fifty-six

I am because we are (Ubuntu) [Permanent Hiatus]
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** ► Do not miss the a/n at the end, it would be much appreciated. Other than that, enjoy~

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Two people dance under the moonlight, full moon at its brightest; the sounds of one particular song continuously filling the air. At their background was the vast cityscape lighted in all its glory, and the horizon not far ahead continuing up to the dark blue sky that is now barely overcast by clouds. Painting a scene like it came out of a romance movie.

 

That is the scene that greets Park Yura once she arrived at the mansion. Seeing the couple dance slowly through the music. And although they were far from where she is currently standing, she can very well tell the happiness that radiated both. It seems something has happened; an unexpected sight to see, but nonetheless a delighted scene to be welcomed to.

 

“Lovely, are they not?” Aunt Yuhjung appears beside her, watching the couple with fondness.

 

“They are. It’s like… they were made for each other.”

 

“I would like to believe they are indeed.” Uncle Jangsoo joins in. “Sir Baekhyun seems to be a very good person, all the more at the fact that I have never seen your brother with such kind of happiness.”

 

“For all the years I have worked under your family, I have never seen Sir Chanyeol’s eyes sparkle the way it did when he looks at him.”

 

The cheesy line had Yura snorting out laughter. “Uncle Jangsoo~ that is so…” She scrunches her face cringing that had Sunghee laughing who too joins them.

 

“But it is true Ma'am Yura. You should have seen your brother the whole day… he was full of joy.” Sunghee adds.

 

Reminded of what she had witnessed yesterday, the things she had learned from a moments stay at her brother’s penthouse, and just Chanyeol’s overall behavior around Baekhyun – Yura sighs in agreement. “True.. very true.”

 

 

They were all, in no doubt, happy to know that Park Chanyeol is slowly returning to his happy state; if not, he has already. After almost a year’s worth of Chanyeol’s negative change, they are delighted to see him smile again and even radiate a kind of happiness they did not know he could. And to have met the reason for it, to have met who seems to be a wonderful person, who brought on warmth not only to the young master but to each of them as well – they could not be any happier.

However, they also cannot deny the doubt and fear they feel. When they met Yejin years ago, they had thought the same. She was undeniably a sweet girl and showed no signs of future betrayal. No single clue that when the truth came out, caught them all in great surprise. So as wonderful as Baekhyun seems to be, they cannot help but feel afraid. All the more that it seems right now, Chanyeol is taking their relationship far, far more serious than the past. And a repeat of it, or whatever chaos may happen in the future – that they hope will not ever – will far more affect him than his relationship with Yejin’s.

 

 

“Ummm… Uncle Jangsoo, what exactly.. is happening?” Yura finally asks what has been on her mind since she arrived.

 

“I believe, Ma'am Yura, your brother had just asked something very important to Sir Baekhyun.” Uncle Jangsoo answers with a knowing smile, reminded of how he caught the young master kneeling down earlier.

 

“Asked… something… important?” She trails off.

 

“Sir Chanyeol was restless before all this. It took him quite a long time before he braved himself to finally go out to sit with him.” Aunt Yuhjung laughs lightheartedly, amused at the earlier memory of the young master standing restless by the entrance doors while watching the young lad sit alone outside the garden.

 

Putting the pieces together and figuring out what she thinks it is, Yura grins; a quirk on her lips as she nods to herself in understanding. “Well I’ll be… he finally asked him.”

 

 

 

 

♠♠♠

 

 

The couple does not stay long and leaves almost immediately after the romantic event. As much as Chanyeol would have loved to stay, Baekhyun was still timid, and for that, he knew that his lover had still yet to feel comfortable around the mansion. And despite the happy atmosphere of the whole day, being surrounded by warmth and love and the caring presence of the staff, enough to distract them both, Chanyeol still understood that Baekhyun needed time. So for now, Chanyeol had decided to end Christmas in the comforts of his own penthouse where Baekhyun is surely far more comfortable.

 

 

“Yura noona!” Baekhyun calls out happily after he had entered the mansion, delighted to see Chanyeol’s sister once again.

 

“Hello Baekhyun.” Yura greets just as delighted, but frowns puzzled amidst the smile at the obvious puff of Baekhyun’s eyes. “And hello dear brother~” She greets him with a raise of an eyebrow.

 

“Hey noona.” Chanyeol greets with an amused huff of breath and shake of head – a silent reply to her unsaid question. “We’re leaving soon, is that alright?”

 

“I just got here and you’re leaving right away?”

 

“Sorry noona, as much as I would like to stay, it’ll be too late to drive back to the pent.” Chanyeol chuckles in reply, grinning widely then as he caught Baekhyun caressing the bracelet absently who was smiling widely at Sunghee who passed by.

 

“Can’t you stay one more night then?” Yura pleads with a pout, amusing his brother who remains adamant.

 

“We’ll be back some other time.”

 

Yura would have usually pleaded a little more than give up right away, knew how to get his brother to give in. But as she watched Chanyeol brush some dried up tears off Baekhyun’s face, who smiled back sweetly in return, she knew this time, she wouldn’t win. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt if she let the two lovebirds on their own, no? This is their first Christmas together, so she’ll let them be.

 

 

 

 

 

Saying goodbyes this time was different for both. While Baekhyun said his goodbyes shyly, waving and bowing politely in respect to the house staff and smiling cutely at Yura, Chanyeol said his affectionately. Aside from still feeling high of happiness, it had been such a long time since Chanyeol bothered with a sincere goodbye. And since today is Christmas, he thought it would be best to use this opportunity to express the gratitude he only lately realized they deserve.

 

The most to receive his affection was Uncle Jangsoo and Aunt Yuhjung. Both of who had been a staff of the Park’s household since he was a child, and mostly growing up under their care besides his parents who were mostly busy. He had pulled them each into an embrace, that while he had not deprived them of such after his change, this was more sincere than the past. This had Uncle Jangsoo laughing, patting his back like the father he saw him as. While this had Aunt Yuhjung almost tearing for she had undoubtedly missed the loving young master.

For Sunghee, it was more a mere handshake but nonetheless held sincere gratefulness from the tight squeeze Chanyeol gave. She was still a fairly new staff, coming in just a few months before the tragic changes happened. But even so, Chanyeol had appreciated her sincere efforts of taking care of him despite his sudden cold demeanor towards them; greatly appreciating the hard work he was not blind to see that she had given the Park’s family.

 

 

Yura, of course, receives double the affection. She had just arrived back to the country for the season, and to have her deal with sudden unexpected events, on Christmas no less, and yet have understanding all throughout, welcoming and taking care of Baekhyun on his behalf despite having met not too long ago – was something Chanyeol felt immensely grateful for. After everything that had happened, his sister had always showed her support towards him, even if it meant going against their mother.

So as awkward as it is, Chanyeol pulls his sister in a tight embrace. Thanking her for not giving up on him, for standing by his side the whole time despite repeatedly pushing her away.

 

“Thanks noona.”

 

“Thanks a lot. For always being there…for not leaving me.”

 

“Oh please Chanyeollie~ I’m your sister. It’s only my responsibility to take care of you.” The tight squeeze her brother gave had her feeling emotional. A burst of painful warmth hit her chest for the reality that her brother is finally happy again was still hard to believe. To prevent her tears from falling, she pulls away only to pat his shoulders. “Jeez.. ew.. no cheese please, getting weird.” She said in jest that had him laughing.

 

“And congrats-- I’m guessing you’ve finally made things… official, between the both of you.”

 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Chanyeol replies in a way that both knew meant much more than a simple word of gratitude, for Yura made him realize what was more important – the past or the present.

 

 

Before they leave and bid their goodbyes, they are once again caught off guard by Baekhyun who greeted them this time with more enthusiasm a Happy Merry Christmas. Still timid, but with a brighter smile on his face, and just like the first time gave warmth to each of them. Chanyeol too had said his silent greeting; his mouthing of the phrase while presenting them his faint eye smile was more than enough of a precious Christmas gift to all four.

 

None of them had also missed the puff and red of Baekhyun’s eyes. An obvious sign that he was crying prior to the goodbyes and must have during the romantic scene they have witnessed. However, no one mentions it till the end, opting to keep their thoughts to their own and leave the couple be without any probable awkward scenarios. They all knew that judging from the brighter smiles they have seen after from both, Baekhyun’s tears were nothing but tears of joy. And for that, they are glad. For both of them had made each other the happiest on a dim Christmas day.

 

 

As the car leaves and disappears from view, both parties are left with new thoughts to dwell on and new memories to remember. The mansion may have no hint of the Christmas spirit all throughout due to the fact that its owners were absent. But despite all that, and for the first time in years, the Parks mansion will be ending Christmas with lingering warmth.

 

 

 

 

♠♠♠

 

 

Once again, the sky was overcast by clouds. Thick enough to block the once shining stars but thin enough for the full moon to continue glowing brightly; as if telling that it only gave momentary leeway for the romance that surrounded the couple not too long ago, as if it listened and heeded to Chanyeol’s plans.

 

While Chanyeol focuses on driving, Baekhyun watches the full moon – frozen in its spot despite the moving surroundings and beautiful amidst the night sky. He sighs silently every now and then while absently playing with the bracelet on his wrist – caressing it with his fingers or squeezing it from time to time – still unbelieving of what had just happened.

As he feels the encrusted diamonds, the thin slits of the screw motif, and the lock tightly securing the bracelet – his heart flutters. At this moment, amidst the insecurity that had slowly started seeping back, this bracelet is a proof assuring him that what had happened today was no dream, what had been happening for the past months was all real.

 

While Baekhyun watches the moon, Chanyeol drives with a heart that felt so light it felt like floating; feeling just so happy of the whole day’s events. For the few times he takes a glance at Baekhyun, not missing the absentminded play of the bracelet he gave, a faint smile on his lips as he looked out the window – all lightened his heart tenfold.

Truthfully, asking Baekhyun to be his tonight was all unplanned and part of a last minute decision. Truthfully, Chanyeol did not buy the bracelet for tonight’s event but bought it solely for its deep meaning as another mere gift to his lover. But yesterday’s events were just as unexpected. To be hit by a reality of what exactly their relationship is and where they both stand – he needed to make a move.

 

All throughout the car ride, not a word is spoken. As if they have just gone back to how they started the night Baekhyun was invited to Junmyeon’s for the first time. However, unlike that night, tonight’s silence was different. While they are engulfed by the comfortable silence they were accustomed to, tonight, and just like the past few days, they are also embraced by unseen warmth – of a deeper love and happiness.

 

 

 

 

♠♠♠

 

 

Finally back at the penthouse, Chanyeol thought that he made the right decision of returning back sooner than later, because Baekhyun’s timid behavior was long gone and he was finally relaxed; the familiarity of his surroundings easing his previous insecurities. And he could not help the huge grin on his face, heart fluttering even more as he watched Baekhyun immediately go straight to the bedroom only to come out with Eggyeol in his hold. All the more at the question he promptly asks.

 

“Chanyeol? Can we turn on the lights of the Christmas tree?”

 

“Of course.” Chanyeol goes straight to the tree to plug in its lights, instantly lighting the whole dim lit living room bright.

 

For a moment, both stare at the lighted tree with fondness and awe. Baekhyun awed once again at its beauty, and Chanyeol fond at what used to be a mere Christmas decoration but now held meaning. The silence was then disrupted by Baekhyun’s random question that slightly caught Chanyeol off guard.

 

“Chanyeol? Tomorrow’s not Christmas anymore, will you be taking down the tree then?” Baekhyun, who was now standing by his side, asked him in a rather…melancholic tone.

 

The odd question slightly falters his smile, but in return, he answers with a wider grin as he looked to Baekhyun whose eyes shined due to the tree’s lights. “No, the tree stays till after New Year.”

 

“Really? Oh…”

 

Chanyeol watches silently as Baekhyun’s smile appears and the grip on his doll tighter than before, a tint of pink on his cheeks. He fails to understand such odd behavior, but in the end he does not ask; simply leaving Baekhyun on his own to prepare for a late dinner.

 

 

For Baekhyun had never celebrated Christmas with a Christmas tree all his life, he was not aware of its customs. For this is the first time he is spending the occasion with a beautifully decorated tree, he grew fast attached to it. And to have realized that the next day was no longer the 25th, the thought of taking down the tree too soon saddened him. But Chanyeol’s assurance that the tree was staying longer had his heart fluttering back to happiness. He gets to see it longer.

All these, however, Chanyeol was not aware. So all these he found odd. But further dwelling on such understanding is something he pushes aside, much like the rest of the odd instances that he too failed to understand. Instead, he is more joyed to see the happiness in Baekhyun’s eyes and the delight in his voice that never fails to flutter his heart each and every time.

 

 

While Chanyeol was diligently preparing for dinner, Baekhyun quietly watches the Christmas tree with Eggyeol in his tight hold. He scans its bright lights and the still ornaments decorating it. A fond shy smile making its way onto his lips at the sight of familiar boxes and gifts wrapped up in pretty wrapping paper placed neatly underneath it. Now having completely settled in in the familiar surroundings while the insecurities he felt over the Park’s mansion ebbs away, disappearing like it was never there.

 

After a moment, he abruptly leaves the doll only to find the box he had not forgotten to bring with him. Where inside is the golden star his grandmother gave as a gift; the only companion he had the Christmases previous.

 

With a childlike smile and eyes shining bright, he tiptoes to hang the golden star just below the star at the tree’s peak. Now beautifully resting among the other ornaments and shining brightly as the lights reflects.

 

And as he admired the tree that now held an important memory, Baekhyun looks out the big wide window and is greeted by the same overcast sky with the full moon at its brightest. However, a twinkle from one star twinkles for a few times, peeking through the clouds and almost invisible. No smile graces his lips, but the happiness reflecting in the orbs of his eyes were enough telling of his feelings. The star, as if saying, his grandmamma had been watching all throughout.

 

‘When I leave, I will become a star and I will look after you. When that time comes, do not ever think you are lonely. I will continue watching you proudly and happily. May you find love that you deserve; someone is out there meant to make you happy.

 

Do not ever lose your smile.’

 

 

 

 

Busily preparing dinner, Chanyeol was distracted by Baekhyun who stood meekly by the doorway with his new phone in hand.

 

“Chanyeol? Can I call Junmyeon?” Baekhyun asks shyly.

 

The question, utterl

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exocholic
[Ubuntu] Hello! Just to let everyone know, a little update on the last chapter, it's already on the works! It looks like it's going to be a very long chapter though. So I may have to see if I'll update with what I currently have or just the whole last chapter in one go. But finally getting there! 😭

Comments

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MyLipsOnEXOs
#1
This fic is definitely the perfect one for winter. If anyone scrolls the comments they’ll see how often I reread this! At this point I would buy a physical copy of it.
Maya1990
#2
Chapter 95: When I saw in the title that it's in permanent huatus I went to the last ch to see where did it stopped and I swear to god I cried .... the pain I felt was REAL, the last 1000 words broke my heart 💔 now I want to read the whole thing knowing very well it will get me depressed
JuliaByun #3
Chapter 95: August 2023 and I still long for this story 🥹 I keep coming back because it demands my attention. I hope you’re doing great and well authornim ❤️❤️
walkinginmoonlight #4
Chapter 95: Ahh sometimes I get reminded of this fic and just how like, lovely it is? It's been years since I've last reread it, but I still remember it fondly, gosh the times when it had just started I still clearly remember. I was just reminded of aff being a thing today and had to try and remember my login.. I cannot remember if I commented on this chapter already but! Even if it's not the complete end, it's half of the end, so we've come pretty far since the beginning 😊 I know updates went from quick to rather slow, but seeing it's been awhile I got a bit worried so checked your twitter, and it's nice to see you're still doing well! Or, seemingly doing well. That you're still around and still enjoying our EXOs~❤️ so I hope you are doing well! And thank you for the very memorable fic 😊
MyLipsOnEXOs
#5
I've lost count of which rereading this is but this shall definitely always be my comfort fic. Whether it's the writing style or the details or the flow or the characters or maybe all of that together, there's just something that has me always coming back.

I read this for the first time in 2018, 5 years later it still holds a special place in my heart. I usually avoid starting new fics that haven't been updated recently, but just like my very first comment on this fic "It's on permanent hiatus but the foreword has me entranced so I will read it", the story is truly entrancing and gosh I'm grateful I read it!
Exofanland #6
Chapter 95: had to reread the last few chap bc its been so long and yes i am still crying my eyes out.
dreaming777
#7
Chapter 95: Hi there, I've left my aff account for so long an happy to see this update!!!! And truthfully I didn't expect I would still bawled my eyes out 😭
uwuness
#8
i keep coming back here just to check if authornim's have an update but no rush authornim, i can still wait :)))))) i'll reread this again because i'm missing this so much~

take care always~
uwuness
#9
i miss this so much 😭
hearteututu #10
Chapter 95: I’m back after many years and this made me cry so much. I really love this story and can still remember every scene vividly. Tysm for this wonderful and heartfelt chapter 💕