Ellie Goulding's Love Me Like You Do

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Jessica Jung was valedictorian of my school. Rich, popular, smart, she was everything and possibly more.

 

“I like you, Jessica.”

 

I overhear the third smartest boy of our grade confess to her. Poor guy. Despite them possibly looking like the most admired couple in campus, he didn’t know that Jessica was taken. By me.

 

I’m her girlfriend, and we’re in a secret relationship. The reason our status hasn’t been exposed to the world is not because we were both girls, but well, because of our social status.

 

While she was rich, I was dirt poor. Even as a high school student, I have to sneak after class to work. What would our classmates say if they found out Jessica was dating me? Nothing, they’d be too busy shoving me in a locker or probably beating me up for daring to associate my name with hers. Jessica was their queen, and I was just a lowly peasant.

 

“Me too.”

 

I don’t get a second warning to gasp because then I see her pull his collar down and kiss him on the lips.

 

Why is she doing this?! We’re dating, aren’t we? She told me to hold her book just a few minutes ago. Did she forget I was still here, waiting for her?

 

They walk off to class and I’m standing here, letting my tears fall out of my eyes. Her textbook slips out of my hands before it crashes to the floor, just like my heart.

 

That’s the day I decided to love her like I do. And that love was close to none.

 

***

 

They say proximity makes the heart grow fonder. I can confirm to that, because that’s how Jessica and I fell in love. We had every class together, and it used to bring me to excitement to get to see her everyday.

 

Except it’s hard now. Everyday I’m forced to see her cuddle and be intimate with her boyfriend, Onew.

 

I don’t express any emotion when I catch her glance at me. I won’t give her the satisfaction of hurting me, so I keep that bottled up in my stomach.

 

Mr. Choi taps his pen against the table to get everyone to settle down. “Okay, class, sit next to your partners.”

 

I hear Jessica sigh as she gathers her things. We’re partners, but it’s obvious she doesn’t want to be.

 

I raise my hand up and timidly call his name. “Mr. Choi?”

 

“Yes, Tiffany?”

 

Jessica is already standing up. She freezes and stares at me, but I don’t look in her direction.

 

“Can I switch partners?”

 

The class grows silent now, and I can feel all eyes on me.

 

“Why? Are you not happy working with Jessica?”

 

“That's n-not it, sir. It’s just I noticed Taeyeon’s been working alone for the past few projects. I thought maybe I can work with her for this one?”

 

Mr. Choi rubs his chin before he takes a glance at Taeyeon who is indeed sitting by herself. “Sure, why not. And Jessica, you can work by yourself this time. With your brains, I’m sure you can get this done without a problem.”

 

I sling my backpack over my shoulder and make my way toward Taeyeon without once meeting Jessica’s piercing gaze.

 

“Hi, I’m Tiffany.” I give my new partner a smile, and she beams back at me.

 

“I’m Taeyeon. And thanks for wanting to be my partner. You don’t know how hard it is being the new transfer student. I’m so lonely!” She dramatically pretends to weep before we both laugh at her silliness.

 

Taeyeon is working diligently on our project. It’s not as easy for me though, because I can literally feel a pair of eyes boring through my skull. I try to focus on my task, but my ex-girlfriend had purposely sat behind us, kicking my foot from under the table.

 

At first I thought it was on accident, but on the third, fifth, eighth time, I realized she only nudges me with her shoe when Taeyeon and I accidentally touch.

 

“I’ll go get some scissors,” I volunteer with my anger hidden inside as I walk to the back. And curse my luck, Jessica is right behind me. I wanted to create some distance, but she obviously wasn’t reading the cues or maybe she was ignoring them.

 

“Did you really have to pull that stunt in class today?” She snarls her words in my ear, and I don’t react to how harsh it sounds.

 

“I was just doing what we both wanted.” I grab a pair of scissors out of the jar and turn around to leave, but she wraps my wrist with her hand.

 

“You think that’s what I wanted?” Jessica asks in disbelief, and she squeezes me tighter. It starts to hurt a little, but I continue to stare coldly at her. “I’ll show you what I want, Tiff.” She finally lets me go as she storms back to her seat.

 

Honestly, I don’t know what she wants.

 

***

 

The following day, I find out what she wants.

 

And it’s obviously not me whom she wants.

 

“Sica, people are looking.”

 

Jessica giggles before she’s back to planting kisses on Onew’s face.

 

I can feel my lunch trying to come up my throat, but because I’m still working, I behave professionally. Why she chose to come into the café that I work at was pretty clear. She wasn’t expressing her affection for Onew in school enough so she had to come here to rub it in my face.

 

My anger for her cheating on me has now turned into heart-wrenching pain and sadness. It definitely hurts to see the things we used to do together being done by her and someone else.

 

“I’ll get us some more food.”

 

I see her get up and make her way toward me. I straighten up and ask, “What can I do for you?” My forced smile twitches a little because it’s hard to look her in the eyes.

 

“I’ll have a large fries.” She replies uncaringly.

 

I walk over to the fryer, wanting to hurry and get her order so she can leave. But thanks to my clumsy self, I drop the net and the oil splatters over my hands. I jump back and hold in the scream that’s trying to burst out.

 

“Pany-ah, are you okay?!” Taeyeon comes up from behind and pulls me up from the floor and toward the sink.

 

“Oh my god! What happened?” Jessica pushes Taeyeon aside as she reaches for my burning hands. She lets the cold water run over my hands, and I’m just sniffing and trying to not cry over the excruciating pain.

 

“Just a little mishap. Taeyeon can you get our customer a fresh batch of fries.”

 

Taeyeon hesitates, but when I nod at her, she leaves.

 

“You should go back to your boyfriend. Customers aren’t allowed to cross the yellow line.”

 

“Like I give a about the yellow line.” She growls back at me, and I flinch from her tone of voice.

 

“Please just go. I’m fine by myself.” I plead. Just her holding my hands under the cool water has my heart beating madly. And that’s not okay. I don’t want to fall in love with her again.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Tiff.” She replies in a gentler voice as I feel her thumbs running over my skin as softly as possible.

 

Because she does these things for me, I can’t let my guard down. It’ll just hurt more if I allow myself to have false hopes.

 

“I mean it. I’m not going anywhere.” She looks at me with those dark, serious eyes, and I waver a bit.

 

Damn it, Jessica. I lean my head on her shoulder, because I still love her like I do. And that love right now is a little more than zero.

 

***

 

The vacant chair that used to be Jessica’s suddenly moves. I look up from my book and see Jessica take a seat beside me.

 

“I told Mr. Choi to have us be partners again.” She doesn’t speak another word to me after that as she starts on the next assignment.

 

I look over to Taeyeon and the guilt for leaving her partnerless subsides when I catch her cracking erted jokes with Sunny.

 

“I can work alone for this one.” I mumble with my eyes staring back at my book.

 

“No. We’re working together.” She persists before she goes back to writing on the poster board. “Hand me the marker.”

 

Jessica has to repeat it twice before my brain starts working and I grab the red marker for her. Our hands brush slightly, and I ignore the electricity surging through our hands as I hand her the marker.

 

“How’s your hand?” She suddenly asks as she takes my hand and inspects it. “Thank god there aren’t any scars.”

 

My hand begins to tingle uncontrollably, and it becomes unbearable when she presses her lips on it.

 

“Stop it.” I muster up my energy to free my hand from hers. I stand up abruptly and leave the classroom. I can’t be around her, I need some fresh air to clear my mind, and hopefully my love for her.

 

Once I get to my usual tree, I sit down on the grass and lean against it. It seems to help a little, but the spot where Jessica kissed my hand is still electrifying.

 

“How do you run so fast?”

 

The one voice I dread to hear has completely destroyed my serenity. I look up and there she is, panting but keeping eye contact with me.

 

“Why do you keep following me?!” I finally snap, and push myself up from the ground. Why couldn’t she just leave me alone? I can’t understand her actions at all.

 

“Because you keep running away from me. How else am I supposed to tell you I’m sorry?”

 

I feel like she’d just slapped me across the face. Was she seriously turning all of this around and blaming me?

 

“Do you take me for a ing idiot?! You think a sorry will make me forgive you? And what happened to your precious boy toy Onew? Got tired of him like you did with me?”

 

“It’s different with him.”

 

“How is it different? What, you found out you’re not into guys anymore? Is that it?”

 

“No.” She gives me a frustrated look, but I can only fume at her. My anger has decided to unleash itself on the one person that caused it.

 

“Then what?! Why the hell are you torturing me? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

 

“Dammit, Tiff! It’s because I love you!” She grabs my shoulders and crushes her lips against mine. I’m frozen with shock. Could this get anymore confusing?

 

“I love you.” She repeats when we’re finally separated. “I’ve always been in love with you. But our relationship… it wasn’t enough for me. I didn’t want to keep hiding it, and you did. I wanted to shower you with love, go to the school dance with you, hold your hand while we walk to our classes without having to sneak around to do it. That day Onew confessed, something in me just wanted to know how it would feel to be in an open relationship. But it wasn’t what I expected because he wasn’t you. I don’t love him, I love you.”

 

“Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted to be open about it?” I whisper as the tears stream down like a waterfall.

 

She stared back at me with conflicted eyes. “I… I wasn’t sure if you loved me enough to risk it. You always talked about the dangers about our relationship going public. I couldn’t ask and then find out you don’t want to have a public relationship with me.”

 

I wipe my eyes dry. My hands decide to cup her cheeks and I kiss her long and hard. Students and teachers catch our moment, but it’s no longer a worry for me.

 

I’m willing to fight against any obstacle that comes our way, because I love her. And my love for her is infinity, so I will continue to love her like I do.