i have been gone for so long rip

heres a double update bc i feel like trash for not updating sooner im so sorry

pls forgive me!

-kungfucoffee

“We’re just hanging out tomorrow,” Jimin explained to Jungkook and Taehyung over the phone, “as friends, obviously. There’s no way Yoongi-hyung sees me like that.” He was sitting up on his bed, legs dangling over the edge as he chatted away in their three-way call.

“Aw, our Jiminnie has a crush!” Taehyung cooed, cackling at Jimin, who had been gushing about how caring and amazing Yoongi hyung was for the last hour.

“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you,” Jimin snapped, “How are things going with Hobi-hyung, anyways?”

“They’re going fine, I’ll have you know,” Taehyung’s voice got slightly quieter, “Hoseok is very happy with his girlfriend.”

“Oh, Tae-tae,” Jimin said, feeling guilty that he’d upset their bright friend, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to mention that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Taehyung replied, his voice getting more cheerful, “It just means that I have more time to practice dancing. Can’t let you guys have all the attention, right?”

“Speaking of which,” Jungkook piped in, an unseen smirk on his face, “Are we still on to go to that club tomorrow night?”

“Ah, what time?” Jimin asked curiously.

“Right, wouldn’t want to get in the way of your date with Yoongi-hyung,” Jungkook mocked in a high pitched voice, laughing. “Chill dude, it’ll be pretty late at night. 10, 11-ish.”

“Oh, okay that’s fine,” Jimin nodded, satisfied.

The three continued talking about the next night, what they’d wear, what they were expecting, how to avoid the completely insane Jackson Wang.

“I just can’t wait for tomorrow afternoon!” Jimin squealed, totally off topic.

“WE KNOW!” Jungkook and Taehyung chorused, completely frustrated.

Jimin tossed and turned in his bed later that night, confused. He’d gone to bed after his conversation with Taehyung and Jungkook, but kept waking up.

He couldn’t get Yoongi out of his mind, and it was downright scaring him. There was no denying the way that he got butterflies in his stomach whenever Yoongi sent his gummy smile towards him.

It’s just a small crush, it’ll go away, Jimin told himself confidently. Yoongi was definitely cool, and someone that he wanted to get to know better, crush or no. He wasn’t about to let some simple, stupid high school crush get in the way of a possible friendship that would last for a while.

With a sigh, he rolled over onto his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fall asleep again. He had a pretty busy day the next day, and wanted to get as much sleep as possible.

Clearly, sleep didn’t want to find him. Jimin grabbed his iPod touch and opened SoundCloud. Earlier that day, Yoongi had written down his username after much goading from Jimin. After plugging his earbuds in, he put Yoongi’s tracks on shuffle and closed his eyes again.

With the fast beats and Yoongi’s low, fast paced voice, he was soon asleep.

Yoongi still hadn’t managed to fall asleep. He was up at his desk, editing the track. Every time he got to Jimin’s parts, he was swept away by his powerful, raw voice.

I’m not going to get anything done, Yoongi thought to himself with a soft sigh. He saved his project, shut down his computer and slid into bed, pulling his quilt over him. After checking his phone briefly, he smiled widely and snuggled back into his bed, soon falling asleep.

.

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~

Jin laid in his bed, waking up for the fourth time that day. All he had done for the past seventeen hours was sleep and listen to the Blurryface album from 21 Pilots because American Alt. music was one of the only things that Nam-ing-joon didn’t have over him.

He felt his phone buzz on his chest where it laid, ignored by the sad teen. I don’t want to deal with people right now, Seokjin thought grimly to himself, rolling over onto his side. The phone fell off of his chest onto the bed in front of him, the screen lit up.

32 Unheard Voice Mail Messages.

With a loud groan, Jin unlocked his phone and tapped the notification. The first voicemail began playing, and Jin rested his head against his pillow again, eyes closed.

“Hey dude, it’s Hoseok. Namjoon told me what happened. I think you guys need to talk or something.”

“Hey Jin, it’s Hoseok. Again. I know you’re not going to listen to me because you never do, but you should really listen to me this time.”

“Yo dude, I know you don’t want to believe me, and you don’t have to, after all you’ve been through, but Namjoon likes you. A lot.”

“He’s really broken up about this, you know. He’s really mad at himself, and he’s stopped eating. He won’t come out of his room and Yoongi says he won’t stop crying either.”

“Hey, so Namjoon’s dad saw us over at his house and got hella pissed. He kept calling us fags and told us to stop corrupting his son. I think you really need to talk to him, okay?”

“Seokjinnie, please. Do this for both of your sake.”

“…..Hey…..” Jin’s eyes flew open at the sound of Namjoon’s deep voice. “Listen, uh…. I know I ed up….. big time.” Namjoon laughed nervously on the recording, reminding Jin just how much he loved the other’s awkward moments. “I’m just, uh, really scared of this whole thing. Of me… of us… of, uh, of some…. “ Namjoon paused, and Jin could have sworn he heard his best friend choke down a sob. “Some people in my life. Please just talk to me sometime soon. I don’t want you to be angry or have negativity in your life. Please, Jin.”

“Yo, man—“ Jin turned off his phone and cut off Hoseok’s oddly soothing voice, roughly yanking the blankets off of his body and finally getting up. With a sigh, he padded to the bathroom and took a quick shower, not bothering to look in the mirror. After that was done, he threw on an old, beat up sweatshirt and some raggedy sweats and tied on his old basketball shoes that he didn’t use any more, not caring at all about his appearance. Just as he was leaving the house, his mom stopped him.

“Jin, dear, what’s wrong?” She asked, concerned, placing an arm on her much taller son. “You look terrible.”

Jin looked up into the mirror in the hallway and winced slightly at the reflection. His eyes were puffy and red from crying, and he had major eye bags. There were a couple of pimples sprouting up from all the stress and craziness, and his hair, tucked under his hood, was strewn crazily around like a bird’s nest.

“I-I’m…” Jin’s voice cracked as tears threatened to start falling. Wordlessly, his mom pulled him down for a strong hug. He melted into it, standing there for a couple of minutes, just taking in his mother’s immense love.

His mom released him, pulling back the hoodie and smoothing his hair into place, “I hope this boy is worth it,” She said quietly, smiling gently up at him, “Namjoon is a wonderful boy. Remember that.”

Jin stared, slightly in shock at his mother, who retreated back into her office where she was filing papers.

With a small smile, he headed out the door and towards Namjoon’s house, where he knew the other was probably moping. He still didn’t particularly want to talk with the other, but he knew that he owed it.

Sighing, he rang the doorbell, awkwardly shifting feet. He ruffled his hair up nervously, going over things to say in his head.

The door opened with a slam, revealing a haggard, overweight man with an unkempt beard, food stains decorating the front of his shirt and the distinct smell of alcohol.

“The hell do you want, er?” The man growled out, peering at Jin through bloodshot eyes.

“I’m, uh, I’m here to see Namjoon,” Jin managed to get out.  He was so used to Namjoon’s mom being at home that seeing his dad for the first time was a bit of a shock.

“Are you another one of those goddamn fags that’s trying to drag my son down to hell?” The man’s voice began rising as he took a menacing step towards Jin, “get the out of my house and out of my life!”

With eyes wide, Jin raced off of the front steps and down the street, not wanting to think about what had just happened. Namjoon’s father was a drunk, clearly homophobic and was nowhere near a good father.  Jin’s eyes were downcast as he stared at the grey concrete passing under his feet, and he wasn’t looking where he was going. Without realizing it, he had run into someone else and almost fell over. The stranger’s hands shot out, catching his shoulders and steadying him before he could.

“Woah, careful there—Jin?”

Jin looked up into the face of Namjoon, and he took about three steps back, trying to rearrange his face.

“Namjoon!” He exclaimed, half surprised, half nervous all over again, “I was just looking for you.” Namjoon’s face fell, as he took a step forward.

“Did you go to my house?” He asked anxiously, eyes scanning Jin’s body for any signs of physical harm, “Did my dad give you trouble? Did he call you anything, touch you? Harass you?”

Jin smiled slightly, “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

“No, Seokjin, I am worried!” Namjoon exploded, thankful that the street they were on was deserted. “I’m worried about you! I hurt you, I wasn’t thinking, and I regret it, okay? Hoseok said you weren’t answering any of his calls, you weren’t answering any of mine, and you skipped school. You never skip school!”

“I just had to think about what happened,” Jin said quietly, not meeting Namjoon’s eyes.

“Please, please, please don’t think about it!” Namjoon pleaded, equally quiet. He placed a hand under Jin’s chin, forcing him to look into Namjoon’s eyes, “I’m sorry, okay? I really, really like you, and I ed up.” Jin couldn’t, didn’t want to believe his ears. This was too good to be true; there was some kind of catch. He was probably saying it because he felt sorry for Seokjin. “Okay? Are you listening to me? I want to be there for you. I want to be the one to tell you that it’ll be okay, and that you don’t need to cry or be worried, and I can’t forgive myself for being the one causing you to worry.” Jin just stared silently at Namjoon, not trusting himself to not burst out into tears with the first word. “Look, I’m scared. I didn’t realize I was gay until about a week ago, my dad now hates me, and I don’t know if my best friend will even look at me twice.”

It was then that Jin’s eyes fell on the purpling bruise on Namjoon’s cheek, a stark contrast to his pale face. Wordlessly, he lifted his hand up to trace the outline, eyes looking up questioningly into Namjoon’s. The rapper smiled grimly, “Like I said. My dad hates me.”

Even if Jin was furious at Namjoon, he could feel his resolve weakening and his concern for Namjoon growing.

Namjoon looked totally scared and nervous, like a lost puppy right after a storm. Seokjin heaved a sigh and wrapped his arms around Namjoon, pulling him tightly to his body. Namjoon was cold, and he hugged Seokjin tightly, tears starting to run down his face.

“He-he’s my dad!” Namjoon whispered in Seokjin’s ear as he cried quietly, “I didn’t know what to do. I trusted him, but I trusted you, and I didn’t know who was right.”

Seokjin patted him on the back, whispering soothing words into his ear, “You’re alright now. You’re safe.”

Namjoon looked at Seokjin, his normally mature face broken by his monster of a father, “Hyung, I’m not disgusting, right?” He looked so desperate for reassurance, it broke Jin’s heart. Jin gave a watery smile, tears threatening to fall as well.

“No, Namjoonie, you’re not disgusting. You’re beautiful, and handsome, and responsible, and the best person I could ask to fall in love with,” Jin said, still hugging Namjoon tightly.

“I-I love y-” Namjoon began, trying to get the words out through his tears.

“Don’t rush it, okay?” Jin said, patting his back again. “This’ll take time. Don’t worry.”

“But you don’t deserve this!” Namjoon exclaimed angrily, his cheeks flushing with his genuine words, “You deserve the best, and here I am, crawling to you because I didn’t have the balls to stand up to my dad before. I love you, I really do, but I didn’t realize it because my dad was constantly filling my head with the idea that being gay is evil and like that.”

“It’s not your fault, Namjoonie,” Jin assured him, “It’s not your fault.”

Namjoon just continued to cry into Jin’s shoulder as the older rubbed circles on his back soothingly.

An hour later, the two were in the living room of Jin’s house. Jin’s mom rushed to make them some warm drinks, and piled blanket after blanket onto Namjoon.

“My mom left us about five years ago,” Namjoon began, nestling into the blankets. Jin watched him closely from the other side of the couch. “She left us to go to America with her girlfriend, and my dad kind of flipped his . I didn’t want to burden you or the other guys, so I never said anything about it.”

“And that woman I thought was your mom?” Jin asked, placing a comforting hand on Namjoon’s knee. His heart ached when he felt Namjoon flinch slightly at the touch.

“She was the housekeeper, the maid.” Namjoon laughed emotionlessly, “I was raised to believe that all gay people are disgusting, despicable, despised. I was so incredibly frightened by the idea that I was actually gay, that I was low enough to be in love with my best friend.”

Jin wrapped an arm around Namjoon’s shoulder, and he rested his head on Jin’s shoulder.

“I say this honestly, not in the heat of the moment, or because I think I owe it to you,” Namjoon said quietly, looking up into Jin’s face. “I love you. I want to be the one to make you smile at the little things in life, not to make you cry.”

Jin smiled, tearing up, “I love you too.” He responded, pulling Namjoon closer to him, “You wanna know why? Because you’re already the one to make me love life, and you never even realized it.”

The two stared at each other for a moment, heavy with silence, interrupted by Namjoon leaning up and pressing his lips to Seokjin’s.

In that moment, Namjoon was sure. He was completely in love with Kim Seokjin and he didn’t want it any other way.

~

“Slow down, you’ll choke on you ttokbokki,” Yoongi smiled at Jimin, who was hurriedly scarfing down his food, “Why are you eating so fast, anyways?”

“Whenever I get street food, I always drop it on accident,” Jimin explained sheepishly, making Yoongi laugh, his gums showing. “I’m trying to eat as much as possible so that I don’t waste food. Thanks for paying, by the way.”

“Anytime, babe,” Yoongi said, the nickname slipping out of his mouth. He silently cursed himself, not wanting to make things awkward between him and Jimin. The younger didn’t seem to notice, though, barreling through a long speech about how his friends never paid for his food, leaving him to fend for himself even though Jungkook was very well off.  “Your friends should hang out with mine sometime,” Yoongi mentioned, thinking quietly to himself about what that would look like. Jimin talked very extensively about his friends, and it was obvious that he cared deeply about them. They sounded like an interesting dynamic trio.

“That’d be cool, hyung,” Jimin smiled, his eyesmile sending butterflies through Yoongi’s heart straight to his chest. “What time is it?”

Yoongi glanced down at his beat up red watch, “About three in the afternoon. Whaddya wanna do?”

“Can we go to the skate park?” Jimin asked, tugging Yoongi’s sleeve in the direction of it.

Yoongi was confused for a moment—he hadn’t realized that Jimin was a skater. Jimin just shook his head, grinning.

“I really like watching the skaters there,” He explained, “It almost feels inspirational.” After he said that, Jimin blushed slightly, “Wow, that sounded way less cheesy in my head.”

Yoongi just laughed, letting himself be pulled in that direction. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who drew inspiration from everyday things.

Once the two arrived at the skate park, Jimin sat down on a bench, watching the skaters’ perfect tricks and perform them to show off in front of each other. An awestruck look painted Jimin’s face, a look that was a little too familiar for Yoongi’s taste.

It was the same look that he had when he had listened to Yoongi’s track for the first time and when he had seen Yoongi rapping live. A wave of aggression swept over Yoongi that completely confused him—he should be the only one to amaze Jimin like that.

As soon as he had that thought, Yoongi shook his head furiously. Jimin had started out as an amusement and was soon becoming a friend—not someone that he wanted to impress or have his boyfriend or someone he could have look only at Yoongi like that. Not at all.

I wonder who you’re trying to convince, a tiny voice inside his head that sounded scarily like Hoseok the Ever Wise said to him.

“Hyung, you okay?” Jimin asked, standing in front of Yoongi. While he had been busy thinking, the kid had gone off and gotten drinks for them. He stood there with a can of green tea and a can of coffee. He offered the coffee to Yoongi, who accepted it with an unseen smile.

It was his favourite brand of coffee, too—Busan Original Milk Coffee.

“I thought you’d like it, just a guess,” Jimin smiled again, and amidst tiny-voice-Hoseok’s impatient squawks, Yoongi tried to ignore the flutter in his stomach.

The two spent a little longer in the skate park, and then Jimin got the brilliant idea of mentioning that his house was only two blocks away.

“Punk, you don’t say something like that and not invite me over,” Yoongi growled, rolling his eyes impatiently, “Let’s go.”

Jimin whined and stood up as well, collecting his things, “But my house is a mess and so small compared to yours! It’s embarrassing!”

“It’s whatever, I don’t care,” Yoongi responded as they set off down the street, slightly embarrassed and mortified that Jimin thought his house was big. Sure enough, two blocks later, they stood in front of a quant apartment building. Jimin set off up the stairs, Yoongi following. He couldn’t help but stare slightly at Jimin’s nice looking —

Yoongi! No! He could practically hear Hoseok shrieking like his step-mother in his head, which scared him a little.

“Here we are!” Jimin exclaimed cheerfully, fishing his key out of his pocket, “Home sweet home.” The two entered and took off their shoes. Jimin offered Yoongi a pair of bright purple slippers, which Yoongi accepted with a few grumbles. As they went further inside, Yoongi noticed signs of the teen living there. The occasional shirt was on the floor, and basketball shoes were strewn everywhere. The apartment was cramped, with giant buckets of raw cabbage lining the hallway going to the bedrooms and bathroom, but it felt like a home.

“It’s nice,” Yoongi nodded, smiling slightly at the photographs of a fetus Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung. Their smiles, he noticed, were still the same.

“This is my room, you can just chill, I’ll get food,” Jimin opened the door and dashed off to go grab snacks. Yoongi entered slowly, taking in his new surroundings. No surprise, kpop idols decorated his walls, along with a rather artsy photo collage of Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, along with some people that he barely recognized. He didn’t think they went to their school, but he wasn’t sure where he had seen them before.

Clothing was piled in heaps on the floor, and dance trophies that had varying amounts of dust line his bookshelf. A small mirror with a couple tubes of eyeliner was propped up on his dresser, making Yoongi smirk slightly at the thought of XYZ Jimin.

Finally, Yoongi settled on Jimin’s bed, which was unexpectedly very tidy. The sheets, pillows, and comforter were all black, and somehow Yoongi thought Jimin would go for something more flashy, like an Avengers bedset or a Girls’ Day body pillow.

“Here, hyung, I dunno if you like these or not, but they’re all I could find,” Jimin entered his room bearing food—shrimp chips, to be exact. “My mom is trying out some new juice diet, so we don’t have much food in the house. Plus, I spend most of my time at Jungkookie’s house.”

Yoongi just laughed and told him that he wasn’t hungry after the street food that they’d eaten.  The two sat on Jimin’s bed for a while, talking about music and basketball and anything that found its way into their conversation. Without even realizing it, friendship was soon apparent between the two short basketball players.

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