From Jaejoong with Love

g | angst | yunho/jaejoong

The yesterday love, it's tears. It dries before long and disappears. 

 

- - -

 

1.

 

光る海に　かすむ船は

Hikaru umi ni kasumu fune wa

さよならの汽笛　のこします

Sayonara no kiteki nokoshimasu

The ship veiled in the shining sea leaves a whistle of the good-bye.

 

ゆるい坂を　おりてゆけば

Yurui saka wo orite yukeba

夏色の風に　あえるかしら

Natsu iro no kaze ni aeru kashira

Will I meet the wind of summer color if I go down the gentle slope?

 

わたしの愛　それはメロディー

Watashi no ai sore wa melody

たかく　ひくく　歌うの

Takaku hikuku utau no

My love, it's a melody. I sing highly and low.

 

わたしの愛　それはカモメ

Watashi no ai sore wa kamome

たかく　ひくく　飛ぶの

Takaku hikuku tobu no

My love, it's a gull. I fly highly and low.

 

夕陽のなか　呼んでみたら

Yuuhi no naka yonde mitara

やさしいあなたに　逢えるかしら

Yasashii anata ni aeru kashira

Will I meet tender you if I call for you in the setting sun?

 

 

Jaejoong looks over the calm sea one more time, and it looks exactly the same from before. The usual strong wave pounds on the rocks, harsh calls of seagulls and ships sailing. He settles himself quietly over the seashore, sometimes dipping his feet in the cold water. Ever since his lover sailed to another country five months ago, he went to the sea almost every day. Although he knows the fact that the latter won't come back any time soon, but the anxious feelings won't stop growing. The feeling is almost indescribable. It is an angst deep within, an emptiness that causes a deep and heavy, irritable pain to be endured.

 

He hums as the cool breeze entangles his brown locks. His voice flows like a river, singing the piece that holds many sentimental values for him. The song that he remembers by heart now. It has been a habit for him to sing while waiting. In spite of he is alone, he doesn't feel lonely at all, he has plenty of things to enjoy here, and someone to wait for.

 

He sits for a good hour, until his head spins, lips quiver, back ache and his feet turn cold to the extent it could be an ice. Then, he walks back home. Once home, he pulls a green blanket over his body, providing warmth for himself and cries to sleep.

 

His action is indefinable.

 

 

2.

 

だれかが弾く　ピアノの音

Dareka ga hiku piano no oto

海鳴りみたいに　きこえます

Uminari mitaini kikoemasu

The sound of the piano somebody plays sounds like sea rumble.

 

おそい午後を　往き交うひと

Osoi gogo wo yukikau hito

夏色の夢を　はこぶかしら

Natsu iro no yume wo hakobu kashira

Do people coming and going in the late afternoon carry the dream of summer color?

 

わたしの愛　それはダイアリー

Watashi no ai sore wa diary

日々のページ　つづるの

Hibi no peeji tsuzuru no

My love, it's a diary. I spell a daily page.

 

わたしの愛　それは小船

Watashi no ai sore wa kobune

空の海をゆくの

Sora no umi wo yuku no

My love, it's a boat. I go the sea of sky.

 

夕陽のなか　振り帰れば

Yuuhi no naka furikaereba

あなたはわたしを　探すかしら

Anata wa watashi wo sagasu kashira

Will you look for me if I look back in the setting sun?

 

 

The following day, he is there again. But unlike yesterday, he is early. Before the sun even rises. Hands holding a small notebook and a red ball pen. But after hours sitting, there is only a line written on the worn out notebook.

                                                                

"Will you ever come back again?"

 

For once, he is doubting. Even so, he refuses to believe his own words, he waits nonetheless, serenely patient. Deep inside, he knows better.

 

A café across the street is open, considering that the lights are on. He could hear the tune of piano being played from a far, yet it sounds so close. His mind is telling him to stay, but his heart works the other way around. After deciding, he crosses the streets and make his way to the little café.

 

The sound of chimes set off as soon as he enters, his nose and cheeks flushes red from fighting the cold wind against his face. Excitement courses he through when his senses picked up the smell of brewing coffee and strawberries tiramisu on the air. His insides tingle. 

 

Yet he reminds himself the reason he comes here for. His eyes wander around the café, searching for the familiar sight of the classic black instrument.

 

There it is, right at the corner of the café. Surrounded by lights and a stalk of lilies in a basket on top of it. Just like those type of setting where you see in movies. Not only there is a piano, a man is actually sitting there, gracefully frolicking it.

 

Simply when he starts to indulge himself to the tune, the wonderful melodies stop abruptly. He looks over the piano again, the man is smiling at him. His eyes widen, though a bit confused. The man is no other but his lover, Jung Yunho.

 

He tries to reach for the man, but his attempt fails when the man jerks away, walking away far from him. Eyes glaze with tears, he cries the man’s name, yet the silhouette keeps walking without hindsight. It terribly hurts him.

 

A wave crashes him, and it sends him back to the reality. He is in the sea at the moment. The wave crashes him again and he can’t move. Legs immobilize, and for once, he wishes it is his last breath, he wants to stop all of this agony.

 

Two months later.

 

He survives, thanks to a morning jogger that passes the area and see him drowning. The young man quickly calls the hospital. As I say, he survives, and hospitalizes for two weeks.

 

The doctor suspects him suffering from a mental pain, which is in chronic stage. For that, he is advises to see an experience therapist in town. Later on, he didn’t really spend his time at the sea. There is a couple of time, but that’s it. He is slowly healing.

 

Yet, he’s still waiting for that man.

 

 

3.

 

散歩道に　ゆれる木々は

Sanpo michi ni yureru kigi wa

さよならの影を　おとします

Sayonara no kage wo otoshimasu

Trees shaking in a promenade cast a good-bye shadow.

 

古いチャペル　風見の鶏

Furui chapel kazami no tori

夏色の街は　みえるかしら

Natsu iro no machi wa mieru kashira

Can the weathercock of an old chapel see the town of summer color?

 

きのうの愛　それは涙

Kinou no ai sore wa namida

やがて　かわき　消えるの

Yagate kawaki kieru no

The yesterday love, it's tears. It dries before long and disappears.

 

あしたの愛　それはルフラン

Aa no ai sore wa refrain

おわりのない言葉

Owari no nai kotoba

The tomorrow love, it's a refrain. Words without the end.

 

夕陽のなか　めぐり逢えば

Yuuhi no naka meguri aeba

あなたはわたしを　抱くかしら

Anata wa watashi wo daku kashira

Will you hug me if I meet you in the setting sun?

 

 

Days turn weeks, weeks turn months, and months turn years. His beloved one is still not here, and he can't afford himself to wait anymore. After some coaxing from his parents, he finally gives up. He moves to another country to continue his studies. Right before he left, he slides a message in a bottle into the sea. Hoping his lover would be able to read it in the future.

                                 

 

My love Yunho,

 

By the time you get this message, I'm not by the seaside anymore. No, I'm not at the town. I'm not even in the country anymore. So please, I beg you, don't search for me. And please take care of yourself. Please don't blame yourself either. I'm the one that should be blame at, I couldn't wait for you. It's my fault, not yours.

 

If we are really fated to be together, then we will. Till then.

 

From Jaejoong,

With love.