chapter twenty nine: xxix. oppa & umma

“So the reason I’ve gathered you all here today—” Junmyeon began, before getting rudely interrupted by several voices.

“Why’re you being so formal, hyung?” Chanyeol joked.

“LALALALALALA!” sang Baekhyun, pretending to ignore him.

“How’s your knee doing, Jjoo?” Jongdae asked from across the room.

I was watching this all with amusement, rolling my eyes. What rebels.

Junmyeon glanced at Kris for help, and Kris sighed, before shouting, “QUIET!!!!”

The room went quiet for like a second, before going back to being loud and crazy. Kris shrugged a shoulder at Junmyeon, as if to say, I tried. At this, Junmyeon turned to Minseok, who sighed just like Kris had.

“Guys you should actually listen to what he’s trying to say,” he said, not even raising his voice, and the room went silent.

Junmyeon thanked Minseok, before starting. “Anyway, our annual competition thing is now over. No more official competition for Jooeun. It’s her wishes. And so it has to be done.” He paused, before adding, “but Joo Joo, we still love you to bits and will do everything in our power to win your heart.” After a split second of consideration, he winked at me.

Everyone groaned, and I couldn’t help but shake my head and laugh at his antics.

“So that’s the reason you gathered all of us here today?” asked Chanyeol, bewildered. “Semester two is starting in what is it-two weeks-and you gathered us here when I could be playing video games to tell us something we all already knew?”

“Hey, respect your elders,” said Luhan, but everyone could tell that he said it lightheartedly.

“None of you look like my elder except for Lay hyung and Kris hyung anyway,” Baekhyun mumbled, before getting attacked by Luhan.

I laughed, but the ache in my heart from before wasn’t going away. I didn’t know how to explain this feeling, but if I had to put words onto it: nostalgia? Saudade? Melancholy? The feeling when you knew that something was going to end soon, and you didn’t want it to end. Rather than nostalgia, it was more like the feeling of knowing the nostalgia that would come.

Chanyeol crawled across the floor to where I was sitting, leaning against Junmyeon’s bed frame. He put his arms around me. A part of me wondered if he could feel the same dread that I did, if he had some kind of intuitive sense that knew something was going to happen. I wondered if he was hugging me because he was afraid to let me go.

I doubted it.

My time here was almost done, and I knew I had to break it to them sooner rather than later. I motioned for him to let go of me, and he did so, pouting. I scooched forward and then scooched backwards so that I could lean backwards against his chest. I could practically feel him beaming as he lightly wrapped his arms around my torso and placed his chin on my head.

I was going to miss their happiness. I was going to miss this happiness. My bottom lip wobbled a bit, but I bit it, making sure that I wouldn’t cry. My hands fisted my shirt, but I could feel the lump in my throat growing.

“Hey Jooeun, are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked, eyes wide in worry.

The lump got bigger as I nodded my head furiously, before ducking it so that no one could see my face. I was going to miss their protectiveness, and their kindness.

Chanyeol felt his chin rest move, noting the interacting between Kyungsoo and I, before moving his head to the side (and his chin off of the top of my head) so that he could see my face.

“Oh, baobei, are you crying?” Lay asked, coming to crouch in front of me and pushing the curtain of my hair that was hiding the one tear aside.

There was a commotion as the rest of the boys came to surround me, letting out words of question and worry. I ducked my head even lower, avoiding everyone’s burning gazes, before burying my face into my hands, no longer able to hold my sobs. Somewhere along these lines, Lay pulled me into his lap carefully, making sure not to hurt my knee. Then, he pulled my head towards his shoulder, and I moved my arms to wrap around his neck tightly, sobbing into his shoulder.

Rather than soothing me like normal people would, he started singing something in Mandarin into my ear-a beautiful yet sad melody-giving me slow pats on the back to the beat with one hand, and using the other to my hair comfortingly. This only made me cry harder, of course. After the song ended, he started singing a melody that I recognized. In fact, it was one of the ones that I had written for them.

It had a slow beat, and sad lyrics. It was from a boy to his girlfriend after he died, leaving her alone in despair. Telling her not to cry; not to worry. The lyrics were incredibly sad, and the melody didn’t help. I was incredibly proud of it, but at the moment the lyrics started sounding like the guilt I felt from having to leave them. When everyone slowly started joining in with his voice, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo giving gentle adlibs, Jongdae and Junmyeon harmonizing, I started sobbing even harder.

I hadn’t thought that it’d be this hard.

By the time the song had ended, my sobs had died down, but I still gave the inconsistent sniffles and gasps of air that you couldn’t help but have after you’d cried long and hard. My body still shook. After a while, I unwrapped my arms from his neck, but couldn’t lift my head yet. Lay continued my hair and patting my back, and after a while I realized that I could actually breathe without tremors running through my body-kind of.

I hesitantly lifted my face from his shoulder-his hoodie’s shoulder now completely drenched in tears-and rotated my body, coming to sit in his lap to face the others. At the moment, I needed his body heat.

“I’m sorry for ruining your sweater,” I croaked out, voice shaking slightly.

“It’s okay,” replied Lay gently; I could hear the tender smile in his voice. “Tears dry.”

I bit my lip, lifting my head to see their worried expressions. My body started trembling again, despite Lay’s calming gestures. I took a deep and shaky breath, trying to gather my thoughts to form proper sentences.

“I’m leaving.”

There was silence; I knew that some of them were dying to burst into exclamations and shouts of surprise, but that they were holding them in for me. They knew that I wasn’t exactly in a great mental state, and wanted to give me time. Lay’s hands paused their patterns for a second, before continuing as if nothing had happened.

“In one week. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but Su-I mean, Yoongi oppa called me a week back saying that my brother wasn’t getting any better. My mom knows something’s up, and she’s been getting really weird lately, apparently. I have to go. You understand, right?”

“You’re coming back, right?” Sehun eyes bore deep into my own, causing me to almost flinch.

I bit my lip, unsure of how to answer. “I… don’t know. I told Siwon saem that I didn’t know, and that I might depending on their conditions… I might have to stay there, though.”

“Bullsh*t!” Sehun’s eyes burned. “You’re not their guardians, Jjoo. It’s time for you to live your own life!”

“But I can’t exactly leave them alone!” I croaked, tears welling up in my eyes again. “They’re my family, and I love them! How can I just watch them wither when doing so breaks my heart to pieces?”

“But you can’t keep carrying this burden by yourself! It’s destroying you just as much as it’s keeping you together!”

I wrapped my arms around my one good knee, holding it desperately to my chest as I looked at the ground again. Maybe if I made myself smaller he’d stop shouting at me.

“Jjoo… I can ask my mom to pull her visiting date to next week if you want.” My head shot up to look at Minseok, who had come to kneel in front of me.

“Would you really do that?” My eyes shone with hope, before remembering that she probably had her own life too. “But doesn’t she have a busy schedule? I can’t ask her to change it for me.”

“But it’s not for you, it’s for your brother and for your mom. Actually, I think it couldn’t hurt for… um you to see her too. So you go to Canada for a week, in which my mom sees the three of you, and then you come back when you feel ready, okay?” Minseok spoke slowly and with precision, making sure that all of his words could process.

“Why’re you so nice to me?” I asked, voice cracking.

“Because I love you,” he said, not hesitating even a second.

I buried my face into my hands once more, but instead of feeling his strong arms around me, I felt someone’s lankier arms wrap around me. When I lifted my head, I saw that it was Sehun, who was patting me on my back while looking in the opposite direction, a slight blush on his cheeks.

My grip around him only tightened, as I buried my face into the crook of his neck.

Maybe everything was going to be okay.