So here I go, still scratching around the same old hole.
My body feels young but  my mind is very old.
So what do you say?
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway.

New Zealand is situated almost 10,000 km away from South Korea. When people enjoyed the bright, cloudless, sunny day in South Korea and the rest of Northern Hemisphere during June and July, New Zealand was the opposite. New Zealand was windy and utterly cold during the shadowy, bleak day on Juny 2014. Despite the harsh and dreadful weather, people who've been there before would most likely come back for they always feel like home in that gorgeous country with only four millions people.

Taeyeon travelled to New Zealand often. She had been infatuated with the exquisite landscape of New Zealand since the first time she went there many years ago. She used to visit once a year with her father, mother and older brother. They always rented a car and travelled the country from the north island all the way through the south island. When her mother fell ill because of long-term ilness and all sort of complications, she made Taeyeon's father promise to bury her in Queenstown, her and Taeyeon's favorite city in New Zealand. For Taeyeon, visiting New Zealand had always been a pilgrimage to cherish and honor her late mother whom she loves and cares deeply. Taeyeon's father halted his annual visit to New Zealand after Taeyeon's mother died, and so did her older brother. They both were overwhelmed with sadness when Taeyeon's mother died. However, Taeyeon had a unique mechanism to muddled her sadness. She embraced sadness, she drowned in sadness but she rebuffed from showing and telling the whole world about her emotion and feeling. The day her mother died, Taeyeon didn't cry at all. She smiled and talked even though people kept giving her a sympathetic words and looks. She stood strong like an oak tree during a lethal hurricane when her father locked himself in his room, refusing to met anyone who came to the funeral. Her brother was swallowed by sadness, he couldn't possibly talk for all he did that day was cry and he continued to cry even months after the funeral had come to an end. Taeyeon stood still. When her mother started to cough blood, she calmly handed over a tissue and took care of the stained sheet. When her mother was unable to eat and dropped her bowl in the kitchen because she was suffering from a tremor, Taeyeon quietly mopped the floor, put away the shattered glass and patiently fed her. She never cried, at least not in front of anyone. But when the quietness of the night approached, she would locked away the door to her room and cry as if her heart would break. She would cry to her sleep thinking of her mother and how she might slipped away from her and there's nothing she could do, there's nothing that could stop death. When the serene morning came and her mother patted her head when she was eating breakfast, she felt like someone grab her heart and squeezed it violently that it hurted her so much but she didn't talk. She smiled, and laughed along her mother's joke. She would lie that she's been up all night long to study that's why her eyes were swollen. She's an honest, straightforward person about everything but her own forlorn emotion. 

New Zealand was home for Taeyeon because that's where her mother was. Her home had always been her mother.

Shortly after the airplane arrived at Auckland International Airport, Taeyeon was embraced with a boisterous blows of the wind. She was thoroughly accustomed to the wind that everytime the plane arrived at New Zealand, she would felt like the wind was her mother's way of saying hello and welcoming her back home. When the signal to unfastened the seatbelt was off, Taeyeon didn't stand up directly from her chair like she usually did. She waited and nervously trying to steal glances to the back aisle. After minutes that felt like forever to Taeyeon, she couldn't help but to steal another glances to the black aisle when swiftly her eyes met with the gaze of Jessica.

"Waiting for me?" Jessica beamed a radiant smile to Taeyeon and Taeyeon was caught off guard for she wasn't expecting the question to came out from the mouth of a timid person like Jessica.

"Rrr...," Taeyeon stuttered to find an answer but to no avail.

"Let's go. Do you have any hand-carry luggage with you?" Said Jessica with her predictable stolid sentences.

"Ah, no. Go ahead, after you," Taeyeon signaled Jessica to go ahead.

They stayed quiet and walk unhurriedly to the baggage claim area. Both of them were tongue-tied, not knowing where to start, considering their last conversation had seems like a disappointment to both party. The perks of being a strangers was you didn't have to know about their details. When you started to dive too deep to the other person's ocean and you yearn to dive deeper, you exposed yourself to the risk of being pressurized by the depth of life of that one person.

"Do you travel alone? or your boyfriend are going to come and hunt you for an answer?" Taeyeon opened up a conversation but quickly regret it. Why did she has to know so much about Jessica? She's just a girl she bumped into in an airport. Taeyeon thought perhaps after she dry cleaned Jessica's coat she would say thank you and vanish into a thin air.

'Should I not dryclean her coat and keep her around then...? ! She has a boyfriend! And I don't why but I want to know her because I want to sleep with her. This is too damn confusing. I never want to know a girl unless I intend to sleep with her'

Jessica rolled her eyes at Taeyeon and still with her designated stolid manner, she answered,"I travelled alone and didn't you listen to me? I come here to runaway from having to answer him too soon. I'm not ready."

"What's his name?"

"My boyfriend? Why do you want to know? Are you going to use your chaebol connection and track him down and do something to him so you can have me?" Jessica once again joked sarcastically and Taeyeon shook her head in disbelief with Jessica's sense of humor.

Taeyeon snorted and laughed. Jessica was clearly going to fail if she went on a gag show. Nevertheless Taeyeon found her odd jokes to be endearing, especially when Jessica said it in her usual cool-as-cucumber manner.

"You're assuming I'm a chaebol. So judgmental." 

Jessica smiled at Taeyeon, half-apologetically. She knew Taeyeon wasn't mad at her for assuming she's a spoiled chaebol kid but Jessica could sense Taeyeon was upset. She felt apologetic for being too rude with Taeyeon when she actually felt Taeyeon had been nothing but charming and nice to her. Sometimes Jessica cursed her own icy appearance and first impression. She wished to be like Tiffany who were always impressive when making a first impression.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be judgmental."

"It's alright. I agree it's easy to judge people. But I believe there's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they are the way they are."

Jessica smiled at Taeyeon's wisdom and insight. At least, she got one thing right. Taeyeon might have a face of a 14 years old kid but she could sense the maturity and shopistication in the way she talked and acted. 

"That's a good one. Thanks for telling me about that."

"My mom taught me about that."

"Your mom must be a wonderful person."

"She's the kindest," Taeyeon answered shortly and diverted her gaze somewhere else to prevent Jessica from seeing the immense sadness in her eyes. 

"Tyler."

"Sorry?"

"Tyler Kwon. You want to know my boyfriend's name right?"

"Does he happen to work at a Venture Capital?"

Jessica gaped at Taeyeon in surprise,"You know him?"

"All chaebol kids know each other. Though I don't personally know him."

"So my judgement is right. You're a chaebol."

Taeyeon smiled defeatedly at Jessica. She hated it when people assumed she travelled the world because of her father's money and she succedeed in her business because of her father's money. But being Taeyeon, she just brushed away the tittle-tattle and turn a blind eyes and deaf ears to those people. Both her best friend, Tiffany and Yuri, always reminded her to stood up for herself in which Taeyeon replied that she didn't have time and energy for people who wouldn't even care even though she explained them her story of struggle. People only wanted to talk and listen about themselves, Taeyeon told Yuri and Tiffany in which both of them just sighed at Taeyeon's continous persistent to ignored people who dish the dirt behind her back.

"But you seems to be offended when I mention you're a chaebol kid. So you must had your story," Jessica finished her sentence, seeing Taeyeon's somber expression.

Taeyeon's face suddenly lightened up when she got the impression that Jessica was dropping the hint to get to know her more.

Taeyeon quietly took a deep breath and mustered all her courage to once again risk the chance of being completely rejected.

"How about a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop in downtown area after drycleaning your coat first."

Jessica felt something odd in her heart moving, a tiny thrilling sensation of being ask out in a date. The feeling she hasn't felt for these past two years everytime Tyler asked her out for a date night.

"You've been to Auckland before?" Jessica tried to divert the conversation to subdued the excitement tone in her voice before answering Taeyeon's question. Deep down, she already knew the answer. But she didn't want Taeyeon to think that she's an easy-peasy who just got off with whoever strangers she met at a public place. She can't help to brush off the fact that Taeyeon do not do dating.

"I come to New Zealand once a year, every year, since I was 6 years old. Everytime I come to visit, I stayed around 2 - 3 months."

"Oh," Jessica answered shortly. Her thought processing Taeyeon's answer and once again presumed that Taeyeon must've been from an old chaebol family who've been rich since the first generation of her family. 

'That's why she's so unpretentious and classy in her gesture and words and of course her outfit'

"So, coffee?"

"Can you also help me to book a hotel?" Jessica was about to swallow her own words and slap her own head for her question.

' . What if she's actually a ert and she thought that I was inviting her to sleep with me in a hotel!'

"No problem. I'm going to rent a car so it will be easy to find you a place to stay. But, coffee first?" Taeyeon asked once again.

Taeyeon was scared when she was about to ask Jessica the first time. Jessica was utterly aloof and nonchalant, her facial expression was hard to read but luckily Taeyeon remembered a passage from a psychology book that she read. Jessica was shy and aloof yet Taeyeon noticed that she maintained eye contact with her which was unlikely unless she's interested in Taeyeon. Taeyeon also noticed her feet direction and she noticed not only Jessica's torso but her toes pointed at Taeyeon's direction as well, another hint that she might be interested in Taeyeon. The other thing Taeyeon noticed the most was earlier when they first chat at Incheon, Jessica kept fondling her locks. According to the book Taeyeon read, fondling locks means a girl is interested in you and actually might try to flirt. 

Taeyeon was raised in a lot of books during her childhoods which is why she aspired to become a writer. But her dad told her,"Don't make  your hobby as your job. Once you started to loath your job, you wil have no hobby left". As a writer, Taeyeon excelled in the art of observation and she's been observing Jessica ever since they first talk.

"Alright, coffee then," Jessica said nonchalantly and walked ahead of Taeyeon to hide her sheepish smile and giggle.