CHAPTER 8:

"I was at the airport... I..." Sehun's voice falters, and Luhan slowly lets go of the other's hand. 

"I know." he sort of whispers, and turns away from the younger man. He stares at the ground in front of them, his chest now filling with dread. "I tried calling you, but.." 

"I'm sorry," he hears a pause. Apologies can't fix the past. What is he doing here with Sehun anyway? He's got a kid to take care of..

They'll all just get hurt.

He's not too fond of that feeling. Hurt. 

He steels himself and lightly touches Sehun's knee with a hand, careful not to let his fingers graze the younger's bare skin. "Let's not talk about things we cannot change."  

"But.." 

There's no taking back the past.

But he doesn't let those words escape his lips.  

"I want to make it up to you.. you know.." the other says, pausing.. as if waiting for Luhan to finish his words for him. 

Sehun's words hit him like an ton of bricks. Hard. Heavy. He's waited for years to hear Sehun's side, and all he hears right now is uncertainty. 

To make up for something. It's like missing math finals and approaching your teacher for extra credit to pass the class. Or cancelling a date the last minute because you had an emergency at work.. so you ask for a raincheck. 

Making up takes the place of what should have happened. A lame attempt in recreating what should have been a commitment fulfilled. It represents a broken promise.  

He retracts his hand from the other's knee and settles it on his own.

"You don't owe me anything."

His hands ball into tight fists. 

I want to make it up to you.. 

Those weren't the words he was expecting to hear. 

*** 

Shanghai, 2008. 

"Dammit." Yifan flings his phone at the couch, where it gets wedged between the cushions. He starts pacing the room frantically. "He turned off his phone." 

"Yifan.." Luhan calls out to the taller man from one of the single seaters, "It's ok. Just... let him be." 

His friend pauses in front of the tv and cards a hand through his hair, mouth set in a grim line. "Are you sure?" 

Luhan nods. "I.. I should have talked to him that night." He wrings his hands as he tries to laugh off the situation, eyes flitting from the carpeted floor and Yifan's disheveled state, "I was pretty wasted back then, huh?" 

Yifan stares at him, and Luhan knows he's not fooling anyone. "You're an idiot." 

"What?" He protests weakly, hugging a throw pillow as he lowers his gaze to avoid Yifan's eyes. "Maybe things are better this way."

"You are going to let one slip come between you and Sehun?" 

Luhan flinches on the word "slip" but doesn't protest. Yifan is being too kind. "Slip" is an understatement. 

He clutches onto the pillow tighter. "I guess." 

"'I guess?'" he hears Yifan echo incredilously.. he feels his chest constrict. "That's it? You 'guess'??" 

"I don't know, Fan.. I don't know anymore." He hangs his head down, voice breaking as he slumps forward and starts rocking back and forth from his seat. He closes his eyes. 

The doorbell rings. He hears Yifan let out a sigh as he shuffles towards the door. "Who the hell would come at this hour.." 

...

"Oh, Mr. Lu.." 

Luhan's eyes fly open. Father. He quickly stands up, pillow falling to his feet. 

"Yifan." His father nods at Yifan curtly. The older's socked feet hardly make a sound as he makes his way towards Luhan. His heart starts beating a million miles per minute as his father looks straight at him with an expression he can't quite place. 

"Father.." He greets meekly, bowing slightly at the elder, "I'm so-" 

A heavy callused hand lands on his cheek with such force that he staggers backwards, robbing him of his words. Luhan blinks at his fuming father, and presses a hand to his quickly reddening cheek before turning his head away. He faintly hears Yifan gasp from behind the elder Lu. 

"Both of you, get your things. We're flying back to Beijing tonight." his father commands, voice stern. Luhan lifts his gaze and he sees his father giving Yifan the eye, "and I'm disappointed in you, Yifan. I had to call your mother in Canada just to find out where this place is."

"Father.." he croaks, not sure what he should be saying at this point. He meets Mr. Lu's eyes.

His father seems.. different tonight. He feels his stomach churn. He has never seen his dad so enraged before.

"Don't call me that until you've proven yourself worthy of being called a son." the older calmly utters each word with such clarity and conviction that it slices through Luhan's insides. 

He shakes his head.

This isn't his father. This man staring at him with judgement is a stranger.

He falls back to the single-seater behind him - eyes blinking hard and fast, brain trying to process the other man's words. 

"Mr. Lu, Luhan was just.." 

"Stay out of this, Yifan. You, of all people, are the last one I'd expect to tolerate Luhan's whims." He says, expression hard. 

"Yifan didn't know.." Luhan suddenly says, as he lets himself slide into the single seater again.

He recalls his father's attempt in breaching the topic of Sehun before he and his step mother announced they will be flying to Shanghai. He wants to kick himself for not paying more attention. He takes a deep breath. "I.." 

"Luhan.. you don't have to.." he hears Yifan protest, but he shakes his head at his friend. He has disappointed his father enough, as is. Surely, verbalizing the truth cannot make things any worse. He wants his father to understand. 

His father looks at him, obviously not pleased that the two boys are not making a move to pack their belongings. 

"I have someone I care for.." Tears start flowing as he utters the words.. he covers his face with his hands as his chest fills with what seems like an overwhelming feeling of shame and confusion. But he doesn't want to associate Sehun with such things. He thinks back to that moment in the club when he willingly kissed Jongin to forget Sehun and flinches. "Please don't force me into dating anyone right now."

"You are not the first one in China to have feelings for another man. Get over it." 

Luhan's eyebrows furrow at his father's words. "What?" 

"Do you honestly think what you are feeling is anything new?" his father scoffs, as he seats himself on the couch. "5, 10 years from now you will look back at this and laugh." he looks at a gaping Luhan, and a totally astounded Yifan.. who slumps onto the other single seater across Luhan's. 

"I..." 

"Luhan, forget about Sehun. Finish school, work for our company.. work hard, and marry a nice, obedient woman that you can parade around.. and have a child or two." his father enumerates, like he's practiced the words just for him. "Then maybe you can have something on the side.. for amusement." he adds, like an afterthought. 

He can't believe the words he just heard.

Sehun, an afterthought. 

No. 

His stomach drops to the floor.

"You cannot be serious, father." 

"Oh, I am." The elder Lu assures him, a glint in his eyes that Luhan can't quite place. "Why would I kid about these things?", he asks as he lets his gaze lift onto the ceiling, as if to recall something. "Evelyn thinks it's quite alright. It happens to a lot of families, it cannot be helped." 

Evelyn.. her again.

Yifan forgotten, Luhan stands up.. hands clenched. 

"Oh, like what happened to us? How Evelyn, the distraction became the main event?" He throws the questions out there, like he's actually flinging physical objects at his stunned father. "Was that what my mother wasn't, "nice and obedient"?" 

His father looks up at him, eyes wide. "Don't bring your mother into this.." 

"Why not?" He counters, lifting his chin slightly at the elder Lu. "When she got sick, you conveniently found a replacement? Because you couldn't "parade her around"?" he couldn't stop himself, even if he tried - adrenalin running through his veins like some intoxicating drug amplifying his emotions. "So now you have this gold-digging woman in our house, manipulating you into doing what she wants?" 

Mr. Lu's face turns ashen. He clutches at his chest.

Luhan seethes at the recollection of the last days of his mother. How dare he insinuate he reduce his relationship with Sehun to mere distraction. As if what he is feeling now can be encased into a box and shelved into the "just hobbies" section of his life. 

He doesn't notice the faltering of the elder's posture and barrels on. "You know what? Maybe I don't want to be called your son. You have disrespected the memory of my mother and consequently me, by taking in that..." he growls, pointing to nothing specific as he spits out, "that lowly woman you call a wife." 

"Lu, enough.." he hears Yifan say faintly. He takes in deep breaths, feeling winded from what he had just blurted out. 

His heart is beating a millions miles a minute and he's sure his chest is going to burst any second now. 

"Luhan.. that's not.." Mr. Lu pauses, clutching tighter at his chest again. The elder's body goes limp and he teeters forward; gravity taking over. 

The elder doesn't finish his sentence. 

*** 

A/N: Uh.. so.. yeah.. back to Lu's perspective.. and about Luhan.. *coughs* idek.