Oppa...

I know that this is sudden and something you will not understand right away, but I'm breaking up with you.

This decision was hard to make but it's for the best.

Please forgive me.

At first, he thought she was joking with him, or maybe Somi was sending him a prank message. However, after he read it another time, and again after that, his heart became heavy. He knew this direct yet vague message was straight out of Soeun's heart. 

"F***," he swore under his breath. 

She was so happy with him in Jeju. What had gone wrong? What had he done wrong?

He held his head in his hands and mulled over the past events, but as much as he tried to dig deep, he could not come up with an explanation.

It didn't make any sense which only meant one thing.

Soeun was hiding something from him.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Tears were spilled over a cup of tea when Soeun told her parents that she broke up with Jaerim. She had told them how happy she was this past year, how secure and loved she felt with him, and how incredibly heartbroken she was now. 

"Why then," her mother asked, worry present on her face. "This is clearly a decision that pains the both of you."

Soeun took another tissue and wiped the tears b her eyelashes. 

Shaking her head, she answered, "Because he loves me too much...and I know that he would give up everything for me. He's worked really, really hard, and he deserves every little bit of success he can get. I don't want to get in the way of his dreams."

Full, round tears slid across Soeun's cheek and Mrs. Kim handed her another batch of tissues.

She couldn't comprehend her daughter's rash decision-making but Mr. Kim shared a similar personality to his daughter's, so he understood a bit better why Soeun had followed through with breaking up with Jaerim. 

Being the firstborn, she had learned to carry a lot of her worries quietly. Even when she made the decision to become a celebrity, which both her parents had opposed adamantly, Soeun shouldered all the stress by herself; and now she was doing the same for Jaerim. Mr. Kim had noticed a long time ago that Jaerim was running away from his daughter, from comittment, from long-lasting decisions. He wanted security, he wanted assurance in life before he took a step forward, but Mr. Kim knew first-hand that life was not secure. Anything could happen at anytime. 

Overthinking about one's future, waiting for things to get better, leaving things for tomorrow, it was pointless.

And that was something he wished that Jaerim realized before it was too late.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

They hadn't spoken in a month.

Soeun had come to the conclusion that Jaerim had a stronger heart than she did and he was healing better than she was. As hard as it was, she tried to keep her mind off of him by taking care of her father. He was undergoing treatment and news had spread quicky among his colleagues about his sickness. 

It was Monday morning, when the doorbell rang. With her father still sleeping, Soeun opened the door. She was greeted by a tall, handsome man with double eyelids, and sharp features. 

"Annyeonghaseyo," he extended his hand. Soeun shook it shyly. Good-looking men always made her blush.

"Is Mr. Kim home?" he asked. 

Soeun nodded and asked him to come in. He took a seat while Soeun fetched her father and then went to the kitchen to prepare tea and cookies for the guest.

She took her jolly good time in the kitchen, while eavesdropping on her father and the man's conversation. She learnt that his name was Dean. From his dialect, Soeun could tell that Korean was not his first language, and he had a tendancy to use English words a lot. 

"Ahhhh," Soeun thought. "That explains his looks. He's not from here."

She heard her father call her name and realized that she lost sight of her duty.

"Coming," she chanted from the kitchen and proceeded in getting everything together and then brought it out.

From the corner of her eye, she could see that Dean was watching her every movement. It made her nervous.

When she excused herself, he told her to stay and have tea with them. 

"Sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I'm Dean. My mother is Korean and my father is American, thus I spent most of my life in the US. I came here to explore the other side of my nationality and am currently working for your father."

Soeun was shocked. That was quite an introduction for someone he had just met.

Dean saw the confused look on Soeun's face.

"Oh sorry. I'm still learning Korean so my apologies if some of my words aren't understandable." 

Soeun shook her head. 

"No, it's surprisingly quite good."

Dean sighed in relief. 

"That's good."

He smiled and Soeun thought he had a really nice smile.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Another month had passed and Jaerim had not contacted Soeun. Soeun would hold her phone daily, hoping he would reply back, hoping he would say something to make everything better. She knew she was the one who broke up with him, but she hoped that he could change her mind.

One day, Soeun's father called his daughter over to his room.

"I have something to ask you," he started. 

"What is it?"

"Are you certain that the decision you made was the right one?"

Soeun took a bit of time before nodding. 

"Why?"

"Soeun, I don't want you to be doing this because of me. You do love him and he loves you."

"I do, but love does not mean that that person is meant to be."

Soeun's father sighed. 

"Although I'm sad it didn't work out for you, I'm glad you have moved on."

She gulped. She had not moved on and she wasn't sure if she ever would. She was strong enough to walk around thoughts of him, but the memories they made and the happiness they shared were too real to forget.

"The reason I'm asking you this, is because I wanted to be sure before I conveyed the following message to you." 

Ears and eyes were on her father, expectant yet scared.

"Dean asked for your hand in marriage."

⊱✿ ✿⊰

She didn't say yes. She couldn't. It didn't feel right. 

She loved Jaerim. She still did. 

She would hurt three people if she accepted the proposal, Dean, Jaerim and herself. 

It wasn't a suprise that her father had a hand in this. He wanted her to move on, to stop chasing and waiting and he was right, but somehow, her heart could not come to agree to this proposal.

Thus Soeun met Dean in a café a week later, and decided to be as honest as possible. 

"You're very handsome and you're a very nice person, but I love someone else. Please understand this."

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, and looked down. 

If there was one thing Soeun hated, it was having people resent her, yet she had broken two boys' hearts in less than two months. 

"This person that you love, is he willing to leave everything for you."

"Yes he is."

"And has he?"

Soeun stayed silent before shaking her head. 

"He's really lucky, to be loved by someone as beautiful and patient as you."

Soeun wanted to tell him that she was the lucky one, to be loved by an exceptionally gentle and kind man like Jaerim.

"Listen...please listen me out and then you can make your decision."

He reached out for Soeun's hand and Soeun hesitantly let him hold it. 

"Your father was the one who told me about you, that you were single, that you had just broken up with a long-time lover. He suggested that I should come see you. In America, this kind of arranged marriage stuff doesn't usually happen so I was reluctant at first, but I respect your father and with his health condition in mind, I wanted to help him."

She nodded but without saying a single word, because her voice was going to betray her calm appearance.

"The day I came over, I thought I was doing your father a favour, yet when I met you, I felt like it was the exact opposite. When you shook my hand shyly, I thought you were cute. When you escorted your father down the stairs, I thought you were kind. When you served me tea, I thought you would make a great wife. You were simply entrancing and you brought warmth to my heart that day."

He paused and looked her evenly in the eyes.

"I'm not asking you to forget him. You're going to need time to move on, but I know that I can help with you that. I really like you and I know I can make you happy."

The seriousness in him faded and with his big brown eyes, he looked at her like a little boy and requested her to think about it.

She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to think.

But suprisingly, a voice detached from her thoughts uttered: "Yes, I'll marry you."

⊱✿ ✿⊰

His phone hit the table with an abundant amout of force, the one Jaerim had just chucked. 

Jaerim-oppa, I know you're mad at me but I think you should know. I'm getting married.

He was angry, hurt and especially betrayed. This wasn't like the last time he read a rumour which Soeun had adamantly denied and comforted him, because he knew this time, it was real and she was confirming it herself. 

He leaned his head against the white wall, and looked down, completely lifeless. Slamming his fist into the wall, he did it several times until his knuckles were red and he was crying from the pain. 

"Why Soeun?" he whispered to an empty house.

"Why the hell would you do this to me?"

Jaerim was losing his strength with his falling tears and before he knew it, his knees gave up on him and he fell to the ground. 

He slept through the day and the night, and then the next day he woke up to a cruel reality in which Soeun would never be his. 

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Work kept him busy. Acting as another person, modelling for advertisements, fanservice for his fans, it helped him forget his life. He would be all smiles outside of the house, but the moment his foot entered his complex, he'd cry again. 

It was like this every day. He barely ate, and was losing weight without even trying. He would drink until late night, and live as a sleep-deprived zombie, working like a robot that had no limit. But one day, he reached his limit. 

He was on the set of a commercial, but filming was not going as planned. He heard the director shouting at him, but he couldn't comprehend what she was saying. He saw people looking at him, but his eyes could not see their expressions. His world became hazy, his body felt limp, and all he remembered was that he saw her face, Soeun standing there, her arms open for him, and then everything became dark.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

With less than 2 months left to the wedding, Soeun decided to pick up the pace and go try on wedding dresses. She has always been into fashion and after playing a bride in so many dramas, she believed it would be a very easy choice to choose a wedding dress. However, memories from the past made it that much harder.

As she walked to the bridal shop, she remembered a certain person who mimicked her height so she could wrap her arms around him. As she changed in the dressing room, instead of hearing Somi and her mother's voices, she heard Jaerim pestering her. As she got out to see the reactions of her family, she only remembered his shy reaction, saying that her beauty reminded him of their first meeting. After hours of trying on dresses and realizing that she was losing her mind, she excused herself and exited outside. 

For a long time she just stared at her engagement ring, a ring that was a symbol for her love and dedication to another man, yet she felt like she had received it from the wrong person. 

There was no joy in being dressed up in white and she was having second thoughts about everything.

Then her phone vibrated and she choked up when she saw who it was.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Jaerim had finally texted Soeun. After three months, he had finally had the courage to contact her.

I need to see you.

She didn't think. She took out the car key and drove.

She was still wearing her wedding dress but she didn't give a damn about what people thought about her.

All she cared about was the desperate want in her heart, to hold him in her arms. 

Oh God, she missed him so much.

She rung the doorbell, he opened the door, and in the next moment, her arms were around his neck, her legs wrapped around him, resting her head on his shoulders. He held her tightly, not wanting to let her go for fear she would disappear again. Eventually, he put her down, and upon noticing her appearance, he blushed.

"You look pretty in that dress. Sorry if I was interrupting something important."

Soeun noticed that it was painful for him to say that, knowing that she wasn't wearing the wedding dress for him...but he still said it. That meant a lot. 

"Eun-ah..."

"Oppa..."

They called out for each other in unison. It was obvious they both had a lot to say, a lot to explain.

"I took a break from work."

She didn't expect that to be his first statement but it was shocking.

"Why? Weren't you filming a drama?"

Jaerim nodded. 

"I was but my hiatus will be for a while so the directors are going to kill off my character."

"Oh." Soeun didn't know why but it warmed her heart that Jaerim didn't mind dropping a role, a popular one at that.

"Soeun, please forgive me."

She didn't know why he was apologizing, but she could feel her emotions welling up.

"I should be the one asking for your forgiveness. I must have hurt you a lot."

Jaerim nodded. "You did. But I was a coward." 

Soeun lifted her head to see Jaerim staring at her with a serious expression.

"I lived by the ideology that I could live a good life if I prioritized work over everything else. That included you, and that's why I knew I couldn't date you. I knew I wouldn't be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved." A strained look took over his face, so Soeun firmly took his hand to give him some source of comfort. "When I met you again and found out we were going to be in a drama together, I was very happy. My boring and mundane life became bright again. You brought light into my life and I didn't want to lose that, so I became selfish. I didn't want to share you with anybody yet I couldn't commit to being your boyfriend, even though it was wrong."

Soeun nodded, knowing that he had quite a few insecurities, but it was the first time he was sharing it with her.

"This past year, I cannot tell you how much happiness you have given me. But when you brought up marriage, it scared me Soeun." His breath hitched with his inner qualms resurfacing. "I thought it stemmed from not being where I wanted to be career-wise, but I later realized it was because I was holding back from fulfilling my heart's true desires and consequently, I was pushing you away. What I really wanted was you, and when you left, I felt unbearably empty."

"Oppa..." She laced her fingers with his and squeezed his hand, to keep herself from crying.

Jaerim knew that he was late. These unsaid words should have been confessed earlier, but he still couldn't stop himself. He didn't want anymore regrets.

Facing Soeun in her wedding dress, Jaerim bent on his knee, took her already jeweled hand in his, and made a lifelong declaration.

"Soeun...I love you, all 163cm of you. Please give this lonely man the opportunity to love you infinitely. Marry me."

⊱✿ ✿⊰

A/N: These past two chapters have been quite emotional. Reading the comments, I realize that it made you guys sad :(

You all might want to know why I added this plot twist. I could've easily ended this story with more lovey dovey scenes leading up to Solim's marriage, but I felt something was missing. I wanted Jaerim to make Soeun his priority instead of work and I wanted Soeun to start trusting him more and share her burdens with him. I think this reflects their real personalities. 

Writing these past few scenes, I understood both of them a little better and could understand their motives for the things they did or said in real life, that at the time were hard for me to understand. Life is not black and white, and that's one thing I understood with both of them. Solim is a grey couple, with many mysteries, and many possibilities.

I promise that the last chapter will be a happy one. :)

P.S. This chapter was inspired by I Was Made for Loving You by Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran

I was made for loving you
Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through
Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do
All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFD02LYcw4k

Take a listen to it. It's beautiful!