“Kris!” Yixing whispered loudly, poking his head into Kris’ hospital room. The nurses were quick to scurry the both of them off after the fall, and they had refused for Yixing to leave his room until they’d given him his stitches and made sure every bone was still intact. When the fuss was over, so were visiting hours and Yixing had no choice but to wait deep into the night to see Kris.

“Kris?”

Kris’ body shifts beneath the hospital sheets, and Yixing lets out a heavy sigh of relief. He had been told already that Kris was fine, but that didn’t stop him from worrying all afternoon and night. Kris sits up, rubbing his eyes. The dim hospital lights radiated off his face, creating a sickly glow that accentuated the dark circles under his eyes and his hollowing cheeks.

“Yixing? What are you doing here?”

“I came to see if you were okay,” Kris shuffles over and Yixing sits down on the edge of Kris’ hospital bed, making sure to not sit near his leg.

“I’m fine. Just hit my head a bit when I fell - your face though,” he reaches out and brushes the fresh stitches above Yixing’s eyebrow gently with his thumb.

“I’m so sorry. Did it hurt?”

Yixing furrowed his brow; he felt the pressure of his stitches tighten. Was he being serious?

“How hard did you hit your head?”

“Oh right,” they both laugh quietly, “too hard, apparently.”

“How’s your leg?”

“Useless as always, even more so now. Apparently I’ve set my rehab back a few months, again.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. Let’s get out of here, I’ve been stuck in this bed since the morning.”

“Are you sure?” he looked down at Kris’ leg, “can you walk?”

Kris shook his head. He pointed to the wheelchair sitting in the corner of his room.

“I’ll have to go grandpa style unfortunately.”

Yixing walks over, unhinges the locks and wheels it next to the bed. Kris shimmies towards the edge, and Yixing bends slightly to let Kris put his arms around his shoulder. Yixing wraps one arm around Kris’ waist, the other arm under his knees and as gently as he could, slowly lifts Kris up and lowers him into it the wheelchair. For someone who was so tall, Kris was surprisingly very light. He sees Kris wince again.

Without any words exchanged, he’s behind the wheelchair, hands on the handles and walking slowly out of the room with Kris. Yixing knew how much Kris hated asking for help. He hated asking people to help him perform basic tasks that he used to be able to do.

The nurse on call was fast asleep at her desk and the hospital was quiet except for the beeps of machines and snores from other patients.

“Where do you want to go?” Yixing whispered.

“To the courtyard.”

-

“Let’s go over there, on top of that hill?” Yixing nods and wheels Kris to a small hill in the hospital gardens situated not far from their courtyard. He helps Kris out of the wheelchair and situates him by the root of a large tree. Yixing sits himself next to him.

“Why did you want to come out here?”

“So I can be closer to that,” and he gestured towards the sky with his chin.

“Look! Shooting star! Quick make a wish!” there was a childlike excitement in his voice. Kris points up to a darting light in the sky, and then closes his eyes, hands clasped and whispering something that wasn’t quite audible enough for Yixing to hear. Yixing was intrigued, this was the most cheerful he had seen his friend in a while.

Kris still laughed and smiled these days, but it was only ever rarely that the happiness he expressed in his gummy mouth reached his eyes. Yixing could always sense the raw sadness lurking beneath them.

Lately it had been getting worse, Yixing would steal glances at Kris and he’d often see how much Kris was hurting. It wasn’t just in his leg. It sagged his shoulders, down turned the sides of his mouth, and drooped the corners of his eyes. Though only inches separated them, Kris lately felt worlds away.

Tonight had been a nice transformation, though Yixing knew it would only be temporary. Nevertheless, it was nice to see a few rays of sunlight through the overcast of permanent clouds that seemed to hang above Kris’ head these days.

 Yixing closed his eyes and wished as well.

I want a thousand more nights with you.

When he opened his eyes Kris was already gazing at the sky again, eyes twinkling.

They sat there staring at the stars until they slowly started blinking out one by one, as the moon sank to let the sun rise once more.

••••••••••

“How was it today?”

“Not bad, probably still "lonely".”

But you’re never alone.

It was just after midnight, the two had snuck out of their rooms again and were eating stolen cafeteria snacks under their tree.

“Why do you love the stars so much?” Yixing asked, carefully taking a bite out of a stolen doughnut.

“Hmmm, well,” Kris swallowed his mouth full of food, “it’s not so much the stars, but the whole galaxy I guess.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“Mom once told me this story, when I was really young, that there are more stars in the sky than grains of sand in all the beaches in the world,” he took another bite.

“Earth is just literally one grain of sand in an entire world's worth of beaches,” he paused, “I asked mom why there are so many stars, she told me that it’s because when our loved ones leave us they go on to become stars in the night sky. That way they can watch over us when we most need the light. During the darkest times of our lives.”

“That’s why there are so many, they’re all the souls of departed loved ones.”

Yixing looked at Kris but he refused to meet his gaze.

“So I used to spend all my nights looking up at the sky, trying to find which star Dad was. I didn’t know what his star would look like, just assumed when I saw it I’d know, you know?”

“No matter how hard I looked though, I just couldn’t find him. And then one night I gave up and started crying because I thought I would never see him again. Mom found me and explained, it’s only when our loved ones leave this earth that they become stars. Dad hadn’t left earth, only us. So he couldn’t be a star, yet.”

“That’s when I knew dad was never coming back. And then I started crying even harder.”

“Not because of that, but because I realised I had been so focused on finding one grain of sand that I was ignoring the entire ocean.”

Kris chuckled, but Yixing didn’t know what was funny.

“So now I’m trying to make up for that. To make sure I appreciate that,” he pointed to the sky “as much as possible. While I still can, right?”

The question was rhetorical, but Yixing sensed another meaning to his words.

“Your dads definitely up there though, Yixing. We should try finding him,” Yixing nodded.

“I bet he’s that big one - ” he pointed to a particularly bright star, “watching over you right now and thinking, Yixing-ah! What are you doing hanging out with that weird crippled kid!” and he laughed again, but Yixing noticed how wet Kris’ eyes had become, until they overflowed and a tear ran down and stained his cheek.

Without thinking, Yixing reached over and wiped it away. The two looked at each other, frozen in expression.

And then Kris broke.

He collapsed in Yixing’s lap, sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Yixing Kris’ back gently, one hand caressing the back of his head.

The walls that he had so carefully been building around himself these past few months finally came crashing down with the weight of a thousand stars.

Because even stars eventually fall.

You’re never alone Kris. I’m always here.

-

“Yixing?” breaking the silence after Kris had recollected himself. He was sitting up, his good leg bent while his bad leg was outstretched, his arms wrapped around his good leg and his chin leaning on his knee. Yixing’s head was nestled in the crevice between Kris’ shoulder and neck. Fatigue was slowly creeping in and Yixing could feel his eyelids getting heavy.

“Yeah?” and he let out a loud yawn.

“Promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“You won’t look for me up there.”

“You’re not dead, Kris.”

“No I mean – when I die. You won’t look for me.”

“Of course I will.”

“Well, you shouldn’t.”

“Why?”

“There’s an ocean full of stars out there. Don’t focus on one grain of sand like I did.”

“You can’t stop me,” and he let out another big yawn.

“You just made me a promise”.

“Then I won’t need to look. I already know which one you’ll be up there,” Yixing quietly murmured.

“Oh really?” Kris sounded somewhat amused.

“All of them. You’d be all of them.”

“What?”

“If you won’t let me look for your one star then you’re all of the stars,” he breathes out. Eyes closed now, the drowsiness becoming harder and harder to fight off, “that way I’m allowed to look, right?”

“That’s not how it works, Yixing.”

“Why?”

“How can one person become a hundred million stars? Are you saying I’ve died a hundred million times?”

Haven’t you though, Kris?

“No.”

“Then what?”

Because when I needed just one star, you gave me an entire galaxy.

But Yixing’s response was lost between conscious thoughts and unconscious speech, as the fatigue finally took over and he fell asleep.