Can you help me?

Well, Hello

FIRST: This is a very serious problem for me (,my school grades and social communication) so please don't laugh or mock me.

 

Okay, this is actually not so easy to write down because I only recently realized that this can be a serious (at least for me) problem but still.

I am REALLY shy, to the extent that you could say I'm not shy but afraid of people or sth like that.

AND I have little to zero self confidence.

I have almost no social skills if you can say it like that. I barely talk to people I don't know and I'm almost afraid to even raise my hand in class because I'm AFRAID that I will be laughed at. Somewhere in my mind I know that that isn't true, that others alsosay something false and not get laughed but still I'm afraid. That's why I'm only raising when I really know the answer, which is sadly not so often. (The German people here will know how important the oral grade for the end grade is).

THe worst thing is that I can't take responsibility for the smallest things because I'm really afraid of rejection. One of the worst examples happened only today...

Me an my friends are helping some little children to learn swimming/getting them used to be in water and splashing around and such stuff. My friend asked me to take the kids to the shower nearby to get them wet(swimming rules and all, if you don't know it look it up) but I was simply afraid to do so... I'm not afraid of the children but just I have like no "presence" at all, I don't really know how to be so people would listen to me... So I said no and she was pissed.. and I couldn't really explain it to her so yep...

 

Can anyone give me some advice on how I can boost my self-confidence a bit? Or at least give me some advice on how to handle such situations?

(I don't need an adive like "Go to a psychiatrist" or sth like that because I'm planning to do so anyways.. not only because of this)

 

 

Verinchen

 

 

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amanda_kookie #1
Naw don't be shy c: I'll listen if you need someone to talk to c:
junaluna312 #2
Hey ^^
Ich hab wirklich genau das gleiche Problem wie du und ich mach dieses Jahr meinen Abchluss...
Ich mag Englisch aber leider hab ich das Problem dass ich mich nie melde da ich Angt hab ich könnte was falsch aussprechen und so. Vor dem Speaking Test hatte ich riesige Angt aber ich hab bei meiner Nachhillfe einen Kurs mitgemacht bei dem wir viel mit verchiedenen Partnern geübt haben. Es hat mir wirklich geholfen (ich hab tatsächlich 25 von 30 Punkten bekommen^^) Das hat mich wirklich glücklich gemacht und ich glaube ich schaff es auch mich öfter mal im Englischunterricht mich zu melden. Aber sonst hab ich immer noch zu wenig Selbstvertrauen... Ich hab mir die ganzen Kommentare durchgelesen und werde mich mal daran versuchen mein Selbstbewusstsein etwas aufzubauen. Ich hoffe wirklich sehr dass wir beide mehr Selbstvertrauen bekommen.
Fighting^^
Doc-KJJ #3
Hello there...
everyone have such fears of rejection and the low self esteem issues in some point of their lives..
for me, I hated it and I wanted a solution.... so I sat with myself and thought of my life... if it's about the way I look, I shouldn't care if I'm not a super model or super pretty because in life there are people who look better or worse than me... if it's about my inner self, my personality, my behaviour, my thought or my acts... then it's not a big deal either.. it's something I can work on to develop and be the person I want to be... if it's about work or study.. still something manageable ... and the main idea that helped me work it out... no, start to work it out (since i still didn't reach the level that i want)... is that everyone is the same... even the ones who look so confident and composed about their lives are having the same struggle as me...
last advice... those fears and worries won't go by themselves... challenge yourself and they will automatically lessened by it.. like taking the responsibility for taking those kids to the showers... you would feel pressured and scared and helpless and you might not get things right .. the next time it would be easier and more successful... I tried it and it's working for me so far
of course the words of encouragement and having good friends to talk to, helps alot....
hope I was somehow useful...
If you need someone to talk to... don't hesitate... I'd be happy to help....
my email:
[email protected]
QueenMoona #4
Same problem.
I still need to boost my own self-confidence.
It's okay though!
You just need to find a way to be a little more confident.
Good luck!
:)
Kitty-elf #5
I had the same problem growing up. I ended up having to ease into things baby steps at a time. Start with small things that don't matter even if you do get laughed at. It also took me a long time to either ignore what people say (I still struggle with this) or make the joke first if I screw up so nobody else has that power.
NOLZA21 #6
Can I say that I somehow feel you? My social skills with people other than family always ... I still use to regret what I say right after speaking up. Mostly after my real self shows up. When people get to look at me strangely, I feel like being punched in a stomach. That's my fear of being rejected. But then I tell myself - why should I care about opinions of those who I'll probably never meet after graduating? Those who are the closest to me are the most important. Teachers, other students - all of that will be just a memory soon. Wouldn't challanging yourself, your fears feel less regretable later? Fighting it now will surely pay off in the future. How about doing smth that would boost your confidence, like working out? or idk smth that makes you feel good in your own skin. People are just people and others surely have their own embarrassing moments in life. Stressing over them is not worth it .
draculasdaughter #7
oh, i have just remembered a friend of mine who said once that she was always very intimidated and scared with her very demanding boss, so someone advised her that every time he yells at her, she would imagine him sitting on the toilette and taking a poop, that way she would remember that he is only a human like she is, nothing different from her, nothing to be scared off
draculasdaughter #8
I'd say choose something you feel good at it, and develop yourself as much as you can in that field, nothing can boost your self confidence more like success. Do you feel like having any particular talent? Actually you can try many new things, you might discover you are good in something you have never tried and had no idea you are good in that.
Just an idea it popped in my head, don't know if it's good or not
Lipita #9
I'm kinda like you to some extent. My advice to you is: you can't get out of your comfort zone all at once. You'll have to do it little by little otherwise it won't work.
If it comes a time when you'll have to stand for yourself, look at people in the eye, don't let them know about your lack of confidence because there are mean people out there who'll probably try to take advantage of you.
If there is something u have to do but have no confidence on doing, just try. Remember about the things you like to do or that you wish to do on the same day, and think "If I do this now, I'll be able to do this *thing I like* later today, so let's get this over with". For example, when I have a court hearing, or to phone call some important people, I always think "If I get this over now, I can leave and eat that piece of cake I'm craving" or "I can go to asiafanfics later to see if any of the stories I subscribed were updated".
There's not much advice I can give, but these small things work with me.
Give it a try.
And good luck ^.^
Angel110 #10
Aww, I know very well how you feel, I had this problemm too. But then I just tried to trust my skills, I knew which subjects I was actually pretty good at and started there with two to three more 'Meldungen' per lesson. My voice also used to be really quiet when I spoke and because I wanted people to finally respect me, I also started to change this. You need to change your mindset first and then work on those problems in tiny steps and after some time confidence and better oral marks will come fast ^^
kevinoppa #11
Oh my gosh. This is a serious problem.
Just think optimistic about everything.
if you make a mistake and get scolded or laughed at don't shy away. Ask why.
Also think of it as an opportunity to learn and gain experience. Find all the happy things about yourself. Youre on AFF making friends. You write stories.
Just think optimistic.
Hope this helped
DongBang5hinKi #12
Also, ich hatte das Problem auch wie ich 13/14 war. Dann hab ich mich English Conversation Kurs in der Schule angemeldet (wenn deine Schule soetwas anbietet, mach mit!) da spricht man nur English und es gibt keine Tests etc.
Langsam hab ich mich mehr und mehr geöffnet.
Nächster Schritt war es in der Stadt eifach auf fremde Leute/Touristen loszugehen und sie anzusprechen. Sie reagieren am Anfang etwas seltsam aber man kommt ins Gespräch (das hat mir sehr geholfen und bämm, heute quatsch ich jeden an/ seis im Zug/im Bus/ auf der Straße/ während dem Shoppen...
Du musst die Initiative ergreifen und dich einfach trauen. Wenn du es das erste mal machst, hast du eigentlich die Tür schon eingetreten! ;) der Rest kommt automatisch! (Auch Referate mit Schulkollegen helfen sehr)
Du musst deshalb nocht zum Psychologen, nimm deine beste Freundin/deinen besten Freund und sprecht fremde Leute auf der Strasse an (am helllichten Tag!) :) *glaubs mir, es funktioniert*
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