Things have gone crazy lately. Now we are promoting as 11 and everyone is on edge.

Not only that, we have our first concert and everyone has mixed feelings. Each of us had to prepared a solo for this occasion and it was a mystery even to each other.

One night Sehun looked especially shy.

“Hyung, can I show you my solo? I think is ready but I feel is missing something”

“Sure”

He connects his mobile to the stereo and music starts to play. He does a few turns about the room as if waiting for the perfect beat to start and when he does I loose my neck again.

Is so y and suggestive.

He finishes.

“So, what do you think? Should I change something?”

“No. It’s perfect. Umm, I have to go for a while. Don’t wait up”

“Oh, ok hyung. Thank you for watching”

Then he gives me a y smirk and I just run out of the room.

The air feels cold as I run on the sidewalk. How dare Oh Sehun be so y?! And how dare he show it to everyone else?! But I won’t stay still. If he is gonna be that y, I will have to up my game as well. Maybe I can show my abs on the concert…

~ ~ ~

Concerts are nearing to and end but I’m falling ill more often. It is nice to have Sehun taking care of me and the other boys not to bother as much but is almost unbearable. Also, even when it hit me late, I’m feeling awfully home sick. The last time I went home my mom looked so much older. She isn’t well either, her health is in bad shape and I feel terrible that only I’m having fun and not taking care of her.

I grow a bit distant from the others, even Sehun has noticed. But it was Xiumin who spoke to me first.

“What’s wrong? There’s something bothering you and I don’t think is your fatigue alone.”

“I want to go home”

“What do you mean?”

“To China”

Silence fills the air.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

“What about Sehun?”

“He is the only reason I haven’t left yet”

~ ~ ~

I’ve been missing more concerts. I can’t do this anymore. It is the hardest decision in my life and even if I would like to flip a magic wand and fix everything I know I can’t and I have to go down this path.

After one night in the practice room preparing for the concerts in China, the guys come back home. I have ordered a bunch of delicious food. Once everyone has eaten to their hearts content I break the news.

“Guys, I’m going back home. I’m sorry, I love you but I can’t do this anymore”

I make sure to look straight into Sehun eyes as I say I love you.

Time seems to freeze but it breaks the spell when Sehun gets up and storms off to our room slamming the door behind him.

~ ~ ~

“Sehun?”

I walk in slowly and notice that he is sleeping in his own bed, his back facing away from me.

“Sehun, we need to talk”

He snaps at me then.

“Talk? We need to talk now?! You decide to leave on your own and now you want to talk?! Why couldn’t you tell me before?! If it was so hard, maybe I’ve could have helped!”

“No, Sehun… there’s nothing…”

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

Sehun gets up and storms out the room. The front door slams shut before I can make my way to it. I don’t follow him. Just as I did, he needs time to think. And I don’t want him to see me cry.

~ ~ ~

Sehun changes room and avoids me at all cost. He looks mad whenever he’s at home or at the company and he just laughs and plays as if nothing happened when we are in public.

I don’t dare ask anymore of him. I am at fault and could not make him suffer anymore. It was beyond expectations when he loved me back. I never expected to fall in love with the kid that crashed into me almost 5 years ago. I got everything I could ask for and more. Now is time for me to love him on my own.

~ ~ ~

The last concert I will be attending will be in my hometown. The fans don’t suspect anything but the boys are very conscious that this is farewell.

The last piece ends and we all bow heading backstage as the lights turn off.

This is the last time. The last time for so many things. The last time I’ll have Sehun next to me. I tried my best to stand next to him when we all hold hands and bow. Maybe that way I could hold his hand one last time, but just when I thought I had succeeded he moved away.  

I say my goodbyes to all the boys and hug them tightly. I still love them all and am grateful to them. I will still call them my friends. I grab my bag and walks towards the back where Sehun is sitting.

“I guess this is goodbye. Take care. I… I…”

I can’t bring myself to say the last words. I love you. I want to scream, but it would be selfish of me to say them out loud. He doesn’t look at me and I turn to walk away.

I walk towards the exit and each step becomes harder and more difficult than the one before. The cold air hits my face as I step outside. It’s almost winter now, very fitting with my mood.

I look up. Only two stars can be seen in the sky. As tears start rolling down my eyes a pair of long white arms embrace me.

Sehun.

He is crying as well, still wearing his stage clothes.

“It’s too late for me to ask you to stay. I’m sorry”

There is only one thing I wish to say to him.

“I love you”

“I love you too, hyung.

He takes off a bracelet from his arm. He has two of the same. He slips one into my arm.

“We can make this work. We’ve done long distant before”

“But, Sehun”

“Please, don’t push me away”

I look into his eyes and know that I can never deny anything to this boy.

“I won’t”

And so, our long distant relationship started. We send pictures and hidden messages thru SNS, we flight to see each other in secret and we call each other many times. It pains me not to sleep with Sehun wrapped around my arms each night but having him, still being able to call him mine is more than enough. How can it not be, when I’m in love with Oh Sehun.