Because I Miss You

“They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same,
but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now”
Edna St. Vincent Millay

May 2020

Seungyeon was in haste when she entered the cosy restaurant just around the corner from her friend's place. Fortunately she didn't need to look around for long to recognize her date for today.

“Seungyeon-ah” Her friend called out her name and slightly waved at her with a big smile.

Seungyeon immediately smiled back when she heard the familiar voice and made her way over to her fellow actress colleague.

“Unnie!” She replied happily.

“It’s been way too long.” The both of them said simultaneously while they were hugging each other tightly.

“Luckily I can see your pretty face on TV otherwise I would have missed you even more.” Park Shinhye teased as they sat down. “You’ve been so busy lately I don’t even dare to call you up to babysit the twins with me anymore like we used to do.”

Seungyeon looked a bit ashamed of herself when Shinhye mentioned her lack of time, but she knew that her Unnie only meant well.

“I miss them, too. Why didn’t you bring them for a walk?” She asked with regret.

“Ah they’ve been a bit sickly lately. They fell asleep right after I fed them earlier so I didn’t want to risk waking them up. I asked my mom to look after them for now.” Shinhye explained with a quick side glance at her phone to make sure she didn’t get any messages regarding her babies.

Seungyeon admired Shinhye’s patience and strength as a mother of two. Yonghwa and she only became parents last August and now that CNBLUE were playing another world tour she had been managing most of their parenthood alone for the last couple of months. However, she never complained about it. After years in the industry she seemed to be really at ease with her new role as mother now.

It surely was a totally different lifestyle. But because Park Shinhye had always seemed like super woman to Seungyeon, she didn’t wonder much about how her Unnie even made taking care of twins look like a simple part time job that was not stressing at all. Even with the lack of sleep they would make Shinhye laugh countless times a day, because both of them already had a very bright character just like their parents.

“Is Shinhea-yah growing up well? She was still so tiny when I saw her at the wedding.” Seungyeon asked.

Since birth the baby girl had always been a little fragile compared to her older brother. They were born a bit early but while Jonhwa was doing well right from the start, Shinhea was so small that her parents actually had to dress her in doll clothes at first because she would look lost in normal baby garments. Even so, the doctors assured that they were doing fine, which was a huge relief.

“She is, really. She grew a lot since your last visit, too and she can even keep up with Jonhwa-yah now. You should have seen them two days ago. It looked like they ran a race although it was in turtle speed. She was actually a tiny bit faster than her Oppa until she lost balance and the both of them collided. You can surely imagine their crying as they both fell on the floor entangled like a bundle of mie noodels. It’s always the worst when I have to console them right at the same time. But it was so cute to watch; that’s why I didn’t mind.” Shinhye told Seungyeon with the typical happy face of a very proud mom.

“Woah that sounds so sweet. I cannot wait to visit once I wrap up my last drama filming.” Seungyeon stated with excitement.

“So when will you be finished? I hope there is a happy ending for you and Jong Suk Oppa.” Shinhye friend jokingly.

“Yah” Seungyeon yelled in laughter. “We are quite close to the end. It’ll only be till the start of next the week. I will be done before the CNBLUE world tour ends. We should go to their Seoul concert together if your Eomma can look after the twins that night. It would be so much fun, don’t you think?”

“It should be alright. Eomma actually wants me to go out again since I am thinking of picking up a few CF’s soon. Make the public used to my face again, you know…” Shinhye answered with a grin.

“Oh so you’re going to stick to the original plan?” Seungyeon nodded in agreement and took a sip from the coffee Shinhye had ordered for the both of them before she arrived.

They became close since the time of CNBLUE’s military service, because they could relate to each other’s feelings so much. Seungyeon found it nice to have an older sister for a change and because Shinhye didn’t have a younger sister she enjoyed dotting on Seungyeon a lot. They were family somehow anyway. By now they could tell each other’s favourite food, drink or colour by heart and they would meet up to talk about their favourite CNBLUE men as well.

“Yeah I think we will. I’ll start with CF’s to have an easy entry and to get used to work again while Yonghwa-yah can adjust to his daddy obligations. It’s not too bad since CEO Han promised to be generous with his schedule. He can work a lot from home, too in his studio. He won’t be shooting any dramas until next year but there are still some variety and MC appearances planned so there should be enough advertisement for CNBLUE on his part. When we spoke on the phone yesterday he was actually really looking forward to staying at home for some time. I think he was a bit upset that he missed so many little things the twins learned while he was away.” Shinhye explained and her thoughts went away for a moment.

Seungyeon could tell that her Unnie was imagining a much calmer future right now, because she herself, too, was really looking forward to the end of the CNBLUE world tour. It was the longest one they had ever done, since they wanted to please their fans after their military service and their glorious come back. On the contrary this also meant that they almost didn't have any private life at all for quite a long time and it really started to become frustrating now.

“I am jealous, Unnie. At least your husband will stay at home once he comes back. Jonghyun Oppa will only be on holiday for like a week until his new drama starts. It’s going to be a short one but still… Sometimes I’d love to just go on hiatus with him for some time. I’d love to travel around together or simply hang out – kind of like back in the we got married days but without any cameras around. We’ve been married for almost eight months now but first we were both shooting at the same time so our schedules barely matched and now he’s on world tour while I am working on another drama. We only saw each other in March when they took a break for a few days. Other than that we only managed to meet up for half a day once in a while at the most. I have another drama offer but I am actually thinking about declining. I’ve been doing nothing but work for the past years and he’s been so busy, too. Wouldn’t it be easier if I just laid low for a while so I could manage my schedule according to his?” Seungyeon uttered quietly. She was usually keeping her head held high, because she didn't like anybody to worry about her. However, since Shinhye probably understood her better than anyone else she’d let her guard down a bit while being with her.

Shinhye looked at her younger sister in law concerned. No one knew better than her how this celebrity life style could make one feel at times as she had been in the industry since childhood days. Seungyeon, in fact, looked alarmingly exhausted and not as bubbly and joyful as she used to. Shinhye had noticed this at first glance but she didn’t want to bring it up right at the start of their conversation since they hadn’t seen each other in a while.
However, she definitely had an uneasy feeling in her stomach the more she watched Seungyeon closely. The younger one was even paler than usual and her beautiful light brown eyes were circled by dark blue bags. Her daily make up couldn’t even cover anymore that she was obviously not sleeping well. She had lost weight as well although it was not necessary for her role and Shinhye was sure Seungyeon wasn’t starving on purpose. She was blessed with good genes by nature anyway and she liked to main