CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Morphine

She woke up coughing water out of her lungs. She was lying at the edge of the river bank. Jessica's was directly above her, panting hard. Warm water dripped from Jessica's hair and hit Taeyeon's face. Jessica had both hands directly above Taeyeon's heart, one palm on top of the other, soaked with blood.

Taeyeon was so cold that every inch of her skin was on fire. The burning was especially excruciating in the chest. Holy ... I don't wanna die. Her teeth were chattering so hard the only thing she could say was, "Ff!"

Out of the Han River, there was no more water pressure to keep the blood clogging the bullet holes that punctured her chest and went straight out her back. The blood pumped out in both directions, and Jessica's hands were soaked. To reduce the blood loss, Jessica sat her up and she screamed in pain. It wasn't really a cry so much as sob. 

"Ff..." She was tired. Screw it. Maybe she hadn't lived everything there was to experience in life, but she had accomplished much more than the average person ever does. She could accept that, and she could accept this. Ending. Dying was just about everything going dark and never caring about anything ever again.

Her vision was fading yet again. Her ears were ringing loudly and she could see Jessica's lips moving. Five figures moved into view, and Taeyeon opened to warn Jessica, but she lost consciousness.

Taeyeon woke up this time on a mattress. The floor was covered with ondol mats and the underfloor heating was on. Her back was sticky with sweat and her hair was matted. Her face and arms were cold. There was an oxygen mask covering . Her shirt was a baggy button up with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons undone. One of those bargain denims that sold at Dongdaemun for ten thousand won. Two IV drips, one clear and one dark, led into her wrist. A tube was stuck in her chest. Equipment sat on a plastic chair beside the mattress. The IV bags were hanging from S-hooks more often used to dry laundry.

She couldn't sit up. Whenever she moved, her chest seared with pain. She couldn't feel her legs. She couldn't remember how to wriggle her toes either. So she was still badly wounded from the gunshots and paralyzed from falling into the river. Which meant that she had been here for less than a day.

Where was here? Yoona's friend's house was in Gunja-dong. The ondol mats were nice.

Then Taeyeon took notice of the shapes and noises around her. She could turn her head marginally. The room was larger than she thought, with other people lying on their own mattresses. This was no friend's apartment. It was a makeshift clinic, and not as fancy as the military aid stations.

Someone squatted beside her and felt her forehead. She recognized Jessica's voice, "Your fever's still high."

She moaned. "Jessica."

Jessica stopped moving. "You can hear me?"

"Yeah."

Jessica went away and returned. She placed a hand under Taeyeon's head and lifted it up slightly. A bottle with a straw. "You have to drink, Taeyeon. You haven't drunk much water for the past week."

A week? There was a thick bandage wrapped around her upper torso. There were brown bloodstains that had seeped to the top layer. This didn't make any sense. She should have been healed completely in much less than a week.

Taeyeon groaned to show that she was in pain.

"I know it hurts, but just bear with it, okay? I gave you a shot of morphine earlier this morning already. Ten mils."

"More."

"I can't. They're rationing on a limited supply."

Taeyeon noticed the people around the room. Wailing and fidgeting.

She was weak, in pain, hot, cold and confused. She just didn't understand what was going on. Why was she still so injured? She closed her eyes. What else could they take away from her? The military her like she was vermin. But cockroaches had lived through millions of years of evolution and extinction. She too had survived.

As if she could read Taeyeon's mind, Jessica said, "I don't know why you're healing so slowly either. The wound got infected but it still shouldn't be so slow. I only managed to get in touch with Tiff yesterday. She'll ask Sooyoung and Yoona to find out what's wrong. I'm guessing it's the drugs Sooyoung said you were taking, but it could be any number of things."

"I... can't feel my legs."

"Your spine broke and it disconnected some nerves," Jessica said. "But you're going to be okay. Remember, Yoona said she was basically crippled before she became a Firefly. You'll be fine."

Taeyeon didn't believe her. It didn't add up. The passing out, the fever and the slow healing didn't make sense. Was she a normal human being now? If laughing didn't hurt so much she would have chuckled. Define normal to be a disgusting dirtbag and she'd qualify. She wasn't normal. Normal people didn't have to ask if they were normal. She was just a crippled AWOL .

Taeyeon stared at Jessica's lips and felt no urge to kiss them. Rather, she did, but felt no desire to dirty Jessica's pretty mouth. "Where is this place?"

"It's the medical centre of a civilian military outfit," Jessica said. 

Civilian army? This place, a medical centre? 

"I know it looks like crap, but they've got adequate equipment. That's why you're alive now," Jessica said. "The organization running this show used to be a gang before the war. They say they were the baddest in town. Yangban Guns. I'm not familiar with the Korean mobs. Heard of them?"

Taeyeon knew of Jin Young Panthers and Yangban Guns, the two biggest mobs in Seoul. She had never encountered them before, but anyone who lived a significant period of time in the city would recognize their names. 

"I've heard about them. Have they heard about me?"

"Yes, they've seen the bounties in the pockets of the North soldiers they killed. But I don't think they've connected the dots yet."

"Good."

"Don't tell the others until we can trust them fully."

Taeyeon went quiet for a while because of Jessica's use of the word 'we'.

"Sica, your friend's up?"

Taeyeon raised her head. Saw a tall, tanned woman with long black hair.

"Oh, Yuri," Jessica said. "Yeah, Taeyeon is lucid. Could you do a check up?"

The woman named Yuri bent over Taeyeon and checked the machinery on the plastic chair. She flashed a light into Taeyeon's eyes and used a stethoscope on her. "Looks fine. The bullets and river really did a number on you. You were lucky that Sica was with you, and very lucky that my oppa and his group were passing by. The bullets barrelled straight through your chest, so they had to be hard-nosed, which is good. Faster and harder bullets destroy less. One of your ribs was grazed, and you have three punctures in your right lung. Arteries and muscles were ripped as well, but they'll heal fine."

"My legs," Taeyeon said. "How bad are they?"

Yuri was silent for a beat. "My roommate's like you. She lost her legs a few years ago. When you move in with us, I'm sure she'll be happy to talk with you."

"Ha, ha," Taeyeon said. She needed her legs. She pushed bad thoughts out of her mind and closed the door on them. Threw away the key. She refocused on Yuri, looking down at her. "What did you say about me moving in with you?"

"We don't have the space for long term patients here," Yuri said. "I reckon in two days we can move you to my place. It'll be a month to full recovery, and then you can go."

Taeyeon said nothing, simply waiting for Yuri to get out of her sight. As soon as Yuri left, Taeyeon said to Jessica. "You know her?"

"I didn't."

"'Sica'?"

"She said it was easier to pronounce," Jessica said. She gave Taeyeon a few more sips of water. "Are you okay?"

Taeyeon threw an incredulous look at her.

"Sorry, dumb question."

Taeyeon furrowed her brow. Speaking of slowness, now that she thought about it, there was a lot between them now. Because of Jessica (it was her own fault too, mostly, but she wouldn't be in this position because of anyone else), she had been tortured and turned out by the military, the one place where she belonged. She was born to be a soldier. Fast on her feet. Good with guns. Compatible with Chimera.

At the moment, she wanted Jessica to stay with her because she was vulnerable in some stranger's clinic that was run by a mob. She didn't want to be alone. At the moment. Well, in a moment, everything can go to . "Why are you still here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you said you'd leave this 'ing country', I quote," Taeyeon said.

"I wasn't going to let you just die, obviously."

"I mean, now. We're in an, I quote, 'adequate' hospital."

Jessica sighed. "Are you angry with me?"

"Holy , just answer the ing question," Taeyeon said, chest twisting and head pounding. The pain was worsening but she knew better than to beg for more morphine.

"I'm not the kind of person who would abandon you when you're half dead," Jessica said. "Yuri said it'll take you a month, so I'll stay that long, at least. And even then, I think I'll stay. The US army's got loads of replaceable medics, but this place is short on manpower. I'm making a real difference here. Until that changes, I'll do my job here."

"Want to get into Yuri's pants now, do you."

"You son of a . I'd slap you if it wouldn't kill you."

"Don't bother being nice now. You've done pretty well sending me six feet under already."

"To hell with this." Jessica stood up.

Taeyeon felt Jessica's absence immediately, but couldn't bring herself to stop Jessica from storming away. She clenched her fists, not caring if the IV tube catethers strained to stay inserted. Fat tears streamed down her cheeks and she didn't sleep after that.

"I'm sorry."

Jessica had brought lunch. A bowl of watery porridge, made from barley, rice and sweet potatoes. "Think before you speak more often. You don't seem to have a lot of practice with that."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

Taeyeon was sitting up by herself now on the mattress. Gripping a spoon in one hand and cupping the porridge bowl in the other as she clumsily fed herself. Yuri had taken the tube out of the chest and she had only one IV drip of clear fluid now. Tomorrow she'd be moving to Yuri's.

"Tiff finally got back to me," Jessica said. "She had to go the North Korea to contact Sooyoung and Yoona, and then go to base to meet a Dr. Seo."

Dr. Seo's identity was supposed to be classified. What were Sooyoung and Yoona thinking telling Tiffany about her? "What did Dr. Seo say?"

"So you lost about fifty percent of your blood, and seventy percent total by the time we finished all the surgeries, which means a lot of your blood was replaced. Dr. Seo said that your healing abilities only works because of the nanorobots she injected into your blood stream. That's why things have been going so slowly."

"So I just need more of these nanorobot things?"

"Plus hormone recalibration and a booster of all the serum stuff you lost through your blood," Jessica said, nodding. "I contacted the other Navy Corpsmen deployed here. Remember the guys in the van last time? They'll smuggle Dr. Seo's kit out to me. I'll ask for more morphine too if she can get it."

"Good," Taeyeon said. "Thank you."

"Yeah, it's nice having a civilized conversation, right?"

"You're not going to drop it?"

"Hey, you insinuated that I'm a selfish right after I saved your life."

"Sorry."

"Damn right you're sorry. I'll milk my money's worth."

Taeyeon grinned weakly.

"Oh, and before I forget. Sooyoung and Yoona have a message for you. They said you should've told them you were gay earlier. Wouldn't have made a difference to them. They say they don't blame you and they're going to keep fighting so you should stay strong and recover well."

Taeyeon tilted her head sideways, clenching her jaw slightly to obscure her urge to cry. "Thanks."

Jessica just nodded.

After lunch, Taeyeon sat by herself on the mattress, massaging her legs like Jessica showed her how. The exercised would maintain the musculature and circulation or whatever. Jessica and Yuri were buzzing around the other people in the room. All the groaning and whining was depressing.

Everyone else in the room were men, ing in deep, low voices. How she hated the idea of a human being with a . The arrogance. The assumption of superiority. Gays disgusted them? Well, man on woman sure as hell digusted her. Something as intrusive as a compared to something as delicate as a . Taeyeon paused in mid-ankle rotation. She had been living in her head the past few days all wrong. She should stop thinking that this was her fault. Her orientation shouldn't have allowed them to on her. Right now, Major Lee was probably fanning himself behind his cushy desk at Kaesong OP, congratulating himself for purifying his company. The crooked nose guard was probably right pleased with himself for alleviating his needs through her. Probably thought it was a goddamn medal to have her name on his soggy logbook of conquests.

"Taeyeon!" Jessica hurried over, prying Taeyeon's hands away from her feet. "What are you doing?"

Taeyeon looked down. There were purple bruises on her feet. She hadn't felt anything.

Jessica made her look back up. "Look, don't give up yet, okay? Wait till we get the serums and see if your nerves reconnect."

Taeyeon nodded blankly, no longer listening. Worst still, what if they weren't thinking about her, while here she was thinking about them? What if they had affected her life, and got away without a second thought? What if the bird poop on the roof of their cars or the pig intestines that disappointed them were more on their minds than she was?

Jessica gave her a bag of ice for her feet before going away again. Taeyeon relished the pain of cold stinging her hand, dreading that her feet felt nothing at all no matter how long she held the bag of ice to it. There was one thing for certain. Some day, she'd make sure they'd remember her for good.

A/N: Sorry for the delay... Posted the last chapter and went backpacking. Just got back this morning. Will be updating as per normal again:) Thanks for the feedback last chapter! It's been really good to know what you guys like or dislike. What do you think about this one?