Happiness (No Not the RV Song)
Why is happiness so difficult to achieve?
Happiness is a feeling, right? So it makes sense that it doesn't last forever, but on a grander scheme, perhaps the word "happy" isn't the word I'm looking for when thinking about life.
I can't have a "happy" life because I know that that is impossible. We cannot always be happy. I just want everything to sort of fall into place, if that makes sense. I want less worrying, less stress, more content, and more satisfaction.
There it is, I want to be "satisfied" with my life. I want to go home at the end of the day and lay in bed thinking, "hey, this isn't too bad". I can't ask for perfection because I know that doesn't exist but I want to be okay with the way I'm living, to accept the bad times just as much as I accept the good times.
However, it's difficult to do that. The bad times can be gruesome, after all how can I accept that one of my good friends was a total back stabber? How can I accept all the bullying I went through? How can I accept my parents fighting all the time as I grew up? I don't know.
Some of these things are a part of the past, but I have come to accept them. I feel like part of the reason is because I was so focused on how much these instances hurt me I never realized how much they made me more aware and how they made me so much stronger. I can't say they didn't ruin me either, but the point is that I'm making new memories and they're turning out to be good ones.
Bad times are okay as long as you are able to heal, I suppose. It's just a matter of when you want to allow yourself to heal and how. You can't sit in the darkness forever, but I know how hard it is to be "happy" or to live a "happy" life.
Happiness is just a feeling, it doesn't last forever. It isn't easy to achieve. Sometimes it can feel so far away...but it's there and it's waiting for you. Don't give up. Please don't give up, because when you feel that first touch of happiness I promise to you that nothing else will matter.
Okay I'm going to stop ranting now, have a nice day~
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