I was ultimately right: It was the end of us. 

When Seunghyun returned from military service, he did not resign his contract as part of Big Bang. Instead, he signed as a solo artist and actor. Admittedly, I had always expected that to happen, because he seemed so much happier when he was working on a drama or a film than when he was recording. Rap had been his first love, but he grew out of it. Grew out of us.

It was a bit of a miracle, though, that kept the rest of us together. A miracle known as Jiyong's stubborn streak. Jiyong had ordered Seungri and I to continue our solo activities while he and Youngbae served, and he had even set us up with two year's worth of music to keep release during that time. And when Jiyong and Taeyang returned, they sat down with Seungri and I to discuss the future of our careers. YG had given us the choice: disband or continue without Seunghyun. The thought of performing without our deep-voiced rapper made a yawning pit open in my stomach; we would be incomplete without him. Yet, at the same time, I thought of the fans and the love they held for us. We could simply go our separate ways and be successful, certainly, but the fans would lose something special. When I expressed my thoughts to the group, Jiyong gave me a tiny smile that warmed his features right up into his eyes. I had spoken the thoughts that had been locked away behind his carefully constructed mask of calm. He had wanted us to decide for ourselves where our hearts lay, and my answer was the one he had been hoping would be voiced.

"Yeah," Youngbae agreed. "And while you two go through the military, Ji and I can focus on our solo stuff. It's not like keeping up with Big Bang would stop us from doing what we wanted to."

Seungri threw his hands out wide and grinned. "Hey, you know I'm up for anything. I just might make you guys teach master classes at my academy or something, though, to make it even." If nothing else, our youngest is a very shrewd businessman. I think he might even prove to be the next YG because he has that eye for talent and a lax morality that lets him twist rules to his pleasure. 

When it was announced that we would be returning as a set of four, the fans were both shocked and delighted. Some of them felt betrayed by Seunghyun (how could he leave his Big Bang family?) while others felt we had betrayed Seunghyun (how could we perform without him?). But, for the most part, the fans were excited that Big Bang was not finished - that they had extra time to share with a band they had loved for more than thirteen years. The timeline for our return was the tightest we had ever faced; we went from the announcement to the first concert date in only fifty days. 

It started to happen again, though, the closer we got to the first concert. My nightmares. This time, though, I saw the fans being so disappointed in our work that they simply left the arena or Seunghyun refusing to speak with us ever again when he got the news about the return. It was anguish because I was utterly alone in my home; there was no one to sing me lullabies. Seunghyun had been sent a remote location in Samoa in order to film his latest drama, and we had not heard from him in two months. I could not even reach out to him to ask if he had heard the news about the looming comeback. He would be returning before our comeback, supposedly, but the distance between us had grown so great that I doubted he would even acknowledge the concert.

The night before the concert, Jiyong kept us at the rehearsal later than normal. He seemed disatisfied with the staging for my duet with him; he kept fussing about where I would start. At last, he let out a happy cry. "I know!" He grinned that wide, gummy grin of his. "We can have him start at the end of the - put a lot of fog around him. Since we've not released this song yet, nobody will be expecting me to sing with him. So I can surprise them by coming out to join him; they'll think it's just a solo and then we'll blow their minds." He nodded firmly. "Yeah. That is what I want." 

I didn't really care what the staging ended up being. In all honesty, I just wanted to get the first concert out of the way so the nightmares would stop. We practiced and practiced the number again - the technical team scrambling to get the staging just how the tempestuous dragon had envisioned it. The next day we rehearsed once more before retiring backstage in order to prepare for the concert. Throughout the entire two hours of getting my hair, makeup, and costumes ready for the show, I felt strangely cold. Normally I would be frolicking about - dancing, teasing, and flailing my way through the preparations. But this time my hands were shaking and numb.

Just before we were set to go on stage, I turned to Jiyong and offered him a weak smile. "Do...you think he came?" I asked, my voice uncharacteristically soft.

Reaching over, Jiyong gave my shoulder a squeeze. "I'm sure he did, Dae. He wouldn't miss opening night for anything." My expression fell a little. If he had come, wouldn't he have come to say hello and wish us luck? There was no sign of him, so I figured he had truly abandoned us.

Before I could dwell on these thoughts anymore, the concert began in full force. We hit the performance hard - as though it was our first concert back in 2006. I began to lose myself in the performance - the fans were amazing - but every once in a while I would catch my hand reaching for someone who wasn't there, and every time it happened, my heart would stop beating for a long moment. When it finally came to the second to last song, my duet with Jiyong, I was just about ready to crawl off the stage and fall into bed. The emotional drain of the previous weeks and the challenges of the concert were nearly too much for me to take. But, I knew I had to slay our special number. After all, Jiyong had written it just for us. What kind of friend would I be if I flouted such a wonderful gift?

Going to my mark in the darkness, I took a steadying breath as the fog began to pump up through the trap doors near me. A single spotlight caught on my figure as the first notes filled the air. I kept my expression neutral; the song was about the quiet ache of loneliness and how love could help the soul come back to life. The opening portion of the song had a distinct melacholy, one tinged with loss and isolation. It made me think of Seunghyun. Performing without him felt as though I was singing without my heart, as though someone had stolen the very heat out of my blood. But then the tempo of the song changed. Jiyong had told me when I had first listened to the song that sadness was as temporary as we let it be, which was why he had the song change for the better. He had smiled and explained that all of us could chose to be happy, if we wanted.

And so, in that moment, I chose to be happy. A wide smile split my lips, and I gave my hips a teasing wiggle as I sang the bridge. I just knew the fans were going to go crazy when Jiyong's distinctly nasal rap swept in under my voice.

But the voice that came in under mine was not a brazen tenor: It was a rough bass voice that I could feel rumbling through my bones like the awareness of a summer storm on the horizon. The fans erupted into hysteria as I stood frozen on the spot - the song forgotten. And then it came. At first it was just the warmth of another body near mine, but then it was the distinct feeling of long, spindly fingers tangling with mine. Slowly, I turned and found my gaze caught by the fierce, dark eyes of none other than my favorite Choi. A teasing smirk twisted his lips at the sight of my expression, and when my part in the song returned he held the microphone out for me to sing into - my microphone was forgotten at my side. Out of the corner of my eye I could Seungri, Jiyong, and Youngbae dancing like fools onstage. Grinning my thousand watt smile, I happily joined Seunghyun in singing - losing myself in the melody, losing myself in him.

When we finally made it backstage, I turned to Seunghyun with a myriad of questions pressed against my teeth. He silenced them all by catching my hand in his once again and giving it a squeeze. "Your hand looked lonely," he murmured gently. "Can't have that, can we, Dae?" My fingers were granted yet another soft squeeze before he took a slow step closer. 

"You came," I managed to stutter.

He nodded. "I promised you I would always be there for you." Tipping his head down slightly, he glanced at me through the dark fringe of his eyelashes. "And I could never break that promise to you. Couldn't live with myself if I did."

My heart started to race again, just like those early days when I was first falling in love with him. All of the effort I had put into forgetting Seunghyun and repressing those feelings for him were apparently in vain; I was as much in love with him then as I had been before he left for military service. "You couldn't?"

A new warmth blossomed across my skin as his free hand curled lightly along the shape of my jaw. "No. I couldn't." It was such a simple reply, but so true to the man standing before me. 

my bottom lip, I let my gaze slip down to rest on the curve of his shoulder. "Oh."

"Kang Daesung." Slipping his thumb under my chin, he lifted my face so our gazes could meet once. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time, but - " he leaned closer, "I love you." Closing the rest of the distance between us, he brought our lips together in a featherlight contact. The touch lasted only a moment, but it made my skull ignite in fireworks and my heart felt as though it had been remade in gold. Leaning back, he watched my features closely - looking for a sign of my feelings. As the silence continued, his dark eyes began to reflect fear; he had begun to doubt that I returned his feelings. I let out a slow breath.

"There is no feeling in the world like your hand in mine," I began softly. "It makes me feel like there's nothing so bad that I can't make it through, like everything in the world is alright as long as our fingers are tangled together. I think it started as just comfort - knowing someone cared about me - but it became something else. I needed to hold your hand - yours and nobody else's." I caught his hand between both of mine. "Seunghyun ... the warmth of you keeps my heart beating." Carefully, I pressed light kisses to each of his fingertips. "I love you too."

I had never seen my Seunghyun smile like that before: like he had just seen heaven. Our heaven - together.

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Ta-da! That is the end of this little journey. Technically, I could write an epilogue, but this is where I had originally intended to end things. If you guys really want an extra chapter, though, feel free to let me know in the comments below. Thank you again for all of your support and kindness.