In the next months we go thru so many changes. Even when we are one group we have been split into M and K and some days we barely see each other at the dorm.

Today we are all together as they are fitting us into what will be our very first stage clothes. They hand me a pair of leather pants, and a few shirts and jackets. When I pull the curtain to the changing room I find myself facing a half Sehun. He is putting up his leather pants.

“What are you doing hyung? Come in, the air is cold.”

He grabs my wrist, pulls me in and draws the curtain.

It must be because of the small space that we are sharing but the place is suddenly very hot. I start to change myself but my eyes keep wandering towards Sehun. He is so skinny, yet he looks toned. His arms show that he is no longer a kid and is turning into a man. My eyes stop in the mole in his neck. I hadn’t noticed it before.

He finishes wearing his clothes and goes out.

Why I’m I even feeling this way?

Since then on, I’ve been feeling greedy and a different set of urges hits me every time I see the maknae. I feel like a total . I mean, is not like there’s a big . We are only 4 years apart. By the way matchmakers say that 4 years apart couples have great chemistry and future. But, why do I even know this? Gah!

~~~

Wondering. Wondering is my biggest problem and my absolute downfall.

I started wondering what would it feel like to touch Sehun’s mole, so next thing I know my finger is in his neck. He looked down but I remained petrified and my finger travelled to his nose instead. I had no explanation so I just started to laugh like a maniac, making my neck disappear in the process.

I didn’t want him to think any of it so I spent the rest of the day doing the same thing to all the boys. Still, a tingled remained in my fingers from our brief encounter.

Next, I wondered how it would feel like to hug Sehun, and next thing I know my arms are around his skinny but toned body. I didn’t want him to think much of it, so I just looked to the front as if it wasn’t that big of a deal, but inside it felt like a meteorite just fell into a volcano in the middle of the summer during an earthquake. 

Then I wondered how Sehun’s hair would feel against my fingers. The next thing I know my hand is tousling the maknae’s hair. I notice how his lips part and he looks up, forming a question. I didn’t want him to think much of it so I talk first.

“Aigoo, our maknae is so cute!”

Sehun just smiles at me.

And cute he is, but I’m very aware that he is no longer a kid. Also, it doesn’t escape to me the fact that he never pushed me away. Not once.

~ ~ ~

Finally is time to film our first MV and some of the last times we will spend together as a whole before we head to China. They put us into different scenarios and I want to think is destiny that I’m paired with Oh Sehun.

You know, because… I like him… like a brother… and I won’t be able to see him once I’m in China… and yeah… that seems like a good reason… I mean, that’s the reason… … …

So, I like spending time with him. That’s not a crime! And, the fact that I can’t take my eyes away from him and my smile doesn’t disappear during the shoot is because the director told us to do it that way. And it wasn’t my fault when we were so close that I could smell his perfume or when I learned the magnificent length of his fingers. That was all in the script! Yeah, all in the script.

So, I wasn’t lying when I told him that looking up at the stars next to him felt great. And I wasn’t panicking when I said it more enthusiastically than I should have and was wondering if he noticed.

And if he did, would he feel the same? 

~ ~ ~

Our showcase was a success. There were so many people and I could clearly hear them shouting my name.

Once we got to the back stage we all jump from happiness and hug each other. After a few hugs I find myself face to face with Sehun who hugs me tight while laughing. It feels just right, this moment. I look at Sehun’s face and I wonder…

Wonder I did, once more.

And my lips meet Sehun’s.

I didn’t know a perfect moment could become even better. His lips just felt so amazing. So warm and plush, a perfect fit with mine.

A distant laugh broke the spell and I quickly part from his lips. How long was that? Will he hate me now? What did I just do?

I look at Sehun, unable to breath. He just looks at me, and smiles.

Then Tao jumps into the corridor skipping from happiness and takes Sehun by the arm and away from me, oblivious to what just happened.