CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: Cracked

Jessica drove one-handed, with a concussion, which was just a bad idea. The Maserati veered against tree trunks and cliff faces. Hyoyeon took over once they lost the soldiers that followed them. If the soldiers had persisted a little longer, they would have succeeded in capturing the South Korean platoon, but they must have decided that with the leaders dead, their best bet would be to hightail it ASAP if they wanted to get their families to safety.

When the Maserati reached the van in the forest, Hyoyeon collected Yoona's body while Jessica found the more extensive medical kit that she had stashed in the front of the van. She sidled into the backseat of the Maserati, between Sooyoung and Taeyeon.

Sooyoung had been shot in the arm and shoulder when Taeyeon left her. Now her other arm looked like it had stuck hand-first past the elbow into a grinder. Jessica wrapped it up with bandages and applied a tourniquet. Sooyoung lost consciousness halfway and Jessica tried to give her CPR one-handed. She called Hyoyeon over to help with a proper CPR.

Then Jessica turned to Taeyeon. With a scalpel, Jessica made an incision between her ribs, and poked a chest tube into the hole, so that her lung would re-inflate. Taeyeon turned her face, sweat smearing against the leather seat. She bit into the seat belt to stifle her scream, blood leaking from . She was almost dead. She had fought after being shot and had been stabbed. She had been bludgeoned with a wrench. She had been water cured with degreaser. She knew that it took a lot to shut her body down but this was a bit much.

When they were done, Hyoyeon also brought the spare fuel gallon can from the van. Hyoyeon took over driving this time. The van had more space, but the Maserati was faster and more efficient.

The medics at the Yangdok battalion aid station rushed her through emergency surgery. They drained her stomach of degreaser and patched up external injuries before strapping her to a stretcher. She was slid onto a chopper with Sooyoung and shipped towards Daejeon Hospital. They had barely passed the border when Sooyoung went critical, so they detoured to Kaesong Main OP's aid station. Daejeon surgeons and equipment were flown in.

By this time, both Sooyoung and Taeyeon had lost so much blood that they had completely lost their regenerative abilities and heightened immunity. The surgeons took twenty-three hours to clean up the entirety of Taeyeon's respiratory and digestive tracts. For the bone fractures, they screwed in metal pins and applied bone grafts. The emergency stitches had been necessarily crude so the doctors replaced the sutures.

Taeyeon stayed in the ICU for five days alone, hovering just above the line called death. When she did not seem to get better, the doctors decided to induce her into a coma for stability. After that, they would be able to give her more Chimera serums for complete recovery.

Jessica visited her before they put her under for the next two weeks. Jessica's arm was in a dark blue sling and a thick white bandaid covered her forehead. The sound of beeping machines and the filtered ICU ventilation filled the space between them. The past six days had been the longest they had been apart for close to a year. It had felt like a long time to Taeyeon.

Jessica reached into her pocket and pulled out one of her Morse fobs. She placed it in Taeyeon's hand. Taeyeon could speak, technically, if Jessica removed the oxygen mask. And, with the amount of morphine doping her blood, it would not hurt. But it would still damage like a penguin pole-dancing with a cactus. So this set up would have to do.

Taeyeon thumbed the fob button. She concentrated hard on the sequences. 'How's the arm?'

"It still hurts a lot, to be honest," Jessica said. "The damage was pretty bad. The doctor said it would take two months to fully recover."

'I see. How's H and S?'

"Hyoyeon's fine. It was extreme fatigue, but she's rested up. Her injuries weren't terrible," Jessica said. "Sooyoung went down a lot, but they managed to transfer her to Daejeon for reconstructive surgery. Her right arm was totaled. But with the Chimera serums, Dr. Seo thinks it'll be fully restored. If she gets better, she's going to get the dose."

'Good.'

"And you're gonna be here for a long time. You weren't injured as badly... depth-wise, I guess. I don't know what they meant by that since you're still so ed up," Jessica said. "Thanks to you, the surgeons are going to get nightmares they haven't had since their rookie days."

'Welcome.'

"So, Kim Taeyeon," Jessica said, half-smiling and fully serious. "I realized something a few days ago."

'What?'

"Before I tell you, I want you to understand that I'm not taking this lightly because we both know I haven't been oblivious to your feelings. I know it sounds like my emotions were heightened by recent events, and of course that's partly why, but I also had a lot of time to think hard about this."

'About?'

"I don't think you get it," Jessica said, watching Taeyeon's face carefully. She dragged a foldable metal chair to the bedside and opened it. She sat down and leaned close. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Taeyeon lit up the fob in one long, unending dash. It could mean 'What the ' or 'Why now' or the classic 'Holy '. Jessica's smile widened at the look on her face. 

Jessica continued speaking softly, comfortably. "You better wake up in two weeks for our first date. I asked my captain for an extra voucher, so we both have tickets to Los Angeles. You should visit your family and settle all your affairs first, of course. But let's go."

'Wait.' Tapping in Morse was so slow. Let me say something.

"I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else. That's how much I like you. That's why I'm asking you to be my girlfriend. I really like you."

Taeyeon frowned. She let the fob fall on the bed as she reached to the oxygen mask, which was fogging up. She tried to pull it off her face but her hand was too weak. Her fingers slipped off the plastic.

"Calm down." Jessica took her hand and held it. Taeyeon let her. 

"I know this doesn't sound like a good time. Maybe it seems sudden. Don't think that I'm being insincere. Or facetious. It wasn't a big change, you know. It was more of a decision waiting to be made."

Taeyeon's eyes softened.

"I just wanted you to know before they... before you... went to sleep." Jessica tried to smile. She was holding her tears in. 

'What if I don't wake up?'

"You have to wake up because I'll be waiting."

Taeyeon frowned. She felt that something like this needed more consideration, but she did not have the energy or time to do that. So she instead decided to just say she could think of at the moment.

'I'll say yes because I've wanted this for a long time, but you need to think about this. If in two weeks, you don't feel this way anymore, I'll understand and let's be as we have been. If I don't wake up, forget I ever said yes.'

She did wake up, two weeks later. She was out of the ICU and in a regular ward. The first person she saw was a nurse. The second was a doctor that the nurse had called. The third was Jessica, informed by the medics that Taeyeon regained consciousness. 

Jessica's arm was still hanging in the navy sling, but the bandage over her head was off, a scar in its place.

Taeyeon's voice was rough, but she did not nead an oxygen mask. She her dry lips and cleared . She had nothing to say. She felt alive and safe. Her mind wandered. She did not feel happy. There was some strong feeling that was not happiness, sadness or anger. She felt nothing and everything.

She was weak. Feelings of immutability were just an illusion. It had taken less than two hours to break her. If she had held out for just another minute, she would not have given up Jessica's life to save herself a bit of pain. But she had failed. She had not endured for that one minute. And now she would never have a second chance to find out if she could redeem herself.

From the comfort of the aid station, Taeyeon could pretend that she had been through a lot and was stronger because of it, but she knew deep down what she had lost.

No one else knew. They just accepted that the war had been won. They just cared about rounding up the North POWs and cleaning up Seoul. Jessica just saw the Taeyeon who had been beaten to the brink of death and yet still tried to sacrifice herself for Jessica's sake. And now Jessica had decided that she liked Taeyeon enough to commit to a relationship even when Taeyeon might never have woken up again.

Taeyeon said nothing. For the rest of her life, she would try her best to never regret anything ever again.

A full set of Chimera serums was delivered to Kaesong. Taeyeon took it and her body accepted it like it always had. The doctors removed the metal pins in her fractured bones since they were no longer useful. She would fully heal in nine days. Jessica's arm was still patched up.

Hyoyeon and Sooyoung returned to Kaesong to meet up with her. While Taeyeon had been comatose, Yoona's funeral had taken place in Daejeon for three days before she was buried at the National Cemetery.

"We should go together another time," Sooyoung said. She was wearing a black arm guard.

"Yeah." She paced the length of the room and back. Stretched. One, two. She hopped a little on her unbroken leg. If she wore a boot over the plaster cast, she could walk without crutches.

"Let's go for lunch," Hyoyeon said.

"Could we eat something other than canteen food? The crap here is straight up gruel," Jessica said.

"The alternative would be to cook for ourselves. It shouldn't be hard to get some canned food and ramyeon."

"That won't be much better," Sooyoung said. "Let's just go to the canteen."

Taeyeon followed them, thinking. She wanted a gun. She had lost all her weapons during the mission. This was surprisingly a good thing, because Taeyeon might have stupidly used her own Beretta. She walked to the canteen with them, and as they were lining up for food, she excused herself for the restroom.

"Want me to go with you?" Jessica asked.

"I'll be fine. Just, help get my food?"

Taeyeon hobbled out and made her way to the armory. It was located on the opposite end of the OP where the POWs were kept. Stacks of crappy bullpups that should have been recalled fifty years ago sat in a corner. Next to it was a pile of spindly Colt M1911 pistols that the Northerners used for sidearms. There was one other soldier in the armory, but his back was to her as he cleaned his rifle. 

She pulled out a latex glove from her pocket. She had taken it off a medical cart. She used the outside of it to pick up a pistol. It had two bullets. She wrapped the gun as best as she could and tucked it into her waistband. She pulled her shirt down.

She limped back to the canteen, where half a bowl of porridge was waiting for her. It was her first real food in a long time, so she actually enjoyed it. 

"When you get out of here, we'll all be awarded Orders of Military Merit, first class, at Seongnam," Sooyoung said.

"And then I get sent home?" Taeyeon asked.

"We've been trying to reverse their decision," Sooyoung said. "Hyoyeon and I went for an appeal."

"It's... not necessary."

Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Jessica looked at her in surprise.

"Yeah, I'm done with this."

"Even if you don't want to be a soldier anymore, it's still a good idea to postpone the discharge," Hyoyeon said. "Our economy's in the trenches. Your wages won't be worth much right now, and it'll be hard for you to get a job."

"I'll manage. Thanks for watching out for me though," Taeyeon said. "I really want to leave."

The conversation lulled, surprised at Taeyeon's stubborness. They would understand soon enough.

Taeyeon pulled the same trick during dinner, because lunch had worked out fine. She did not know where the place she wanted to go to was, but she could guess. It would be close to the tactical meeting rooms. It would not be on the first floor, but not too high up. There were not that many buildings in the outpost.

She found the office. It had Major Lee's name taped to it. She knocked on the door and limped away, rounding a corner. She heard the door open, then confused silence. A few footsteps, before the door closed. She hobbled away.

Taeyeon waited for the nurse to check in with her at ten in the night.

"My leg hurts," Taeyeon said. "And I think I ate too much."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?"

"Six? I think I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight," Taeyeon said. 

The nurse gave her a sleeping pill. Taeyeon kept it at the roof of , right behind her front teeth, as she drained a small paper cup of water. 

"Thanks."

"Have a good night, Corporal."

"You too."

Once the nurse left, she pushed the pill out of and tucked it under a fold of her blanket.

Taeyeon waited until the other patients in the ward were silent and the corridor outside was still. She was afraid that someone might wake up for the restroom, or even worse, go critical so that the medics came.

She climbed out of bed and strapped on the boot for her cast. She walked to the door and peeked through the crack, then opened the door and sidled out. She was highly visible and her cast was obvious. Taeyeon tried to keep a normal pace. Things were meant to be, because she made it to Major Lee's office unnoticed.

She knocked on the door.

Major Lee answered. He looked at her. "Corporal Kim."

"Major. Could we talk?"

He stepped back. The cot in the corner was slept in. He sat behind his large wooden desk. She stayed standing.

"With that leg, you should sit down."

"I won't be long, sir," she said. Major Lee waited for her to speak, but she said nothing.

He decided to talk, as she knew he would. "I debriefed Staff Sergeant Kim and read the reports. You served the country well."

"Thank you."

"But the American corpsman is still lurking around the premises. You didn’t learn your lesson, I see.”

Taeyeon nodded. “You're not a very good teacher."

Major Lee frowned at that.

"But," she pulled out the Colt, her hand protected by a latex glove. "I can’t forget your classes.”

He dropped all pretensions. “What are you here for?”

"You were the only one who made me want to die. You forced me to disown my team and my country. If it weren't for you, we would have had months together to work as a team in the North. Yoona might still be alive. The rest of us wouldn't have just barely made it out."

"Are you blaming me for your incompetency?"

"And then I found out that, even after all the investigations that the MPs conducted, after one year of your retarded leadership, you're still around." She raised the pistol. “Surely I wasn't the only one you disciplined in that way. Surely the Fireflies weren't the only ones overworked and unsupported. Hundreds of soldiers ed by your for brains. All I see is someone who bullted his way up the ladder, and nobody's pulled his fingers off the rung yet.”

“Respect, Corporal. Put the gun down and let’s talk civilly.”

“ that,” Taeyeon said. “You should be scraping the crap off POW toilet bowls."

“So, what? Here to get the last word, you immature little ? Do the world a favor and go to hell. The military could do without the likes of your disgrace.”

Taeyeon twitched. Sunny spoke so much like him. If he had babies, his wife should make a Sunny and they would be one happy family. “If you wanted me dead so much, all you had to do was ask.”

She put the barrel of the pistol into , finger raring to pull the trigger. The Major’s eyes widened. He braced himself to witness the shot.

She took the gun out of , reached over the table while his eyes were closed and knocked him out. His nose clipped the table as he went down. In three long strides she reached his cot and grabbed the pillow on it. She flipped him over and smothered his face. She pushed the mouth of the Colt into the pillow.

It's going to be loud.

I want to shoot him.

It's going to be too loud.

She stayed in that position, leaning over him, poised to shoot with a firm grip on the pillow. When she pulled the pillow off, she was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and he was dead. 

She wanted to beat his face with the Colt until his eyes sunk into his brain. She wanted to feel his skull cave in. She wanted to see his blood. She had felt this way before. But unlike that time, she could do it now, easily. She fought against her instincts and breathed through her nose until she could no longer hear herself. She pushed off him and left the pistol on the floor before limping out of the room.

She dumped the gloves in a bin full of other used latex gloves on her way back. When she reached the ward, she took the sleeping pill that she had left under her blanket and swallowed it dry. Her good leg was cramping and she was thirsty. Her shirt was uncomfortably sticky. She waited for the pill to take its effect. 

A/N: Thanks for the comments/upvotes last chapter... How was this one?