From an early age I found myself surrounded by a pleasant atmosphere, which was always full of sincere love. My parents were madly in love with each other and they weren’t afraid to show it to the world through little details. I used to think that they were the best couple ever, better than many. My mother had been a strong woman, reserved and somewhat reluctant to open up to people, but my father had been an extremely affectionate, patient and kind person, so they had complimented each other perfectly. The discussions were almost non-existent, for they resolved their differences by speaking patiently about the matter, and always respected the perspective of the other. In this way, my parents had created a pleasant and loving household, totally emptied of anguish. Upon watching how my parents' love grew by each passing day made me understand that love was one of the most important and beautiful things in life, and from that moment I had longed to experience a love like theirs. As the years went by, the idea I had of love started to becoming more and more idealized, until thinking of it as an almost ephemeral and sublime feeling, making me think that love was something perfect and that couldn’t exist something remotely dark or dangerous in it.

Nevertheless, that part of me that believed in those fairy tales had disappeared; a small part of me had died and now I could taste firsthand how damaging love could be; it made you weak, helpless and unable to take effective control over your own feelings and emotions. But the worst of all was that you also gave the power over you to your loved one, and that was precisely what was happening now. I involuntarily gave Baekhyun the power to hurt me like this, so that every small thing he did would affect me.

It was difficult to process what was happening, because the situation made no sense to me, I didn’t know what to think of it. I was really incredulous, unable to believe that this was happening to me. For years I had been trying to hide my feelings while trying to stay out of the way as to not be hurt by his rejection, but in the end I couldn’t hide myself from humiliation, for Baekhyun knew all along about the love I had for him. This man had known all this time and had been making fun of me behind my back cruelly, playing without compassion with my heart making me believe that I was important to him. Everything was a lie, he just wanted me around to have fun and humiliate me, all those sweet actions were a lie just to see my limit, to see if I succumbed to my illicit feelings. He made me feel all those beautiful emotions just for his delight and whim. I never thought that my vision of this man could worsen, but now everything was clear. The disappointment I was feeling was so horrible and suffocating that I couldn’t keep on holding back my tears. I didn’t understand why he was doing something like this to me; I simply couldn’t understand how he was able to make fun of a person in this unconcerned way, as if my feelings were mere objects of amusement and mockery, as if they weren’t valid at all. Baekhyun didn’t see me as an adult, a person to be respected. Surely he only saw me as a little girl who didn’t know what she wanted.

Strangely, after finally digesting what was happening in front of my eyes, I wasn’t that shocked because of the previous revelation, since now all his behavior, all those looks, all those sweet words, all those intense and mocking looks ... absolutely everything started to make sense. All this time he had pretended not to know anything about my feelings just to have fun with me, he had only kept the secret to enjoy my reactions and my anguish. He knew I was in love with him and he kept on coming closer to me, drawing me in with sweet words and unnecessarily tender caresses. All this time I had been a mere game for him.

So yeah, I wasn’t necessarily surprised, but my heart was beating uncontrollably with a deep and intense anxiety. I felt I was short of breath and I found myself unable to defend myself and deny everything even if it was true, because I had no intention of admitting it and confessing here and now how much I loved this man. No, that would definitely be suicide and I no longer wanted to remain a victim. But I was nervous and I knew that my expression must be reflecting everything I was feeling. And it didn’t help the fact that he was still staring at me with amusement in his eyes with a grinning face, waiting, quietly, analyzing me with an air of superiority that seemed to have clung to him. He was challenging me with that look of his, wondering if I would be able to defend myself or not.

"W-What are you talking about? Don’t play with something like that." I mumbled, chuckling softly a little shakily. It was noticeable that there was no humor in my voice and my nervousness was almost palpable, but I wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to keep mocking me, or I was going to die trying. Sure, metaphorically speaking.

"Why? Are you afraid Taeyeon will find out?” He cocked his head innocently, as if his intentions were good when in fact he was having way too much fun with this, I could tell.

My hands began to tremble at my sides and I was afraid to react to his words, but I tried to control my expression once more. "Stop, you clearly don’t know what you're talking about. And speaking of Taeyeon unnie, she must be looking for me, so ...”  I tried to move to escape from there once and for all, it was enough. Yet, before I could even move my feet he grabbed my arm firmly, though not strong enough to hurt me. I held my breath instinctively, not daring to make any movement at his proximity.

"Not so fast, baby. Don’t forget that I’m your date and therefore you shall remain by my side." He murmured with a smile.

"I never agreed though." I whispered back in a low, timid voice, averting my gaze.

"But we don’t want a repeat for what happened a while ago, don’t we?"

I looked into his eyes with a little more determination. "I can take care of myself-"

"I insist." He cut me off.

I couldn’t refuse, not when I knew he wouldn't stop insisting. For some reason he didn’t want to let me escape from the awkward situation, it was as if he wanted to prolong my misery a little more. He had exposed me, we both knew that, and it seemed as if he wasn’t satisfied with just that. No, he wanted more and focused his morbidity on me, because I was an easy target. However, I tried not to think about that or the consequences that this could have, after all what was the worst thing he could do? He had done everything to hurt me, and we were surrounded by people, so I doubted that he would dare to do something eccentric and stupid just to satiate his leisure. So, with nothing more to say, I nodded, agreeing with his intentions, and he – in a way of reply – just smiled at me beautifully. After that there was nothing more to say, I just started moving, walking awkwardly making my way inside the big house. As much as I hated the noisy music and the sweaty, smelly environment, it was better to be in a place crowded with people than to be in a secluded place in the company of Byun Baekhyun.

To my surprise though Baekhyun remained silent and at a safe distance, following me among the tumult of people obediently, like a puppy following its master faithfully. Even when we finally found a place to sit, he remained silent, though he didn’t need his voice to express himself, because his eyes did all the talking. The way he was staring at me was expressive enough to give me clues to what was going on inside that head of his. I had never thought about it, but I realized that one of the reasons I loved to immerse myself in those beautiful, drooping eyes was the mysteries that resided in them. This man had many secrets clearly and being able to decipher them through his gaze was something really fascinating to me. I wasn’t exceptionally good at reading other people, but the mere fact of trying was enough for me. Moreover, Baekhyun was a particularly difficult person to interpret, just as Chanyeol had said; he was a rather complex person.

Thereby, for seconds and even minutes, I dedicated myself to stare back at him, trying and trying to get something out of those eyes, trying to find out what motivated him to continue with all this, what he was looking for with each action on his part. I was so focused on my task that nothing could distract me, completely ignoring what was going on around us; the music, the people laughing, and the flirtatious and suggestive looks that some girls directed in Baekhyun’s direction – didn’t blame them at all though, Baekhyun was a beautiful man – all that was just a background noise, because he owned my whole attention.

And just when I was starting to calm down after everything that had happened in the garden I noticed that Baekhyun was beginning to approach me. The couch in which we were sitting on was quite spacious. At first Baekhyun had sat at the other end, wanting to give me space not to disturb me perhaps, but only now did I realize that he had been slowly approaching me as I submerged myself on his gaze. I didn’t know why I wasn’t doing something to get away from him, especially when I knew what he planned to do, I just had to see the way he leaned towards me slowly to know. His eyes were still looking into mine, telling me something with that gaze; a warning maybe, or was it a challenge? I didn’t know, but there was something in those eyes, tempting me ... always tempting me and I was falling, always falling. His breath hit my face and my heart began to throb intensely. My mind was blank, which explained why I did nothing to avoid what was about to happen.

"Taeyeon is looking for you, baby." He murmured suddenly, still with his face extremely close to mine.

I blinked quickly as if I were coming out of a long dream, still holding his gaze. I could see that he smiled at me with amusement. Although the eye contact didn’t last much longer, because when his gaze settled on my lips I finally understood what was happening. I had to move, I had to react and get away from him as soon as possible before I lost my will to resist – as always. So that was what I did, I put a hand on his chest to pushed him away from me almost aggressively.

"W-What were you doing? What were you planning to do?" I asked hurriedly, my cheeks flushed.

"Taeyeon is looking for you." He repeated, ignoring my question completely.

"Baekhyun, answer me. What were you about to do?" Silence. "Whatever it is, don’t do it again." My cheeks were on fire, my voice was soft and without authority, and my nervousness was palpable. I knew I didn’t look intimidating at all, but I was serious. Because again, he was playing with my feelings again. Why did he have to do it over and over again? Why? Why did he do it now if he knew how I felt about him? Why? Was he urging me to confess to him? Was he pushing my boundaries so that I would admit my feelings to him? Was all this a tactic to tempt me and let me voice what he wanted to hear?

He just smiled at me nonchalantly and with nothing else to say he pointed with his index finger at the dance floor. "Taeyeon is there and judging by her behavior she’s looking for you."

I turned in the direction in which his finger was pointing at and indeed my sister was frantically looking for me amidst the tumult of people, crowded among the people who still danced animatedly. She looked anxious and worried, perhaps feeling guilty knowing that she had left me alone when I didn’t feel comfortable being in a situation like this. I was relieved now that I could see her, since that meant I didn’t have to continue to endure Baekhyun’s presence any longer. I was about to stand up and go in her direction, but before I could move a hand on my wrist stopped me.

"Just one more thing. Don’t tell her I was here." He told me seriously.

He didn’t even wait for my answer; he just gave me one last smile, stood up and disappeared from my sight. I just smiled pathetically, since he knew that in the end I would do whatever he asked me to. And he was right to think that, since I had no intention of exposing him right now, what was the point in doing it now anyway?

Now though, I had to be much more cautious than before in his presence. Not only did he know about my secret, but somehow we had crossed a line today that shouldn’t have been crossed under any circumstances. Somehow there was nothing to hide; he already knew what was happening inside my head although I had refused to admit it. He knew that I was lying and he had the control once again. And the lack of insistence from his part made me feel relieved but very confused, since I thought he was going to try to make me confess what he wanted to hear right there, but he didn’t, instead he actually let me slip away from the situation. It was suspicious, why would he let me get away? What did he gain from that? Was this just the beginning? Did he have something more prepared under his sleeve?

For now, just for now, I was safe, but I couldn’t be sure that it would last for long and knowing how unpredictable the man in question was I couldn’t be too overconfident, because I knew that the next time I wasn't going to have any more strength to fight him. I was afraid to give in to my impulses the next time.

By Tuesday I was already significantly more relaxed and calm, the incident with Baekhyun always present but pushed to the back of my mind. I had already learned to deal with matters related to my sister's boyfriend, so it didn’t affect me as much as before, although clearly this time was a bit different, but still, I was trying to keep calm. Besides, I wasn’t alone and unprotected against an unpleasant world, since this time Sehun was at my side, I finally had him by my side again and I knew that his presence was enough to make me forget at least for some time the confused and shameless tactics of my sister's boyfriend. And as if that weren’t good enough I also had Kai on my side, who had been a constant support since I let him in fully into my life.

At first I didn’t know how to explain to Sehun that Kai had become someone important in my life, since I knew that my best friend wasn't going to take it very well. But I couldn't keep it as a secret any longer, he deserved to know something like this, after all I didn't want him to feel betrayed or replaced. Sehun had been with me a lifetime and he was a brother to me, so I wanted to make him understand that there was no way he could be replaced, Kai was no threat to his position in my life. The boy with the tanned complexion was simply a new addition to my inner circle, which certainly made me really happy, since making friends wasn’t one of my strengths. So when I confronted Sehun about it I made it clear that Kai wasn't going to replace him as my best friend, which to be honest, hadn’t been enough to calm him down. Sehun had been a little upset when I told him about my new friendship with Kai, wondering how could I associate with him knowing the enmity between them and it took me some time to calm him down. Nonetheless, after intense minutes of talk finally Sehun understood that he couldn’t influence my decision this time, that Kai was here to stay and that I wasn’t going to ignore the guy just to feed his ego. Of course, I was still worried about how this was going to work, because I didn't know how much they hated each other, didn’t know their limit point, so I was a little fearful about the consequences that this might entail in the near future.

"Can you please stop looking at yourself like that, guys?" I asked shyly, looking back and forth at Sehun and Kai, who seemed to be in a competition of looks.

We were in the cafeteria having lunch, all three sitting together at one table to the surprise of the whole school. They all looked at us strangely, which was certainly understandable and expected, because it wasn't a secret the enmity between Sehun and Kai, absolutely everyone in school was aware of the rejection that these two had towards each other. It was difficult to keep a thing like that hidden when the most popular boys in the school were involved, and the fact that I was somehow involved in all this mess as well made it more "aggravating."

"Okay, I understand the part of you getting along with him, but does he have to sit at the same table as us?" Sehun asked with a frown, turning his head to look at me with disagreement.

I just smiled shyly. "I just thought it would be a good idea to include him in order for you guys to get use to the presence of the other." I replied gently, since I knew this was hard for both to accept, but the fact that they were still trying to do this for me was enough to make my heart fill with pride and tenderness.

"If you're so uncomfortable you can leave at any time." Kai said looking at my best friend with a smirk, always using a mocking approach, that was the style of the tanned boy. Although his smile turned sincere and gentle as his eyes settled on mine, perhaps upon feeling my gaze on his face.

I blushed as I smiled sheepishly.

"I’m not going to leave you alone with my best friend, you dickhead." The other boy mumbled, clearly outraged by our brief little interaction.

"Sehun!" I exclaimed, tapping him lightly on his arm as a warning.

"What? It's true, I know you think his intentions are good, but you're just being naive. It's clear what this guy wants from you." He defended himself annoyed.

"Stop, Kai is my friend, so you have to respect him as such."

My best friend rolled his eyes, perhaps unable to understand why I was defending Kai's intentions so much, which bothered me greatly. I was tired of everyone telling me to stay away from the tanned guy, no matter how many times the world told me that, I wasn’t going to stay away from him. I had already made my decision anyway and there was no turning back.

"Well, I'm your best friend and I've always wanted the best for you and I know this guy isn’t good for you." He said seriously.

I was about to say something, but someone interrupted me before I could.

"It's not like that, Sehun. Listen, we don’t have to get along, we don't have to pretend we like each other, but don’t keep interfering with me and Seulmi. As far as I know she is eighteen already and can make decisions on her own. And she wants me by her side. You have to respect her will and stop treating her like a girl unable to know what she wants. You need to let her breathe from time to time; you're always trying to make decisions for her. It's time for you to let her grow." Kai said folding his arms across his firm chest, straightening in his chair, looking at the other guy seriously.

I could see Sehun tensing at those words, and in his eyes you could see something very like guilt. I knew he was somewhat uncomfortable with his nemesis’ words, because those words had some truth in them. As the protective friend he had always been, he had the constant need to take care of me, to protect me as if I were his little sister and from time to time he involved more than a best friend should just to make sure I was fine. In other words he had always treated me like a little girl and never let me make decisions for myself if he could help it. I knew his intentions were sincere and that was why I never tried to talk to him about it. Besides, it was never something that bothered me, because I trusted my best friend, but now the situation was different. I was – for the first time in my life – sure of my decision and I wasn't going to let Sehun influence me this time, and everything indicated that he knew it perfectly. That would explain why he seemed so embarrassed by Kai's "accusations”.

"Come on, buddy. You have to trust in your best friend a little more.”  The tanned boy continued in the same unconcerned posture.

I watched him clench his jaw. "I trusted her, but I don’t trust you." Sehun immediately refuted.

The playboy just grinned smugly and just shrugged. "But Seulmi does, so ..."

"Whatever, just don’t stand in my way and I'll try to ignore your presence for my best friend’s sake." Sehun murmured with narrowed eyes. There was a little bit of possessiveness in his voice, but also compromise. Based on that I knew that he was being really serious and that he was going to keep his promise. Sehun was a man of his word.

Kai smiled widely as if he was proud to have won somehow. "That's what I wanted to hear. But if you feel very uncomfortable you can always choose to eat with your little girlfriend though. I will keep my princess company, so don’t worry about that. "

Just as those words came out of Kai's mouth something changed in the atmosphere, causing Sehun to stiffen instantly, clearly affected by the mention of his ex-girlfriend. It was obvious that he still couldn't move on, not really understanding what had happened to Sohee. He was still strongly affected by it, he had even confessed to me that his life had taken a completely unexpected turn because of the breakup, the absence of his girl was too notorious and so it had left a very noticeable void in his life. The boy didn’t sleep well, didn’t eat well and couldn’t control his emotions very well. He was still very much in love with her. Actually he had told me that he had often felt the need to return to her side, but that his conscience was stronger than his yearnings and that he couldn't consciously forgive her for all she had done to me. I could clearly see his suffering, and I understood him more than anyone, especially considering that this had happened a few days ago, so his wound was still too fresh to even think about moving on.

"And look, there's our girl." Kai went on, not even noticing how lugubrious the mood had become. He hadn’t even noticed the looks I was throwing in his direction expecting him to see the warning in my eyes. I knew this guy was loving and just kind and understanding, but when it came to Sehun he seemed to have no limits with his comments. Although I had to admit that most of the time it was my best friend who started the little fights they used to have.

There, some tables away, Sohee was all alone, with her tray of food totally intact. She was already looking at our table intently, but when she realized we were all staring in her direction she looked away quickly, seemingly focusing her attention on her plate of food. Sohee had always had a strong aura and full of confidence, however I could notice that all the energy had been drained from her body. She didn't really look like herself. Now I just saw a shy and insecure girl trying to get smaller in her seat with the intention of going unnoticed, almost as if she was hating the attention she was receiving from us.

"What's wrong with her though? She looks lonely and depressed. Yah! Be a good boyfriend and go see what’s wrong with her." The tanned boy exclaimed invasively, making things even worse.

Sehun was petrified in his seat, not knowing what to do or how to respond. For the first time in my life I saw him really vulnerable in front of his nemesis and that undoubtedly was something of concern. And I found myself unable to do anything for him, what could I do for him under these circumstances? I knew he wouldn't want me to share his personal affairs in Kai’s presence, so it wasn't a good idea to comfort him here in the eyes of everyone without Kai asking or suspecting anything about it. So I just kept quiet, looking at my best friend with compassion in my eyes.

"Sehunnie ..." I whispered unconsciously.

"I-It’s okay ... I just ... I already lost my appetite; I have to do my homework. See you later, Mimi." Without further delay, he stood up, without making eye contact with anyone, took his tray and walked away. I could see how Sohee followed with her eyes Sehun’s figure walking away with sad eyes.

"Okay, did I miss something?" Kai asked with confusion all over his face.

I only sighed in disappointment and looked at him with a frown, scolding him with the power of my gaze. I couldn't help being a little annoyed with him, because I had invited him to eat lunch with us with the intention of waking up peace between us all. I had practically included him in our circle and I expected a minimum of respect, but he ended up ruining everything in some way and I was upset. Sehun was my adoration and I didn't want to see him like this, and Kai certainly hadn't been much help, in fact quite the opposite.

"I told you to behave yourself, Kai." I said earnestly.

"What? But, beautiful, I didn’t do anything; it was him who started everything." He refuted with a childlike pout.

"Still, you should have been the bigger person and let him be. We all expected him to react that way." I shrugged.

"Come on, you know I had no bad intentions, princess. You really are overprotective with your best friend, huh." He commented with a teasing smile, staring me in the eyes with amusement.

I blushed instantly. So everyone could notice our bond, huh. "I know, I'm sorry, it's just ... he's going through a bad time and I don’t want to add more burden to his shoulders."

"Problems with his girlfriend, I guess?"

"Let's not talk about that, okay?" I spoke softly, a gentle smile on my face, waiting for Kai to understand the reason behind my answer.

He tilted his head slightly and looked at me curiously, as if he were reading my expression and my gaze. A habit that looked quite like Baekhyun's by the way, for the latter was the only one who took the time to stare at every corner of my face, although he didn’t do it with very good intentions. But with Kai it was different, it wasn’t an invasive and intimidating stare, but rather a curious and innocent one, or so I perceived it.

"Okay, let's not talk about Sehun, instead, let's talk about you, young lady." He proposed leaning forward, resting his elbows on the table to put his chin in his entwined hands.

"Me?" I cocked my head in confusion. "What about me?"

"Well, despite having entered in your life a short time ago, I can say that I know you well enough to notice that there is something that worries you, am I correct, my princess?"

I looked at him hesitantly for a few seconds, but when I saw the sincerity with which he was looking at me I decided to reveal only some of the truth. Baekhyun was still a secret I preferred to keep, even if a third party already knew about it.

"It's just my sister's boyfriend. I’m still confused because of his attitude, that's all." I replied vaguely.

"Ah, the cheater."

I nodded my head as I sighed wearily. "I don’t know what he wants. I don't know what his intentions are and I don't know why he is still present in our lives. Not only my sister is involved in this situation, but ... somehow, he also involved me and I'm mentally tired. I've tried to avoid him, since I don't want to deal with him anymore, but he always looks for a way to annoy me, it's like he desperately wants my attention all the time. I don't know what he wants, but all I want is for him to leave us alone. My sister is completely in love with him and wants to have him in her future, and I don't want that ... I just ... my sister cannot get hurt from all this. She only deserves the best and he is simply playing with our feelings as if it weren't important. I dont 'know what to do to get him out of my life, I'm tired ... I'm really tired of him."

As the words came out of my mouth the urge to simply tell the whole truth grew dizzyingly, because telling the truth meant having someone to count on, someone who could hold me in difficult times and someone who could advise me. I knew that I needed to confide my feelings to someone, because I had reached a point where I needed to get out this feelings out of my chest desperately; I couldn't talk to my sister about it for obvious reasons, I couldn't talk to my best friend either because I knew he was going to scold me for having fallen in love with my sister's boyfriend – Sehun was just that kind of person, correct, moralistic – I couldn’t lean on Chanyeol – the only person who knew the secret, aside from Baekhyun himself – because I was still trying to approach him without being invasive and insistent. So apparently Kai was the only person I could trust my feelings with, and for some reason I had the feeling that he wasn't going to judge me by these dirty feelings. However, just as I was about to just say the words that were on the tip of my tongue, something stopped me ... it wasn’t necessarily sudden insecurity or mistrust, it was something more ...

"Hey, princess, come here." He spoke softly and patiently, beckoning me with his hands for me to get closer to him.

We were in the cafeteria, with students examining each and every one of our movements, especially considering Kai's fangirls, and obviously any physical contact could trigger negative responses from those girls, opening the way to possible malicious rumors. But all that was pushed into a corner of my mind, because at that moment I needed comfort, and without a second thought I stood up, walk around the table and sit next to my friend, who immediately wrapped me in his arms. I relaxed immediately into his hold, resting my chin on his shoulder. Despite the envious and malicious looks we were receiving, there was something natural and warm about the way he held me and… Why did it feel so good?

After being in this position for a few minutes, the boy spoke quietly, but with annoyance in his voice, "That bastard is really looking for a beating," he murmured, holding me in his arms, "disturbing my princess like no one's business. He's definitely looking for trouble."

I just laughed timidly. "Well, now that we are talking about looking for trouble, your girls are looking over here and I don't think they like what they are seeing." I muttered looking curiously over his shoulder. "I think you should let me go, Kai." It was so comforting to be in this guy's embrace for some reason, but I was beginning to feel really uncomfortable with the looks we were getting. Besides ... well, I was also beginning to feel embarrassed and I knew that shyness was emanating from me being in an extraordinary way right now.

"But I don't want to let you go." He whined childishly.

I tried to ignore the way my heart began to throb frantically at those simple words. "Kai, come on."

"Okay." He said regretfully, finally letting me go.

I tucked my hair behind my ear in embarrassment, trying to hide the discomfort I had suddenly begun to feel, while the boy smiled charmingly at me as if nothing had happened, looking at me intently, as if he were watching a movie with an interesting and refreshing argument. Obviously I was starting to feel really nervous and uncomfortable, it wasn't uncommon for me to feel this way in Kai's presence, since in one way or another he always managed to make me feel a whirlwind of feelings and emotions that were unknown and unexplored by me, but even so it still felt like the first time and I couldn't help feeling all giddy inside for some reason. Without a doubt this guy made my life more interesting and fun, but sometimes I didn't know how to deal with his attention, just as now for example. In fact I had to look away to calm my heartbeat, focusing my eyes on anything else as long as it wasn't the boy who was sitting next to me. Unconsciously my eyes fell back on the table where Sohee was. She was already looking at me, so we immediately made eye contact. The girl was looking at me with resentment, but there were so many feelings in those brown eyes that I was unable to identify each one of them. For the first time since I met her I saw this girl as a vulnerable being, because despite not knowing precisely what she was feeling, I could definitely identify that they were negative feelings. I could almost feel sorry for her, however that pity became confusion when I realized that she had stood up to walk towards us.

"Oh my God, what is she doing?" I mumbled unconsciously in a low voice.

"What?" Kai asked. I could feel his eyes on my profile, but I was still staring at the girl. "Princess," he insisted, wanting to know what was happening to me so suddenly.

I couldn't say anything, because Sohee was already in front of our table. She looked uncomfortable and she was playing with her hands like a little girl in front of her strict parents, which obviously took me by surprise. She wasn't acting like herself and I was curious. I could easily guess that her change in attitude was due to the break with Sehun, but what I didn't understand was why she had approached me. Did she want to blame me for what had happened? It wouldn't be that surprising, but her submissive attitude confused me.

"Can I help you with something?" Kai spoke instantly, with a somewhat overprotective attitude. His behavior was understandable, afte all he was aware of my tense relationship with the girl after witnessing so often her hostility towards me.

"I ... I just want to talk to Seulmi … alone." She replied timidly, and was this girl really the Sohee I knew?

"That won’t happen." He said firmly.

She looked helplessly at him and perhaps realizing that the boy wasn't going to give in to her words, her eyes went back to my face. "Seulmi, please, I really need to talk to you. I promise I will not do anything." She pleaded not only with her words but also with her eyes.

I knew I had the right to reject her offer after everything she had put me through, I knew that I could simply ignore her and go on with my life without letting her in my life at all now that she had severed the bond she shared with my best friend. Now we were simple strangers. However, I couldn't shake this feeling of deep curiosity that was invading me; I really wanted to know what she had to say.

"Okay." I replied quickly.

I could tell that both were surprised by my unexpected response, especially Kai.

"What? Are you sure? You know you don't have to do this, beautiful." He reminded me gently.

I turned in his direction. "It's okay, Kai. Trust me." I said smiling.

He didn't seem very convinced, but made no further comments. "If you need me, you just have to scream." He smiled playfully at me.

I laughed softly. "Of course." I replied in the same way.

He gave me one last smile, gave the girl a warning look and then stood up to leave us alone. Once we were alone we were silent, she was still standing unsteadily, making no attempt to start the conversation even though she had insisted on talking to me

"So, I hear you, Sohee." I decided to speak first, as I had the feeling that she wasn't going to do it on her own anytime soon.

She still felt insecure, but finally she decided to tell me the reason behind all this. "Listen, Seulmi. I know we don't get along and you have every right to refuse to listen to me. I know I haven't behaved properly with you, but ... but I really need your help. Please, Seulmi, please give him back to me." She begged me with moist eyes, as if she were on the verge of tears. I immediately knew that she was talking about Sehun.

I frowned at those words. She hadn't been rude or anything of the sort yet, but she was talking as if my best friend were a simple object that had owner and therefore could be "stolen" and "returned", I didn't like that. She had to understand that it was she herself who pushed him to do this. It was none of my business, so I didn't have the power in this situation, so I found it ridiculous for her to ask me something like this.

"Sohee, that's Sehun's decision, I cannot do anything, I have no control over him if that's what you're thinking." I replied softly.

"Listen, I know how important you are to him, and I know he's going to listen to you. Please, Seulmi, tell him to come back with me." She went on without clearly hearing the response I'd given him, just wanted her boyfriend back and thought the best way to do it was through me. That made me realize that she didn't really take her actions seriously, she didn't understand why Sehun had decided to break up with her, didn't understand the weight of the actions and decisions that led to this situation. The girl just wanted Sehun back and the only reason she was talking to me – civilly – and begging me was because she thought I had some power over him. She wasn't in front of me to try to fix the situation and apologize for what she had put me through. No, she was here for me to sort out what she herself had provoked in the first place. It was sad really, because I was sure my best friend deserved an explanation and a mature conversation. Before anything else she had to understand the things she had done, she had to reflect and admit her faults.

"Sohee, do you even know why Sehun broke up with you? Do you take responsibility for your actions?" I asked trying to guide her.

Her eyes immediately darkened, and she pursed her lips suspiciously, looking at me with accusing eyes. I knew that in her mind she was blaming me for everything, I could see it in her eyes, but before she could intimidate me her face changed and her expression became expressionless. We made eye contact for a few more seconds and then she looked away as she shook her head with a disappointed smile on her face, and then, without turning to look at me, she walked away from my table in silence. I watched her walk away with confusion, and I couldn't get out of my mind her expression of despair. Sohee was also having a bad time, but I couldn't really feel sorry for her at the moment, because her love was a selfish one. It would have been better from the beginning if she had accepted that Sehun had other important people in his life apart from her. It would have been better if she had agreed not to be the only one to possess the boy's affection and attention.

I was at the bus stop, watching the cars passing through the streets. The noise of the engines and the laughter of the people who were around me were a relaxing background music to accompany my thoughts. I had been sitting in the same spot, staring absently at the horizon for hours now, trying to delay what I knew would happen sooner or later. And only one thought predominated in my mind; to avoid getting home. As always the decisions and actions of a certain person modified in a certain way my own actions and attitudes; this time preventing me from feeling comfortable in my own home just because I have to be in his presence. Baekhyun, as always, was probably in my house as if it were his own territory, monopolizing the place as if he were an animal. I knew that at this point he was doing it just to annoy me, like everything he always did, and bad news ... it was working. My reactions were exactly what he expected, I was responsible for everything, for him to continue playing with my feelings, because I always gave him what he wanted. But what could I do to reverse things? I couldn't act as if I didn’t care, I had tried and it hadn't worked. Maybe it was too easy to read me and I wasn't very good at hiding my emotions, and maybe that was why Baekhyun had chosen me as his part-time toy. Yeah, and those maybe’s were irrelevant, because they were facts.

I knew I couldn't stay here for a long time though, it had already started to get dark and I didn't want to worry my sister with my remarkable and alarming delay. In fact I had some missed calls from her, which had gone unnoticed because my cell phone was in silent mode. So after sending a message explaining the situation, I stood up finally joining reality and started walking slowly. I could have taken the bus, but I wanted time for myself and somehow sort out my thoughts and emotions, mentally preparing for what was to come.

The first thing I noticed when I got home was the delicious scent of food that flooded the atmosphere, so – with backpack and everything – I went to the kitchen quickly, as if it had been an automatic and mechanized movement. To my surprise Taeyeon was on the stove, stirring the ingredients in the pot with a smile on her face while Chanyeol was casually leaning on the kitchen island, surely making her company. I tilted my head in surprise, since it wasn't something common for my sister to cook, Luna was the one who made absolutely everything, so it was certainly surprising that she was on the stove with a purple apron that was some larger sizes than her, making her look even more adorable.

"You are cooking? Why?" I decided to announce my presence with that question.

The two immediately turned in my direction. She gave me a huge smile of welcome while he looked at me with a poker face.

"Mimi! You're home." My sister sighed with relief. "You're late, what were you thinking, child? Do you want me to die of worry for you?" She added now frowning, leaving the stove aside to approach me and wrap me in her thin arms.

I hugged her back, sinking my nose into her shoulder, smelling her characteristic scent of perfume, which was impregnated in her body even after being exposed to strong odors belonging to the food. "Sorry, I was with Sehun and I didn’t realize how late it was." I lied trying to silence my voice by sinking my face into her shoulder so she couldn’t feel the hesitation in my voice. I couldn't tell her that I was trying to avoid her boyfriend at all costs after all; I wasn't in any way ready to do something like that.

"You, troublesome girl." She commented as she pulled away from me. And after giving me a kiss on the forehead she returned to her previous position at the front of the stove. "I'm cooking for Baekhyun. Luna has been feeling a little sick these days and I didn’t want to add more stress to her shoulders. So I decided to make the dinner on my own. Besides Baekhyun was hungry and I couldn’t let him starve, right?" She said smiling affectionately as she uttered the last sentence, just for the thought of her boyfriend. It really was disturbing.

I moved my body uncomfortably, not liking the way her expression shone at the thought of her boyfriend. I used to think it was cute before, but now I was disgusted. I couldn't even hide the annoyance that that caused me, so I ended up making a grimace of clear dislike, and Chanyeol noticed it, so he gave me a knowing smile, probably reading my thoughts.

"Don't be so obvious, Seulmi." The tall boy commented aloud, looking at me seemingly indifferently as his arms remained crossed across his chest.

I looked at him with narrowed eyes, warning him with my gaze, but he only shrugged harmlessly. "I don’t know of what you're talking about." I hissed, praying that my sister couldn’t find anything suspicious in this exchange of words.

"I'm just saying you should stop being an open book. You're too easy to read." He continued as if he didn’t care that my sister might suspect something.

Before I could say anything and defend myself in some way, Taeyeon interrupted us, "Yes, our Mimi doesn’t know how to lie very well. Truly like an open book." She commented turning her head in my direction. The girl was smiling slightly, but in her eyes there was a hidden feeling, which made me freeze in my place. Somehow I felt intimidated by the possible meaning of that strange look, so my heart began to throb rapidly because of the sudden anxiety that was invading me. The worst part of all this was that she was holding my gaze purposefully, as if she wanted me to notice something. In fact the atmosphere had become somewhat heavy, even Chanyeol could see the change in my sister's attitude, because I could see out of the corner of my eye how he looked at us with a frown. Nevertheless, before the atmosphere became even more tense, Taeyeon looked away and turned her attention back to what she was doing.

"Noona, do you want me to help you with that?" Chanyeol broke the silence. I could tell he had simply said it to dispel the tension in the air.

"It's okay, Yeol. I'm finishing up already, so don’t worry." She said returning to her normal behavior. "Although I just remembered that Baekhyun likes to drink white wine with this. Do you want to go to the store with me?" She turned completely to face her friend, wiping her hands on her purple apron.

"Sure! Let’s go." The big guy smiled ever so widely, showing that bright smile that was only reserved for my sister.

"Can you keep an eye on this for me, Mimi? It will not take long to be ready. I'd ask Baekhyun, but he's sleeping in the living room. I promise we will not take long, it will only take us ten minutes."

Forgetting completely the strange situation that took place seconds ago, I made a face, obviously a little annoyed. I was a mess in the kitchen and I would probably end up burning the whole house if she left me in charge, it didn't take a genius to know that it was a very bad idea, but I complied anyways.

"Okay, but don’t take too long. I don’t want to ruin the food." I said taking my backpack from my back and throwing it to the floor casually, leaving it there forgotten as I rolled up the sleeves of my blouse to avoid staining it.

"Just ten minutes." She repeated hastily, and taking her giant friend’s hand she disappeared from my sight dragging Chanyeol with her. She hadn't even removed her apron.

I just stood there, staring at the pot with attention, but not touching anything at the moment. The house was in an almost gloomy silence, the characteristic humming of Luna while doing things around the house wasn't present and I felt really strange, and the fact that Baekhyun was sleeping in the adjoining room didn't relieve my anxiety. I was already beginning to feel how those thoughts slowly surfaced within me, the same thoughts that always occupied my mind, so in an attempt to silence them, I began to hum my favorite song; a lullaby my mother used to sing for me before bed. And before I knew it I was leaning unconcernedly on the kitchen island with a small smile on my face remembering some episodes of my childhood due to the song.

"You're in a good mood from what I see."

As if it had been an electroshock, I straightened up instantly and looked in the direction in which that voice had come from. I wasn't too surprised when I saw Baekhyun standing confidently in the middle of the kitchen; however I would have liked to avoid a confrontation so soon, especially now that I was trying to sink myself into the positive energies that had given me my happy memories. I knew his presence in itself was bad news, especially now that we both knew my feelings; he knew my secret, he always knew and now he wanted to force me in some way to say it out loud for some reason.

"Were you thinking of me?" He asked smiling shamelessly. He was clearly teasing me, but I just remained silent, staring at him absently. Though in the inside I was trying not to distract myself by his appearance.

His hair was messy due to the nap he had taken, he had the first buttons of his shirt ed revealing his alluring milky skin along with his collarbones, and had a sleepy expression that emanated laziness but at the same time made him look incredibly cute. As always, his beauty made everything more difficult for me, my body reacted because of it. I was constantly trying to convince myself that all I had left was the physical attraction I felt for him, because it made no sense that I was still in love with such a cruel and malicious person, but if that was the case, why did it hurt so much?

"Please don’t start, Baekhyun," I murmured quietly. I wasn’t ready for this confrontation yet. "I don’t want to talk to you now."

"Is that why you came home so late? Because you didn’t want to see my face?" He asked with a serious expression all of a sudden, folding his arms across his chest like he was my older brother, scolding me with the power of his eyes. Before I could respond or react, he added, "Never do that again. Taeyeon was worried, and so was I. You cannot be wandering around at this hour.  Anything can happen to you."

His tone of concern took me by surprise, but it was filled with anger inside. It was ridiculous how this man could change the situation and the atmosphere so quickly. It was ridiculous the control he had over everything. "I'm eighteen now. Whatever I do or don’t do it’s not of your concern." I said in a trembling voice, with uneasy eyes. My voice was far from being loud and intimidating, it actually sounded rather tired, but I tried to pretend otherwise.

"Do you think that by being eighteen you already know everything you have to know about the world? Don’t make me laugh, you're still a child. We're just trying to protect you, Seulmi." His expression had become serious and attentive, every trace of sleep gone.

Why was he saying that? Protect me? How did he expect me to believe something like that when the only person I need protection from was himself? It didn’t make sense. "Why are you acting like this so suddenly? First you annoy me and now you pretend to be worried about me, what is your problem? You are so terribly confusing! Leave me alone!" I ended up screaming without realizing what I was doing, but nothing mattered to me anymore, not even the burnt smell that was beginning to flood my nostrils. I only knew that Baekhyun was still looking at me like that and that I was about to break, so all I could do for now was escape. And that was what I tried to do.

However, just as I was walking towards the door he took my arm and turned me around almost aggressively. His expression wasn't very gentle, in fact he looked really angry. He looked at me with fire in his eyes, dancing impassively in the depths of his core. His jaw was tense and the fury was emanating in terrifying amounts of his being. For a moment I thought he would hit me or something, but I didn’t flinch, my eyes still staring at his. I did not know what kind of emotions my gaze was emanating, but he must have felt my fear, because suddenly he let go of my arm and tried to control his body, considerably softening his features.

"You don’t know anything." He murmured quietly. I could see the conflict in his eyes, and his gaze was so suddenly lonely. So many emotions came from this man who contradicted at every moment his words and attitudes. Baekhyun seemed to be a contradiction in itself, and I found myself unable to know how to deal with him. What should I feel towards him? Hate? Resentment? Pity? What should I feel for him? I didn’t understand, everything was too much for me.

"How do you want me to understand if you don’t tell me anything, Baekhyun? You are really an enigma." I mumbled back. My heart was beating fast and I still hadn’t lowered my guard. I kept my body tense in case I had to escape again. Trust wasn’t something I could deposit on him anymore.

He stared at my face for a few minutes, silently examining my countenance. "I thought you loved that about me." His eyes were on my lips. There was no humor in his face and he had said it in a serious way. Thanks to that I started to get very nervous and anxious, remembering unconsciously when he had been about to kiss me at the party. Everything came to me unexpectedly.

"Not true, I hate it." I replied quickly. After that his gaze rose from my lips to my eyes again.

"Do you hate me?"

"I don’t know."

"Do you feel rejection towards me?"

"I don’t know."

"Do you love me?"

Silence. Uncertainty. Fear.

"Do you love me?" He asked again.

I was speechless.

"Why don’t you admit it?" He pressed.

"I don’t know what-"

"You have a lot to say about me, don’t you? Then let me tell you something back, you're a coward." He began to say cruelly.

"Don’t say that, I-"

"You say you're eighteen and that you can handle everything and you cannot even admit what you're feeling." He continued, vehemently, looking at me again in subdued fury.

"I don’t feel-"

"At the end of the day you're just a little girl who doesn’t know anything."

"Please stop. I-"

"Tell me! Tell me once and for all what you feel!" He incited me aggressively.

"Shut up." I whispered shakily.

"Tell me!"

"Stop."

"ing tell me!"

"I-"

"TELL ME!"

"I love you! I love you, Baekhyun!" I shouted suddenly, surprising both of us.

After that there was finally peace and silence. My heart was beating so freaking fast, my hands were sweating, my forehead was drenched in sweat, my body trembled slightly and a lump formed in my throat. I should have stopped there, my body was warning me that, but I didn’t feel like myself at that moment and I only did what my instinct dictated. And before I could process what I was doing, I simply exploded and confessed what I had kept in my heart for years.

"I love you, Baekhyun. I've been in love with you since I met you. I've always wanted to be your girl, but I know you don’t belong to me. Every day I have to witness how you kiss my sister, every day is torture ... and I ... I just want to kiss you. I know I should hate you for everything you've done to me, but I cannot do it, how to do it if you want my attention all the time? How to do it when you look at me like that? How can I forget if I have to see your face every day? I'm tired of this feeling; I can’t deal with this, because it's eating me from the inside. It's unfair, the effect you have on me. I can’t control myself if you're near me. My body always reacts to your voice and I am totally at your mercy ..."

"Seulmi ..." He whispered perplexed, his gaze softened and now he was looking at me so gently, as gently as if he were looking at a terribly frail creature. And I wanted to tell him everything, everything.

"Baekhyun, why it couldn’t be me? Why did you choose her? Why did you choose another person when I was always there?" I had no dignity at this point; I just wanted to let out my feelings. "Why did it have to be you? Among all the men in the world I had to fall in love with my sister's boyfriend, among all the men I chose you, and I don’t want to live like this. You got me crazy, Baek. You have me crazy with love and this feeling has only ruined my life.” At this point I was crying, my tears were falling and I was sobbing desperately, but I didn’t want to stop.

"Seulmi, stop-" He said suddenly in a strict voice, but imploring countenance.

"No, you wanted to hear this and that's precisely what I'm doing! You wanted to hear my feelings and that's what I'm going to do, because you've always been right. I have experienced many things thanks to you; jealousy, hopelessness, resentment, impotence and love. This love that consumes me and doesn’t let me breathe in peace."

"Stop."

"So you wanted to hear the truth?! This is truth; I'm irrevocably in love with you!" I exclaimed with all my might.

And then, immediately, I heard a shocked gasp. I looked alarmingly at Baekhyun's expression; he was staring at me with compassion and some pity. And there was when I knew what was happening.

"I told you to stop." He whispered very quietly, just so I could hear him.

I turned around slowly, with fear and with a knot in my stomach. Taeyeon was standing there in the doorway ... she had heard everything, and I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.

Hello my beautiful people! I'm alive and yes, it took me a lot of time to update this, but I just want you to know that I'm not going to stop writing, I'm NOT leaving this unfinished, maybe it will take me years to finish it (I hope not, of course), but I WILL, so don't worry about the lack of updates, I'm just a very busy person. And you can ask me about it anytime too, you can ask me when I'm gonna update and such, I really don't mind, so feel free to contact me :D 

As always, I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for your support, it means a lot to me! Leave me comments, please. I love them so much, I really want to hear what you think.

Love you so much, my readers! ^3^