Jaejoong wasn’t breathing anymore as his heart has stop beating. Yunho had to act quick as he laid him flat on the ground and without any hesitation; Yunho placed his mouth upon Jaejoong’s lips and begin to blow air into his lung.

“Breath Jaejoong!!” Yunho shouted as he begins to perform CPR.

“You can’t die you hear me!! I already lost Eun Chae, I don’t want to lose you too!!” he shouted

Just as Yunho is about to place his lips against Jaejoong’s lip for the 5^th time, Jaejoong finally started to breathe again.

“Jaejoong!!” he shouted in relief

Jaejoong didn’t open his eyes but he show signs of life once again. All kind of emotions mixed in as Yunho picked Jaejoong in his arm and held him tightly while thanking god. His can still feel his body shaking and his heart racing endlessly from the fear of losing another dear friend. Suddenly Yunho notice someone standing there in front of him. It was a little girl dressed in a blue dress smiling with tears in her eyes.

“Thank you…” she spoke softly and smiled before vanishing

Yunho sat there on the cold floor with Jaejoong in his arm unsure how to react. He turns his attention to the sleeping Jaejoong and he smiled bitterly.

“I see…so you have been watching over him all these years…”

Yunho looked around the room and notice a bottle of pain killers on the floor as he picks it up. He also notices other bottle of pills for depression and sleep. Yunho could feel himself crying over the kind of life Jaejoong had lived. He then recalled the short conversation he had with Jaejoong a few days ago about how great Yunho’s life is. He felt like beating himself up for not being able to see it, for not being able to tell that Jaejoong was actually hinting about the kind of life he is living. Yunho knew Jaejoong was acting strange and wasn’t eating much but he would never have thought Jaejoong will be going through so much suffering.

Yunho had to calm himself and take control as he picks Jaejoong off the floor and laid him upon his bed. He pulled the covers over Jaejoong before walking over to the window and closed it. The birds begin to flap their wings and chirp as if they are singing thanking him for saving their master. Yunho begin to wonder if it would have been better to take Jaejoong to the Hospital. After spending a few minutes observing Jaejoong, Yunho concluded that maybe Jaejoong don’t need to go to the hospital since he is back to normal.

Just then his phone ring

“Yah…Yunho, where are you?” came Changmin’s voice

“Sorry Changmin…it was an emergency” he glanced at Jaejoong

“Emergency? What kind? Do you need me there?”

Yunho smile “no…it’s all taken care of…”

“That’s good…I guess we will have to reschedule”

“Yea…maybe sometime next week…”

They chatted for a bit more before Yunho hang up the phone and sat on the ground next to Jaejoong’s bed watching as he slept. Suddenly Yunho felt a sharp pain in his head as images begin to flash before his eyes. It was the same images he saw before but this time it looked like the images has gotten clearer. He sees two boys fighting by the river bank but couldn’t make out their faces before the pain subsided and the images disappear.

“What is going on with me?” Yunho thought to himself as the birds chirp and dance around the cage. He lifted his head to the window and notice that it has begun to snow once again. This time the snows were big and cotton like.

Changmin were still at Blue Moon enjoying a few drinks by himself while deep in thoughts. He can’t shake off this feeling like something bad had happen. He couldn’t explain it but this feeling is very strong. It makes him feel like he should be somewhere else rather than here drinking

“You want another drink?” the bartender asked after seeing Changmin’s cup empty

“nah…I think I drink enough for today” Changmin smiled

“You okay? You look like something is troubling you”

“It’s nothing…” Changmin stood up and paid for his drinks before exiting the Bar.

When he step foot outside, he could feel the sudden cold wind as he stuffed his hand into his jacket pocket. Changmin lifted his head to look at the sky with a bitter expression as the snows falls around him.

Yoochun sat in his living room going through his photo album of him and the others where they were still young. The album is filled with so much happy memories that it’s hard to believe those days are over. He stopped at a picture of him when he was only 7 standing next to a cheerful and happy Jaejoong. He traced his finger around Jaejoong’s face as he compares the Jaejoong before and the Jaejoong now. There is such a big difference that it hurts knowing he will no longer be able to see this warm and bright smile. 

“What can I do Jaejoong? What can I do to make you smile like this again?” Yoochun wonder to himself

He turns his attention to the window and also noticed the snow fall. He recalls the scene when Jaejoong got up and left Yoochun rejecting him. Just watching Jaejoong walk away felt like a thousand needles had pierced his heart. He knew having Jaejoong forgive him will not be easy but when he rejects him, it really hurts. Back then Jaejoong had never rejected him before.

Junsu was in his office looking over the documents when he felt a chill. He turns around to the big window and notices the snow fall before smiling. Whenever he sees the snow, it brings back those happy memories of when they use to sneak out of the house to go play.

“Junsu? Are you listening?” his secretary asked

“Yea…sorry…”

“It’s snowing again?” the secretary spoke as she look at the window

“Yea…” Junsu smile

“You must like winter to be smiling like that”

Junsu couldn’t help but chuckled “indeed…I love winter…whenever it snow, it brings back those wonderful young days”

“to me it brings back nothing but frost bites”

Junsu chuckled once again “I use to go out during a snow fall to go play with my friends…in fact all of us loved the snow…it makes me wonder how they are all doing these last couple of years?”

“You aren’t in contact with them anymore?”

Junsu’s smile faded “a…lot of things happen…I don’t even know if we will see each other again although I did ran into one of them a few days ago…”

“Why not call them up again to hangout?”

Junsu turn his attention to the window again “I wish it was that easy…”

Jaejoong was sleeping soundlessly in his bed when the sunlight hit his face. He slowly opens his eyes and the first this he notice was the warmth in his room. He slowly sat up and looks around the room. The window he had left open is now closed, the bird cage has been clean and the once ice cold room is now filled with so much heat. He couldn’t even recall when was the last time he actually put on the heat during a cold winter. Jaejoong got out of bed and step onto the wooden floor as it creaks under his footsteps.  He opens the door and to his surprise, the rotten fish smell is no longer there. The air has been purified with a refreshing smell. Just then he heard humming from the kitchen as he walked toward the living room and notice the place has been completely clean. All the trash has disappeared; the carpet has been clean and vacuum.

“I must be dreaming…” thought Jaejoong

He turns his attention to the kitchen and his eyes widen in shock. Standing in the kitchen is Yunho who is in the middle of cooking and humming a song happily to himself. Even the kitchen has been clean and wiped down as it sparkles brightly.  Jaejoong didn’t make a sound nor did he say a word. He only stood there and watched as Yunho cook without realizing his presence. 

Yunho was cooking when he suddenly felt a cold breeze coming from behind as he turns around and notice the balcony door has been open. Standing out in the balcony is Jaejoong who had lighted a cigarette to smoke. Fearing that Jaejoong might catch a cold, Yunho took a warm blanket and stepped out into the balcony before placing the blanket over Jaejoong’s shoulder.

“At least wear a blanket when coming out here...you don’t want to get sick…” Yunho smiled

Rather than feeling thankful to Yunho for saving his life and cleaning his apartment, Jaejoong was feeling true anger.

“How are you feeling right now? Do you want anything?” Yunho asked full of concern as he placed his hand upon Jaejoong’s shoulder. This made him snapped as Jaejoong slapped Yunho’s hand away with such force as the blanket came off and carried away by the cold wind.

“What right do you have coming into my apartment?!” Jaejoong shouted

Yunho could feel his hand throbbing as he looks at Jaejoong in total shock. This is the first time Yunho had seen Jaejoong express himself in anger. Before Jaejoong was more like a living doll without much emotion “I was worry about you…if I haven’t come in time, you would have been dead”

“Dead?...” Jaejoong smiled before chuckling like a mad man “dead huh?...why didn’t you let me die!?”

Yunho was also starting to lose his cool “Do you really think I’ll just stand there and do nothing?! It’s only right for a human being to try and save the life in front of him. Everyone deserve a chance to live, even you”

“A chance to live huh?...” Jaejoong smirked “if I recall correctly, in the past wasn’t it you who told me I should die instead of Eun Chae?”

Yunho looked at Jaejoong puzzled why Jaejoong will say something like this. He will never wish for Jaejoong to die in place of Eun chae, it wouldn’t be right of him to say something so hurtful to a close friend.

“what? You forgot that too?...just what else did you forget Yunho?...”

Yunho tried to comprehend what Jaejoong is saying but no matter what, he just couldn’t recall ever saying something like that to him.

“You should have just left me alone…I don’t need your concerns….” Jaejoong spoke bitterly

“Jaejoong…”

“JUST LEAVE!!!” Jaejoong shouted loudly taking Yunho by surprise

They both stood still for a few seconds before Yunho pulled Jaejoong in for a hug.

“I’m sorry…” Yunho whisper softly “I’m sorry for everything…”

Jaejoong felt his heart beating rapidly as he started to struggle for freedom but Yunho refuse to let go. He felt like crying as tears begin to form on the corner of his big brown eyes. Just then he recalls the memories of Yunho pointing his finger at him calling him a murderer. With all his strength Jaejoong pushed Yunho away. The force was strong as Yunho stumbled backward and falls to the ground with a loud thud. Yunho looked at Jaejoong and notice the blank look on Jaejoong’s face. It was as if Jaejoong had changed back to how he was before. There was no longer anger reflecting upon his face, no longer any hatred in those eyes. It’s as if the Soul had come back and quickly disappear leaving behind once again an empty shell.

“Jaejoong?...”

“just let me be Yunho…If you are doing all of this to seek forgiveness from me then I’ll forgive you…” Jaejoong spoke without any emotion

“Jaejoong I…”

“so from now on don’t appear in front of me again…I can manage on my own, I have for the last 10 years…” Jaejoong walked back into the apartment and headed toward his room before closing the door.

“wait! Jaejoong? Please open the door” Yunho pound on the door

“leave…”spoke jaejoong

“Jaejoong I…”

“Please just leave…” Jaejoong spoke trying to keep his emotion in control but the tone of his voice sounded as if he is desperately asking for Yunho to disappear

Yunho did not want to leave fearing what Jaejoong might do. It was as if Jaejoong could read his mind because he assured Yunho that he won’t do anything to harm himself and asked Yunho to go back to his apartment. He of course didn’t want to leave but he also knows doing this will not solve anything. This will have to be a slow process to healing.

“Alright…I made some breakfast…at least eat them okay…”

Jaejoong could hear Yunho walking away as the door closed. He stood in his room deep in thoughts, reminding himself that in this world he is all alone. He shouldn’t let himself get carried away thinking Yunho actually care. Everything is just an act, an act for him to seek peace. Once he gets the peace he needed, he will leave. In this world, people will come and go; there will not be anyone who will choose to stay. After a few minutes, Jaejoong finally left his bedroom and walked back to the living room. The smell of fresh breakfast still lingers in the air. He enter the kitchen and there sitting at the counter were pancakes, scramble eggs and toast. He stood before the plate in front of him as he reached over and grabbed a piece of egg before putting it into his mouth. The egg tasted wonderfully as he recalls Yunho smiling while making this breakfast. Just then a single tear dropped from his eyes and follow by a few more.

“What’s this…? Tears?...why? Why am I crying?...” Jaejoong questioned himself.

It has been so long since he last cried. Even at his parent’s funeral he wasn’t able to master a single tear. Jaejoong tried to stop himself from crying but the tears were uncontrollable.

“I don’t want this? I don’t want to feel this emotion? I don’t need them?” he started crying as he fell to his knee “I don’t want these feeling…make it go away” to Jaejoong, being able to feel again means he will have to face the reality of the kind of life he had lived and the decisions he had made. It will force him to accept the path he had chosen and make him realize how pathetic his life is and how much of a coward he had become.

Yunho stood in the middle of his apartment recalling the things Jaejoong had accuse him of saying. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t remember saying any of those hurtful things to Jaejoong. No matter how much of a brat Yunho was back then, he still knows better than to say those words. It wasn’t until the sound of his phone did he snap out of his thoughts.

“hello?”

“Hi Yunho…how have you been these last couple of weeks? Are you doing okay? do you need anything from home?” came his mother’s voice

Yunho smiled upon the voice of his mother “I’m doing fine mom, work is going great and the apartment isn’t that bad either”

“I see…that’s great I suppose…”

Yunho could sense the disappoitment in her tone of voice “mom…I know you really don’t want me to come back here but I really want to. I feel like I belong here in Seoul rather than picking vegetables from the farm…”

His mother was quiet for a few seconds before responding “Yunho…I still think you should come back”

“Mom…we went through this already before I came here…no matter what you say, I still want to live here”

Once again his mother was quiet as if she is worry about something that she is not telling him. In fact Yunho has been having this feeling like his parent is hiding something from him but refuse to tell him fearing what he will do.

“Mom…is there a reason why you don’t want me coming back here?” Yunho finally asked

“Huh?!O-of course not…” she stuttered “w-why would you think that?”

"if you are worryng about Eun Chae's death, i already told you that I'm over it and I'm fine. Yes she is a dear friend to me and to lose her is heartbreaking but it was something we couldn't prevent since we were still kids..."

Yunho's mom was quiet

"if only we were there when she went swimming, she probably wouldn't have drowned. I no longer blame myself for that so I'm okay now. I just want to make up with my friends here, I don't want us to be separated any longer...you know how much i treasure my freindship with them"

"Yunho...I..." his mom hesitated to speak "n-nevermind..."

Yunho was going to question her but his mom excuse herself and hang up the phone. Just base on her action and the sound of her voice, Yunho can tell there is a secret they are avoiding on telling him. For the rest of the day, Yunho had not contact Jaejoong or tried to approach him. He figures he should give Jaejoong some space and some time alone.

Later that night Jaejoong had tried to sleep but wasn’t able to sleep. His insomnia has return preventing him from closing his eyes. He only sat there on his bed staring out his window to the city covered in beautiful and colorful lights. He stood up and grabbed his coat before exiting his apartment and begins to walk down the snow cover street.

Junsu had just finished a meeting with a client at a local restaurant before bidding his client a goodbye. His waited as the client got into his car and drove away as he let out a sigh of relief before undoing his tie. He knew it will be hard work taking over his father’s company but he never thought it will be this stressful dealing with clients.

“I’ll go get the car” his secretary spoke

“Alright…”

The secretary walked down the street to get their car as Junsu stood outside and wait. Once the car pulled in front of him, he opens the door and was about to get in when he happens to glanced ahead of him and notices someone familiar to him. This person just came out of a love hotel with a tall muscular man at his side.

“Jaejoong?...” Junsu mumbled his name

He watched as the taller man placed his arm around Jaejoong’s shoulder smoking and smiling as if he just had a satisfying . Junsu can’t help but felt like this person is dangerous. Everything about him is screaming trouble.

“Are you getting in Mr. Kim?” the secretary asked

Junsu didn’t even answer her as he closed the door and crossed the street.

“Jaejoong!” Junsu shouted as he reached over and grabbed him by the arm taking Jaejoong by surprise.

“What’s this? Are you also another of his partner?” the taller guy asked with a grin

Junsu only glared at him before turning his attention to Jaejoong “what are you doing?”

“OI! If you want to chat with him or even him, you will have to pay me first…” the taller guy spoke a bit irritated that Junsu disrespecting him by touching Jaejoong without his permission.

“ off!” Junsu glared back unafraid of him

“What did you say?” he glared

“I say, off…leave before I really get pisst”

The taller guy was not going to stand here and take this crap from Junsu as he let go of Jaejoong and took a swing at Junsu who was able to dodge before sending a punch across his jaw. The guy stumbled backward in total shock that someone smaller then him and less muscled were able to pack such a strong punch.  This only made him even more angry as he try to hit Junsu again but Junsu was able to dodge them before hitting the other guy again and kneeing him in the guts as he falls to his knee gasping for air and groans in pain. Without waiting for him to recover, Junsu grabbed Jaejoong and dragged him along with him. Jaejoong winched in pain upon Junsu’s grip not because it was tight but rather his arm is sore from the aggressive earlier. His partner had tied his arm tightly leaving red marks.

“Get in” Junsu glared at Jaejoong as he opened the door to his car

Jaejoong on the other hand didn’t want to get in nor did he want to face Junsu

“Get in the car Jaejoong!” Junsu snapped

“You…got the wrong person…” Jaejoong spoke as he turns around to leave.

Junsu wasn’t going to put up with this crap from Jaejoong. There is no way he can mistake Jaejoong. With just one look he can recognize Jaejoong among the crowds of looks alike. He grabbed onto Jaejoong and forced him into the car before getting in himself and slams the door shut

“Drive” he commanded as his confuse secretary only nodded her head as the car pulled away.

“What is that guy’s body made out of? Bricks?” asked Junsu as he felt his hand throbbing as if he had just punched a wall multiple times.

He turns to look at Jaejoong he had not said a single word other than looking out the window.

“What were you thinking Jaejoong? I know it is not in my place to lecture you about the people you have a relationship with but could you are least be a little more thoughtful in choosing your partner? That guy is dangerous”

Jaejoong didn’t say a word, he knew he will end up running into Junsu eventually but he never thought it will at such a bad timing. None the less Junsu punched and kicked his partner; there will for sure be hell to pay later. But it wasn’t like Jaejoong care anyway; he would rather feel the wrath of pain rather than those pitiful feeling he felt earlier this morning.

“Are you listening to me?” Junsu asked after receiving no response from Jaejoong "I know you probably don't even want to see me and  I don't plan to just pop into your life pretending nothing had happen 10 years ago but even so Jaejoong, i had hoped that you would live a wonderful life. That guy even asked me to pay to you, don't tell me you are ing yourself?!"

Jaejoong didn't answer him or even turn to look at him and it was starting to piss Junsu off. A long silence filled the air making the secretary wonder what kind of relationship Junsu and Jaejoong have.  After a few minutes Junsu sigh “where do you live? I’ll send you home”

When Jusnu look at Jaejoong again he was surprise that Jaejoong had already fallen asleep. He notice the red marks on Jaejoong’s wrist and few bite marks, hickeys and bruises on the side of his neck. Junsu figures Jaejoong must have gone through an abusive draining all of his energy. He had no choice but to take Jaejoong with him to his apartment. The secretary helped Junsu bring Jaejoong up to his bedroom as he laid him down.

“thank you, you can go home now”

“Alright…call me if you need anything” said the secretary as she left the apartment

Junsu sat down on the corner of the bed and sigh before removing his tie and his suit jacket.

“Who would have guessed that I’ll run into you this way Jaejoong? I was hoping to see you all cheerful and smiling while welcoming me into your arm…” his expression changed “but then again…after what happen 10 years ago, you probably won’t be welcoming any of us with a smile and open arm…”

He looked at Jaejoong with expression of guilt and sadness before standing up and exiting the bedroom. Yunho had just arrived at his apartment after closing the store and locking up. He yawned as he climbed the stair way hoping to get some sleep. Suddenly a loud bang and shouting caught his attention. He looked straight ahead and banging on Jaejoong’s apartment door is a tall man who looked like he’s from a gang or something. Base on the expression on his face, something must have happen because he looked like he is going for the kill.

“YAH JAEJOONG! OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW! IF YOU DON’T, I’M GOING TO BREAK DOWN THIS DOOR AND I’LL KILL YOU!!” he shouted angrily

Yunho would rather avoid getting involved with such dangerous people but he didn’t like the fact that this guy is threatening Jaejoong’s life.

“OI! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!” Yunho shouted

The taller guy turns to glare at Yunho “It’s none of your god damn business! If you don’t want to get beat up I suggest you just go home!”

Yunho return the glare “sorry buddy, but that door you are pounding at with so much anger happens to be the apartment to a dear friend of mine. So this is my business!”

“Friend?” the tall guy walked up to Yunho and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket “where is he?! Where is that hiding?!!!”

Yunho glared at him before yanking himself free “Why should I tell you?”

The tall man got even angrier just recalling the punches he got earlier. It was the first time anyone had ever embarrassed him like that in public.

“If you want to live, I suggest you tell me where he is hiding?!”

“Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you”

The tall guy punched Yunho across the face as Yunho stumbled to the ground. The hit was packed with so much force that Yunho thought his jaw had dislocated as he taste blood.

“where is he?!” the tall man asked once again but Yunho refuse to say anything even though he himself does not know where Jaejoong is.

The tall guy end up punching and kicking Yunho over and over again but Yunho refuse to back down. He grabbed Yunho by his hair and lifted him up.

“If you see Jaejoong, you better tell that to come to me right away or else this entire place goes up in fire along with everyone inside!”

He released Yunho before walking away. Yunho sat there with his back up against the wall gasping for air as his body ached everywhere. It has been so long since he last took a beating like this. Yunho could have fought back if he had wanted to but he knew it will only make matter worst.

“…now I will have to call off work tomorrow” Yunho thought to himself. He tried to stand up and but his body was aching everywhere. His vision was starting to blur and had hoped to at least get into his apartment before he past out. He did manage to open the door and walked inside when suddenly he felt a overwhelming headach. Images begin to flash before his eyes as he see himself as a child playing at the river with Eun chae. All the pains were too much for him to handle as he fainted at the door way in his apartment. His phone started to ring as the light flashed.

"why isn't he answering his phone?" Changmin wondered as he stood in front of Yunho's apartment.

to be continue............