Seunghyun enjoyed that game far too much. Since I was attached to him at the hand, he chose dares all night long, knowing I would have to go through it with him. He would cackle like a madman with every new challenge before giving my hand a meaningful tug. Each time I would whine, telling him I hadn't accepted the dare, and his response was to drag me to my feet.

I am still scarred by trying to get him into a dress without letting go of our joined hands.

But, that night, we all crawled into bed together - my hand still tucked safely in his. He pulled me close and buried his face in my hair, smiling. "You didn't have to be nervous, Dae," he mumbled sleepily. "I'll take care of you." My chest felt warm, like someone had opened a window inside of me that looked out on a sunny day. I responded by giving his hand a gentle squeeze; I loved my dare.

Then, it became a game. 

Seunghyun and I decided to turn our handholding into something of a game. Anytime we were in public, whoever initiated the handholding would get a point - double if it made the fans scream. We would laugh and laugh, secretly informing the other of additional points scored while the public watched on. The biggest opportunity for points, though, came during photo shoots. If a photographer told us to hold hands it was double points for both of us; if our picture of holding hands was featured in some way it was triple points; and, if we managed to sneak in handholding and make it into a shot, we'd get four times as many points.

I guess that is why there are so many pictures of us holding hands, back then.

Jiyong, Youngbae, and Seungri all thought our little game was hilarious. They would try to run interference, claiming points for themselves whenever they blocked us from scoring. It became us versus them; we had to hold hands because we had to win.

But I began to look forward to the feel of Seunghyun's long, spindly fingers between my own and the way our callouses would brush against each other's as our hands clasped. Perhaps best of all were the moments he would cradle my hand between both of his and play with my warm, dark fingers. It felt like he was always breathes away from telling me a secret in those moments. Some corner of my mind had begun to imagine what hid in those silences, spinning fantasies of what he might say to me. At that time, I think my favorite scenario was one where he would lean over and ask me if I wanted to go get ice cream, just the two of us. He would even offer to let me have a taste of his - something utterly unheard of.

I was falling in love with him, and I didn't even know it.