chapter five: v. waking up

I blinked my heavy eyes, rubbing my eyes. I felt something on my wrist. I opened my eyes confusedly, seeing a thin tube taped to it. Where was I? I tried sitting up, before realizing that I couldn’t. If I tried to, it hurt. From the smell, I was in a hospital. Why was I in a hospital?

Then the memories rushed back to me. Hanwoo. Rain. Running across the street. The car.

“Jongdae oppa!” I exclaimed, remembering how he had protected me from the car.

I tried getting up, and collapsed back onto the bed in pain. Something was jabbing into my chest.

Where was everyone? Why was there no one by my side? Where was Jongdae? Was he okay? Was I okay?

The questions started rushing to my head and I started feeling my anxiety acting up. Lately, it hadn’t, but now, all of a sudden…

“I need an anxiolytic!” I wheezed.

A nurse ran up to me and asked me what was wrong. “Anxiolytic, I need an anxiolytic!”

I faintly heard her running to get a doctor, and then, moments later, I don’t know how long, I felt someone inject a syringe into my arm, and I felt myself relaxing. After I had calmed down, and my breathing was back to normal, I was able to speak. “Is Jongdae oppa okay?”

“I won’t lie to you. Things are not looking good. He is alive, for one. For now, Jongdae-ssi is in a stable condition, but we do not know if he will ever walk again,” the doctor said.

I could feel myself trembling. “How about me? Was no one else hurt during the accident?”

“You received a minor head injury when you landed, although Jongdae-ssi did protect most of your fall. You also have a broken right leg, because you landed badly, and a fractured rib.”

“Can you tell me exactly what happened to Jongdae oppa?”

“He has seven fractured ribs. He badly hurt both legs. He lost a bit of blood, but luckily, your friends got him to the hospital in time.”

I closed my eyes. Why had we ran there? Why did it have to rain?

“Would you like to sit up? Your friends are waiting outside of Jongdae-ssi’s room, but I can call them here, if you’d like.”

Of course. What had Junmyeon said when we had first met? The twelve of us have been together for a long time.

I didn’t want to have to make them leave Jongdae’s side… but at the same time, I craved a friendly face, anyone to just tell me what had happened from their own perspective. As someone who had seen us… oh god, they had seen us getting hit. That must have been terrible.

“Can you just tell them that I woke up?” I asked weakly. “And yeah, could you help me up? I tried earlier, but…”

The doctor came to my side and slowly helped me up. I winced; feeling what I now knew was my fractured rib. I had come out pretty safely compared to Jongdae. How was I ever going to face him again? How was I ever going to face the others again? I had almost killed him. I closed my eyes. I didn’t expect any of them to come. They probably all hated me now. A tear rolled down my cheek. I didn’t like crying. But how could I not cry, when I had almost killed someone who had shown nothing but kindness to me?

My body shook. Why did I have to always ruin everything? I had almost killed him. I had almost ruined all of their lives. No. Who knew, maybe I had ruined their lives. We didn’t know the results yet.

“Jooeun-ah!”

I opened my eyes in shock to see Tao and Chanyeol rushing towards me. Was that… concern on their faces?

“Are you okay? Why are you crying, does it hurt anywhere?” Chanyeol asked worriedly, rushing to my side.

I gaped at them. “Why are you guys here? D-don’t you hate me?”

“Why would we hate you?” Baekhyun said, standing beside Chanyeol.

“B-because I almost killed Jongdae oppa!” I exclaimed, sobbing. “He almost died because of me! And now he might never walk again! I-it’s all my fault!”

“Don’t cry; you might hurt yourself more!” Kyungsoo scolded, holding my shoulders still. “It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not your fault! Don’t you dare blame yourself for it! Jongdae protected you with his own free will; it was his choice. It’s not your fault; you couldn’t have prevented any of that from happening!” Junmyeon said sharply. “Don’t you ever say something like that again, you got me?!”

I stopped crying, shocked that Junmyeon could use such a sharp tone like that. I’d never seen him raise his voice, not even to the rest of the boys who could be really annoying.

Minseok took my hands in his. “It’s not your fault,” he said, looking straight into my eyes.

Tao wiped my tears with his thumbs, cupping my face. “Stop crying! I cried enough for both of us!”

I realized now that all of them looked incredibly tired, and Tao had red eyes from crying. He wasn’t the only one. Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Sehun, and Luhan also had red eyes; though they tried to look like they were okay. Kai and Kris were wearing sunglasses, so they probably had cried too. Kyungsoo’s hands were trembling on my shoulders, although I could tell he was trying not to. It seemed as if by reassuring me, he was reassuring himself. All of them were terribly affected, and it seemed that the only ones that were holding up, or at least holding up the most were Lay, Minseok, and Junmyeon. Junmyeon was a good leader; Minseok was the oldest, it was kind of his job to stay collected; and Lay seemed like the person who stayed calm no matter what situation. Or pretended to stay calm.

“Besides, you’re much prettier when you laugh,” Kai said, smiling at me.

I started crying again. “You guys are t-too nice! How can you forgive me so easily?”

“There’s nothing to forgive you about in the first place,” Luhan said gently. “You didn’t do any wrong.”

“The doctor told me that you needed anxiolytics… and this might cause you more anxiety… but… would you like to go see Jongdae?” Lay asked.

“The doctor said that we’re allowed to transport you using a wheelchair, as your condition is stable and your ribs won’t cause much more damage unless we do something really bad,” Sehun added.

“If you’re too tired, you can go back to sleep,” Kris said. “Everything will be okay, don’t worry.”

“I don’t want to seem like a brat, but… does the school know?” I asked, wiping my tears and breathing slowly so that I wouldn’t start crying again.

“They know, don’t worry. Siwon-saem came and tried to convince us to go back to the dorms, but he stopped, because he knew we wouldn’t agree anyway,” Kyungsoo reassured. “He said that all of us have a day off from school, although of course you and Jongdae have more.”

“I want to… see him,” I decided.

Chanyeol took me in his arms carefully, putting me into the wheelchair that Kris had brought with him. Baekhyun rolled me forward; Sehun rolled the IV bag stand.

The rest of them trailed after us, reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.

How could they all be so strong when everything must be so terrible for them? It was bad enough for me, who had known Jongdae for less than a week, but how bad could it be for them, who’d known him for such a long time, and had witnessed the accident happen?

I reached for Luhan’s hand, and he took it and squeezed it. I knew that I needed comfort, so how much more so for them?

I swallowed the lump in my throat for what seemed like the millionth time, and prepared myself to see him. Kai opened the door as Baekhyun eased me inside. Jongdae had tubes all over him, and his pale face made everything worse. He had bandages around his chest, and his legs were covered.

“See, it’s not so bad!” Tao tried saying, but it didn’t stop another tear rolling down my cheek.

“I want to go home,” I whispered.

“Me too…” Kris said. “But that’s not possible, so is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Can I… have a hug?”

He smiled at me, before crouching down so he was wheelchair height. He leaned forward and hugged me lightly, as so not to hurt me. I squeezed him tightly, not really caring if it hurt. I just needed a hug. And maybe I needed to feel the pain.

“I want to see Jungkook oppa,” I whispered into his ear so that only he could hear.

“I’ll… try to find a way to make that happen,” he replied.

I knew how much he hated the idea of me being with the boy I liked. But he knew I needed it, at a time like this.

“If Jongdae oppa’s parents come when I’m not here or when I’m sleeping, can you tell them I’m sorry?” I asked them.

“Of course,” Junmyeon responded.

They all nodded.

“I’m going to go back and get some rest now,” I said, about to wheel myself back.

“Are you thinking about wheeling yourself? Are you crazy? You probably don’t have the strength right now to do that, and how are you going to get back on the bed? I’ll take you,” Minseok said.

The rest nodded.

I just nodded, and he wheeled me back to my room in silence. Once he wheeled me beside my bed, he lifted me carefully back onto my bed. I was surprised; he didn’t look that strong, but I could feel his strong arm muscles when he lifted me up. He helped me lie down in a comfortable position.

“Comfortable?” he asked.

I nodded, closing my eyes wearily. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. I didn’t open my eyes.

“Thank you,” I whispered, before falling into sleep’s embrace.

A/N: Ah, there we go. I didn't want you guys waiting too long. :) Comment your thoughts, and don't forget to subscribe and/or upvote!