Hello, stragglers,

This may interest you, but I am leaning towards a not.

You may or may not remember me as I have been out of sight (out of mind) as I had an personal journey towards ummmm... mental fitness. Ha!

Anyway, I have spent a time settling my (very) turbulent inner self, and have been toying with the idea of writing again. I guess this may matter very little to everyone, but as I have always known, my writing, obviously including my blogs, are rather impulsive like say a good retching. (This is funny for me.)

I have stopped writing for a time. I can say that my last writing project dates roughly two months ago, and if you don't have writerly feelings, I can honestly it's like nothing else, like leaving a place that you loved, and nothing is familiar anymore. It's a strange sad feeling when a person loses something they believe made them a person. It's an overdramatic sadness that is ironically, not an overstatement.

Writing to me was an indulgence, but also, I felt comfort and belonging in it, and because I was insane... I trashed about and hurled all the and at one point, I could no longer stay. This is of course, apparent if you had witnessed my mental breakdown, given of course the screen that is the internet and your monitor. But I was sincerely in emotional distress that extended to my soul. I am at lost on how to describe. It's just despair, deep and salty.

After taking medication, I can say I found this thing, this happiness, that is shallow of course, but still it was pure and true. And I seldom cry myself in existential despair anymore. I seldom want to die. I seldom think I am nothing. It is good.

I do, however, miss writing, miss the passion, miss the feeling the I am meant to do something that makes me... different from other people. And that is writing. That is that moment I am just words on your screen, a story in your head, and that crazy feeling that I am doing something only I could do... Sigh. Such grand thing this... fan fiction. Ha.

I mean, of course, to say that fanfiction is fun and good and I thank anyone who reads me and lets the process of writing be completed. But I do want to thread carefully, as I don't know how shallow this pool of calm that I am in. And I goddam need that pool or I will be on fire again.

What this means is I am going to start writing agin, perhaps not in the frenzy and the way people liked before, because as much as I did like indulging in the shipping feels, I no longer think I am that person. Do not get me wrong I am stil in the tired ship of TOPDara, but I will most probably no longer write indulgent romcoms. I am reviewing what I have here and I WILL BE DELETING STORIES I no longer think my current self can continue. I am sorry if you liked it, but you will get over it soon enough. That's human nature, we move on. :)

I am no longer ask for permission in doing so as these are my stories, and I am the one who will let them go. They are ideas that anyone else can pursue if they like, it's just in my head, they no longer drive me to writing, so it is a lost cause, peeps. I am sorry.

Of course, this is under the assumption that someone cares. And if no one does, which is a possiblity, I am OK. People always overestimate other people's emotional investment. Because I am emotionally inept, this has always been more apparent in me.

I am just... coming back and putting the fingers on the keyboard, letting my mind do some mental exercise here. Limbering up, hopefully, this will stir my sleeping soul and get me back to writing again in the real world. Just... Just a thought.

If you are interested in what I will be dippiong my fingers back in, I am honestly am just thinking of one story and it's Fairy Tale. That's it, I may try other stories. But I hoestly don't want to deal with anything else. Hahaha. I don't I feel very fragile.

As for new stories that I am hoping to do, I maybe exploring other pairings! Guys, as fandoms go, I am terribly into K.A.R.D. and I ship Jiwoo and J.seph. Hahahahahahahaha. And for some odd reason I expect to write some Bobby (who I ship with Lee Su hyun) and some One (who I ship with Lee Hi).

If you are curious as to what my song on repeat is, it is Heyahe/Gettin' by by One... who I havebeen reluctantly in love with these past few days. Sigh.

You made it to the end of this blog!

HELLO!