20. 

    He had just returned from his date with Kyungsoo and headed straight to bed to recover from the tiring day, not even bothering to stop by Minseok.    There were too many emotions bothering him, emotions he couldn't simply distinguish.  Love. Jealousy. Anger. Blissful happiness. Fear. Anxiety. He was swimming in a sea of various emotions. Men had drowned in seas like that before him and it made him feel dizzy. There were parts of him which were triggered, more rational and grounded parts were overwhelmed and unable to make effective decisions.   He reverently rubbed his fingers along the silken mattress berneath him, before he pressed his cheek on the cool, velvet pillows. The comforter was thick and irresistibly soft - like a billowing cloud. His laptop already sat open in front of him, showing him the Google engine waiting for his search.    He sat up, then changed position to laying on his stomach, shifting his weight to his underarm. His long, slim fingertips danced across the keyboard, the letters immediately showing up in the search field once his fingertips came in contact with them.    'What is love about?', Kai had typed, praying that somewhere in this world, one human being out of eight billion could deliver him an explanation, the perfect definition for his misery,  as if there was exactly one possible solution. But love wasn't math at all.    The first search result lead him to a blog where various philosophers and scientists commented about love. 'Love is a passionate commitment. Without the commitment, it is mere infatuation. Without the passion, it is mere dedication. It can feel as mundane and necessary as air. Love is when the person's touch makes you melt like butter."    He scrolled down to the bottom of the page, skimming the written texts while he was looking for his formula. 'Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another's goodness. Love is active, it is your choice.'    Jongin went back to the search results and clicked on the second link, announcing that kids were going to define their view point of love. "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different compared to others.  You know that your name is safe in their mouth, they pronounce your name differently, at least it is what you believe in. Sharon, 6."    "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6"   From nowhere came the sound of an old fashioned telephone, so authentic that Kai scanned the room for an antique, diverting his attention back to his laptop when a video chat requested popped up. He'd exchanged his Skype ID with Kyungsoo after their date and he wondered why the other was calling him so soon.    Without thinking about it any longer, he pressed the green button to accept the incoming call. Once he did, the ringing stopped abruptly and a screen showed up, revealing Kyungsoo sitting on a chair behind his desktop, the picture wall decorating the background of the video.    "Jongin, it's nice to see you. I just wanted to make sure you got home safely. I'm delighted to see you did. Thank you for taking me out."    The way Kyungsoo said his name was indeed special. Every time he used 'Jongin' his tongue would glide beautifully over his perfect kissable lips, and it made it look like others were unworthy to call him. Nobody could keep up with the Linebacker.    "Yes, I did. Thanks for your concern, Kyungsoo. What about you?"   "Mhm, got home safely. My dad is downstairs, preparing dinner for us .. but uhm, Jongin?" he began softly, his voice almost inaudible from the laptop's loud speaker.    "Mhm?", he replied, his eyes taking in every inch of older's facial features. Despite the poor camera resolution, he still looked breathtakingly handsome.    "Something has been bugging me for the past few days and it came back after our .. little .. affection.. showing ... so .. Have you kissed many boys before.. you know .. like we kissed?" he asked quietly, his lips pressed firmly in one straight line. The worst thing about being in love is that it opens your chest, it opens up your heart — someone can get inside you, behind the walls you have build around yourself, and mess you up. The good thing, however, is that they won't.    His question brought Kai's mind back into focus, and he raised an eyebrow. "Boys? That's an assumption you just made, Soo." The nickname brought a foolish smile onto his lips.    Kyungsoo laughed, the sound low and husky, before he continued.  "Girls, then?" The curiosity was pouring off him.    "No." He could see the reflection of the screen in Kyungsoo's warm brownish eyes, leaning closer to the display, he could see himself vaguely in the latter's eyes. Kai could still feel the other's lips on his own; his fingertips ran over his bottom lip, craving to taste Kyungsoo's heart shaped ones once more.     "Not many girls? Or not many boys?"   Right next to the window with Kyungsoo's video call, his in