“What the hell, Kris?” Chen gaped at the smirking Hufflepuff. The latter patted his own back and his own head, seemingly proud of himself. “Tell me you love me, Chen. Isn’t that the best gift EVER?” Kris nodded smugly. Chen felt like smacking Kris in the head, before he facepalmed and smacked himself in his mind. I knew asking Kris for help was a bad idea…

The Ravenclaw looked down at the pile of mint condition 50 shades of grey book series and blue-ray box set. There were even three guidebooks – “101 ways to pleasure your boyfriend with graphic illustrations”, “How to know you’re not being a to your boyfriend”, and “Valentine’s day with the Bae” – that Kris had so kindly provided him. Chen wondered if Kris was such a man or Kris was such a man.

“I wonder how Tao puts up with you.” Chen deadpanned at Kris. The latter merely smirked and winked at him. “I don’t want these, Kris… take it back!” Chen shoved the pile of nonsense back into Kris’s waiting arms. The Hufflepuff shrugged, “More for Tao and I then… Hey! You want to know what I got Tao?” The crazed look in Kris’s eye was enough for Chen to shake his head firmly and hightail it out of there. “Tell Lay not to come into our room tonight! Panda and I are going to be very busy… if you know what I mean!” Kris yelled after him.

Chen shuddered. No, I don’t want to know what you mean you erted freak… “Damn it! What to get Minnie?” He stomped his feet in frustration. It was already February the 14th, though only 7 in the morning, he was sure Xiumin expected Chen to prepare a surprise for him. Hmm… what in this world does my boyfriend love more than me? Chen hummed to himself.

He was too deep in his thoughts to register Suho and Lay turning the corner. “OW! Oh hi guys… where are y’all headed?” He rubbed painfully at his head. Suho helped him off the floor whilst Lay dusted off his cloak for him. “Oh and before I forget, Lay… Kris warned you not to go back to your shared dorm room tonight.” Chen cringed. The look on Lay’s face was clueless; his boyfriend’s not so much. “What? I don’t understand…” Lay was interrupted by Suho’s palm over his lips, “Haha… yeah. I’ll make sure Lay stays the hell away from their room tonight.” Suho fidgeted and blushed. As expected of a Ravenclaw; Suho figured out what Chen was getting at straight away.

Lay frowned but thought he couldn’t care less. “Okay? Anyways, Suho and I were headed to the forest… he said he had something to show me. Want to come along? Maybe I can persuade a unicorn to give you a ride.” The Hufflepuff beamed at him. Suho was glaring daggers at Chen from behind his boyfriend. Don’t you dare, Chen… Don’t be a freaking light bulb.

Chen gulped and waved his hands in front of him. “N-Nah… You and Suho have a great time, yeah? I’ll be off now…” Suho nodded; pleased at his friend’s good sense. Lay smiled and walked away with his boyfriend. Chen was sure Suho would boast all about the perfect Valentine’s day gift he gave Lay later. Which brings him to his current dilemma… what to get his beloved Baozi?

“Chen!” A very familiar voice from a very familiar Baozi rang down the corridor. Looking up and spotting his boyfriend’s tuft of hair across a large crowd of Gryffindors, Chen gulped and ducked down straight away. Crap! I’m not prepared… Why is Minnie here already? Xiumin frowned when Chen suddenly disappeared from his view. Were my eyes playing a trick on me? I thought I saw Chen… Unbeknownst to him, Chen was currently crab-style crawling pass whilst using the horde of Gryffindors as cover. Forgive me, Minnie! I’ll find you once I settle what to get you… Chen grabbed onto his long cloak and sprinted away.

Xiumin was dying of boredom. He was reading a large book in the library, but without Chen to accompany him, Xiumin felt bored… and very much alone. Just then, a loud ‘CRACK’ sounded and a house elf appeared on the table right in front of him. “Master Xiumin, I am here to pass on a message from Master Chen.” The elf beamed at him with his large eyes. After finally recovering from his heart attack, Xiumin frowned, “Chen?” The house elf nodded enthusiastically, “Master Chen is waiting for you in the Kitchen, Master Xiumin. Poofy was sent to tell Master Xiumin to head down there right now.”

Xiumin grinned and reached out to pinch the house elf’s cheek, “Your name is Poofy?” The elf nodded and jabbed at his chest. “Poofy was named Poofy because Master Chen said I look like a Poofy!” He beamed at the Ravenclaw. Xiumin chuckled, “Alright, I’ll go down to the Kitchen now.” Poofy saluted and disappeared with a loud “Poofy will see Master Xiumin later”. There was a certain excitement and anticipation in the Ravenclaw. “Could this be Chen’s Valentine’s day surprise?” Xiumin giggled to himself. Wow, can’t wait to see what Kris and Chen prepared…  

Xiumin jogged down the flight of stairs and found himself standing outside the Kitchen doors minutes later. With a shaky hand, Xiumin turned the knob and entered with a hesitant “Chen?” He was drowned in pitch-black darkness until the lights suddenly came on and he was left gaping at what filled every corner of the massive kitchen – a lifetime supply of Baozis. Xiumin shrieked and made a grab for the nearest bun. He was half-chewing on it when his eyes landed on the biggest Baozi he had ever seen. “Holy god of Baozi.” Xiumin felt the bun he was gnawing on fell to the ground, but it didn’t matter for he was already running up to lunge at the giant bun at the center of the room.

He frowned when the giant bun let out a pained “Oof!” when he tacked it. “Chen?” He peeked down and true enough, there was Chen’s eyes half hidden behind the massive bun costume he was wearing. Xiumin never felt so cheated. The giant bun was really Chen in disguise. There was no such thing as a close to 6ft giant Baozi. Frustrated, the Ravenclaw decided to clamp his teeth down on the giant bun anyways. Chen howled and pushed his boyfriend away.

“What was that for, Minnie? I spent hours making all these Baozis for you… will you be my Valentine, baby?” Chen clasped his palms together and pinned a hopeful look at Xiumin. Though slightly disappointed at the lack of a 6ft bun, he stared at the mountains and mountains of Baozis around the Kitchen, Chen even dressed up in a bun costume for him, and for that Xiumin was beyond contented. “Yes, I’ll be your Valentine, Chen…” The next thing he knew, Xiumin got a face full of giant bun slash boyfriend.

“So, Kris taught you how to cook buns?” Xiumin asked. Chen scoffed, “Of course not!” He can’t help but shudder at the memory of what Kris gifted him. “I give you permission to Avada Kedavra me the next time I’m dumb enough to ask for his advice…” Xiumin chortled, “That bad huh?” Chen sighed into the other’s neck, “You don’t even want to know the extent of it.”

“Psst… are you guys ready?” Chanyeol whispered. The two other Slytherins glared at their giant friend and jerked their head in a hesitant nod. “Okay… I’ll go get Baekie now.” He muttered before running away. Kyungsoo turned to Sehun and sighed, “Why are we helping him? I still have to prepare for Kai’s surprise.” He pouted. Sehun nodded along, “Exactly. And background dancing is not really my forte…” Sehun frowned. “Why are we even in the garden?” Kyungsoo poked at the palm leaves surrounding them. Chanyeol had led the pair to this specific secluded spot earlier, saying that it had monumental value to Baekhyun and him.

The said giant was searching through the Great Hall before spotting his boyfriend squashed between a half-awake Kai and a frowning Luhan. “Baekie!” He yelled and scampered forward. The Gryffindor looked conflicted, unsure of whether to smile since he hadn’t seen Chanyeol since yesterday, or scowl because he was still holding a grudge for ditching him during their recent London trip. “What do you want, Yeol?” Baekhyun settled for a dejected sigh and blank eyes. The trio stared as Chanyeol extended his hand to Baekhyun. “Come with me, Baekie?” He gave his boyfriend pouty lips and a pathetic pitiful gaze.

He didn’t have the heart to deny the begging Chanyeol. Pretty soon, the giant was pulling him out of the Great Hall and towards the back garden. “Yeol?” Baekhyun gave his boyfriend a confused look when a very odd sight greeted him. Kyungsoo was filming him with what he deduced to be a muggle video camera whilst Sehun was standing beside a guitar on the floor, strangely enough; the latter was decked out in a long wig and flowery Hawaiian-style coconut cups and grass skirt.

Chanyeol directed Baekhyun to stand at a specific spot before leaving his side to pick up the guitar. “Ready?” Baekhyun jolted when Kyungsoo yelled. After Chanyeol’s shy nod, Kyungsoo brought down his raised hand, “And…. Roll!” His jaw unhinged from his skull when his boyfriend started strumming the guitar and crooning at him. Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol sang out loud with Sehun twirling like a pixie fairy in the background.

[Play Ed Sheeran’s thinking out loud…]

To be fair, Baekhyun expected this to be one of Chanyeol’s usual (lousy) loud and crude rap performances, but this time… he was surprised with the soft sounding melody and Chanyeol’s soulful voice.

When your legs don't work like they used to before

Baekhyun stifled a giggle when Chanyeol and Sehun imitated jelly legs.

And I can't sweep you off of your feet

Sehun was kicking out his long legs, acting out the lyrics.

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Now the dear boy was pirouetting