cheerful face as it was what was required for an idol. Youngbae somehow managed. But it broke him apart more and more.

ME AGAINST MYSELF.

Right after the world tour in 2016 when the members of Aeon focused more on their individual activities, Youngbae was back at an existential crisis as he didn't know what to do about his life. With too much time on his hands in which he was only packed with his own activities he drove more and more into depressions that were oozing of self-doubt and the feeling of guilt. And when the timing couldn't have been worse Jinah yet again sent him a birthday picture of Youngbae's Lil' Bean that ultimately led to him angry calling her and for the first time she picked up. They argued a lot, the fought a lot and they cried a lot... before he was allowed to see his son, who at that point was already three years old. Youngbae was shook of how his son had grown, how he was able to walk and speak... and how he couldn't remember his father at all. Mideum took a long time to grow back into even letting his dad touch him, showing Youngbae that he missed out on something very important. Actively being a father. It was the point in which he started understanding that it was time to take responsibility and for once make the right decision. He wouldn't be able to run any longer. Neither could he lie to himself anymore, time turned out to be precious, especially for him in a stage of life like this. He had to think about it thoroughly. He had to take his time for it. But in the end he came to a conclusion. 

It's 2017 now. The law of military service in South Korea has changed and idols are no longer in the protection of idoldom. 2 years of duty are awaiting him, probably pretty soon. 2 years in which seeing his child will be just as difficult. He gained some money, his group isn't that successfull anymore. He lived his dream, yet can he fully abandon it now? For the child he missed the first 4 years of its life?

So, what's Youngbae's decision?

- closest with the maknae (probably), if there's someone he'd tell about the lil' bean, then it's the maknae he would talk to

- originally wanted to be a singer, still dreams of singing and developed an interest in songwriting

- after his lil' bean is born he's very cautious of keeping a clean image, he'd actually yell at the other members if they drag the overall reputation of the group into the dirt because he doesn't want to let jinah think that he at being an idol and leader

- he's actually pretty athletic. he just needed the right kick-start to start working out. being an idol has good perks, indeed!

- youngbae wouldn't be able to star in a show like superman returns because the kids would make him super sad. he loves kids... but you can guess why he wouldn't stand even 10 minutes around toddlers. whenever the group is confronted with interacting with kids, youngbae is the first to run away and avoid the kids which makes fans think that he doesn't like them.

- if asked about his family, youngbae always answers that his parents were against him becoming an idol and that's it. he doesn't say more about it because in south korea filial piety is still very important and he doesn't want people to think he's a bad son or overall not a family person.

- a drunk youngbae is a youngbae who forgets about everything. he even forgets what his name is and comes up with new identities, pretending he's someone completely different. there is this slight line between his existental crisis drunk self and the completely wasted one. but since he'S scared of facing all the serious issues he intentionally overdoes alcohol when getting close to that line.

- as the child he still is, he's completely trash for amusement parks.

- he can do aegyo but helix told him not to do it because he has to keep his image up.

- he knows that his rapping isn't comparable to the ones of high-class rappers as zico, jay park or simon dominique. he'll still get mad when people make fun of his rapping skills. yet, if asked to do some freestyle lines, he'll probably . he's an idol rapper. idol rappers do idol rapping. freestyle rapping is way too authentical.