You can close your eyes from the things you don’t want to see but you can never close your heart from the things you don’t want to feel. And that’s a lesson in itself. One I never thought I would have to experience in my life.

                I’m broken because I believed in a possibility. A chance that something so far-fetched could be real, I let myself fall freely and now I can never get up. I didn’t think it would hurt this much to love someone who could probably never love you back.

                I know a lot of people would call my situation a certain name. ‘Friend Zoned’ but that’s not the case at all. I didn’t fall at the beginning of our friendship but gradually along the way I tripped and a flutter alighted in my heart. Sending sparks of electricity through my veins and into the tips of my fingers and to my toes.

                I didn’t know it would be so painful. I was young and naïve. It has turned me into the coward I am today because I am too scared to tell the person I fell for that I fell. That I fell really hard. It’s not that I was friend zoned because that’s just a made-up word someone made so they wouldn’t feel as bad over someone not being attracted by them.

                Everyone has the right to not be attracted to another person. It all starts with a flutter and sometimes the world is cruel enough to lock that flutter in a jar. Not allowing it to be with another flutter. Trapped in it’s own torturous state.

                It’s like when I’ve spotted you in a crowded room, it’s only to see you searching for someone else that it burns me on the inside. That warmth of a flame that you made to light my heart up suddenly singes my lungs. It makes it hard for me to breath and I feel like crashing in a different kind of falling. I’m broken.

                I miss someone who isn’t mine to miss. I dream about someone who isn’t mine to dream about and I love someone, who isn’t mine to love. It’s a terrible fate to have bestowed upon a person.  And I can only watch from a far as he falls from my finger-tips. Until someone else catches his sight and lights his heart like he lit mine.

                A part of me wants him to feel what I feel but the selfless side that loves him so much wants him to be happy. To never experience what I have with him because it’s not his fault. It’s really not.

Because love is blind. Whether you’re giving it or you’re receiving it. It makes you blind.