VI. DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?

When Taeyang returned to the jetty palace, Seungri met him at the door with a frown on his lips. “Taeyang, Taeyang,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “Whenever will you learn to read the whole dossier on a soul? If I have told you once, then I’ve told you twice: Know your client better than they know themselves.”

Taeyang snorted. “Whatever, Seungri.” He moved to push past the other man but found himself stopped by a firm hand on his chest.

“I don’t believe I was finished with you,” the demon lord murmured, his voice resounding with power. “You made a grave misstep today.”

The younger demon just resisted rolling his eyes, instead settling for brushing Seungri’s hand off his chest. “I don’t know that I’d call it that. I just made a small mistake. It’s nothing I can’t fix.”

“Oh, so you know everything now, do you?” Seungri scoffed. “Make another mistake, boy, and I will have to take your place in this mission. And if you can’t make it stealing souls, Taeyang, don’t forget what will happen to you.” Without another word, the demon pointed to the fields of torment where the (incompetent) damned were punished throughout the eternities. Taeyang’s eyes caught one particular figure: a man who was tied to a pole with barbed wire – only a small platform for his feet preventing him from sliding down its length. He winced. Even when he had been alive, Taeyang had hated barbed wire. It was too easy to imagine the way it would dig into the skin and tear muscle, rendering it into a bleeding pulp. He did not think there was anything in the world, Heaven, or Hell that would make him willngly undertake such agony; it was the stuff of his nightmares. At least being a soul reaper meant freedom and the possibility for power. 

---

Seunghyun sat on the bed that morning, staring up at the ceiling. His mind was, for the first time in months, empty of the dark thoughts that had plagued him. It was as though pleasant white noise had taken the place of nails against a chalkboard - a relief. But it wasn't the rather questionable intimacy he had engaged in at the bar nor the alcohol that had burned through his system that had brought about the small change in him. It had been something that would have been insignificant to anyone else: a nothing.

His gaze fell to rest on the piece of paper in his hand. Everything from the bold, hurried handwriting to the blue cartoon cat on the margin pointed to the owner; Daesung loved to write his daily to-do lists on his Doraemon paper. Seunghyun had come across it while drunkenly searching for earplugs the night before, and the instant he had seen it he'd felt sober. Somehow, he had forgotten about Daesung's lists. He brushed a thumb over the list, drinking in the words for the umpteenth time.

1. Buy milk, eggs, and ice cream - mint!!

2. Pick up dry cleaning 

3. Remind Ji-Hyo about Valentine's Day

4. Love Seunghyun for the rest of time

Daesung ended every list the same way: "Love Seunghyun for the rest of time." The first time Seunghyun had noticed it, he had teased Daesung horribly, asking if he really needed reminding to love his darling boyfriend. But Daesung had surprised him. Instead of laughing, Daesung had turned very serious. "Yes," he said. "I need reminding every day. But that's because I never want there to be a day I stop loving you."

Closing his eyes, Seunghyun could easily call to mind the look on Daesung’s face that day. His full lips had been pulled into a firm line – a sure sign that he was completely in earnest – and his brows were furrowed, giving him an air of intense concentration. He had even leaned forward a little, the sunlight from the window casting part of his face into shadow as it highlighted the sharp arch of his nose and brow. Seunghyun had felt absolutely stunned that someone so good as Daesung would love him so deeply; it was as though he had been allowed to have an angel in his life. Every day – even when Daesung snored because he had a cold or they fought over not sorting the laundry right or when Daesung had a meltdown over acne – Seunghyun felt blessed to know that his beautiful blond would write “love Seunghyun for the rest of time” at the end of his list. It had been a constant he had taken for granted. Some part of Seunghyun had imagined Daesung writing that same thing on his trusty to-do list even when they were bent and withered with age, the writing made shaky by arthritis. But, that day would never come. The man only wished he had been better at letting Daesung know he was as loved in return – that he was the center of his soul.

In truth, Seunghyun thought himself bad at loving. When his parents had died in a car wreck, he had only been eighteen. He had been forced to grow up quickly and find a way to support not only himself but also Mino, who was only fifteen. They had scrambled to make ends meet, and Seunghyun had, for all intents and purposes, become a single parent. It had been so easy to get caught up in the hustle of taking care of Mino and working and trying to go to school and have some semblance of a life that love simply was not a priority. As he had gotten older, Seunghyun had begun to think that soulmates were a pitiful fairytale that people told themselves in order to feel better about their lonely lives - a way to give their suffering meaning. And "true love," he had thought, was a simpleton’s way to justify the way people tormented each other in a relationship.

But then Daesung had come into his life.

Seunghyun could remember the first time he heard Daesung’s whine of distress. He had walked into the studio – expecting to find Mino – only to be confronted with the rather amazing sight of a blond attempting to pull his hands apart. Daesung had whirled around at the sound of the door opening and held his hands out, which were stuck together as though he were praying. The light had been streaming through the large windows behind Daesung, hitting his hair in such a way that it seemed to shine. The stoic brunette had been completely stunned by the perfection of the sight… until he had realized Daesung was crying. He had felt like the worst person on the face of the planet for hurting someone so pure and innocent.

Well, who seemed so pure and innocent. Daesung had a wonderful wicked streak in him, the kind that would lead to him pulling pranks on Seunghyun or sneaking kisses in public. There had even been once where Daesung had convinced his boyfriend that making out in a dressing room was a completely appropriate thing to do during a shopping trip. It had been those little moments of impishness that had melted Seunghyun’s defenses as much as the sweetness.

Dating Daesung had been both the best and worst choice Seunghyun had ever made. He had been so certain that being with the blond would fix all of his problems; but, he had been so wrong it nearly hurt to think about the mistakes he had made. That first date with Daesung, the apology dinner, had been so much fun that it had terrified Seunghyun. His dates were never interested in actually talking to him or getting to know him; they were just there for the . But Daesung had not even let the brunette get in a good night kiss or hold his much abused hands. In fact, the blond had simply given him his number, thanked him for a wonderful dinner, and vanished into his apartment. Seunghyun had been flabbergasted. His next couple of dates over the following days had been routine, but he was not as satisfied by the slick contact of a body against his as he had been in the past. If anything, he was annoyed with his dates because their laugher sounded wrong or their smile wasn’t right. It had taken him a while to realize what was wrong, and he had nearly jumped off the top of the economics building when he had realized he was pining for Daesung. Choi Seunghyun did not pine.

He worked up the courage to call the blond the next week, and the man had easily agreed to an outing – this time to a local festival. Seunghyun had watched Daesung closely throughout the date, trying to figure out what made him so bewitching. Compared to Seunghyun’s endless stream of lovers, Daesung wasn’t particularly impressive. He was average height, darker skinned, hook-nosed, and squinty eyed. On paper, there was nothing to really recommend him. But, then he smiled. Daesung’s wide smile and beautiful crescent-shaped eyes could make an entire room light up. And his laugh, even when it was a high pitched giggle, was full of so much joy it almost hurt to listen to. The more time Seunghyun spent with Daesung, the more he realized that bronze skin and a larger nose were absolutely beautiful. And the full shape of Daesung’s lips made his smile more pronounced – definitely a perk – while the size of his eyes meant his eyesmile had ten times the impact. If anything, Daesung was absolutely stunning because he was a collection of features that were not traditionally beautiful but were, when together, perfection. Seunghyun would never understand how people could call Daesung ugly when he was clearly the most beautiful human being to have ever graced the face of the planet.

He sighed.

Daesung had not only been beautiful on the outside, but his heart had been the quintessence of goodness. (Ugh, he was waxing poetic again. Only Daesung could make him be that way.) But, he had to admit it was an apt description. He could remember the one, major mistake he had made in their relationship and the look of utter agony on Daesung’s face when he had found out. Seunghyun had wanted to rip out his own eyes rather than see the slight trembling of his boyfriend’s lower lip and the way he had hung his head. In that moment, Seunghyun would have understood completely if Daesung had never forgiven him; the brunette deserved his angel’s ire. But, true to form, Daesung had found a way to forgive him. Seunghyun still had no idea how they had been able to overcome that obstacle.

But more than anything, Daesung made Seunghyun want to be a better person. The brunette knew he would never be as angelic as his beloved nor even a tenth so good at being selfless; but, that didn’t mean he wasn’t better. Daesung gentled him: Seunghyun listened better and actually acknowledged his feelings. Seunghyun had even turned into something of a romantic; it had not been uncommon for him to buy Daesung little gifts or surprise him with a trip to their favorite restaurant. Once, Seunghyun had even arranged a vacation to Japan, just so Daesung could stock up on Doraemon paraphernalia and climb Mount Fuji. (Somehow Daesung had even convinced Seunghyun to go hiking with him, which was an accomplishment in and of itself.) His boyfriend had even helped smooth his relationship with Mino, which had been severely strained by the years of playing parent. In fact, Seunghyun suspected that Daesung was the reason he and Mino still spoke. And, most of all, Daesung had taught Seunghyun that it was alright to love, that it was alright to be vulnerable. He could remember the way Daesung had told him “I love you” for six straight months without hearing anything in reply – the way he had continued to repeat the confession until Seunghyun was ready to return it. Oh, and the way Daesung had smiled at him when he had finally managed to utter those three words… It had burned itself onto the fabric of his mind because it had been Daesung’s most beautiful smile. Literally, Seunghyun had never seen its equal in the years he had been with the beautiful blond. Daesung had told him that he was so perfectly happy that Seunghyun had trusted him enough to share his heart with him. 

And it made Seunghyun wonder, as he sat in the pale light of the early morning, what Daesung would think of him now. He wondered if Daesung would have cried beside him – weeping for their separation – or if he would have laughed over the overdramatic way Seunghyun had reacted. Seunghyun managed a faint laugh. He could imagine Daesung managing to do both at the same time. His thumb over the piece of paper again before he rocked to his feet. Walking over to his desk, he grabbed a pen and added another item to the list in his sharp, angular handwriting:

5. Love Daesung for the rest of time

Satisfied with the addition, he carried the note with him and crawled into bed. He curled around the note, clutching it to his chest as though it were the last piece of Daesung to exist in the world. 

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There goes Seunghyun, kicking me in the heart. While this chapter did not contain much in the way of action, I hope you still liked it. I will try to get something a bit more lively up this week. I've kind of just decided to post whenever the muse strikes me; screw the schedule. Think of this chapter as the calm before the storm, because things are about to hit the fan. Woo.

Also, I would love to hear from you in the comments. I write much faster when I know people are interested in the story, and view counts don't necessarily mean as much as your predictions, reactions, and words of encouragement. I know, I am a needy author...but I also just like having conversations with you all. It honestly makes my day when I can have a good exchange with one of you, my darling readers.