Sehun feels horrible.

This is not something new about him, actually – pounding headache, restlessness and this kind of heavy and suffocating feeling down his stomach that he can't really define, which he doesn't like at all – he has been feeling this way for the past few months and he wishes he could say he got used to it. He did not.

"And this is totally normal," the members of K had assured him back then.

Totally normal.

Right.

But he is not quiet referring to this part of the whole thing.

Sehun was awoken suddenly from a burning pain in his left wrist. It felt as if someone took off his golden Cartier bracelet and set it on fire, and then put it back on his wrist while he was asleep.

He rushed to the bathroom, clenching his teeth and DAMN what is this, and put his hand under the water to relief the pain.

It took him a second to get his mind straight.

The bracelet felt cool under his touch and then he remembered it was not it - Water is not going to help it.

Luhan is. Indirectly.

~~~

"Is this your first time?"

Sehun stormed into the room he shared with Jongin sometime at the end of August, interrupting his daily staring in the mirror ceremony, demanding to know why the one second his wrist was burning two hours straight, and a second after he reached to help vomiting Luhan it disappeared.

He then saw that kind-of-strange-side-smirk on Jongin's face; the one means Jongin definitely knows something. 

"…Yes," Sehun mumbled quietly, concerned as hell, innocently clueless. Jonging giggled, looking at him with the sarcastic Oh-Our-Poor-Sweet-Sehunnie look that earned him a pillow over his face.

"Cut the and tell me!"

 "Fine, fine. But don't… just listen till the end. Okay?" Jongin said. "And don't laugh."

He cleared his throat extravagantly and started walking back and forth with his hands intervened behind his back.

"In a world where feelings are converted to physical pain, the meaning of love deepens, creates a bond between the two lovers, between their wrists…"

Sehun chucked in surprise. "Are you seriously reciting me a definition from the dictionary?"

Jongin raised a finger to shush him and went on, "one feels a burning sting whenever the other is going through something, either physical or mental. Either it is sadness or illness or depression. This is the Binding Sting." He finished dramatically.

Well, big words never got to Sehun anyways. In simple words, as Jongin explained later, when you have deep feelings toward someone, you can physically feel it when something is wrong with him.

After he absorbed the real meaning of all this, and after he was convinced Jongin is not pulling a very lame prank on him, it wasn't that funny anymore. This was simply disturbing.

"This is nothing, really." Jongin assured him not to worry too much. "This exists so that partners will do their job, you know, take care of each other. Pretty cool if you ask me."

"Cool?" Sehun looked at him in an Are-You-Kidding-Me look. He couldn't help it. It annoyed him more than he expected it to and even from the start it made him feel extremely uneasy.

"Okay, look. I know how it feels. It’s weird and annoying and all, especially in the beginning. If you are serious about your feelings, and it definitely seems like you do," Jongin wiggled with his brows, Sehun's ears turned pink shade darker, "it will soon become less frequent and you'll feel it only when your lover truly needs you." Jongin gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

 "Lover" is a very big word actually, Sehun thinks, given that the feelings are one-sided (he is pretty sure) and the other one is in another sub group, promoting thousands kilometers away in another county half of the time. So it is like this huh?  He thinks. He suffers, so I suffer too.

"Wait, does it work the opposite way too?" after an hour or so of lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking and processing the whole stupid matter, Sehun came up with more questions. "I mean, does he know I …?"

"I don't think so, but who knows? Maybe he does." Jongin answered without tearing his eyes off the Xbox.

Sehun felt the panic twirling in his guts.

"Would I feel anything if Luhan loves me back?"

"I don't think – " the car in Jongin's game smashed into the wall. "- so." He turned to Sehun and gave him a dead glare.

Sehun slumped his head on the bed in despair.

"Maybe you should just confess and see."

"No way."

"Oh c'mon! You've already got couple bracelets and you are not even a couple!" Jongin said in amusement. "You are half way there."

Sehun held his left wrist above his head, looking gloomily at his golden Cartier bracelet, the one he shared with Luhan, and said nothing.

He wish he could just be as daring as Jongin and confess his feelings directly. He looked at Jongin's black cross beaded bracelet he shares with his boyfriend Kyungsoo. They are together for almost a year now, and neither of them ever took it off.

He has known Luhan for a long time. They were always best friends. But now love stepped in and made it all so confusing and complicated, and he was completely lost.

~~~

 So Normal? How exactly is this all normal!?  He asked for the nth time, but up until now he haven't got any answer, and that just pissed him off even more.

Most people think this is a blessing. But there are those like Sehun that are feeling just as wrong as he feels about it. This is one of those feelings that it hard to put into words.

When the K members congratulated him for his first Binding Sting experience which means he has finally become mature, it figures ("Mature? Yeah, my !" – Baekhyun's words), he felt even more uncomfortable. And now add the whole one-sided-love thing that is already tough enough, he literally felt like throwing himself out of the window.

He really didn't plan everyone in his group to know about it. He does know how exactly it happened; he does know it was all Jongin's fault, he should have known better.

One evening at dinner time, coupke of days after their conversation with Jongin, Chanyeol put an arm around his neck mischievously, "so Sehun… you and bambi?" and winked. Then Baekhyun set down beside him, because where there's Chanyeol there's Baekhyun right away.

Jongin could hear the "GOD Jonging you are so dead!" Scream from upstairs.

While Jongin was busy convincing furious Sehun that it was an innocent slip of the tongue and how deeply sorry he is, Joonmyun came out of nowhere, obviously eavesdropped the whole conversation, and demanded to know all the details like a teenage gossip girl. Sehun surrendered eventually, could not take the pressure of his hyungs.

For Sehun's dismay, it was one of the days when M members where around, taking a short break from promotions in China. Luckily him that Luhan was out at the moment together with Yifan and Zitao - the three of them went to buy the group's dinner for tonight. Soon, all the remaining members were surrounding Sehun and discussing his love life (but not before he warned that if they tell Luhan or try anything suspicious he'll hunt them down one by one. Indeed, pissed off maknae is no joke).

"It feels weird. I mean, how does it make any sense?" Sehun conplained after sharing his thoughts and feelings.

Baekhyun snored with amusement. "Well buddy, does period make any sense?"

Poor Yixing choked on his soda. Minseok raised a brow. "The answer is NO," Baekhyun went on in his passionate explanation. "It's a bull that prevents straight guys from having with their girlfriends whenever they want!" he said with frustration. "It's the same."

Jongdae lost it completely, rolling on the ground from laugher, the others giggled at Baekhyun's ridiculous comparison and even Sehun smiled.

"Thanks god I'm gay," Jongin said, and laced his fingers with Kyungsoo's.  Sehun wondered how this manages to stay cool and witty from the outside when he's actually such a romance maniac from the inside.  

"There's nothing much to do," Joonmyun shrugged. "This is our world."

Ever since it has started Sehun hated it. Why would someone want that kind of responsibly? And even now, that he is standing on the balcony, elbows leaning on the railing and staring at the night of 3AM, months after those discussions, he feels horrible as always. He can’t fall asleep because of this, this and because his wrist is still stinging, although a lot less sharply. He rubs it constantly as if it is going to go away.

No. He needs to admit it, doesn’t he? The real reason is much frightening, a one that is much harder to face. The real reason is that he constantly sees the worst scenarios happening in front of his eyes. He only thinks about terrifying things all the time, the kind of things that catch his breath and make his heart skip too many painful beats.

And he is not the only one who thinks this way, right? There must be other people in this world thinking it can make humanity go crazy rather than help it. "You are thinking too much." Jongin once said in response to his thoughts.

He sighed.

He raises his gaze to the half-moon in the sky, thoughts rolling in his head. What am I going to do with you? And Are you okay? And I want to be with you right now.

He goes inside and takes his phone. He hesitates, but eventually dials the number, and it doesn't matter that it is 3AM. Somehow, he knows Luhan is not asleep.

He waits; every dial tone makes him more and more nervous, heartbeat speeds up, and he actually doesn't know what to say, and why isn't he –

"Sehunnie," Luhan's soft voice answers the call on the other side. Sehun can hear him smiling through the phone.

"Hi, Luhan." Warmness overwhelms Sehun's body, his lips curving upwards automatically as he hears Luhan's voice. "Are you… how are you?" he tries to make it sound usual but his wrist still stings, so there must be something… he starts walking back and forth in his room, putting his free hand on his nape, then in his pocket and then again beside his body.

"Tired." Luhan answers. Obviously - with a performance including five dances which has ended so late at night, it's no wonder.

"Why are you calling so late at night? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Sehun lies. "Just can't fall asleep." Which is true.  "Are you sure you are okay? You sound… kind of sad." His voice softens; he lets the concern leak to his voice.

"Yeah," Luhan says sighing, "It’s just that Yixing fell asleep and the others are in another car. So it's kind of lonely, you know..."

Now Sehun notices the background sounds of a car on the road.

"I'm so glad to hear your voice. I missed you, Sehunnie."

Luhan's voice is more sad than shy, and Sehun must be imagining the despair trying to hide in his voice, and he just wants to be able to teleport and be with Luhan right now, embrace him the way only lovers do, be able to kiss him and tell him he will protect him always and forever.

And all those feeling  are suddenly on the tip of his tongue and ready to come out, he is ready to confess his feelings right there and then even if it is probably the wrong time, it feel so right, but -  

"I miss you, too. So, so much." He closes his eyes. He ended up saying just that.

It happens too fast, but it feels like eternity.

A Sickening screech of tires.

"Luhan?"

A sound of a breaking glass.

"Luhan!?" Sehun stares in horror at his phone." Luhan! Answer me!"

BOOM.

"Luhan!!!"

He is sure that someone stabbed his wrist with a knife, but there is no blood and no knife, although that's how it feels. Time slows down, and he can't hear anything but his own pulse in his ears while he stumbles out of his room, and he can't breathe, he can’t breathe, he can't breathe.

The first thing he sees is Chanyeol crouching near unconscious Joonmyun on the corridor floor, and Baekhyun is already gone to call the manager and the rest K members are gathering, but everything is slow, too ing slow. And a minute after that Joonmyun is awake, and then it is when Sehun's hearing is back and through his state of shock he absorbs Joonmyun's words that explain he felt a sharp pain in the chest but he promises he is perfectly fine now.

The manager's phone rings and Sehun is on his knees because he knows what they are going to tell him. And he is about to faint himself because he just got an answer to "what will your lover feel if something bad happens to you?" and he is sorry for Yixing and Luhan and himself this just runs in his head before he can stop it.

"I have been in love with him for an almost a year now," Yixing says without looking at Sehun. "We are not even at the same sub group. Besides, He is our leader, He can’t accept me. I had known that from the beginning but my feelings won't change. That's why."

He can’t understand if his wrist feels numb because it still screams from pain or because it has stopped, but he knows that the same goes for his heart, because his lover may or may not be dead now.

Luhan? Please. I'm begging you. Please… don't leave me, Luhan.

 I love you.