The smile that lit up her face when I walked in was only miniscule but it was nice to see how she was actually happy to see me now instead of glaring at me all the time. Unfortunately that smile was to be wiped off soon after, maybe even being replaced with a glare, but it had to be done.
She approached and rested her hands on my hips, it felt right but at the same time I knew it wasn’t. This whole thing, regardless of how my heart soared when she kissed me or how my thighs tingled when she touched me…it had to end here and now. 

A week and a half had passed since our first risqué encounter and although after that first time I vowed it wouldn’t happen again…it did. Over and over, each time I entered she took me and each time I allowed it because I was addicted to it, or rather her. Like I said before, she was a drug that was hard to get clean from when I was faced with temptation every day but now it was getting out of hand, way more serious than I ever intended.
I couldn’t look at her when I grabbed her hands and took them from my body because I knew it would hurt for me to see the look in her eyes at me refusing her advances.

“What?” she asked, a confused frown on her face.

“No Taeyeon” I sighed, folding my arms across my chest to feel some comfort, some form of embrace. “We can’t do this”

“Do what?” 

My eye line raised so I was looking anther properly. “You know what. It can’t happen again.”

Another frown but this one was slightly angry. “Why? What changed?”

“Me? I’m not that person” I never realised how painful this could be, I was making our relationship worse by doing this because despite the fact we slept with each other god knows how many times…we were getting on. She was smiling at me each time I came into her room, getting more and more talkative when she wasn’t plunging her fingers inside of me…but now?

She scoffed “Funny, you were that person yesterday…and the day before, and the day before that… in my hand again and again”

“Please don’t make this worse than it needs to be” I exhaled slowly “Please don’t get angry with me, I’m so confused right now Taeyeon”

“Okay….so let me get this straight. You aren’t interested in women yet…you kiss me back? You allow what I do to you? Why?”

This conversation wasn’t going anywhere “I don’t know, that’s why I’m confused. But it has to sto-"

“What are you afraid of?” She interrupted, grabbing hold of my hands, tracing soothing circles around my wrists. I closed my eyes at her gentle touch.

“I have so much to lose from this” I sighed, reluctantly pulling my hands away from her grip again. If this got out, I’d lose my job, I’d be arrested for ual assault. That’s what I’m afraid of”

She stared at me for a while, trying to judge what I was thinking. “No it’s not.”  She concluded, she then started walking, making me back up trying to avoid her touch again “You’re afraid of what you’re feeling, you’re afraid of the desire you have for what I can do to you” 

I shook my head, denying everything, trying to tell my brain that what she was saying was a lie…"No"

“Yes.”

“I like guys” I frowned, now that she was so close I held my hand out to stop her from coming any closer but she simply walked into it, purposely inserting her into my palm. I had such an awful urge to squeeze but also the same urge to drop my hand, neither happened though. 

“And it’s quite clear that you like girls too” she smirked, leaning in to teasingly blow onto my lips. My eyes shut to savour the feeling, my lips parting unconsciously to allow her to kiss me since my head was somewhere else just like all the other times. The tingling and shivering took over my body when she grabbed both my wrists and firmly pinned them to the wall either side of my head. She was only a little shorter than me but when she pressed her lips to mine, it didn’t matter since she was stronger than me in both strength and personality. 

She was sure, I mean that in the fact that she knew who she was and she accepted it. I was jealous of that, how she could just go day by day without worrying what people thought, to have the ability to love somebody no matter the gender. There’s rumours about her being a murderer but does she cry about it? No. She doesn’t give a and that, I wanted for myself but unfortunately I don’t work that way. My mind refused to accept such a drastic change in my life, a change in how I felt about a certain inmate because at the end of the day…that’s all she should be to me. An inmate.

“I like guys” I repeated, telling myself over and over while she added to the many faded purple bruises on my neck. Once she was done, she freed up one of her hands by passing my one wrist to the other, holding them together above my head so she could my shirt. I struggled against her but even I admit my attempts were feeble because my body didn’t want to get away, it wanted this to happen but my head had yet to catch up with my body’s reactions. “I like guys” Again, who was I trying to convince?

My mouth opened to draw in a gasp when Taeyeon latched her lips around my which she had since pulled out of my bra. It was already erect so every touch, every flick she made with her tongue was incredible. I felt my hips buck slightly, my body’s way of telling her to keep going. I was gone again, my thoughts fuzzy. 

When she nibbled the hardened nub, a frown came to my face at the sensation. Mine were sensitive as if they were hooked up on a direct line to my and each caress she did sent a twitch down that route making me gasp or growl in response. She knew exactly what she was doing and when she touched me as well as performing her magic on my s, I was uncontrollably.

“I like guys…” I said as I approached. “I like guy-ah!” The feeling was unbelievable. “I like…oh my gosh!” My eyes squeezed tightly shut as I felt the pleasure. It wasn’t a fraction of what I felt the first time we were together, that was of course my first time experiencing what a woman could do in place of a man.... but it was still amazing, the same as all the other times. As I came down, the fuzziness in my head started to die down too, my thoughts becoming clear but what I ended up saying to her was both surprising and hurtful. It was surprising because of how I felt when I said it, how confident I was about it despite my overall confusion but it was hurtful because of her reaction. “I like….you” I exhaled. 

That was it. Yes, I may be in denial about being a lesbian or biual or whatever but I was sure despite the circumstances that….this wasn’t just lust. If it was, each time I thought of her I’d be thinking of her in lewd ways, but I wasn’t. I thought of her smile and how wonderful I felt when I saw it. I thought of her and her love for books, how her child-like face lit up when she saw them, how she got lost in the story. That wasn’t lust. Sure the fact that she was a prisoner was always there in my mind as well as the fact that she had and not a . But, I liked her for her, as a person.

A look of shock passed over Taeyeon’s features and she remained speechless for a while. I immediately regretted what I had said as Taeyeon let go of my wrists and made some distance between us. She was looking at the ground and I knew I’d made her uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that” I tried to backtrack but the damage was already done.

“It’s uh…nothing” She replied, still not looking my way, her tone slightly awkward.

“It’s obviously something, look at your reaction.” I frowned, gaining some confidence to confront her. “Is it a bad thing?”

Taeyeon spared me a glance before walking back to her bed, sitting with her back against the wall and her legs bent at the knee. She looked up at me with curiosity in her eyes. “Maybe.”

I started to walk towards her but when she lay down and pretended to place her mind elsewhere, I knew it was time for me to go. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t want to feel this way. It’s ing scary.”

She just nodded before turning her head away from me “Until next time”

Knowing there was no going back from what I’d said…I smiled slightly to conceal my hurt feelings even though she wasn’t looking at me. “Yeah. See you” I replied before turning to leave. That was until I heard her getting up. I looked back and saw she was coming back over, a slight softness in her eyes now. I felt like a complete idiot so lowered my gaze but Taeyeon grabbed my jaw lightly, tilted my head up and connected our lips together. It wasn’t aggressive like the others, it wasn’t one that would lead to …it was just a kiss.

When we parted, it took a while for me to open my eyes but once I did, I saw her giving me a side smile that was in fact quite charming. “Bye” she said as she bowed her head slightly and then returned to her bed. 

I watched her for a while as she picked up the book I had gotten her from the library and started to read. I admired her for what had to be a minute before snapping out of my daze and leaving her to it. As I locked her door, I found myself thinking about why I had gone to see her in the first place - to end things. I banged my head against the door subtly until I tutted at myself and walked away. Who was I kidding? My will power was next to none, this wasn’t going to stop now or anytime soon.

**********

I woke up to the ringing of my phone. Groaning at how the loud noise penetrated my eardrums like a blade, I winced as I opened up my eyes and looked at the clock on my bedside table – 4am. Four in the ing morning, what the hell?

“Hello?”  I grumbled, not impressed at all while I allowed my head to flop back down on the pillow.

“Tiff it’s me” It was Yuri and she sounded slightly agitated. Still, no excuse.

“Yuri do you have any idea what time it is?” I scolded

“I need to talk to you, now” 

I sat up slightly at the urgency in her voice. “What’s up?”

“I’m outside your building. Buzz me in.”

And then she hung up. What the ? With a whimper as I left my warm bed and at the cold air giving me goose pimples almost immediately