The fracturing within the band had already become pronounced by the time we made our long awaited comeback. I think, in those last concerts, I came to understand how very precious and fleeting those moments were. At the end of each encore, I would linger a little longer – watching the faces of Big Bang’s fans closely – instead of running offstage like I used to. I wanted to see the way our fans gazed at us as a team, not as individuals. It astounded me that they would love us so completely, as though we were a part of themselves, when we were struggling so hard to love ourselves. I wished I could tell them all how grateful I was that they would devote so much of their time, money, and love to us. But, I don’t know that there are words strong enough to express those kinds of feelings. So, I would linger – giving them what little I could in return.

After the tour was over came the second worst day of my life: Seunghyun’s enlistment.

We gathered together at the YG building for a farewell party, and Seungri had even made a tacky sign declaring “Ding Dong the Bingu’s Gone.” The moment I saw that awful thing hanging on the wall, I made him take it down and stuff it in a garbage can. Seunghyun being gone for two years was a heartbreaking tragedy, not something to throw a parade over.

All night long, I hoped to catch Seunghyun’s attention and ask him if we could talk. The tour had been such a whirlwind that I had never managed to confess my feelings to him, even though I had desperately wanted to. In my mind, the hours were literally ticking down until he would leave my life for good, and I needed him to know about the secrets written on my heart. You see, I thought that once his enlistment was up either I would be sent off into the military myself or .. he would have forgotten about me. Two years is a very long time. People change.

But no matter how much I tried to catch Seunghyun’s attention, someone else always reached him first. Before I knew it I was standing alone in the empty room – the cleaning staff quietly working around me.

I felt like I was suffocating in the silence. The words of my confession pressed tightly against my teeth, trying to beat their way out to fill the air with their empty sound. My heart – poor thing – was pounding at such a violent, unsteady pace that it was like a very intoxicated Seungri was attempting to dance inside of my chest and failing horribly. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think.

Suddenly desperate, I raced to my car and whirled out of the parking lot. I drove to Seunghyun’s villa as though the devil himself were at my tail. Pulling up in front of the stately building, though, I frowned. Numerous cars crowded the driveway; the party had simply relocated rather than disbanding. Uncertainty shot through my body, and a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. It was a sign, I thought, that I should not confess to Seunghyun. If it were meant to be, he would be alone and I would be able to swear my undying love to him in the silence between us. And then he could hold me all through the night before leaving my embrace at dawn…

(I hate that Seunghyun has turned me into a romantic.)

My hands shook the entire drive home. I felt cold, empty, and alone.

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Thank you to furryball89, romasaif1988, meypyong, IndigoGrey, kimminah89, todaeforlove, ArtooPMG, nolee84, kimkiara, until_whenever, nurzaty, leyanana, and shaeneice for subscribing to my story. Hopefully you are enjoying the ride, which will be over soon. I think we’ve got about one chapter left to go – possibly two  more if the muse bites.

And to each of you silent readers, thank you for visiting my story. This experience of writing Your Hand in Mine has marked my first return to fanfiction in ten years. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone would read (let alone like) my writing. The feedback and support I have received, even just in the form of views, has really touched me. So, you guys are amazing. I appreciate every single one of you, and I look forward to sharing the last chapter with you. It might take a few days (woo finals) or I might sneak it in between all of the work I have to do. But, just know that it is coming. Soon. (Like Big Bang soon.)