POSTED LOVE

V

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When someone is quiet, he or she can be easily misjudged.

How so, you ask?

Well, for one, quiet people are mistaken as shy. Perhaps some really are, but not all. In fact, it may be that they just don’t have a topic in mind. The quiet person would talk if he wanted to, but if he doesn’t really have anything to say, there isn’t a reason to start talking. 

Another possible misconception is that these people don’t like talking, and much prefer the quiet. On the contrary, perhaps they just aren’t talking because no one has approached them to start a conversation. Not everyone is sociable after all, but that doesn’t mean they like being silent or dislike talking. They probably want to talk but are waiting for someone to talk to.

One more likely judgment is that quiet people are actually bad at talking;that the reason they stay silent is because they don’t know how to respond without being shy, without stuttering, or only managing short replies—hence more inclined with nonverbal gestures as a form of conversation.Again, this may be applicable only for some, not for all. When you get to know the silent ones and things they are interested in, you realize they’re just as noisy as most people. They get talkative when you’re on a subject that they like, and mind you, they talk just fine. You’d be surprised that some are even pretty darn fluent and knowledgeable—that someone so quiet was actually a reflective type of person, who had a lot of insights and opinions regarding certain thoughts. He just doesn’t voice it out because there has yet to be someone who looked willing to listen. Or better yet, someone who actually asked him what he thought regarding a matter.

An example of such type of person is Do Kyungsoo.

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Do Kyungsoo was a man of few words.

Spoken words, that is. Get him to write an essay, and you’ve got yourself a novel.

He’s always had a mind full of answers—reflections, insights, opinions, whether right or wrong. If he was right, then that was great. If he were wrong, more opportunities to learn. There was just so much to think about in the world! So many things to analyze, to interpret, to visualize in his own way. To solve, to personally define, and to answer.

But for someone whose brain was always whirring in thought, he never really knew what to do with it. Kyungsoo contemplated using social network to vent out his thoughts, like everyone was doing nowadays. But then he reconsidered it, since anyone who saw his post could form their own speculations about him, which he did not like.

Believe it or not, he used to speak his mind a lot when he was younger.His teachers saw him as a bright bulb in first grade elementary; always having something to say, an opinion to share. But kids his age dubbed him as trying to be a “know-it-all” or a “smarty-pants;” they didn’t let him play with them because he was “too smart to play games” or that he should“just think of something to show off in class again”. Like any innocent kid, Kyungsoo didn’t take the rejection lightly. He cried and cried until a teacher found him, and asked him what happened. Naturally, as the expressive little boy he was, he told everything; every detail of the story. The class was punished the next day:no one was allowed to play in the playground during break, except for Kyungsoo. The teacher also told them to apologize for being mean. The class may have complied, but Kyungsoo could feel cold glares coming from so many sets of eyes.That was when it all started. He got the cold shoulder for the rest of his elementary years, and he learned to just shut up.

No one wanted to hear what he had to say. No one cared.

His parents noticed the change, and so did his teachers; they wondered why sweet and bright Do Kyungsoo had stopped actively reciting in class. He used to be so eager to share what he knew. Kyungsoo just gave them a fake smile, and pretended nothing was wrong.

Even though he stopped talking so much, they observed that his journal entries (a subject to encourage free thinking) and essays were still the same in length, if not longer—a good two or three paragraphs more than his peers. So the adults assumed that everything was alright after all; it’s just that Kyungsoo was beginning to show his real nature as he aged—a quiet person’s demeanor. Little did they know, that in reality, Kyungsoo’s true nature was being suppressed by peer-pressure.

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Eventually, even when he transferred schools to start high school, Kyungsoo had carried the silent behavior with him.At this point in time, he met a certain Park Chanyeol who was so darn noisy, he actually appreciated it; someone who could talk for the both of them. Over time, he and the boy grew close as he began to open up—he began to hold up the conversations, and even initiated sometimes. Kyungsoo was still quiet in class, but with Chanyeol he was a riot. Looking back, he never really understood why he was friends with this guy—the male was like, two heads taller than him and had elf ears. A freakin’ giant-elf freak, Kyungsoo said. Chanyeol countered by pointing out Kyungsoo’s narrow shoulders, wide eyes, thick lips and short stature. Owl-dwarf hybrid, he retorted.

Touché.

It was when they were juniors that Chanyeol suggested an idea.

At the time, Kyungsoo was a news editor for the school newspaper, and Chanyeol was the delivery boy who disseminated it to the entire school.

“Why don’t you start an ‘Ask D.O.’ column in the school newspaper? As an outlet, you know? Everyone thinks you’re some quiet munchkin, but nobody knows just how talkative you are. You don’t know when to shut up sometimes.”

The last statement earned him a firm punch to the gut by Kyungsoo.

I don’t think they know about your violent tendencies either, the giant mumbled to himself as he winced in pain.

“Hmm… it’s interesting. But why 'D.O.'?”

“Isn’t it cute? It’s like a secret name! So that no one will judge you, because they don’t know who you are.”

“My surname is a dead giveaway.”

“Kyungie, I’m pretty sure nobody cares enough to know your surname.” This earned Chanyeol another punch.

Kyungsoo contemplated the idea, and the giant was right. He was a wallflower after all, only Chanyeol would really know his full name. In fact, Chanyeol would be the only one who knew there was a Do Kyungsoo in class, aside from the teachers. While the giant was sociable and everybody knew his name, Kyungsoo was not and nobody probably knew he existed. Even with the school newspaper staff, they just called him “editor-ssi”.

Perhaps this “Ask D.O.” thing wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

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Rather than just having a column in the school newspaper, “Ask D.O.” became a post in the bulletin boards at the main hall.

First off, the newspaper staff didn’t like the idea so they dismissed it; complaining that they would have to edit the newspaper layout, etcetera, etcetera. Kyungsoo just shrugged, and was pretty much fine with it. Chanyeol though, didn’t give up. Apparently, one of the student council members had a crush on him, and he charmed his way to some negotiations. In the end, the girl pulled some strings, and “Ask D.O.” had an entire area designated for it on one of the bulletin boards. They didn’t even know if it would be a successful project, but well, there was only one way to find out.

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The responses were minimal at first; it all started with five questions.

Kyungsoo had replied immediately, and people began to notice. Soon, there were ten questions per week; turning into twenty, and suddenly he had to reply twice a week because he was bombarded with entries. The student population was more problematic than he thought. Not that he minded.

There were a variety of questions and advice-seeking statements, ranging from family troubles to friend fights, and recommended restaurants to effective study methods. Of course, there were occasional entries that were just for curiosity’s sake: Why was ketchup called ‘ketchup,’ instead of just ‘tomato paste’ or something? Was chewing gum considered a type of candy? Chocolate sundae or strawberry sundae?

Kyungsoo was having the time of his life; he felt so wanted and appreciated for sharing his thoughts and knowledge. He could only thank Chanyeol for this, so he treated the giant to some movies and video games. He didn’t really expect a kiss on the cheek by the end of the night, and a giant elf confessing to him. Kyungsoo never even thought Chanyeol was gay, so he was pretty shocked. Kyungsoo himself? He was gay, but not flamboyant about it. His parents already knew too, but still loved him and accepted him the way he was.The only other person whoknew was Chanyeol, and now… Now apparently, Chanyeol was gay too.

Chanyeol had always been very caring and kind to Kyungsoo, but Kyungsoo didn’t know it was for a reason other than friendship. The giant was always sweet and playful—the small male always thought this was just part of the guy’s personality. Never did he think Chanyeol was actually into him.

In the end, Kyungsoo couldn’t accept the tall one’s feelings. Don’t get him wrong, Chanyeol’s handsome, fun, and a gentleman. Admittedly, Kyungsoo had a little crush on him when he first found out he himself was gay. But he never entertained thoughts about them being together, because he thought Chanyeol was straight. Eventually, their friendship grew until Kyungsoo saw Chanyeol as a brother he could always lean on. Always warm and welcoming—like family.

He just… he couldn’t see Chanyeol as anything more.

So, even though it pained him, Kyungsoo rejected the tall fella; he was already comfortable with where they were, as ‘brothers’. He wanted them to stay the way they were.

Chanyeol had a weak smile on, as if he somehow expected it.

It was a sad night, but at least, their friendship remained the same, if not better.

The only unfortunate side effect was that Chanyeol became twice as clingy, and Kyungsoo had to deal with that lonely puppy showering him with unwanted affection.

Well… ok, so maybe it wasn’t all bad.

Having a slave had its perks.

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Time passed by quickly, and “Ask D.O.”was put to a halt, because Kyungsoo had to focus on his last year in high school. Getting into a top university was the least he could do for his parents. Most Korean parents would probably disown their son if they knew he was gay, but Kyungsoo’s folks were special—they were gifts from God, so full of love and understanding. Of course, Kyungsoo himself felt bad that he was gay; it’s not like he chose to be. It caused a lot of confusion, stress, and nail-biting; being a little different kind of scared him at first. But eventually, he came to the conclusion that what’s there was there, so he just had to move on and make the most of where life would take him. Having sleepless nights wasn’t going to change his preference.

“Ask D.O.” was never opened, even until the end of the year. College entrance exams were burning Kyungsoo’s eyebrows, and academic requirements were punching him left and right. As much as he wanted to entertain the “Ask D.O.”participants, he just couldn’t.

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Thankfully, all his hard work paid off. He passed all subjects and was even part of the top ten in class ranking.

The final week in school was spent on practicing the class’ graduation song, and curling up on Chanyeol’s couch with a bag of ‘Chee-Zi chips’, while watching reruns of Kim Possible. Finally, it was a time of relaxation.

Kyungsoo managed to post a notice on the “Ask D.O.” area of the bulletin board: a meet and greet event, where people would finally get to see who “D.O.” was. He made sure to mention that since he was already leaving the school, he thought it would be nice if he said farewell to everyone personally. Even though he’s never really chatted with them in real life, he felt close to them already because of all the problems and issues they sent him.

Kyungsoo was just expecting maybe, about five to ten people to actually be interested. So he was shocked when many came and greeted him. Some even congratulated him once they found out his class standing. Needless to say, the people were shocked too, because they never expected quiet Kyungsoo to be the man behind the boundless replies. Some who came didn’t even know who he was, and were surprised that he had been in school all along. Some came with gifts of appreciation, took pictures with him, and had one last time to ask him a question. They encouraged him to speak up more in college, because he was a bright person; he shouldn’t hide it under a veil of silence. Kyungsoo was touched.

It was so nice to meet everyone—it seemed that all his participants came to see him.

Except for one.

A certain Kim Jongin, who was lost after all this time and regained himself through alcohol, smoking, and drugs. Kim Jongin, who had experienced first heartbreak and couldn’t find the answers he needed—D.O.’s words.

At the time Kyungsoo posted the meet and greet announcement, Jongin was busy getting high off of his first opium experience.

The dancer didn’t notice. And Kyungsoo graduated without ever knowing him.

In the end, Jongin made up his own answer to the question he kept asking himself.

“How do you mend a broken heart?”

“Break someone else’s and take their pieces.

Put it with yours, and try to make yours whole again.”

But of course, other people’s heart pieces never fitted the right way.

So Jongin’s heart became ugly and distorted; a mess of shattered remnants gathered in a deformed clump.

The only one who could help put his heart back the right way, was someone who could love him, and someone he could love. When he finds mutual affection with a partner, then they can put his heart back together.

Because partners ultimately become one; they are each other’s halves—the missing pieces of the puzzle.

But really, who could ever love Jongin? He became exactly what he wanted to avoid—a replica of Taemin’s rebellious ways. Believe it or not, they actually smoke together now and spray paint on alley walls. And they share Soojung. They date her alternatively, but Jongin doesn’t kiss her anymore. They hold hands and hug, and ditch classes to go to the arcade, but they don’t kiss; he’s told Soojung not to.

Because it’ll remind him of when he used to think she was special to him. When he used to kiss her, even if it may have only been chaste, but to Jongin that was the best kind. It was shy, and inquiring, and careful, and precious—it was something beautiful. He had only ever given it to her.

But in return, Soojung broke his heart while playing with it. And yet, a part of Jongin still yearns for her; wants to live in the pretend past that they play.

It seems there is no such thing as an official relationship between Taemin and Soojung. The two of them date, but also go out with other people at the same time. Jongin didn’t know it was possible; it was the first time he’s heard of such a thing. But when he gave it a try, he easily slipped into the routine.

He was selfish, yes—he couldn’t let go of Soojung. He didn’t want to move on, because he finds himself always returning to her anyway. He’s not sure anymore of what this is: a crush, infatuation, love? Whatever. Jongin dated around, broke the hearts of many, and collected their pieces to fit with his own. He acted affectionate with them until they became clingy; he enjoyed their attention until they wanted some sort of commitment. Then, he would leave them, taking a piece  away with him every time.

Even if nothing ever fit right, Jongin had the need to fill the gaps of his heart. He was pretty messed up, and he tried a lot of things to take away the pain.

But the high was always only temporary, whether alcohol, drugs, smoking, or girls. 

He thinks he needs something to satisfy the gaping black hole, but maybe what he needs is someone to love.

One thing's for sure though; he's not getting into college with his terrible grades in academics and deportment.  

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Author's note:

Yesssshhhhh! The fifth chapter, finally >_< Took me a while.

Was this boring? Sorry, I think this was quite long.

Kaisoo interactions on the next chapter! Look forward to it!

Also, I notice new upvoters >_< Nightfire, Lijiax15, beautyanddebeast

Thank you sweeties! And to everybody else who's subscribed, thanks as well. Drop a comment when you have the time!

 Bye for now~ :)