I am a scary person. I overthink everything. I worry about every significant move I make. I fear failure and loneliness. I fear lots of thngs actually. But yesterday I discovered my worst fear of all. 

My uncle passed away.

Aside from my mom he is... was the only family that still lives in the area. My other uncle and aunt live in different states. I am close with my aunt but not so much with my other uncle. My uncle used to come over all the time and watch TV with my mom. He used to discuss politics and ways to save money with me and my sister. He came over our house a couple days before. He was fine. My mom spoke to him on the phone that morning. He was fine. I had no idea that would be the last time I would see him...

The worst part about death is that it's unexpected and you will NEVER see that person again. You can speak of them, but they will NEVER speak to you.

This truth made me realize my biggest fear: My loved ones might die at a vulnerable time in my life.

I don't fear dying. I fear others dying. The only two people I love and trust unconditionally are my mom and sister. If they are gone I will have no one. How will I support myself?? How can I get through high school and college and life in general without my mom?? One day she will be gone and there's nothing I can do to stop it. If that's not ing terrifying then I don't know what is.

My uncle is the oldest. My mom is the second oldest. Does that mean she'll be the next to go?? My mom said death happens in three's. I believe it's true.

This is the first time I experienced someone close to me pass. It ing . Everyday I fear another family member could be next and I will be alone and abandoned.