Time went by to fast for ZiTao to think of what to say to him. YiFan, his one sided love. The door crept open almost as if there was a time change like in the movies, only to his dismay this wasn't a movie and he couldnt pause it nor change the plot. 

ZiTao was so nervous that he was sweating like a madman, but no matter how hard ZiTao tried to will away his nervousness it was of no use, and YiFan noticed this and immediately jumped into action like any other friend would. 

“ZiTao, man are you okay, you're sweating bullets."

He mumbeld a short excuse on how his room was both and that he woke up like that. Lying to his so called best friend had become a normal thing to him to the point where he didn't even notice most times. No matter how many times he tried to change this about himself or any other thing it wouldnt work, but on the other hand something seemed different, not with him but with YiFan. He wasn't sure it was his physical appearance or his aura, but his thoughts were cut short by a hand on his forehead for a spilt second then the closing of his door.

~~~~~~~~~~

It's been months since they started going out and it's been hell for ZiTao. For him it's felt like iternity, he isn't sure how much time has passed but he has done a few things like switch all his classes to which YiFan would question him when he got back to the apartment. The apartment that's it, that would be his next move, all three of them have been living there for a while in a two bedroom apartment which meant him and Jessica were sharing a room, and Yes he could hear almost everything which would lead to either crying himself to sleep at night or just leaving and not coming back for days -it was done out of anger and sadness. ZiTao found it rather amusing as to the act that YiFan never seemed to expect a thing when he wouldn't come home for days on end which killed the only hope he of  thinking YiFan still cared about him, but he didnt mind he had something else. His razor blade. He had gotten it from a senior there at the collage, he saw his pain, so he gave him the blade. He only did it when the nights were unbearable and didn't have enough money for a hotel or have the will or strenght to block them out. When he cut it was in horizontal lines, and they were deep just like his feeling for YiFan. He always thought of confessing to him but he's seen the movies and it always ends up bad, with the ther retaliating badly, so that was forever out of the question, but it didn't matter he was moving out of the apartment and YiFan and Jessica could have it,  he didn't care just like he didn't care about himself.

It's been a while since ZiTao actually ate something, he had become unnaturally skinny and pale. There would be friends and even random people and professors aksing him if he was alright and if everything was okay, but he would just shake them off and walk away, it was normal though, he seemed to be walking away from things a lot lately. He didn't care.

When the day finally came when he would move out of the God forsaken apartment he didn't have much to pack away since he wanted to start early and get out of this hellhole.

Sometimes ZiTao felt as if he was living in someone else's dream, but at the same time living in his own nightmare, he just wasn't sure anymore. As soon as he he finished putting everything into his new apartment he recived a phone call form YiFan but ignored it. Then another. Then another, and another. He recieved several calls from him and text messages which he didn't bother reading either, even voicemails. ZiTao just didn't feel like talking to him at the moment he'll talk to YiFan later. He finally just decided to take a nap.

He awoke a few hours later with more missed calls than ever and seemingly angry text messages. He finally decided to call YiFan after a few minutes with self debate.

He dialed his number steadily and slowly. Ring Ring Ring Ri-

"Huang ZiTao where the hell are you, where is your stuff-"

ZiTao didn't feel like putting up with him and is yelling. He just hated him him, but he loved him and that's hy he hated him, because he knew he couldnt have him. Another wave of calls were heard that he didn't either to answer nor look at who the caller was because he knew who it was anyways, he'll just have work extra hard to avoid him in the hallways- always a problem. Luckily for him today was Friday which meant tomorrow was Saturday, that'll give him time to adjust his apartment to his likings, maybe even get his mind off of things, which was weird because he seemed even more out of it than before.

Everything from that day seemed to be in a haze for ZiTao maybe beacause he was happy about the fact he moved and left no trace of himself or maybe it was cause he couldnt see nor hear YiFan, and that still didn't make sense considering he didn't what to even breathe the me air as him. The questions ZiTao could not answer and were afraid to ask even himself were 'How could you want someone so much that you are willing to hurt yourself for their sake and happiness even though you are ruining yours.' And the other which terrified him even more was 'Will he ever be mine, will he ever even notice my longing for him.' He tires so, so hard to never think about the answers but no matter his struggle it  would not work and his efforts were put to rest by his razor blade and his nights were ended with him bleeding on his sheets and muffled cries and shouts of agony an pain.

~~~~~~~~

"It's Monday and remember ZiTao keep a look out so he doesnt find you"

As he walked through the school doors thinking this and assuring himself that he could make it through the day he saw him. He saw YiFan. . He cursed under his breath and immediately tried to find away out, but the only way out was the crowded door area or the windows which were way to small for him to fit through. His avoid plan was put to rest as soon as he locked eyes with YiFan. He had been spotted now he was glued to the spot no matter how much he tried to will his body to move.

He was in front of him shaking him trying to get him to answer him, but to no avail. All ZiTao could do was stare into YiFan's eyes until his eyes were clouded with black, he was out even before he hit the floor.