Ok ok, so this is a sensible topic because I rarely talk about it. I just don't like to talk that much about this story because it always brings me back to how I felt back then. However, lately, my mood had been really affected so here it is. 

I guess we all have those moments in our past that we hate and that we'd rather forget. Mine happened a bit during the whole length of my childhood. For personal reasons, my parents were fighting a lot and I was really not the popular kid, far from that. The only thing keeping me happy through it all, and as long as I can remember, was my dog. I know how cliché it is then to talk about a dog , but she really was the world to me. She was there when my parents didn't care about my sister and I. When they had midnight fights and when I was crying , she was always there to away my tears. She voluntarily made me hold on for something better. Something she would unfortunately never know.

She died of cancer in December 2012. Months from my high school graduation and only four months before I met my boyfriend , and now fiancé. They never knew each other. In a way,  my dog always pushed away the guys who treated me wrong. I don't recall one single night where I felt afraid of burglars or just alone. She used to sleep at the very end of my bed, keeping me safe from nightmares and shoved with love. It came to the point where she was not a dog anymore, she was my sister, my babysitter, my best friend... 

Even today, as a 20 years old girl , well settled in life, I still think about her. Every day. I think even now I still feel some regrets about letting her go. I was the last one to leave the room, which I ultimately did after I left her our favorite blanket. The one we used to roll up in together while watching tv. Since it was the month of December and that Christmas was just around the corner, we didn't have much money. She was a big dog and it cost a lot to put her to sleep. Because of that, we didn't have enough money to bring her back home. Not even to have a mold of her paw. We had to leave her there, all cold, for them to take away and I will always regret that. I feel like we abandoned her somehow there on the operation table. I will never know where they take her or even if she was properly buried. That is the hardest part honestly. 

I guess you can easily tell that it is something I will always  recall as painful. As I said, my boyfriend never met her. He just had the chance to see the pictures and hear the heartwarming stories about her devilish but so adorable personality. Yet, he always respected her. I know how weird it sound, but he always sensed how important she was to me. He let it show on many occasions. He bought me a nice picture frame so I could put her picture next to me on my desk. This way she keeps inspiring me to write and go on every morning. He also bought me a little stuffed animal of a brown lab, just like her, so I could hold her whenever I feel like she is missing. 

Moreover, he senses it. When we watch a movie where some lines could be interpreted as a reference to the loss of someone, not always even a pet, he would hold me closer. Sometimes even before I could realize what the sentence could really mean. I am really grateful for this. To have found such an awesome person who loves me so wholeheartedly, support me so well and help me get better when everything goes bad. Sometimes, I feel like she supported the illness she was in that long, just to be sure my boyfriend would come. She lasted as long as she could before my boyfriend came in the picture to take the lead. 

However, all that to say that sometimes, as the past weeks, she pops up in my head and so does all the regret and pain that I buried along with her in my heart back in that cold month of December. When it does, my boyfriend always cheers me up but I've come to a point where it keeps haunting me and he surprisingly found a new way to make me smile. He never was into Kpop and he knows how much I am. 

Just to make me smile, without even any other reasons, he bought me , in preorder, the new CD of Exo. The full set, 4 Cds included ( Both Korean and Chinese versions) of Monster &  Lucky One. I was speechless. With all the big set, the shipping cost and the conversion to Canadian money, it turned out to be hella expensive. I felt so bad that he did it but I never saw someone with such an honest smile and beautiful intentions. 

I really wanted to show this  to you guys. I guess to prove that good guys still exist? That bad times can go away? That those who leaves us never really leaves our heart and mind? I guess you can take the lesson you want out of this but there is definitely one because I learned so much from all of this.

And I still have so much to learn from him. 

I really think I am the luckiest girl in the world. Even if I am not the wealthiest, even if my life can sometimes be really messed up. I wouldn't change it with anyone else's. 

As a side note, I will most likely include this theme in one of the requests for the next batch. I hope you guys will like it since I think the whole story will be really heart moving and thoughtful. 

Love you guys. Sorry about the long, heartbreaking moment. 

I sometimes just talk too much I guess. 

Laulau95