CHAPTER NINE: Visiting

The highway was empty. There were some demolished cars and broken up concrete as usual, but Taeyeon could manuveur the four-wheeler around them. Yoona didn't find any CDs in the car, and obviously the radio stations weren't working, so there was only tense silence. The headlights weren't on. They were driving under the light from the moon and stars. So tense silence and abject darkness.

"It's not your fault," Yoona suddenly said.

"She's dead because of my stupidity."

"It was either you or Captain Park, and you refused to pull the trigger, so it's not your fault."

"There was a third option, to leave. Take her to Incheon and ship her off to China or something."

"Don't be a damn idiot," Yoona said. "You had no legs. You two wouldn't have made it out of the hospital. And she would be dead and you'd get solitary."

"I had this whole plan in my head. We would've made it out."

"Yeah, right."

Taeyeon kept her eyes on the road. "Do you think she should've died?"

"It was an order. Orders have their own reasons and we aren't supposed to question them. Because we don't have the whole picture. Because not following orders gets your comrades killed." It was something drilled into all recruits during bootcamp.

Taeyeon didn't reply.

Yoona continued, "I know you think of her as an innocent civilian, but she wasn't. She signed up for this . She insisted on staying in the ward when Captain Park ordered her not to. She chose to become a military medic instead of staying in her own country as a nurse at some damn hospital."

"That's true," Taeyeon said. "But she didn't die fighting the enemy. She was executed by a government. That sort of death... just makes it different."

"Okay. Even if it's wrong that she's dead, it still doesn't mean it was your fault. No matter what you did, she would still be in a casket on a plane. If you can't influence the outcome, it's not on you."

"I'll... I'll think about it."

"Good. Just shake it off."

Taeyeon replayed the argument at the ward classroom, talking things out with Sooyoung and Yoona. It was true that hindsight is perfect vision, because right now she would do anything to turn back time and get Soojung out of the hospital. Sooyoung didn't want to go with her because of her obligations to her father and the army. It wasn't a reason that Taeyeon could fault. Yoona didn't want to go because she would get rid out Soojung as ordered, and because she wanted to... what had been the phrase? I want to dishonor my father without dishonoring myself, thanks.

"I remember you said something about wanting to dishonor your father. What's up with that?"

Pause. "When did I say that?"

"When we were talking in the hospital about Soojung, and I asked you if you'd come with me to escape with her."

Yoona tilted her head, leaning on the seatbelt, trying to recall what she said. "Oh, that."

"Yeah. It seemed like a strong statement and not that random."

"It wasn't related to the conversation, not really. When Sooyoung said she wanted to honor her dad or whatever, that made me think of my situation."

"And what's that?"

Yoona stayed silent for a while. Taeyeon stole a glance to see if she was sleeping. She wasn't. She let out a deep breath. "My mother walked out on the house when I was eight. My piece of father didn't take it well. Lost his corporate job. Started gambling. He would come home on the weekends drunk. My older brother really pulled through for me. Made sure I finished high school. Worked part-time to give me allowance and pay for my MTs. But... well... I was an angry kid, you know?"

There was a lull and Taeyeon realized that the question hadn't been rhetorical. "I'd be flipping mad if it was me."

"Yeah, so there's that," Yoona said. "Then my last year of high school, my father hit my older brother on the head so hard he never got back up. I didn't even apply for university. I wanted to escape so I signed up for the army."

Yoona's last year of high school wasn't so long ago. Maybe a little more than twelve months. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

"I'm glad to have you on my team. Your brother would've been proud of you."

"I know it hasn't been easy," Yoona said. "Thanks for having my back all the way."

"No problem."

"You're like my only family now. Syoung is a great team leader and I can rely on her, but you're like a real unnie to me."

"And I see you as my true dongsaeng too," Taeyeon said. "Hyo was the unnie for me that I am to you... No, she's way better of an unnie than I am. That's why I'm so cut up."

"I got you. If it was you in the hospital I'd have to see you too. I got you."

They got to Daejeon hospital a quarter past nine. The guards let them in after seeing that they were South Korean soldiers. Taeyeon went to the nurse at the counter. "Hi, ma'am. Is there a patient called Kim Hyoyeon here?"

"It's way past visitor's hours."

"Okay. Then could I have her ward number? I'll come back tomorrow."

The nurse gave her directions to Ward 23. Taeyeon gave the nurse the slip and went to the ward. She passed a few more hospital staff, but kept her eyes straight ahead and looked like she was walking with purpose. They didn't bother her. Ward 23 was two flights up and in the middle of a corridor. When she entered, she saw that there were six beds in the ward, and five were empty. The lights above the occupied one were dimly lit, although the figure was asleep. Taeyeon couldn't recognize the person, so she approached the bed.

The person was Kim Hyoyeon. It said so on the printed label stuck above the headboard. Hyoyeon wasn't that much taller than Taeyeon, but she was so stocky, so packed with muscle that she seemed a full head taller. This Kim Hyoyeon had shrunk to skin and bones, and her skin was pale white instead of a healthy tan.

Taeyeon didn't know how to feel. She was relieved that Hyoyeon was alive and being taken care of. But why? It didn't make sense. Was it because she wasn't a foreigner or because she was one of their soldiers? The second emotion was stronger. She was shocked that the woman in front of her was Hyoyeon. The Hyoyeon she knew would never have let her body become like this.

"Hyo," Taeyeon said. It came out inaudible, halfway between a croak and a whisper. 

She stood by the bedside, watching. Then without warning, Hyoyeon started shaking, her arms and legs straightening completely as she jittered in the bed. She wasn't all skin and bones. There was some muscle. Thin, stiff cords that were straining from the effort of constantly flexing. It looked painful. Taeyeon rubbed the tight muscles on Hyoyeon's right bicep and forearm. It seemed the relax the muscles there, so she moved to Hyoyeon's right thigh and calf. Slowly, but surely, it seemed to be working. 

It must have been thirty minutes already, but no nurse had come in, which meant that Hyoyeon didn't usually get this sort of relief. Taeyeon moved around to Hyoyeon's left side and did the same routine. When she went back to Hyoyeon's right side, she touched Hyoyeon's arm and it was just as stiff as before she had done anything. The relief was only temporary.

Taeyeon did two more rounds of massages. They were ultimately pointless, but if it helped, then she wanted to do it.

"What are you doing here?"

Taeyeon looked up and saw a nurse at the doorway. She continued rubbing Hyoyeon's arm in her hands.

"It's past visitor's hours. You shouldn't be here."

Taeyeon straightened up and stepped away from the bed. The nurse came over.

"It's Miss Kim's bedtime as well. Please leave."

Taeyeon left. When she paused at the doorway, the nurse flicked off the lights above Hyoyeon's bed, resigned to the spasming woman before her, and walked out of the ward. She escorted Taeyeon out of the hospital.

Yoona saw her come out of the hospital and drove the SUV up to the pickup area. Taeyeon jogged to the driver's side and motioned for Yoona to climb to the passenger seat. She got into the car and checked the fuel meter.

"I can drive since you drove here," Yoona said.

"Yoong, could I ask for a favor?"

"What is it?"

"We'll be back at base in the morning, I promise."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I just... I just need to see my family right now."

"Oh . Hyoyeon's not... I thought you found her since you were in there so long."

"No, she's alive," Taeyeon said, even though that kind of alive was not worth living. If she went to Jeonju from Daejeon, it would be two hours instead of three. If she sent Yoona back to base first, it would be two hours wasted detouring to Seongnam.

"This is not a good idea," Yoona said.

"It's not, but it's necessary. I'll drive the whole way. You don't have to do a thing but sleep. And we'll be back before we get a mission. So it won't make a difference to you. Please?"

Yoona looked carefully at Taeyeon's face. Then, "Fine."

The drive to Jeonju was even quieter. Taeyeon turned off the heater to conserve gas and rolled down the windows an inch for ventilation. The bite of the cold night kept her alert. She pulled over for a few minutes to drape her sleeping bag over Yoona's shoulders like a blanket.

The windows of the small one-storey house were dark. It was past midnight after all. She parked by the curb and woke Yoona up. They grabbed their bags and trotted up to the door step. Taeyeon knocked on the door. No one answered. She tried again, harder this time. Still, no one answered. With a sinking feeling in her gut, Taeyeon rang the doorbell. She heard the alarm ring through the door. Then she heard movement, and relief washed over her.

The door opened. It was her father. Jiwoong was over his shoulder, hand on a baseball bat. He had brought it but put it down after their father saw Taeyeon through the peephole. Her mother was standing by the master bedroom door.

"Appa, umma, oppa," Taeyeon greeted. Yoona addressed them as well. "This is Yoona. She's a hoobae in my squad."

Her father ushered them in and the lights once the door was closed and night curtains fully drawn. The door of her old bedroom opened and Hayeon tottered out sleepily. Taeyeon had to count in her head. Hayeon was twelve now, not ten.

"Unnie? Unnie!" Hayeon ran to Taeyeon and hugged her tightly. Jiwoong joined in.

"What are you doing here?" Her mother. Jiwoong and Hayeon let go of her. Taeyeon looked at her father, who smiled warmly but questioningly. Her mother was entirely grave.

"For a short visit. A few hours to sleep here. Something happened and I just needed a break."

"Are you shirking your duty?" Her mother asked. Taeyeon flinched at the words. "You're not here under permission are you?"

"No."

"What? Go back right this moment. Aren't you causing problems for your superiors and fellow soldiers?"

"I'm not, umma. It's just a short while. I won't get a mission until later."

"Don't be so immature. You have a responsibility to the country. You were the one who insisted on going to the army, so act your age and do your job properly. Go back."

"Can't you welcome me home with open arms? I've been fighting non-stop for a year now and haven't been home. A few hours away is OK. It is seriously not going to affect anything. I'll be back on base in time."

Her mother's glare did not relent. "You're shaming our family by playing hooky like some childish teenager, and dragging a hoobae into this, no less."

Taeyeon threw her hands up. "What if this is the last time you get to see me? Those would be your last words to me. Just let me be, umma. I know what I'm doing. Nothing will go wrong and no one will be affected by this."

"Do what you want." With that, her mother went back to the master bedroom. Her father gave her a sad, almost disappointed, nod and retreated to the bedroom as well.

"Well, I'm happy to see you, unnie." Hayeon hugged Taeyeon again.

Jiwoong said, "I'm so glad you're OK. How long can you stay?"

"Just a few hours of sleep, then we gotta bounce. I just had a crazy moment and needed to see everyone again."

"Your old bed is still in your room, of course. I'll call Sunmi over. She's still here with her family. Comes over for dinner sometimes. Umma loves having her over."

Taeyeon searched Jiwoong's face. "Sunmi's been here regularly?"

"Of course," Jiwoong said. "She's your best friend, so she's umma's daughter too."

"Ah... yeah, I don't know why I'd think the war would change things," Taeyeon said. Nobody in the family knew that Sunmi and her broke up just before she left for bootcamp. To be fair, they didn't know that there had been a relationship in the first place.

Taeyeon's first and only girlfriend was her high school basketball team captain, Park Sunmi. Taeyeon was vice-captain. They were always together since they were children, and eventually they realized they liked each other more than friends. Sunmi was supposed to go with Taeyeon to the marines, but she tore her ACL and went to Jeolla University to study physiotherapy instead. They broke up two years ago.

Sunmi appeared at their backdoor dressed in home clothes. She was just as Taeyeon remembered her, but with longer hair. "Sunmi, this is my squad mate, Yoona. One year younger than us. Yoona, this is Sunmi. We're childhood friends."

With the pleasantries out of the way, Jiwoong showed Yoona to his room, which she would be staying in with Hayeon for the night. Jiwoong wanted his older little sister to have quality time with her 'best friend', so Sunmi and she would be having her old bedroom to themselves. The bedroom was just as Taeyeon remembered- Hayeon's side of the room and her side of the room, except Hayeon's bed was slept in and hers wasn't.

Once Taeyeon shut the door, Sunmi locked it with a click and cradled Taeyeon's face. "I missed you."

Taeyeon embraced Sunmi tightly, breathing in fresh soap and laundered clothes. All the feelings that had faded with time swelled up. "I missed you too."

A/N: Thanks for the feedback last chapter:) Appreciate them all. Let me know what you thought of this one!