Disgusting.

Absolutely Disgusting.

That's what Kyungsoo was. He couldn't find a better way to put it.

He'd kept thinking over and over and over, which he'd never do in the norm, but for Mirae he was racking the depths of his brain for why in the hell she had to be the one he had fallen in love with.

It must've been a mistake, it was so wrong! It was a child-like love perhaps, or an infatuation of the face? Adoration because she reminded him of Rajin? But as very much as he wished and prayed it was those answers, he knew deep down in his heart it wasn't.

And that killed him.

He'd have the same dreams of her almost every night. It was a complete understatement to say it was driving him to near insanity.

He could barely pay attention in class, and even Kai's ridiculousness (that was pretty much his entire existence) ceased to bother him.

What he did pay attention to however, was the way his hands would pretty much ache to touch her.

And he would, too, without his mind's permission, of course.

Constant tousling of her silky hair on the crown of her head, fleeting carresses against her cheek whenever she puffed them into adorable pouts, and the near unconsious way he'd let her hold his hand as he read.

He needed it to stop. All of it.

He tried, trust him, he tried to hold himself back from racing to the cafe as soon as the bell rang like he used to, but next thing he knew, he was heading up to their special spot with books in one hand and a coffee in another.

"Oppa!"

There it was, the blinding beam of pure and raw happiness and just-

 Oh my god, I love her so much.

. . .

 He had gotten better at it. Staying away, that is.

The last he'd seen her was nine days ago, and by some miracle, exams ran around this time giving him the perfect excuse to stay away.

Today she was upset, clearly, he'd predicted it of course, but he could let her get a little sad in order to protect herself.

He wasn't going to let himself stain her, her who was so innocent from the disgust of reality.

Unfortunately, there was other news as well. 

"Oppa, are you serious! You barely come anymore, and now you're saying you're going on a two week vacation?"

She was borderline furious.

"Mirae, you can't keep me backed up here all the time; I haven't seen my family in a while."

He hated the way the flash of pain fluttered over her eyes at his snapping tone, but what could he do?

He sighed stalely and picked up his bag when he heard the small jingle of chains when he suddenly remembered. 

The bunny.

He quickly took it out, and clenched it in his hand. He wanted to push it forward for the only time he'd ever do so.

"Hey brat, give me your hand."

She reached both her palms out, pouting in a gimme-some-candy type of way that was so her. Kyungsoo finally broke the tension by chuckling slightly and patting her head.

"Here," he dropped the chain in her open hands, "I know you can't see it but it's a bunny rabbit. Bought it the other day, reminded me of you."

She stared down at it in absolute wonder and messed around with it a bit in her hands. That's when her shoulders started quivering and she started sniffling, and Kyungsoo was having none of it.

He placed a lone hand on her shoulder blade and bent his head down closer, sighing. "Why are you crying now?"

She sniffled a couple more times before shooting her head up right at him and enclosing her arms around his neck, forcefully pulling him down as he enclosed his arm around her back to keep him from stumbling onto her because boy was she stronger than she let on.

"Oppa! I was s-so worried that you, that you didn't like me anymore and I was becoming a burden and so many t-thoughts were running through my mind! I just really really really like you the best, the best and if you didn't like me anymore  I don't know what I'd do-o-o-o..."

Her words were more choked sobs than actual coherent words, but Kyungsoo heard it all clearly and yet he hadn't the slightest idea what the hell to think of it. He was totally blanked out and he couldn't care less that she was practically screaming out infront of a live audience. 

"M-Mirae, hey, calm down please-"

"Oppa, thank you so much. I love it, I love it so much!"

She finally let go of the embrace and he felt so sad at the loss of all the warmth her little body had given him.

He didn't get it at all. 

Why just why- Why in the hell was this happening?

He was so...dark, and cold and everything about him was so, so very wrong for her and Lord help him, he couldn't stress it enough.

I've been ing crying.

His eyes and cheeks were moist and for the first time since he's met her, he thanked God for her inability to see. 

He cleared his throat in an attempt to speak again.

"You're...welcome."

Mirae giggled softly, twirling the keychain in her hands.

He gathered up any last shred of dignity he had left, and slipped his bag on.

"Goodbye, Mirae."