Some thoughts about my stay in AFF: Stories for Adoption

Okay, so it's been four years and some spare months, and though, I have suffered multiple mental meltdowns (to my shame) it has been relatively fun. I created this account to ship my ship (TabiSan) and to write stories that I liked, and though, I am a lot unhappy about some of my stories, I think I should at least admit to myself, that during the creation of these stories, I actually was pretty fond of them.

I am actually writing this blog while I am considering putting Inappropriate Arrangements for adoption. I know I owe a lot to IA, and really, I think it was the foundation of who I am perceived as today. I do like IA up to some degree... it's just at this moment, I am unsure of how to proceed. I think I have lost the story's heart, and I think if I continue, I may dawdle or ruin it in the end.

I don't really know if I want people to talk me out of this. It does feel like a doctor telling me to amputate a gangrene leg, because though I feel like me being free of IA would be something that would be good for me, I am still reluctant to... I am not sure what to do.

I understand a lot of readers like me from reading IA, and for some this might be the only story I've written they've read, and I know I am losing that too... But a counterpoint to that is I don't want to write a story just because people are clamouring for it. Here are my thoughts about it.

Why I want to give up IA?

1. I don't like IA like I did when I first wrote it. I honestly don't. There might have been a time that I say I hate IA in a playful manner, but this is honestly the case now. I don't like IA, and I think another writer might like IA more and they could continue the story much better than I can at this point. IA is my baby and I hate that it's standing stagnant because I don't want to write it.

2. I want to see it done. I really do. I only ever finished one multi-chapter story, and it hurts me to think that this one would be one of those projects that never gets done because of my emotional problems. I mean, up to some point, I like IA. I want to see it finished, and maybe I am just not that person up to the task.

3. IA has stressed me out more than any story I've ever written. As some of you are privy to the knowledge, I am suffering from emotional issues. (I am on meds. I am actually clinically bipolar.) And IA has been something that whittles away at my self-esteem. I am an aspiring literary author IRL, and IA has never been something I would have written to be read by the public. I am not ashamed of , and I really do think that is something that women should be open about. But I am not an a writer. I write stories with scenes, but it was never my intent to write solely for the ... which is oddly what IA turned out to be. Once upon a time, I really did think there is something more to IA, but now, I don't. It's a with a bit of romance. It's pretty simplistic, and though I have enjoyed writing something simple for so long, I no longer do. I don't know how to ecplain it really.

Why I DONT want to give up IA?

1. It's complicated really, but if you've ever written something, you might have some idea. It's been 4 years that I have written this (in sporadic bursts), and it really is the story that made secretseven (or established secretseven as an AFF writer). It's difficult for me to give up, because it's mine. I have never known it as not mine. It does feel like I am giving up my pinky... or my leg. I don't know

2. I don't want to be a quitter. I think I'm a quitter.... I really do. My personality disorder has driven me to give up on my friends, my family, and here and then, my life... and I am such a stick on the mud that I feel like if I give up in this simple story I have failed completely in life. Hahaha. I know it's extreme, but I am bipolar... so...

3. Losing my most credited work in AFF. This story is my most popular, and the others pale in comparison by more than a thousand and hundreds subscribers. I always say I don't care much about subscribers, or upvotes, or being featured... but I do care a little. I am the most recognized singularly TabiSan writer in AFF, and I am giving that title up... and after that, I actually don't know who I am anymore here... But maybe that's good... to not care again, to give up that unneeded fame.

I want to talk to someone who would help me decide. I don't have many friends here anymore, as per that little quibble up there. They have given up on me, or I have given up on them... so I need someone to errr... guide me through the decision. I know some of you claim that I am your "favourite TabiSan author" but when IA is gone from me, would you still feel the same?

If you want to adopt IA and you think I should, please tell me. I am sorry, but as this is like getting the news that I need to cut off a finger, please be gentle... and also, you will be my co-author and you can write what you want, and then when I am ready (maybe 2-3 chapters of your release) I will transfer IA to you.

If you want to co-author IA with me, please let me know. Co-authoring would mean you submit chapters and I edit them and make them more secretseven's IA. I will of course credit you. If you want I can tell you about my plans for it... and you can do with it as you will.

If you think I should keep writing IA, let me know why... I would really appreciate it. A part of me still want to keep IA, and maybe I just need a really strong argument... I don't know. Maybe I need an editor. LOL

If you want to be IA Editor, let me know. This means, errr, I will submit to you my chapter, you will tell me if it's any good, or if I need to scrap it and do a rewrite. You will whoop my , or tell me I'm doing okay... LOL. I don't really know if anyone wants to do this, but just in case right? We all want to see IAQ finished at some point, right?

If you have any ideas about the matter, please don't hesitate to share them. But please don't leave haphazard comments like, "it's up to you" or "Noooooo!" because those don't help. I appreciate your concern, but I am seriously considering this matter, so yeah, please be mindful of things you say. Thanks.

PLEASE COMMENT. DON'T PM ME AS I AM BEING PM'D BY RIDICULOUS PEOPLE RECENTLY. SO I KINDA THINK PM IS A HUGE INVASION OF MY PRIVATE SPACE BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T CONSIDER ME AS A PERSON THEY SHOULD TREAT WITH THE BASIC PROTOCOL OF RESPECT.

 

I know I sound like a pain in the to talk to and I really do think I am... but I really need help, I think if I don't come to decision about IA all my stories will stagnate as well, and I just... you know, want to move on.

 

 

NOTES: I am also putting Absolute Girlfriend for adoption. Please let me know if anyone is interested. I think for this one, you don't have to be as gentle, but be gentle just in case we encounter an unexpected flare up. AG is not as popular, and at one point, I really enjoyed writing it, but now... I just don't feel connected to the storyline. Here is a link if you want to check it out to consider continuing it: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/95943/absolute-girlfriend-angst-choiseunghyun-dara-drama-romance-top-topdara

 

 

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raylee77 #1
Not really bye, I think you deserve to know some parts of my comment. Hmm I remember I said you're cute, your author's note in each chapter are also cute, your comment replies are surprisingly cute too, I'm sorry if I sounded creepy. Then I also mentioned your bipolarity is kinda your charm and sometimes I have the urge to punch you in the face and hope you don't get offended by it. Ah! I also said I like you, ofc I like your story too, but seriously I like you because I think you're cute, and weird, and funny, and weird again haha
raylee77 #2
You know, I had written a very long and endearing comment but accidentally refreshed the page and it was gone! I was thinking of writing them down again with my sharp memory, but it's just too long and I'm too lazy, who said only you get to be lazy huh?
I'm sorry you miss your chance to be flattered, it's my fault. I myself was furious and annoyed, because honestly that was my longest comment in aff, and I'd say my best comment too, I was even thinking to screenshoot it after done posting.
I don't know what I should say in this new comment lol, bye.
pilyangsweet #3
Don‘t give up sweetheart!!!!...

If ur not 100% of giving it away then dont....just like u said its ur story...apart of u is in that story....so dont give it up...

Take a rest...find other things that will help u get well and motivated again then come if u think ur ready...i will wait...we will wait!!....
secretseven #4
Just so the message is not diluted in the comments, please don't hesitate to let me know if you want to adopt IA. And while I appreciate everyone telling me they'd like me to keep it, it's not really helping all that much.
darabbit24 #5
Hi! Reading what some others wrote, i agree that you should continue writing it. As a reader, i think that the story will not be as interesting or should I say 'authentic' to us if someone else writes it. I know that it'll be hard for you to continue. But then again you said that you still like it at some point, so i guess that will somehow help you write it.

Well, this is just my opinion. It's all up to you in the end. :)
hooch1028 #6
Hello Sevvy,
It's been quiet a while since we last had a good conversation here, I had a chance to befriend you on twitter but I guess it would be an unfair thought of being a friend to you :(

I just want to let you know that though you've been my most followed TABISAN author. And yeah, it has been a good journey. Inappropriate Arrangement piqued my excitement into a guessing game of your muses characters and I can honestly say by giving it up is like loosing a limb. Your stories for me has your imprint, has your soul even if you think that the direction of this story is not what your actually hoping to accomplish it wouldn't be the same as Sevvy's touch.
Sushimidumpling #7
I think you should keep writing IA. I think it has sustenance and depth. I'm biased with Dara and really appreciate the colorful thoughts she has. She goes around and around in loops and I can partially understand her. I really enjoy her unpredictable behavior. Tops cool too but what captivates me is how Dara thinks, how she questions, and how she doesn't really reach a solid stance and I think that's ok. I think you do her character justice. Granted, if someone adopts IA or co writes with you and all that I'll definitely give it a chance. I just think you should continue to be a part of IA because it's your baby and I think you'd appreciate seeing something done that's yours. But I support any decision you make because you are a person first. And whatever direction you take I only wish you the best.
chen_free #8
I have always liked your writing for the imagery. My favorite would have to be Maleficent, it was titled Maleficent wasn't it? All that bathing in fire and heat and fallen angels . As to IA, it started as an assault on the senses. I remember picturing throb lights and sound and cloaks of smoke. It had a very heady feel to it. That being said, atmosphere is an essential mix in IA, and it rans the risk of actually losing that if and when you decide to change hands.
Choijagiya #9
Hi! You were introduced to me by a friend... I meant your stories! And I can say that you're a good author. I'm not trying to make you feel better I'm just telling the truth. To be honest, I've never found AI very "a-ish". I always find your scenes romantic and full of love. You write so beautifully to the point I become a TabiSan stan. After I read this, I felt your sorrows and frustrations. I really did "feel" you. I just want you to know that I'm wishing you the best and I'm hoping that you'll get and feel better. Going back to AI, a co-author won't hurt and an editor might help too but I think you should not leave your stories completely. It's not because of fame but because I believe that even if someone will finish it, it will always be yours. Please treat your stories as your treasures. I know that someday these stories will help you to be what you really want to become. If they gave up on you, well we don't! Fighting authornim!
ssantokilover #10
Dear sevvy..

Hello, it's been a long time since i hear from you..
First, so sorry to hear that news from you, and i hope you will better soon.
Second, as much as i like your story, but i don't have tha ability to be your co-author or to adopted your baby (stories)
yuki_no_ #11
I have also been experiencing "drought" in writing that even typing up a comment takes a while for me. And as much as I would love for you to continue with IA, I know it's not that easy. Especially with your current situation, adjusting to the meds and it's side effects would probably take a while.

Anyway, I would prefer if you finish the story yourself. But since it's probably not the best option for you, it's really up to you if you want to discontinue it or have someone else take over. I just want to say that it would be entirely different if someone else writes it. As much as I am tempted to say "I want to adopt the fic" I can't, in good conscience say that, for the sole reason that I'm also not completely mentally "there" LOL I can't even verbalize what's swirling in my head let alone write fiction. Anyway, keep us posted! :) And I wish you all the best! I cannot say that I understand your situation but I still believe that you can cope with it! ^.^
hellokorea #12
Part 2 of comment (it wouldn't let me post more than 2000 characters)

-Other thought, I would be willing to help edit, if you don't want to give up the story- but I am not a fiction writer myself. Also, I may not have similar taste to most of the people here, so they may not like the direction the story goes if my input is involved. I'm very interested in the emotional and psychological realities of characters, journeys people go on internally, and I like there to be some connection to what different types of people go through internally in real life. This is a reason I like your stories, though you think your stories here are mostly fluff. I disagree. I think some of them have a lot of truth mixed with the fluff. I think mixing those things together makes them even more potent.

Okay, my thoughts may have seemed disjointed, but I think I got out all I wanted to say on this matter. If I think of something else, I'll write another comment. On a different note, do you use LINE? I haven't used it yet, but I thought that may be a way to talk to you, since I'm in the US and you're in Canada. My current cell service is domestic only. I used to have international calling to talk to a friend I have in France, but we switched to communicating more by email, so I got rid of international calling.
hellokorea #13
Hey Sevvy. I meant to write/call you, but then holidays were crazy and now my schedule is packed again. I will write more of this privately in an email, hopefully soon. But I wanted to comment on this. I'm wondering if you put a link to this blog post on the IA page. I'm still not savvy re: how this website works, but I'm wondering if a lot of the fans of IA might not know about this post.

-As for my feelings about it, I've told you IA is not my favorite story of yours. I like it, but there are a bunch of others I like a lot more. However, without IA I would never have found you, which means I would have never read your other stories. Imagining never reading your other stories makes me sad. I would like other people with the same tastes as mine to be able to discover you too. So could you leave IA up, and for the last chapter, link to the entire story, including the ending, on the new author's page?

I think I may have found IA by searching for TOP. I was new to this site and KPop culture (my exposure to Korean culture having been through my personal life, up to that point, watched a few Kdramas, mostly with my husband, etc.) On AFF, I had tried finding stories just by starting with the most viewed and sampling the first couple pages. Man, I went through a lot of stories trying to find something I liked. I may have found IA by most viewed, or I may have found it by searching for Top. I had read an article about Uhm Jung Hwa, where she said that when she was having a down day, watching Top (I guess in a video) made her feel better. Since she's closer to my age and liked him, I thought maybe if I searched for stories starring him, I may have better luck finding stories I liked. I think this may have been the way I found IA. I just had another thought, if your name is still credited as being one of the authors and is linked to, people could still find your other stories that way.
lowhigh #14
I can't speak in english well.. so me expression not good.
but.. i love your stories. and always thank you for your updating.
so.. i wish you happy like me. when i read your story, i'm very happy.. wish you happy when you write this amazing story.
i want you will continue this.. i will wait~:) but i don't want you to push.. ^^
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