떠나지마

The two kept their relationship a secret from the group. They acted normal but Jongin already sense something was off- maybe because he was their roommate he paid more attention. He is dense when it comes to certain things, but when it comes to his roommates being flirty around each other, it can be a bit obvious.  

His first thought is that he is wrong because they were all straight. How could one member end up being gay? It doesn’t make any sense.

Jongin tries to brush off the thought but when he hears Minseok and Kyungsoo arguing inside Minseok’s room, he gets nervous. Minseok adores Kyungsoo because both their personality were similar, it is rare to ever see the two have any conflict.

“Are you really going to sacrifice everything we have been doing for your love life? Kyungsoo, wake up. We already lost two members. If the public knows about this, this group is done for. It isn’t even right for two men to love each other.”

Jongin’s eyes widen but he couldn’t step away from the door. Was his instincts right all along?

“We are all human hyung…I really do love Chanyeol…”

“But does he love you? Have you thought of that? Or is he only returning your love because he’s afraid he would lose a friend and a group member? Come on Kyungsoo, I thought you are smarter than this.”

Jongin jumps when Sehun sneaks up behind him and it stopped Kyungsoo and Minseok’s argument. They open the door and Jongin swears he can see that Kyungsoo’s eyes were watery. “Hyung! We have a fanmeeting. Better get ready!” Jongin fakes a smile and acts like he didn’t hear anything.

Kyungsoo thanks him and walks to his room while Minseok returns to his. Sehun turns to Jongin and Jongin whispers a “I’ll tell you later.”

-----

Chanyeol feels rejected in the car ride when Kyungsoo didn’t hold his hands back (they always did it secretly but Kyungsoo looked like he wasn’t in the mood). Chanyeol didn’t understand why, he didn’t know if he made Kyungsoo angry or not.

When they were all getting their makeup done, Chanyeol pulls Kyungsoo aside, “what’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

“I…I’ll tell you about it later…” Kyungsoo avoids Chanyeol and returns to his seat.

Chanyeol really shouldn’t let it get to him but during the whole fanmeeting, he was really upset. They were fine with their relationship. Even find private places to hug and kiss but now Kyungsoo’s attitude just isn’t right. It’s no surprise that because he acts this way, almost all the fans thinks he hates Chanyeol and that Chansoo is just fanservice/one sided ship.

Sehun just looks at Chanyeol and then at Kyungsoo not knowing why the two were being cold to each other again. He can never understand his hyungs. So it to always be placed between them. He really needed a new position.

When the fanmeeting was over, they all rushed to the back and get ready to head out to the van. Instead, Chanyeol just pulls Kyungsoo’s hand and leads him into a private room. “What is wrong with you? At least tell me.”

“I don’t know Chanyeol! Everything I’m doing is wrong. I mess everything up because I’m a selfish jerk. I’m sick and tired of this. I can’t be myself. I have to fake in front of cameras.”

“W…What-”

“Minseok hyung found out about our relationship and I’m sure a lot of the members are suspicious. Minseok hyung said the exact same thing you said before. I’m jeopardizing the group. Exo is losing the members one by one and fans are also leaving us. Right now I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck between members and my feelings”

“Well we already made a decision to be together. Why are you overthinking now? Just let it flow how it wants to flow.”

“I can’t Chanyeol! If Minseok hyung can’t take the idea of homouality how can South Korea!! I really want to hold your hands and walk with you in public. I want to express myself like other couples.”

Kyungsoo breaks down and it makes it hard for Chanyeol. They were in a bad position and a wrong move can really blow up the group. Both sides did not know what to do but Chanyeol just wraps his arms around Kyungsoo and pulls him into a hug. “We will pull this through together. We got through a month together. It’s ok.”

-----

It wasn’t ok when they made it back to the dorms because everyone stared at them. News sure travels fast in the group. Kyungsoo could tell that a lot of them were upset and he didn’t even know what to say. He felt like a cat caught his tongue.

“When were you two planning on telling us?” Baekhyun started. He was clearly upset. “Or are you guys not going to tell us and plan on leaving also? We all put sweat and tears into this group and you are just going to selfish like that?!” Baekhyun screams and it was rare for a jokester like Baekhyun to be that upset.

“Kris and Luhan hyung left us. We have a bad reputation from the public. Are you two serious about this relationship?” Junmyeon speaks up. It was rare for him to ever get angry- especially at Kyungsoo.

“When the public found out about Taeyeon and I, they were bashing from left to right. And she’s a GIRL.” Baekhyun emphasize the word girl. “You should already know that homouality isn’t taken lightly in Korea.”

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo stands there not knowing what to say. Everyone was gaining up against them and the ones that weren’t just kept quiet. Chanyeol looks over at Kyungsoo who looks like he was on the edge of breaking down. The smaller can only take so much and he’s probably blaming himself for this whole thing because he let his feelings get in the way.

“Love doesn’t discriminate by . Why can’t we love each other? I mean we have kept it a secret for a month. Don’t make it hard on Soo and I.” Chanyeol says slowly. It’s rare for him to be super serious but when it comes to a serious topic like this, he had to change his attitude.

“Keeping it a secret for month doesn’t necessarily mean you can keep it forever. What happens when it gets to the public? Have you thought about that?” Minseok asks. “So much can happen and it’s risking a lot. Let’s just say I don’t have a problem with you two touching each other and doing all that if you two do it in private. But I do have a problem with you two thinking that no one would find out. We might have many fans who ships us together but that’s all fun and games. Being gay is a serious problem in Korea. Some people think it is a mental problem.”

Kyungsoo turns to Chanyeol and both were probably thinking the same thing.

-----

The two called it quits and went back to being friends- however hard that may be. They just didn’t want the group to always lecture them. It did make Kyungsoo upset when they traded Chanyeol with Baekhyun for the dorms. It was like the group didn’t trust him and Chanyeol.

Fans started to notice that Kyungsoo’s face got gloomier. He isn’t the cute guy during Mama days anymore. He rarely smiles and his mind is usually somewhere else. His happiness was taken away from him and he was at the point of not knowing where to go. He still loved singing and performing, but it isn’t something he can do forever.

The members started to neglect him and he wasn’t close with anyone anymore. He can tell Chanyeol wants to talk to him sometimes but Baekhyun would always pull Chanyeol away so they could talk and hangout. While Kyungsoo felt like an outcast.

During dinner when the members all talk to each other, it seems like Kyungsoo wasn’t even there.

It didn’t stop there. A lot of fans started to notice his cold face and started to really dislike him. Some went as far to say that if he isn’t happy then just leave with Kris and Luhan. There were hate messages left and right.

It got to the point where a lot of fans skipped getting his signature or shaking hands with him and ignored him. Or when they boo him on stage when it came to his part and some even turned off their lightsticks. Only giving him what they would call the black ocean. Like he brought shame to the group. Maybe because of his face but also when he lost the movie contract.

Kyungsoo excused himself when they were taking individual pictures and Yixing ran after him. Yixing saw Kyungsoo curled up on the floor in the bathroom crying. Something that Yixing hasn’t seen before. Yixing sits next to Kyungsoo and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Everyone has been so mean. They don’t deserve you.”

Kyungsoo only sniffles and Yixing sighs, “you know after Kris and Luhan left, a lot of fans were going after Tao and I because they think we would betray the group too. But I honestly don’t understand why they are going after you. Ignore them Kyungsoo. I know the moment you leave they would all be crying and begging for you back. I’m also sorry that the team has been so mean to you these days. I overheard them talking about you turning Chanyeol gay…which I don’t think it’s true.”

Before Kyungsoo could say anything, he looks up to see Jongdae get inside the bathroom. “Hey Soo” Jongdae smiles and sits beside Kyungsoo. Earlier their concert was a mess and he knew that it is the first time something like that has ever happen. Usually it’s a black ocean towards a group- not a specific member. People can be so mean. “Good job today. You sang your high note so well!~”

“T…Thanks Jongdae”

Jongdae looks at Yixing who shrugs his shoulder. Both already knew something was up. They were thinking that Kyungsoo had depression. So much pressure is put on him and he’s scolded almost everyday by Kim Youngmin and the smaller can only take so much.

“Soo, you should take a hiatus.” Jongdae suddenly says, “try asking Kim Youngmin for one. I’ll support you.”

“Me too.” Yixing agrees, “you would feel so much better after like a break away from everything.”

“W…Why are you two being nice to me? Don’t you hate me for being…gay…?” Kyungsoo speaks slowly.

“Nah. Not like you choose to be gay. Whoever makes you happy should make us happy. I’m sorry that I didn’t speak up when the group went crazy.” Jongdae sighs, “it’s just I can’t speak up with people who are older than I am. But seriously Soo, I wish you will find a guy who treats you good. You’re precious.”

“Me too!” Yixing chims in with a smile, “he has to treat you like an angel!”

Jongdae knows that to help someone with insecurity like Kyungsoo, they had to say things to help them. He does not want to lose his best friend. It took several minutes but Kyungsoo lets out a small smile.

“Thank you Jongdae. Thank you Yixing hyung…”

-----

Kyungsoo went to meet Kim Youngmin separately. He waited outside with his manager and waited until Kim Youngmin called him inside.

Once he was inside, he bowed 90 degrees to Kim Youngmin. He was here because he wanted to ask for a break from the celebrity life. He didn’t want to participate in the next comeback. He wanted to lessen the hate from the public.

“Why are you here? Wait no. Let me start” Youngmin points to the seat and Kyungsoo sits down slowly. “I don’t know what is happening with Exo but I’m getting really sick of the constant failures. I was going to criticize you but then a different director contacted me. He wants you for his movie without even auditioning. So I already agreed. Tomorrow you will head over to his place and talk about the planning and all that. As for Exo activities, you can just skip out on some of it.”

Kyungsoo felt like a cat caught his tongue. His original intention was to get a break from everything. Not to get back into acting.

“Did you hear me?” Kim Youngmin raises his voice.

Kyungsoo nods and his fingers plays with each other.

“If you do good on the upcoming movie, you will gain back a lot of fans. So don’t let me down.”

“Ne sunbaenim…”

“What were you here to talk to me about anyways?”

“Nothing” Kyungsoo gets up and bows, “I will try my best to not let you be disappointed in me.”

-----

Chanyeol hasn’t spoken to Kyungsoo because the group kept trying to separate them with every chance they got. So when they were distracted by the newest movie, Chanyeol sneaks his way into Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s room to see Kyungsoo packing his stuff.

“W…Where are you going?”

“Oh tomorrow I’m going to head to Gwangju for filming. Then we still stay there for a couple days. It makes it easier than to commute back to Seoul.” Kyungsoo replies while packing his clothes into his luggage.

“How come you didn’t tell any of us about this?” Chanyeol voice sounded a bit upset. He didn’t even know Kyungsoo got another acting offer.

“I knew about it only a couple days ago…yesterday, I went to meet the new director and talked about filming and we read the scripts.” Kyungsoo replies, not having any eye contact with Chanyeol.

Chanyeol sits down besides Kyungsoo and holds Kyungsoo’s wrist, halting Kyungsoo’s activity. Before Kyungsoo could even ask what he was doing, Chanyeol speaks in a deep voice. “Take care of yourself. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you. If anyone raise their voice at you or touch you in a dirty way, I want you to get on a train and go home.”

Kyungsoo pulls his wrist out of Chanyeol’s hold just incase another member comes in and misunderstands. “I know Chanyeol. You can leave now.”

“Promotions won’t be fun without you.”

Kyungsoo tries to ignore Chanyeol but Chanyeol keeps on talking. “We didn’t even get to date long before the group broke us up. But you know, at first I thought I was straight because of Sandara noona and all, but after touching you and kissing you, I realized I am probably gay.”

“Why are you bringing this up?” Kyungsoo says softly. He wanted to kick Chanyeol out of the room but he knows the giant never listens to him.

“I’m saying that you changed me. And while we live in a conservative country, I’m glad we are together in a group, so that we can still support each other. So even though they all think we broke up, to me, you are still my boyfriend. I don’t want anyone touching you and I’m so possessive about you. I still love you Soo.”

Kyungsoo diverts his attention to the luggage on the floor so he doesn’t have to look at Chanyeol. It’s strange to see Chanyeol doing the confession when he was the one head over heels for Chanyeol.

“Do you understand Soo? Just because I’m 6 hours from you doesn’t mean I won’t cause a problem if I know something went wrong during filming. I will personally leave our show to get my to Gwangju.”

Kyungsoo lets out a dry laugh because he can imagine Chanyeol coming to Gwangju and making a big fuss about everything. “So what is this relationship anyways?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Where the group thinks we broke up but I still love you.”

Kyungsoo finally looks up at Chanyeol and a small smile forms on his face. “I never stopped loving you…”

They didn’t know the rest of Exo were listening from outside. Jongdae looks at Junmyeon, Baekhyun and Minseok to see if there were any changes in their expressions and he does see Baekhyun walk away first. “Maybe to make them break up wasn’t a good idea…we can’t break up true love.”

Minseok sighs and guilt rushes over him. “You’re right…just because we don’t like seeing two guys together doesn’t mean we should keep them apart. It didn’t change anything. All it did was get Kyungsoo more antis because they think of him as a rude idol who doesn’t love his fans…all because he smiled less.”

“They did everything in secret anyways” Jongdae adds in, “so if you hated seeing two guys kiss or something, they never did any PDAs in front of us. I mean you don’t have to support them together, but you shouldn’t break them apart.”

“Let’s apologize to Kyungsoo” Junmyeon finally suggests. “He’s been through a lot.”

-----

A/N: I tried to patch things up ^^ So you won’t hate me for a year late update lol. To be honest, I had this chapter written out like months ago, I just forgot about it >.>