Longggggg chapter hehe ><

Sunji was practicing hard and the dance battle that she had won earned her respect from both trainees and teachers alike. She made the cut for the annual SM Trainee Showcase and well, I didn't. Albeit being really disappointed, I knew she deserved it. She was spending more and more time training with the EXO members since they were the special guests for the event. The extra time that they had together allowed the bond between them to deepen. But miraculously, this did not affect anything between Sunji and I.

With the exception of Kris, I did not talk much to the others because I felt too shy and nervous to even approach them. Sunji had grown the closest to Chanyeol and Kai but she was undoubtedly well-liked by all the members and they all saw her as someone they needed to care for and protect.

Unfortunately, she had sprained her ankle during her dance practice with Luhan which got Kai really mad at him for not taking care of her properly. From an outsiders point of view I felt that Kai was really just overreacting and that it was beyond Luhan's control but Luhan seemed to willingly take the blame for it. She was much too injured to perform for the event so the opportunity was given to me. I felt like crap knowing that I was literally only second best to Sunji but she was genuinely happy for me which made me guilty for feeling that way previously.

After I was chosen to take Sunji's place in the showcase, the EXO members' schedules coincidentally became much more packed. Even though I knew that they were truly busy with their own personal schedules, I couldn't help but feel that they were avoiding me on purpose and that they did not approve of the change in performer.

During one of my practice sessions, my legs gave way the moment the music ended, and I was feeling thoroughly exhausted. "I'll take 5 then continue," I mentally ordered. I had been practising since 9 in the morning without taking a single break in between. Needless to say, I was drained and on the brink of collapsing. Checking my phone, I saw that it was already 2.30pm and Sunji had sent me a 'Fighting!' text 30 minutes ago. I smiled at the message and instantly wished she was there with me.

Why did you have to get injured? I feel so alone right now. I know we agreed to join together but why do I feel like you're just moving on and leaving me behind?

I guess the sheer exhaustion and loneliness I felt eventually took a toll on me and I felt tears start forming in my eyes.

Gosh. I am really tired.

The smile on my face was getting harder and harder to keep on and deep down, I was so battered and sad. Before the tears could fall, the door opened and I looked up to see Suho and Baekhyun entering the room. Blinking away the tears as they made their way towards me, I stood up.

"Hey Sunji!" Baekhyun chimed cheerfully while Suho just waved.

"Hi," I started, breaking into a tiny smile for the first time since morning.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Can't we visit our dear Hye Sun?" Baekhyun placed his hands over his heart and pretended to sound hurt while wiping away non-existent tears. I giggled a little and Suho smacked the back of Baekhyun's head.

"Yah! Can't you be serious even for a second? We just thought to drop by and see how you're doing. So how's the choreography coming along?" Suho chided Baekhyun and informed me.

"Seonsaengnim thought that the choreography he had originally arranged for Sunji was much too difficult for me. So well, he changed it and I'm not sure whether to feel thankful or slightly offended." I joked. "Anyways, I think it would be much better if I could practice it with you guys but since you're all so busy, I really don't want to burden you." I ended with a forced smile that neither Baekhyun nor Suho seemed to have noticed.

"That's great to know. We're really sor-"

Suddenly, the door was flung open and Kai poked his head in through the hole. "Hyungs, we need to go! The car is leaving!" Kai merely gave me a small nod in acknowledgement before walking off while Suho and Baekhyun prepared to leave.

"Practice hard! We'll visit you again!" Suho and Baekhyun gave me the 'Fighting!' sign, accompanied with bright smiles, as they left the room. Once they left, the loneliness settled in the room again and my smile slowly dropped.

Not in the mood to practice anymore, I decided to call it a day. Reckoning I had practised enough, I packed up my things and left for the hospital. I hadn't been able to accompany Sunji to her daily physiotherapy sessions (to aid in the healing of her ankle) because her sessions always clashed with my training schedules. My mood picked up a little at the idea of wanting to surprise Sunji at the hospital.

Arriving at the hospital, I asked for directions to the room where physiotherapy sessions were carried out. As I reached the room, I heard obnoxious laughter and I immediately knew that they belonged to the EXO members.

Aren't they supposed to have schedules?

I stepped forward and peeked through the small opening of the door. The members were obviously laughing at something Sunji had just said, seeing the pout on Sunji's face. My mood instantly hit rock bottom. Before my presence could be noticed, I my heels and walked off, tears streaming from my eyes as I struggled to hold them back.

So all this while, they were really avoiding me? Sunji always gets the best huh? Everyone just leaves me in the end don't they? First Jungkook, then Kris and now Sunji.

*Flashback*

"Sorry, my music career is much more important. Thank you for the past two years Hye Sun. I really did love you." I knew he was debuting and needed to leave me behind sooner or later. I had seen this coming, I had prepared for it, yet it still hurt.

"It's okay. I understand. I wish you the best. Thanks for a great two years ah Jungkook," were my last words to him before he left, for good.

After that day, I found myself unable to let go of the relationship Jungkook and I had. Having had a history of depression, the breakup was the trigger point to my relapse, thus completely and utterly messing up my life. Deciding that I needed to piece my life back together, I went to consult a psychiatrist and it was at that psychiatrist that I had met Sunji for the second time.

"Tch. You out of all people. Are you stalking me or something?" I ignored Sunji and kept my stare straight, face blank. "Now you're ignoring me. Are you deaf, mute or dead?" Sunji muttered under her breath but I caught everything she said. "I wish I was." I whispered hoarsely, eyes watery.

"Gosh what's up with you. You can't possibly be more screwed in the head than me. At least you didn't watch the only person you ever truly loved die right before your eyes right?" Sunji took a seat beside me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, trying to give me comfort that she was obviously so unused to providing.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I turned to look at her with glassy eyes. "You can tell me." I continued to look at her. "How about this? You tell me your problems and I'll tell you mine. Deal?" To be honest, I was genuinely touched. Why would someone I've met only once, care so much about me and be willing to go to such an extent just to get me talking? I didn't know why, but I poured my heart out to her.

At the end of our short heart-to-heart session in a small and comfy café, I knew that I had made a friend worth keeping. We were similar in almost all ways which probably explained the inseparable bond we now had.

I suffered from depression, she suffered from anxiety attacks. I lost my first love and she watched on helplessly as her brother perished. In a sadistic way, we bonded over our pain and loss and together, we tried to heal.

*Present*

Unknowingly, I arrived at the rooftop. Taking a spot on the ledge, I looked out to see the skyline of Seoul.

"Why does everyone end up leaving me?" Tears were rolling down my face despite my futile attempt to hold them back, landing on the railing in continuous drops. Slowly pulling out my phone, I dialled the familiar number I had imprinted deep in my mind. Just as I was about to press call, I hesitated and ended up turning off my phone before putting it back into my pocket. I knew myself best. If I heard Mum's voice right now, I would surely be tempted to give up on everything and return home.

"Gosh. I really hate this." Staring out at the breathtaking view of Seoul, I allowed my memories and troubles to surge out all at once. The onslaught of emotions were overwhelming and had me choking for air I truly feared that I would have an attack right then and there. As I took deep breaths to calm myself down, I reminisced about the bittersweet moments.

"It's okay. I can do this. I've been through worse."

Haven't I?

"I can do this."

It was supposed to serve as self-motivation yet it had me feeling much worse. As pathetic as it sounded, my thoughts would always arrive back at the sickeningly detestable question:

Could I actually get through this?

Time flew past unnoticed and before I knew it, my stomach grumbled.

"Ah, it's already 8.37?" I mumbled as I switched on my phone and saw the digital time displayed on the lock screen. "No wonder it's so dark and you," I patted my stomach, "must be starving after going through such a long day without food. Well, how does some ddeokbokki sound?"

Standing infront of the streetfood stall, holding on to a bowl of steaming hot ddeokbokki, I was practically drooling.

"Finally! Food!" I exclaimed excitedly. Yet before I could get the ddeobeokki in my mouth, scenes of the EXO members laughing with Sunji flashed through my mind.

They're probably eating together now.

Immediately, I lost my appetite. Sighing, I made my way back to the dorm. Nothing was turning out the way I expected and I was already dreading the next few days of training alone.

Poor Hye Sun T_T

/slaps myself/ ok bye ><