to the few precious people who gave advices and cheered me up when i said that my results was asdfghjkl,

T H A N K   Y O U ! ! ! ! !  (<<<< points dramatically at the phrase with a weird face until your screen breaks xD)

so far, my parents gave me no chance to have my emotional/mental breakdown phase. you know like when you get really bad news, you need to go through a slump phase where you just give up on life and lock yourself in your room till it reaks of rubbish and your grow a beard? (okay i CAN'T grow a beard i'm a girl and i'll die if i lock myself in my room without food)

well, i didn't get to have a proper, uninterrupted moody phase at all, WHICH EVEN MORE! because seriously, I was trying to go through that 'give up on life and cry' phase and my mom comes in and gives me a whole "what are you going to do now? how do you retake your papers? what do you do to retake your papers?" talk, not once, but a few times throughout the day.

mom, not cool. you're supposed to at least tell me that "it's okay" instead of skipping that step and diving straight into that "what's your next step now" level.

even my dad, first thing he told me on Whatsapp was "find out how to retake your papers", not "it's okay try better next time" bruhh i don't feel the emotional concern!

anyhow, i did say that i was gonna lay off writing my stories for that one day (and yesterday too), but i got into a habit, once i sit down, i take my phone and continue writing. (so i'm not Gen-Y with my phone in public, i'm writing stories, leave me alone)

just now, i had to delete everything i wrote the pass two days, because i really made one of the characters from Life As It Is get beaten up so bad, her brother disowned her; i killed both male characters in Who is My Prince, leaving the girl helplessly crying in the rain; and..

okay i shall not list it all out i am a horrible person. now i have to rewind everything, every i wrote. xD

what was i thinking.. the last time i got a really bad day, i wrote a very angsty oneshot (Goodbye, My First Love). this time, i think it affected me more than it should have. i didn't think of writing a oneshot, i just killed everyone. not everyone.. but the damage was crazy.

cleaning up the mess i did with my stories before i update any of them.

and the final decision right now is to retake my papers end of this year. there's going to be another round of exams in october/november. if you know how A Levels work, I'm retaking my A2 papers. all of them. because the dear university i applied to only accepted if i had all three subjects taken at one shot. That means, 3 subjects, about 30++ chapters of lessons, needed to be revised in 2.5months. I got scared of the thought of retaking everything and going through the stress again, but i decided to put my trust in God as always. Hey i didn't get good results, it's not because God didn't help. It's because i didn't study enough. It would make God a very irresponsible God if he were to just snap his finger and make everything work out for me if i was lazy. xD

i have to get all my books back from my juniors (i'm sorry guys but this senior.. is not a very good example lol) and start studying again.

[13.08.2015 | 2222]