so...i've been looking for perfect candidate for my 'background' fic....

i mean...as the storyteller...since my fics often use first person pov writing style anyway...i know it's not a great choice...but it allows a more intimate connection between readers and the deepest feelings and thoughts of the character in a more realistic way....so i liked it...even if it doesn't seem the most professional....i like the genuineness vibe that i get from it...

since nobody recommend anyone after i asked in the previous blogpost...(lol, not like i expect/think anyone would...xD...i'm very good at reading people and situations and sentiments without having to see it...)

even if you know by now how biased i am for Kim Juna...she's not exactly a perfect representation of background...far from it...even if she's not in the toppest dogs rankings...

and i've been liking a few underdogs....but underdogs don't necessarily fit for 'background'...

i've been thinking this...

what is my definition of background?

because not everything can be defined as facts...a lot of things are just how we perceive them...individually...

that is...if you have any thoughts of your own instead of just taking what's deemed true by the majority...

lately i've been thinking...even a lot of things in science are facts created by human...not all make sense tbh...so science is not fact..and if it is...then fact itself is rigged...

what is truth?

you will know, we will know.

whether it be too late by then...

we will know.

maybe.

wait...is that a teaser for yet another new idea? no no...

get back to my background project.

so...i'm deliberating all girls i've come to like...

i've watched more girls...

but when i watched back the perf that inspired the idea...

(please pause at 0:45-0:46, thank you)

and ladies and gentlemen...i've found my storyteller...

 

 

 

Yoon Chaekyung

 

i love how one expression can tell so much underneath it (just like how i love Kim Juna's expression during Star Empire team perf in 1st ep...after Han Hyeri's cuteness storytelling that made everyone want to faint...so precious...JeA's expression too...i can create a story just based on one impactful understated expression...)

i know...i said about how dsp girls are so bland it's hard for me to love them,...well, more reason to use them as characters...

do you think i love Kevin that much when i made him as the voice/storyteller in Floral Rain?

i grow to love him more as i feel more of his (fictional) feelings...lol.

besides...her expression spoke so much to me...

i feel like there could be thousands of feels contained in that second...

(while the show editing keep trying to shove Kim Sejung's expression for every other perfs down the viewers throat cuz overexposure is brilliant n she's all viewers want to see...shooh other 60 girls...)

and when i went back to watch her fancam/focused ver of perf...

oh yes...yes yes....this girl is perfect...

she's....the epitome of tragic character....

a tragic background...

not too far behind or underrated or ranked too damn low...none of those....

but hardly making any impression or allowed to shine...it's like there's so much confinement..whether by situation by others or by herself...

and her expressions...nothing too emotional...yet so much is spoken by her eyes alone...

like suffering in silence...in calm acceptance of fate...

there's something so beautifully tragic in how well she fit in the background...

sadly...i don't watch any of her shows so idk her personality...

but if you just watch the perf...can you deny that it's like there are one main vocals, two lead vocals and she's the only background?...

even more tragic...

how come it's so hard when there's just four people?

though...there might be a change of plan....IF she's eliminated this round...

bcuz i'd rather choose someone still in so that if anyone read my fic....maybe it could help...?

idk...

i've done psychoish characters quite often lately...

i feel that this could be my calling to go back to tragic heartbleeding territory...

normal struggles of average people...

why do i like these kinda stuffs so much?

i guess breaking your own heart over fictional things are much more comforting than being heartbroken by real struggles...even if the fictional heartbreaks were inspired by possibly real stuffs...i think it's comforting to let it be felt by others...so that the people struggling won't be so lonely anymore....(wow...my mind wandered too far already lol)

maybe that's why i love fictional world so much no matter how lazy undetermined undisciplined i am to keep writing...

once i've established a world of fiction...even when i don't continue writing it....it goes on in my head...

that's enough....to the reader who really mattered for me, who bothered.......my stories aren't incomplete...most of them already completed...

that's how i have all the time for my random blogposts...mostly fangirling n spazzing what's my current obsession...

like if you're bored by my Im Hanbyul obsession....

now it's time for Produce 101...haha...i so hate this show n look what happened?

also...i'm proud to say this...

i've voted! a couple times....wow...it was hard having to vote for 11 girls...

i had to keep watching random girls i thought had a chance for me to like...

and i got it...my top 11...after vigorous going through...

though 1 was a random vote...i voted for different girls i fairly like since for that 1 spot...there's no one i wanted to vote so badly...

but...for that My Best team...(the video above)....remember how Kang Sira was the last and everyone keep blabbering how she deserves more n they started voting for her...

but i'm so sad...

to say that she got 61st place....but the 60th place at that time was also in this same team...

and nobody give a cuz that ain't the trend...

ugh....

so i voted for all girls in that team minus the one everyone would already have taken care of...since she didn't touched my heart as much as the backgrounds anyway...even if she's out...she already had her limelight...she'd be fine...

all stars deserve to be the brightest at least once...

so much feels...

i think i'll end up with a poem before i could write a fic....lol

i'm just hoping the girls i tried to save will still be saved...

though chances aren't great...

 

 

oh speaking of...people's annoying biasedness towards popular one...

it reminds me...when i was just casually watching the perfs out of boredom of nothing to watch...(that was, some weeks ago)

i came across this.

and when i look at the comments at the group video...i was pretty sure of all the praises some would've went to that girl in blue n stripes (ok so her name is...uhm...Kim Jayeon...yes)

but nope...everyone's just spazzing bout the popular girls...

almost none commented on that girl when she's the one i kept noticing for how much she fits in After School song vibe i guess...even if i'm not an After School fan...

but i guess since she's not from pledis/jellyfish/mbk/some other popular companies in the competition or any other popular contestants...so even if she fit n did welll...

she deserves no praise/mention...(wait...i just noticed she's from Happyface..and lately i find myself liking people who happen to come from Happyface...hmmm...sadly for the huge number of trainees from this company...most are already out of the competition...only Hwang Sooyeon n Hwang Ah Young left n i'm not sure if they'll be saved this round...especially ahyoung since she's a vocalist who had to do rap due to low rank...just like SE's Sihyun)

she's already out of the competition btw.

 

world, you and the way you judge is so damn predictably annoying...

i'm tired.

can i find another me?

i'm so tired of the annoyance...

even if i am just as annoying n i'm the same as you people...just in opposite way...which isn't perfect at all...

i just wish i could find someone whose thoughts won't make me feel so alone...

someone who'd have a different perspective in the fandoming world...someone who'd understand why i hold on to my sentiments n who feels indifferent to the sameness of almost everyone...for whatever reason...

but i don't want to find someone who do that just for the sake of it...someone who'd just say 'yeah i agree with you cuz you're right'...

no...that'd suffocate me in fact...

just someone genuinely refreshing...the staleness of sameness is killing....

someone who can make me think...

am i asking for too much?

or am i just keep looking at the wrong places...?

 

sigh.

oh well..

i sound really arrogant now i can't even defend myself or justify anything...

i'm not that cheap to do that...

meh.

 

here...

Insun's selfcam...and just like Hyemin...so many people in her selfcam...

i'm really liking this unnie-line...they have this warm n kind vibe...n i admire them for still fighting to realize their dreams at this age...even if the world would consider them already old...that makes them even more admirable n pretty to me...

though Park Hayi is the oldest at 28........but...i don't find anything special about her that makes me want to root for her hard...other than...she looks like that one actress.....was it...So Yi Hyun? idk...haha...or maybe that's just in my eyes....

 

to the underdogs...to the backgrounds

the ones who shined so bright...

yet never seen...never seen...

wherever you are...

thank you for shining so bright...

you're my inspiration...

and i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one special snowflake...

it's just my likeminded souls are probly too lazy to say anything...

while i'm too immatured to say everything.

no regrets.

 

 

ps: pick me is such an annoying ty song... how on earth did that song even manage to chart...

oh i forgot...annoying ty songs ALWAYS chart.

it's the good stuff that rarely do...

:p