(TAO'S POV)

I couldn't believe last night was really happening.

I woke up this morning then sat on the tip of my bed and looked at my own reflection from the wardrobe's mirror. It was still the same shirt from last night, but i left the buttons opened, revealed the bare skin from my chest to my waist. It was still the same jeans too. I remembered last night i finished a bottle of vodka for myself at the nearest bar. And the moment i reached home, i went straight to my bed, roughly bumped my body to the bed sheet mess, and slowly passed out as the dizziness engulfed from what was happening.

The flash image of you crying at my apartment parking lot wearing your oversized hoodie was coming and zapped me like a lightning. And how you left me paralyzed by my own mistake.

"i'm tired", it keeps ringing on my ear like a nightmare chant.

I was a total mess. I my hair and still, couldn't believe last night was really happening.

However, I managed to walk to the kitchen. Was wanting to release the thirst, I took a glass and fill it with water. As i was slowly gulping, i stared at the picture of you that hanging on the wall then suddenly, it seemed like there was a sudden block of water in my throat, because i gulped the pain instead.

My heart was so in pain to the point i couldn't even shed any tears.

Painfully afraid of the thoughts of losing you, painfully guilty from making you hurt like crazy, painfully paranoid to just thinking your none existence in this house, painfully ringing your warm laughs in my mind.

And painfully wondering the most denial state that maybe there was still a chance for these arms to land around your body.

Might be

As the minutes passed, i was contemplating whether i able to do it or not. To call you.

But then, with a stirred chaos and irrational fear in my mind, I tried to calm down and took a deep, deep breathe. I was sitting on my couch with my cellphone in my hand.

Carefully, with a slight recklessly, after a long sigh that full of hope was blown, i pressed the dial button to a name that still has a heart emoticon on it.

You.

The reffrain of this one certain sad song was finally playing before my ear

I stared at the clock that was indicating 4.30 pm in the evening. (oh crap, that was totally not a morning.) Made me think i was sleeping like a dead man. I walked to the porch and absorbed the nice weather this morning; the sky was so blue and beautiful.

The second reffrain.

I remembered the song very well, i used to like the song despite its sad lyrics, hence you set it as your dial tone. Used to. Now i like your voice more.

Third, fourth, even fifth reffrain.

As i stared my own feet toes, sigh was released. I hold back the aches, and pressed the undial button.

I felt the unbearable pain from the inner chest were up floating. You.

I better shower.

Unconsciously stripped the shirt and the jeans, i was already in the bathroom. Yet unconscious second after that, the cold water abruptly rushed my skin. My mind was blank, I stayed still at the moment, was hoping the negative of possibilities would also washed away from my body.

Back to my senses I felt my muscles flexed from the frigidity of the water and from the refusion of touching it.

The only warmth i felt at the moment was coming from my own head, remembering the gentle touch of your hand against my body. Yet unfortunately, was only my pathetic delusion. Your touch.

The thoughts of you keep interfered and interfered, it didn't make any change even after i took the shower.

I stared at my own face reflection on the bathroom's mirror, it still looked the same with the face i met earlier when i woke up on my bedroom's one, empty.

I was born with a dark circle around my eyes but i felt like today it grows wider. I remember you ever said that my dark circle need to be pecked by your lips in order to not become worsen. Silly.

Oh, you again.

Tell me, how it supposed to be happen without any occuring paranoid?